Author’s note: This one shot was inspired by @myetie and I was given permission to use the similar plot as her comic’s strip. This one shot is definitely different from how her comic will turn out..just saying. A really big thanks to myetie for giving me permission.
The last thing you remembered was laughing, enjoying the breeze that blew against your hair, your arms tightly around Zen’s waist. The engine of the motorcycle making rumbling noises.
How did something so enjoyable turned into something so horrible? Bright lights shone into your eyes, the screeching of tires could be heard and all you could feel was pain when the impact hit.
You felt your body being thrown off the motorcycle, your head hitting the road, blurry images filled your vision until it became completely dark. A few minutes later, when the police had arrived because of the accident, Zen awoke from his unconscious state, it was the sound of the sirens and the blinking of the red and blue lights that brought him back into consciousness.
“Mc ?” He murmured, trying to sit up but the pain in his shoulder held him down as he clutched it in pain. His mind started to registered what had happen and his only concern was for you. “Mc ? MC!” He yelled when he sees a figure lying on the ground.
Zen sees your injured body lying unconscious on the ground, your hair lying on messily around you, but what made his heart clenched the most was seeing your legs twisted in such a horrific angle.
“No,no,no,no! MC?!” Blood was visible on your body and all he wanted was to turn back the time.
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A week had past while you still remained in the hospital. Jaehee,Jumin, Saeyoung, Yoosung, V, had all been visiting you, talking to, trying to comfort you, entertain you, whatever the reason they visited for, you always welcomed their presence.
Their visits comforted the fact that you were paralyzed and could no longer walk, or run, or used you legs in general.
“Could you imagine it? I mean, that hacker was so stupid to not put up a firewall to protect his location, so I easily traced him through his IP address and I found him!” Saeyoung burst out into laughter and you chuckled.
There was a knock on the door and both your attention was diverted to the hospital door.
“I brought food.” Jumin entered and you greeted with a smile.
“Hello, Jumin.” “Food and wine! Food and wine! Food and wine!” Saeyoung started chanting.
“The wine is mine.” Saeyoung’s face fell at Jumin’s comment.
“Oh, I almost forgot to tell you this, but you don’t need to worry about Zen that much, He’s going to come around soon, let’s just give him a little time.” Saeyoung turned to you, sending you a reassuring wink.
“Oh,um..about that person…” You began, seeming a bit nervous.
“I,uh, never asked because I thought you were just talking about a friend or something….but you guys seemed to keep mentioning him a lot.” Your fingers clutched the blanket.
“Who is Zen?” That question made Saeyoung and Zen froze. Over the time you had been in the hospital, all of them had been constantly bringing up Zen, but who was Zen?
You couldn’t remembered and just assumed he was friend. Breaking the silence, Jumin’s phone rang and he excused himself from the room to take the call.
“Well, um, I think that is for you to find out later, just…” Saeyoung paused awkwardly. “Just try to remember.” He smiled but there was pity held in his eyes.
You didn’t push the matter, seeing how uncomfortable it made him. Meanwhile, Jumin answers his phone, the caller ID letting him know who was the one calling him.
“Jumin, I need to ask a favor.” Out of all the time Jumin and known Zen,he had never heard Zen so broken.
“Where are you? The hospital said you refused further treatment and just left? I’ve been trying to contact you for the past week.” Jumin bombarded him with questions.
“Please, Jumin, hear me out.” Zen pleaded.
“Zen, MC needs you, are you really not going to visit her? What you’re doing is absurd.”
“She doesn’t need me! She doesn’t! I…I…I’m too dangerous, Jumin? I..I ruined her life, I don’t deserve her.” He was shouting at the beginning but at the end, it sounded like a chocked whisper, and Jumin knew that he was crying.
“Zen, calm down first, you’re too emotional, do not make such rash decisions.” Jumin ran his fingers through his hair in slight frustration.
“It’s because of me she got into this accident, it’s because of me she can no longer use her legs. It’s because of me! Please Jumin, please take care of her, I beg you.” And that was when Zen hung up, his arm sliding down and hung at the side of the chair he was sitting on, the phone sliding off his hand, landing with a thump onto the floor.
“Mc, I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry!” Zen clutched his hair, his head tilted towards the floor and he broke down.
Tears wetting the floor as it fell from his eyes. His body shook, whimpers of pain, emotional pain escapes his lips, he’s trying his hardest to keep it together but every time he pulls a piece of himself up, another falls.
He tried, he tried so hard to get to you but he could because of his arm, his damn arm, he just wanted to hold you and protected you then but now there’s nothing to hold or protect.
“Why?” His voice shaking.
“WHY?!WHY?! WHY?! WHY?!” He stood up and punched a wall repeatedly,sliding down against it, his knuckles now bloody as he rested his forehead against his knees.
“Why?” He whispered, his heart crumbling inside.
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“What will happen when Zen finds out?” Saeyoung asked, leaning on the wall while Jumin sat on one of the hospital beds. Jumin sighed, closing his eyes.
“He already knows.” Shock became evident on Saeyoung’s face, absorbing the new information.
“I’m sorry, this is all my fault.” Zen muttered, his heart breaking just by looking at the state you were in.
“Um, you must’ve mistaken me for someone else.” You were in a state between consciousness and unconsciousness. Everything felt like a dream to you.
“You’re so handsome, are you an angel? Have you come to take me?” Tears watered his eyes when he became aware that you had forgotten him.
“I’m your angel, but I’m not here to take you, I’m just here to say goodbye.” He forced a smile onto his face, his tears wetting his cheeks.
“Goodbye? Can’t you stay a little longer?” “I’m afraid not.” He closed his eyes, his lips kissing your forehead.
Your encounter with Zen at the hospital, you couldn’t remember. Two weeks after your stay in the hospital, you were finally released.
A few days had past, your life went on as usual, the difference being that you were now using a wheelchair, despite everything seeming to be normal, you couldn’t help but feel like you’re missing something.
There was an empty void in your heart, and what frustrated you greatly was how you couldn’t quite figure out what it was. From trying new things to going through old things, you still couldn’t figure out.
There were things you couldn’t do due to being bound to the wheelchair so you couldn’t help but think that it might be something related to you walking or using your legs but yet, a quiet voice inside told you that wasn’t it.
Of course, being handicapped forever wasn’t easy, you felt helpless, useless, almost everything you did was a challenge and you felt like a burden to those helping you.
It was a struggle, it was extremely frustrating that you couldn’t use your legs, adding the frustration of that emptiness in your heart, you were struggling a lot, night was a time spent crying because of that frustration.
The perfect cover was put on every time, no one could see past that cover, to someone, you looked happy, so positive as if nothing could bring you down, smiles constantly on your face but the truth was that you were struggling every day.
Pushing your wheelchair down the streets, you stopped at a shop to get a bottle of water. You were prepared to pay for the bottle when you stopped at the magazine stand, seeing a few copies with the same face. Ignoring the words on the magazine, you picked it up, looking at the man shown in the cover.
Just then, you were pulled from reality as images flashed into your mind.
“Look MC, I’m on the cover of this magazine? You have to admit that I am good looking in this picture.” His red eyes shining brightly as he spoke to you.
“In that picture? Hmm, Zen, babe, I think you look better now than in that picture.” Laughter escapes your lips, your hands intertwined with his.
“Really? Mmmm, jagiya, you know just what to say.” He gives you an Eskimo kiss before kissing you on your lips.
“Hey! Get out of here! I’m trying to run a business!” The shop owner chased the two of you out and you both ran out laughing.
“Miss? Are you going to buy that?” You were pulled back into reality when the shop owner tapped you on your shoulder.
“Oh, no, just this water.” You paid the money and left. You were more than confused, what happened back there, was it a memory? Was that the Zen your friends had been mentioning previously? Why did you referred to each other as lovers? Was that just a fantasy? The questions swirled in your mind, your heart strings were being tugged at that thought.
Lately, you had been seeing that man in your dreams, small images flashing through your mind, but this was the first time you had called him Zen.
Was he something that was part of your life previously? You pushed that idea away, you felt that you were just an ordinary girl, why would you be associated with a rising star?
‘Maybe I was a fan of him? That’s why I’m having these fantasy?’ You thought, it was a possibility.
Meanwhile Zen was at a bar, downing the bitter alcohol down his throat, another hand holding a cigarette between his two fingers. He had been in this bar for two days in a row, drinking and smoking, he no longer logged into the RFA Chatroom and was hard to reach, Jumin, not only worried about you, but him too, forced Seven to find the location of where Zen is.
Climbing out of his limo, saying a quick thanks to Driver Kim, Jumin closed the door, his hands tucked in his pockets while he walked into the bar. He took a quick glance of the bar and immediately spotted Zen sitting at the counter, emptying the bottle of beer.
He took quick strides towards Zen and sat at the stool beside him. Zen, noticing the presence beside him, turned to the his side and saw Jumin. “What do you want?” Zen huffed, gulping down the rest of the alcohol.
“We’re going to talk. Outside.” Jumin gave Zen a look that meant he was all serious and not in the mood to be argued with.
“What do you want?” His breath reeked of alcohol and by the way he was standing, he was quite drunk.
“I made a promise to MC.” Jumin began.
You had just been given a shot to reduce the pain, it also caused you to be unaware of whatever you were saying or doing, almost like you were drunk, including the part where you couldn’t remember the things you did or said.
“Jumin?” His attention was immediately directed towards you the moment you spoke. He hummed in response to show that he was listening.
“Do you think I’m becoming a deadweight?…..I’m useless like this, all of you are better off without me. I…I can’t remember a lot of things. I don’t even remember who I was before the accident.” You took a deep breath, trying to hold in the tears that were trying their hardest to escape.
“Zen…..maybe I was just pulling him down, m..maybe that’s why he left me. I’m…” Jumin was surprised, did you actually remember Zen after all? Your fingers clutched the hospital blankets tightly, you couldn’t help it as tears streamed down your face, waves of pain rolling deep into your heart.
“No. Don’t ever say that. Never say that. You are so precious to all of us, you are more than we deserve. I’ll bring Zen back, if it will set things right.” Jumin pulled you into a hug. “I promise you, MC.”
“You promised her that?” Zen says in disbelief.
“She remembers you, deep down she does. Right now, she may not remember you, but she still does, somewhere in her heart. You know what is the right thing to do, so do it.”
“The right thing to do? It doesn’t matter if she remembers me.” Zen’s anger was rising as he spoke, he grabbed Jumin’s suit, he was no longer leaning against the brick wall.
“I RUINED HER LIFE, SHE IS DISABLED BECAUSE OF ME. BECAUSE OF ME! THE ONLY RIGHT THING TO DO IS TO STAY AWAY FROM HER. I AM A DANGER IN HER LIFE!” Jumin clenched his fist and delivered a punch to his face.
“PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER! You think that leaving her is the best option?! That you no longer would be a danger to her?! That you would no longer hurt her?! She thinks you left because she did something wrong, she thinks she’s a deadweight and she is suffering emotionally! Stop running away from your problems and start facing them! She needs you!” Zen remained on the floor, not saying anything as he listened to Jumin scold him.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Shaky breaths escapes your lips as you looked through your phone. You had been so focused on recovering that you had not have the chance to go through everything in your phone.
Pictures of you and Zen kissing, hugging, doing things that couples would do were in the favorites of your photo album.
By now, you had connected the pieces and figured that he is your boyfriend, or was. Scrolling through the texts between you and him, your lips trembled, tears wetting your cheeks.
“Did I do something wrong? Why didn’t he visit me?” You spoke to yourself while memories attacked your mind, memories of you and him. While the memories were returning to you, your head was hurting a lot.
You knew that only half your memories had returned due to the missing pieces when you tried to piece them together.
From: Zen To: MC Remember to take care of yourself, and eat a balanced meal okay? I’ll be at your house around 7 to pick you up. I love you and I can’t wait to see you!
That was the last text he had sent, all of his texts were filled with so much love, but where did all that love go? What happened to it?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Night had arrived by the time you had half your memories returned and gone through your phone.
Out of all the memories, the one that stood out the most was when Zen first asked you to be his girlfriend under a cherry tree, he had a picnic laid out, lights hanging from the tree, it was romantic.
Thinking that going there might help you to remember more of the memories which you had lost, you made your way there.
You almost reached the tree when you felt your heart stopped, his back facing towards you was Zen, you immediately recognized him from his hair. He was touching the tree saying something that you couldn’t quite hear, you made you way closer to him but not too close.
“Zen.” He froze, slowly turning around to face you.
It was obvious that both of you had been crying.
“MC.” There was a moment of silence between the two of you before you spoke again.
“Why didn’t you visit me?” You remembered every detail of the accident, and you needed to know the truth, if you were the reason or if something else was the reason.
“You need to stay away from me MC, I can’t cause you harm again. I’m a danger to you.” He starts to back away but his facial expression showed that all he wanted to do is stay, but fear kept him from moving forward but backwards instead. Fear that he might harm you again.
“You don’t get to decide that for me. You don’t get to decide if you might cause me harm again, it was an accident, one caused by a drunk driver. You do realized that it isn’t your fault right?” You say as gently as possible, trying to keep your voice steady.
“It is my fault that you got into this accident. I knew that you didn’t like to ride on the motorcycle and I still made you ride it! It’s my fault that you no longer can walk! IT’S MY FAULT THAT YOUR LIFE IS RUINED! It’s best if you stay away MC.” He yells, his tears starts falling down and he turns around and starts to walk away.
“I NEED YOU!” You were desperate for him to stay, which explained why you yelled.
“Please don’t leave me! Hyun!” He stopped walking but he didn’t turn to face you.
“Who said my life is ruined? It’s only ruined without you in it. Did I do something wrong? I’m sorry! Is it because I’m handicapped? I promise to be better, I won’t be a burden to you! Just please, stay!” Were you not getting the point? Zen clenched his fists, he didn’t want you to think that it was your fault because it wasn’t.
His lips trembled as he heard the words escapes your lips.
“I’m sorry! Please don’t leave me again.” Your voice grew weaker as you no longer could hold back your tears as they came flooding down.
“I need you! Ever since I couldn’t walk, all I’ve been feeling is pain, frustration, emptiness. I…I’ve been searching for what was missing from my life the past few weeks and I know it’s you. P…please don’t leave me when I just found you.”
“You’re better off without me,MC.” He starts to walk again and you immediately try to stand up and go after him but your legs fails you and you hit the ground, a cry of pain leaving your lips. Zen turns around and his eyes widens when he sees you on the ground and runs towards you to help you up.
“I’M NOT! I CAN’T LIVE WITHOUT YOU! These past few weeks without you has been torture for me. Do you know what it’s like to constantly feel like you’re a burden to everyone around you? Do you know the frustrations of not being able to walk and constantly needing help? I needed someone to be there for me, someone to comfort me and encourage me. I NEEDED YOU HYUN! AND I STILL DO! I still need you!” He tries to help you back into your wheelchair but you clutched onto him, remaining on the ground, hugging him tightly.
Zen didn’t know what to do at that moment, he felt so conflicted.
“I’m dying emotionally, I can’t do this without you. Please don’t leave me.” You were shaking, though still not letting go of him. Zen looks at you and he feels another wave of tears coming but he does nothing to stop it.
He lets out a cry of pain as he broke down, letting every emotional pain that he had felt, out. He was sobbing hard, he had missed you so much, and being away from you was as good as death for him.
The two of you remained there in each other’s arms, letting every emotional pain out.
He pulled you closer to him, hugging you back, his chin resting on your head. Zen started to calm down, and he used his hands to wipe away his tears. “I’m sorry MC, I..I didn’t know. I thought it was better if you weren’t around me. I’m sorry.” He presses a kiss to your head.
“It’s..it’s not your fault, you know that right? P…Please tell me you do, because I…I don’t blame you, and I will never blame you.” Zen nods his head, his eyes squeezed shut,holding you tighter.
“I promise that I’ll never leave you again. I’ll be here if you ever need me.” He pulls away and one hand cups your face, his thumb wipes away your tears. He leans in closer until his lips touches yours, and at that very moment, every memory of him and you returns to you, but this time, there is no pain, only healing.
Sure, you were handicapped, you could not walk, but maybe now, it would not be as hard as it was back then, since Zen would be there with you each step of the way.
“Thank you.” You said to Zen and he begin pushing the wheelchair with you in it.
