a fairy living in monet’s garden

the art of staying warm and soft in this tough, cold world. unspoken thoughts

[lovewarmsoftdeers]

it’s so painful to watch yourself grow cold, bitter, and resentful, even toward small, irrelevant things, when all you’ve ever wanted was just to be warm, gentle, kind, and loving.

[lovewarmsoftdeers]

january always feels like a distant memory. idk why. but now that i think about it, it feels like i am living in the past and it feels weird.

[lovewarmsoftdeers]

the flowers continue to wither. i hope time would stop

[lovewarmsoftdeers]

It’s ironic how feeling can make you feel like you’re dying, yet it’s also the very sign that you’re alive.

[lovewarmsoftdeers]

I looked at our picture, and I can’t help but think that you’re with someone else — it just happens to be my face and body.

[lovewarmsoftdeers]

what flowed from my eyes merged with the rosewater gliding under gentle hands across my face as I cared for my skin.

[lovewarmsoftdeers]

to not fear is to never be.

[lovewarmsoftdeers]

“Do you think you can reach the depths of the world?”

“I would dive into the deepest trenches.”

“What if you encounter unknown sea monsters that no one even dares to see?”

“The world is a beautiful place, full of wonders. Those monsters you speak of — they’re part of the world I love. I’d be glad to discover them.”

“What if it’s too dark? Won’t you get lost? Those sea monsters might come and get you.”

Chuckles “Silly. I learned that most of those sea monsters illuminate. As terrifying as they may seem, they look beautiful in my eyes. It might take time to befriend them, but it would be worth it. I won’t get lost with them by my side.”

“That would take a long time. Won’t you drown?”

“It’s possible. But I could always swim back to the surface to breathe… and then dive back down again. I can’t leave those little swimmers alone, can I?”

“That’s exhausting.”

“It is. But my will — and my love — runs deeper than the depths of the world itself. I’ll keep doing it again and again, until the world sees my worth and lets me breathe beneath its waters… to see the beauty that lies within.”

“And if the world lets you?”

“Then I will meet you down there.”

[lovewarmsoftdeers]

how unfathomably aching it is to have only learned a certain depth of love, so you constantly seek even the smallest breadcrumbs. your system has grown familiar with the kind of love that makes you chase, because to you, the smallest thing feels like the biggest thing. and when it comes to choosing, you end up coming back to the previous guy who won’t do a thing for you over choosing the new one who makes you feel safe, does everything, and simply lets you be — because you find pain easier to receive, understand, and is more familiar to you than safety and warmth.

[poppyseedxoxo]

[lovewarmsoftdeers]

no matter where you are, this is a sign to reclaim your presence.

[lovewarmsoftdeers]

an enraged fairy gasps for air as blood flows from the slit across her chest—hoping the willow tree, beneath which she sits, will embrace her with its sorrowful yet gentle cries, enclosing the self-inflicted wound with its tender, weeping branches

[lovewarmsoftdeers]

I hope there will be a day where I wake up without feeling heavy—just fully rested.

[lovewarmsoftdeers]

i hope you see me again.

[lovewarmsoftdeers]

I wish I could take photos with my eyes.

[lovewarmsoftdeers]

they say, “to live is to grieve”—but, why does it feel like dying?

[lovewarmsoftdeers]

i’m still grieving about the part of me that i lost when you left me