Craziful

mentally ill, and unfulfilled. 

[lovekenni]

🖤☀️✌

[lovekenni]

Story Time

everyone has a story, and every story is worth being told.

[lovekenni]

Peer Mentor - Advice

I am starting a new job on monday. I will be a peer support specialist at my county's mental health department. I am pretty nervous but beyond excited to help people, share my story and hopefully make a difference in someone's life!

I am wondering there is anyone who can give me any kind of advice how to exceed in the career. How to ensure our patients are getting what they need out of me. Any advice, stories or recommendations would be help! Thank you

[lovekenni]

I guess I can technically say I'm okay. But my thriving mind, body and soul crave more 🖤🌷💫

[lovekenni]

Get the fuck out

Dear Negative Energy;

Out the window, out the door, you're not welcome here anymore.

[lovekenni]

Neglect vs Self-love

me and my therapist are working on bettering myself, loving myself and treating myself with respect and kindness. the record that plays in my head says; im a fuck up, ill always be a fuck up, why bother, i dont deserve happiness or love. unfortunately the list goes on. ANYWAY, we are breaking the record of negative thoughts and replacing it positive thoughts. ANYWAY the reason im posting is because she gave me a "self-love" strategy that helps. retraining your brain is extremely difficult especially years after self-abuse so i figured this could help some other people.

picture yourself as a little newborn baby. would you love the baby? would you let the baby starve? would you let the baby sit in a dirty diaper? would you tell the baby it's stupid or a fuck up? would you neglect the baby? a sane person says absolutely not. that little baby still lives within you, it needs love, kindness, positivity. so why are you neglecting it? basically nurture tf outta yourself.

a lot of people try and find this type of nurturing in relationships (or just random sex), drugs, alcohol or friends. do not rely on other people's love and nurture. rely on your own.

[lovekenni]

Oops

I self sabotage. I pray daily for the universe to give me a break and make something good happen in my life, and then when it happens; I dont fucking trust it. I must destroy it. Work going good? Stop going. Relationship good? Start fights. Feeling physically healthy? Eat oreos and get drunk. Mentally stable? Think to hard and cry for no reason. Money finally saved? Spend it.

I'm working on understanding that I deserve happiness and love, but right now I don't think I do.

[lovekenni]

ONE&DONE

[recoverymatters]

“Don’t brush off those inspirational posts you see. You are not the exception, those messages are for you. You are strong, you are brave, you can get better, and you will get better when you take the initiative.”

— Miriam Kamens, January affirmations 20/31 (via bumbleblossoms)

[lovekenni]

Twinkle, Twinkle, Lonely Girl

I’ve always been fascinated by the sky and all of its belongings; the sun, the moon, the stars, the planets, planes, and hot air balloons. It was an overwhelming kind of comfort to look up and see something so large and vast that my brain could not even fathom. That even the little things that I worry about on a daily basis will never in a billion years amount to the space that is out there. I have been fascinated by outer space since I was young. I remember the day I actually paid attention to the big world and fell in love with the stares. It was a warm summer night, the street lights had just come on and it was time to go in. Mom was sitting on the porch when I ran back up to the house and I sat down beside her, leaned back on my palms and looked up. Mom must’ve noticed my awe, I could feel her staring at me, probably smiling. She pulled me closer and wrapped me in a big hug and started to sing “Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star”. My mom was not the affectionate type or the type to break out in song, even if just a lullaby. We sang the song and in that moment I slipped away. I was so warm, happy and safe in my moms arms. Just like that it was over. Time to go to bed. I would spend the next few years trying to recapture that moment and feeling. Asking and begging my mom to sit with me on the front porch to look at the fascinating stars and sing that stupid song.  She was just busy; working and taking care of two other children. Sometimes when the street lights would come on I would run home to sit on the porch and wait for her; but as I would peek into the house I would see she was distracted with other motherly duties. I would come into the house, kiss her goodnight, go up to my room, sit in the window, look at the stars and sing that stupid fucking song. 

[lovekenni]

Yo, anxiety take a chill pill

Anxiety is that overprotective friend, warning you of any possible danger that lurks behind ever fucking corner, ruining what should be fun adventures in your youth. The kind of friend that you think is sweet and caring at first but as the years go by you begin to understand they are the scary deranged friend. Anxiety is the friend that has developed a unhealthy relationship with you, more like an obsession. 

“Where are you going? Why are you going? Who else is going? How long are you going? Don’t go, if you do you will die! Here I made the bed nice and warm for you, lay down and make yourself at home (you’ll spend the next six years here), have you met my friend depression?!”

ENTERS DEPRESSION

*rolls eyes* 

[lovekenni]

Kenni, the project.

i have a big project im working on. my therapist says i need to desperately work on myself. self-love, self-esteem, self-worth, self- control, self-anything. it's a project that will take months to even see progress, there will never be a finished project because this is something i will have to work on until the day i die. but where do you start when you have self-hatred, unworthiness and "i am nothing but a fuck up" flowing through your mind, body and soul (?) ill figure it out.