A cup of tea ♥

Brewed from love.

[love-tea]

I used to think that the closer I get to my goal, the less afraid I would be. But that cannot be farther from the truth. As a matter of fact, I feel more and more fearful with every passing day yet I keep going. And over time, I realized it’s not because this path is not right for me, but because it is. Because this is what I want for the rest of my life, I find myself challenging myself with every new opportunity even if it means wading through uncharted waters just so I can continuously improve myself. When you love what you do, you want to learn more and gain more in order to be the best you can be even if it means being terrified half the time (or most of the time). Yet, I know that fear is just a temporary factor in my life, something that has always tried to limit me from reaching my potential especially in the past. But not this time. What I want to achieve outweighs my fear, and the strength of my ambition encourages me to push through all the doubts, and I know that in the end, it will be worth it.

[love-tea]

It puzzles me..

..why some people who have so much can give so little. How some people who are at the top of their careers are still not satisfied and have to be so cruel to others, trying to one-up them with every chance they have. How people on different life paths can belittle others walking towards a different destination. How they can criticize others before knowing their whole story and judge them based on another’s opinion. How people can just have a heart of vengeance and/or jealousy and relish in the downfall and failures of others. How they can be so competitive in everything and with everyone just to be the best. How some of them love to meddle in the business of others and try to live their lives for them. How these people can have no consideration for the people in and/or outside of their lives except for themselves. How they put out lies and push away their responsibilities onto someone else without even a determined attempt.

What is this world then when it falls in the hands of the people who do not have the heart to care for it?

Be kind. Be generous. Be loving. Be considerate. Be everything that does not come with a tainted heart. Do something out of sincerity and not obligation. Love without limits or boundaries. Focus on yourself rather than on someone else’ life. Give selflessly (at least what you are capable of), and you will find so much more than what you are looking for. You will find happiness and peace not only for yourself but also for the ones around you.

[love-tea]

I don’t think it will ever get easier.

No matter how many times I’ve witnessed deaths, it will always be tough. Throughout my journey, I’ve encountered the passing of numerous animals, and although others may believe that we who work in the animal/veterinary field should have grown numb to these circumstances by now, that is simply not the case. Every animal has a special place in our hearts, and regardless of whether we’ve known that animal for months or even for an hour or not at all, its sudden passing is capable of having the same devastating impact on us as any others. We may not outwardly express that feeling all the time, but it always crushes our spirits a little every time. However, I also understand that these were necessary experiences as deaths will always be a part of what we regularly encounter working in this field. Sometimes, we blame ourselves for the situation thinking that a few seconds could have made the difference between life and death. However, in all honesty, most of the time, we have already done the best we could. When a situation like that presents itself, no matter how difficult it is, I always try to remind myself of all the other animals we’ve saved and all the other lives we’ve changed. Yes, the situations were unfortunate, but often times, they are nobody’s fault. I definitely don’t think it will ever get easier, but instead of continually drowning ourselves in sadness and misery, all we can do is move on and be prepared to change another animal’s life.

[love-tea]

In this world, there will always be someone better.

Someone smarter. Someone richer. Someone prettier.

And to me, that has always be okay. In fact, I love that all of us in this world have something different to contribute, which is what makes each and every one of us unique and this world an even more diverse place to live. We all have our place in this world, and for this new year, I only have one simple resolution. Sure, there are countless things I still hope to change and improve, but the one important goal for this year, if not for the rest of my life, is to simply be a good person. Kindness goes a long way and is not something that can be taught; it’s something that is genuinely nurtured from the heart. I want to be and continue to be that person. I have to admit that there are times when I fall short of that due to frustration, stress, envy, and even selfishness and resentment. But I never want to stop pushing myself to be a better, kinder, and more giving person. And if that is all that I am till the day I am no longer on this earth, I will already be happy and have no regrets.

[love-tea]

It feels like Déjà vu.

[love-tea]

Time has been flying by way too fast lately..

I don’t know if I’m ready for what’s to come.

[love-tea]

Life doesn’t wait for you.

Take your opportunities now before giving up on something you haven’t even tried that can potentially change your life.

[love-tea]

Almost.. There.

I keep telling myself that I’m almost there. That I’m on the right track. That I’m so close. So maybe I am lacking, and at this point, I’m not enough. But as long as I keep pushing through and keep trying my hardest and putting the best effort forward, I will be (good) enough, and I will make it. And all the stress and pressure right now is just a necessary part of the journey there.

[love-tea]

Seeing him makes my whole day.

Even though it was only a simple stroll through the downtown nightlife, the spontaneous date and just being with him already filled me up with so much joy. Sometimes, we forget that the best dates are the ones that are free and the ones that are most simple; they create the memories that cannot be bought. I admit that in the beginning, I’ve fallen victim to that for a while, but tonight reminded me of what really matters most: just the simple act of being with him. He still gives me butterflies, and I can’t deny that he really does make me feel like the luckiest and happiest woman in the world.

[love-tea]

The times when I look at him and wonder, “How did I get so lucky?”

[love-tea]

I don't need to prove anyone anything.

I don't need to give anyone an explanation of what I choose to do. It's not because I'm being ignorant or close-minded, but because I pursue something not for anyone's approval but my own. If anything, I owe it to myself, and I only need to prove it to myself. Even if the whole world loses faith in me, I still have something sacred that no one can take away: my determination and my trust. And that alone is already enough.

The world may not understand me, but that doesn't make me any less of who I am. It doesn't mean I am going to give up and become the person the world believes I should be. No. Because that's not who I am. And if no one can accept that, I can care less because no matter what, I will never be someone I'm not.

Regardless of the circumstances, I'm only going to fight harder for what I want. Nothing can perturb me into becoming who I am and who I want to be. Along the way, we pick up bits and pieces of ourselves and find who we are from that. We redefine ourselves based on what we discover through time and experiences to fit our best perception of ourselves. A 10-year-old you is not going to be the same as the 20-year-old you, and a 30-year-old you is not going to be the same as the 50-year-old you. Not everyone knows the person they want to become right from the start. And I am no different. But my life is mine alone. My choices are mine alone. My mistakes are mine alone. And I don't owe anyone an explanation for being who I am: me.

[love-tea]

Follow your passion.

There's honestly nothing happier than following your heart and doing what you love. Nothing can compare to that sort of happiness when you realize that among everything else that this is what you want. Because once you find it, it defines you. Whatever you do in the future, it defines who you are, and no one can take that away from you. I'd refused to see it before, but when you follow your passion into the heart of your desires, you really will find yourself. When you find it, you will know that it's right because you would be able to feel it in your heart. You'd feel it so deeply that not only would you not let it get away, but you would not let anything get in your way, be it fear, disappointments, or failures. As negative as they sound, they are the stepping stones to building up your success. Don't neglect them. Don't run from them. Rather, embrace them knowing that it is your passion that brought you here and that it will give you the strength and courage to persevere. Along the way, you will lose things you never thought you would, but you would never lose your passion. I can't even begin to express how relieved I feel to finally know what I want and that I will do anything to get there. It's like I've found my place, my calling, and it's something I am going to hold onto for the rest of my life no matter how hard it gets.

[love-tea]

Be true to yourself.

Be down to earth. Be anything other than someone you're not. Because when there is nothing left to hide, all that's left is who you are, and there's nothing more genuine than that.

[love-tea]

I love middle-of-the-night kisses.

Those given when you're both semi-unconscious but conscious enough to give and feel the little pecks against your forehead and cheek. Those given at random times throughout the night, making them unexpected yet magical as he pulls you closer into his embrace. Those given when you are most vulnerable but they somehow make you feel protected with their touch. Those given with the utmost gentleness that tells you that even during sleep, his love has never stopped, and that no matter when or where, he is still thinking of you.

[love-tea]

I keep thinking I have everything under control..

..when in reality, there's so much that I've overlooked.

[love-tea]

My Pandora's Box

I don't like exposing my insecurities.

I don't like saying "I don't know" or admitting to not knowing my next step. I don't like opening up to people who are trying to forcefully pry me open when all I want is to hide all those fears, insecurities, vulnerability, and doubts in a Pandora's box of my own, where they won't be out standing in the face of judgment or for the public eye to see. I don't want anyone to see me crumble under these "evils" so I appear strong and certain..until the questions start coming.

I know that futures are not always clear, and mine is more blurred than ever. However, a clear answer to those who are constantly asking won't manifest itself in a matter of seconds, minutes, or days. I just know that I like where I am at right now, and isn't that already a good enough start?

I know where I am supposed to go and what I want to do. Not with guaranteed certainty, but with enough to have faith that my future will eventually turn out okay for me.

I'm taking it one step at a time, little by little. I may be going a little slow for my speed, but I know I'll get there. No matter what paths I have to take, no matter the failures, no matter the time and effort, I will get there.

However, I don't want to feel like I'm entitled to tell everyone all of these uncertainties. And I don't feel like my privacy should be invaded with questions that are asking about my very distant future in a tone that appears more nosy than caring because my answer to desperately brush away those questions doesn't satisfy them. I just want time to find myself. I want to explore all the opportunities I have in front of me regardless of the uncertainties. Take it step by step with me. Don't walk ahead of me and see where I will fall or falter. Don't break down my confidence and forcefully pry open my Pandora's box to reveal the insecurities that you think define me. No, support me as I support you. Trust in me as I trust in life. And I guarantee that eventually, you'll get the answer you're looking for.

[love-tea]

An Adventurer's Heart

Coming back from my road trip, I realized I cannot go back to the way I once was. The journey changed me such that it refuses the chains that had once bound me in a stationary state of timid seclusion. I can't ignore the freedom this road trip of self-discovery has brought me, and I can no longer rest in a world without risks and travel. No, I have an adventurer's heart, and I am anxious as to how my next adventure will unfold.