cas really said before you i was empty. before you i didn’t know how to love but you taught me. you are love. i learned the meaning of the word by watching you. i learned to love by loving you. now please. please love yourself like I love you, dean
there is no language for the way i feel, or the complexity of my heart, but i will try. for you. i will try to put it to words just how i love you. how loving you changed me. i have loved you in secret and i will go on loving you beyond the end. i just ask that you hear me. and then i can tell you goodbye
and then dean dies too, for real this time, and he’s not a killer (cas said so, so it must true) but he still thinks it’s all his fault. all of it from start to finish, every bit of it. especially cas. cas shouldn’t have died for him. cas should have lived. and when he finally goes, drowning in grief and a loneliness so deep he can taste it, with an ache that feels like praying, cas doesn’t come for him. cas isn’t even there to meet him at heaven’s gate. (maybe he can’t. maybe he doesn’t want to) it’s empty. all empty. bobby is in a rocking chair and saying cas helped but even the beer is wrong. and dean never sees cas again. all dean has left for him is clinging, choking regret on an abandoned bridge and scraps of a life rattling around in his broken heart that feel less like memory than a dream. a nightmare. and still no cas. no cas
