"I was there at the prison. With the Governor..."

"I didn't know who he was or what he could do. And I didn't know who all of you were. I just didn't want to be hidden. That I was there." {written by Dani} Tara, ubber gay. Lover of yo-yos and pretty women. Professional tata rater. Tatas are my passion.   Indie Tara Chambler rp and ask blog from The Walking Dead T.V... {side blog: clapity-blinkity}

[skinamarinked]

Transphobes r so confusing like wtf defines a woman/man?? U can’t say genitals bc y'all don’t think trans women r women but they can have vaginas. Some trans men have penises.

You can’t say brain bc those r proven to be genderless.

You can’t say chromosomes because some people are born with xy, xx, xxyy, xxy. Some cis women have xy some cis men have xx.

The only thing that defines gender is the individual person. Biology isn’t black and white, stop using it to excuse your transphobic behaviour.

[skinamarinked]

Y'all need to reblog this version

[fumny-jokes]

This is what I’ve been saying!!!

[sorreleater]

honestly some of y’all want a significant other so badly and can’t understand why you can’t find one, but have no sense of boundaries or healthy expectations of what a relationship is like. in a committed long-term partnership you get left on read, you wait for texts back, and you can forget about each other when you’re busy. sometimes you fall asleep without saying goodnight and sometimes you’re too caught up to text each other before 6pm. that’s how it is. thinking that you can’t be deeply, beautifully in love and still wait more than “1.75 hours” for a text back is such an unhealthy and unreasonable expectation of what love is, and you shouldn’t be in a relationship if you can’t allow the other person to exist on their own apart from you. if you’re projecting your anxieties and insecurities onto a partner who doesn’t even exist yet, then you aren’t ready for one.

[elliesgaymachete]

If you haven’t watched The Bold Type because of your lack of access to watch it legally NOW IS YOUR CHANCE. Freeform has put all the episodes up on their website for free, no cable login required! I have a friend binging the show right now! Every person who watches on the website, FREEFORM WILL KNOW! Every view can help! Even if you already watched the episodes illegally, play them in the background! This show deserves another season, but that won’t happen if people don’t watch it.

Watch full episodes of The Bold Type here!

[rasec-wizzlbang-blog]

concept: willy wonka and harry potter take place in the same universe the ministry of magic haaaates Willy Wonka

[spider-hands-mannos-deactivated]

“Mr. Wonka,” Dumbledore smiled warmly, looking down into the Pit from his podium. The members of the Wizengamot muttered disapprovingly, shifting in their seats. Willy Wonka, clad today in a bright magenta suit and tophat, beamed cheekily up at them from his chair, his silver-gloved hands cradling his chin. 

“Mr. Dumbledore,” He replied brightly, with the barest hint of a lisp. 

“I trust you know why you are here?” Dumbledores question was crisp and businesslike, but the twinkle in his eye gave away his amusement at the situation. 

“Not at all! I’ve nary a clue,” Wonka wiggled his eyebrows. Dumbledore audibly stifled a laugh. 

“You are accused of improper use of magic, improper use of muggle artifacts, and several counts of using magic in front of a muggle,” Dumbledore reminded him. He conjured a projection with his wand. Displayed in grainy sepia was Willy Wonka, arm around a boy of around 10. Behind his back, he twitched an ash wand, and machines in the background around them whirred to life, producing all manner of sweets. 

The projection ran its course and collapsed, and Dumbledore stowed his wand back inside his robes.

Wonka smiled and fiddled with his hat. 

“How do you plead?” Dumbledore asked, leaning forward eagerly for what would surely be an amusing trial. 

“Not guilty on all counts,” Wonka said, perhaps a tad smugly.

The members of the Wizengamot muttered amongst themselves. Not Guilty? Impossible!

Dumbledore hushed them quickly. “Explain, if you would. We have, after all, quite a mountain of evidence.”

Wonka stood and brushed a bit of dust off his suit. He tipped his hat mischievously. “Of course,” he grinned. 

“Firstly, use of magic shall only be considered improper whereby it is applied to cause harm or applied recklessly. All magic used in my sweets is rigorously tested for both safety and taste. It is not used to cause harm, but to bring joy.” Wonka paused to adjust his jacket. 

“But surely,” Dumbledore said, leafing through his notes, “you cannot deny that you illegally charmed several thousand muggle artifacts?”

“Ah, but I can,” Wonka said, now twirling his cap in his hands. “Muggle artifact refers, of course, to any muggle made object. But, you see, I built those machines, each and every one. They are not muggle machines at all, but wizarding machines, built by a wizard. The factory itself, as well. You could argue that, as machines are a muggle invention, I still broke the rules, but then I could argue that every wizard dwelling with any charms applied to its walls is in violation of the law, as muggles were the first to make bricks.”

The Wizengamot glared silently. He was right, of course. Violating the spirit of the law was not illegal if one followed the letter. 

“And the last charge? These are definitely Muggle children, are they not? No magical talent, raised in muggle society?” Dumbledore straightened his glasses and peered down at Wonka, his eyes still bright with intrigue. 

“Not at all,” Wonka grinned, placing his hat back on his head. “You see, the ticket system was not nearly so random as I pretended. The tickets were charmed, they would only becomes visible to children with magical heritage. All the children chosen were second generation Squibs.” Wonka bowed low, as if he were finishing a particularly well executed play. 

“Well, ladies and gentlemen, it seems no laws were violated after all.” Dumbledore stifled a grin at the groans of angry disapproval from the Wizengamot. 

“But he very clearly violated the intent of the rules!” Spluttered a large, rather red faced wizard in the second row. “He’s just…cheating! He’s cheating!”

“Ah, this is true, but he did not, technically speaking, break any of the rules. He did not expose muggles to magic, nor enchant muggle made objects, nor improperly apply magic anymore so than any magical confectioner. I’m afraid we have to let him go.” Dumbledore smiled gently and put away the rather thick file with Wonka’s name embossed on the cover. For the brief second it was open, a list of hundreds of charges with “Not Guilty” inked beside them was visible. It was carried off by a house elf, and the Wizengamot began to file out until only Dumbledore was left. 

“You’re a very clever man,” He called down to Wonka. “We could use you at Hogwarts, you know.”

“No thank you,” Wonka called back, grinning. “Skirting the law is far more fun!”

[audacityinblack]

Willy Wonka is a fucking Slytherin.

[read-and-be-merry]

[seekingwillow]

I’d prevviously said ‘Yes! Gene Wilder! Wonk!’. Now there’s pics.

BUT…

OMG.

MS. FRIZZLE! (and the MAGIC School Bus).

She must be before the Wizengamot ALL the TIME.

(Is her excuse; ‘Well, it’s educational’???? And it WORKS?!!)

[spider-hands-mannos-deactivated]

Cornelius Fudge sighed and rubbed a hand over his face. Behind him, the members of the Wizengamot muttered amongst themselves, wondering what his next move would be. When he finally looked up from his podium, all he could do was glare at the chipper redheaded woman perched on the arm of the interrogation seat in the Pit. A bright green lizard poked its head out of the collar of her planet patterned dress and skittered around her shoulders to stare back at him. 

“Mrs. Valerie…” He checked the file again. “Frizzle?”

“Good morning, Minister!” She replied happily, a hint of a laugh in her voice. 

“It’s 3:30 in the afternoon, Madam,” He replied. He was tired. 

“Here yes, but in America, its 10:30 in the morning! Aren’t time zones incredible?” She smiled and he could see all her teeth. 

Fudge’s eye twitched irritably and he took a deep, steadying breath. 

“Do you know why you’ve been called before the Wizengamot today, Mrs. Frizzle?” He asked, shuffling the papers from her file. 

“I’m probably in trouble,” she smiled serenely, absentmindedly petting the lizard. “That is, after all, what the Wizengamot deals in!”

Fudge stifled a groan as he began leafing through her file. He didn’t even know where to begin. “Mrs. Frizzle, you are charged with no less than two hundred and thirty two counts of violating the Statute of Secrecy. Note that this is one count for each muggle known to be exposed to magic through your actions, and not a reflection of how many actions you have taken.” He drew out a page from the file. “Actions that include unlawful use of a sentience charm upon a muggle bus, unlawful use on that same bus of indestructibility charms and some sort of curse or hex that made the damn thing not only unresponsive and utterly unusable to anyone but yourself and your students, but also made us unable to decharm, move or even hide it, several unlawful uses of shrinking charms, bubble head charms, transfiguration, and at least one unregistered charm of your own making that allowed you to leave the planet entirely!” He slammed his hand down on the podium. “Do you have anything at all to say for yourself?!”

Mrs. Frizzle smiled politely. “Prime Minister,” she said calmly, “With all due respect, I have a question for you. Have you ever captured lightning in a bottle?”

“Have I- What?” Fudge spluttered, taken aback by her odd question. 

“Have you ever captured lightening in a bottle?” She repeated, eyes flashing. 

“Of course I haven’t, what sort of nonsense-” He began, but she threw up her hand and interrupted him. 

“Muggles have. They’ve known how to use the same energy that comprises lightening to light their homes for over 100 years now. They can generate what amounts to lightening in a bottle with water, or the light and heat from the sun, or the wind. They can carry music in their pockets. They have been able, for nearly 30 years now, to leave the Earth and stand on the Moon.” Mrs. Frizzle straightened her dress. “I have, yes, been using my magic to help teach my students, but what I’ve been teaching them is science! It’s a shame that we don’t learn science as children the way muggles do. They know how the planets move! They know why the Earth turns! Muggles have a wealth of knowledge that rivals that of the centaurs, and we just,” She gestures around incredulously. “We just ignore it! Did you know they are able to not only capture movement, but also sound on film? It’s incredible!” 

Fudge waved a hand to silence the incensed grumbling of the Wizengamot. “Mrs. Frizzle,” he hissed angrily. “It does not matter how many trinkets and non-magical work-arounds the muggles have made, regardless of how incredible you find them. Their ‘science’ is not on trial here, you are, for exposing muggles to magic!”

“Minister, you do know my students are all muggle borns,” Mrs. Frizzle said, perhaps a touch angrily, her usual enthusiasm for science replaced by an anger at tech marvels being referred to as ‘trinkets’. 

“They’re not the only ones who have seen your…Magic Bus!” Fudge roared, slamming his fist on the podium and eliciting a dull rumble of approval from the Wizengamot. “Mrs. Frizzle, since you have failed to mount a defense, we will now take a vote. All in favor of conviction?” 

A sea of hands shot into the air. 

“All opposed?” 

2 or 3 hands were placed waveringly in the air, then quickly fell. 

“Mrs. Frizzle, you are found guilty of 232 counts of breaking the Statute of Secrecy. The wand you surrendered upon entering the Ministry will be kept, and you are fined in the amount of 1,160 galleons. If you cannot pay this fine, you will be given a job on low level staff or doing community service until such time as the debt is paid. Good day.” Fudge closed her file and handed it the the Junior Undersecretary, who ferried it back to the Hall of Records. 

Mrs. Frizzle stomped out, angry but not ready to give up. Luckily for her, they hadn’t taken her backup wand. She had classes tomorrow, after all, and they couldn’t very well explore the world of pollen without a proper shrinking charm. She made a mental note to stop by her cousin Xenophillius’ house to pick up her backup to her backup. She loved his house. Shaped like a chess peice, can you imagine?

[ironbite4]

This is why the Wizarding World of Harry Potter is just so…..dumb.

[bemusedlybespectacled]

I think you’re all forgetting the obvious… Mary Poppins.

[mithrel]

“Back again, Mary?” Dumbledore twinkled at the woman in the felt hat standing ramrod straight in front of the chair in the pit. She’d always been one of his favourite students.

Keep reading

[homoclothes]

Oh my g o d

[tony-hawks-prostate]

HOW IS THIS HAPPENING

[heretherebeangst]

OH MY GOD. THESE ARE OUR PEOPLE. @yetanotherramblingfangirl

[magicfolk]

[star-shine]

CHECK OUT your differences in wand technique here and how fluidly and casually Ron throws a curse in comparison to Harry and Hermione Hermione has done the reading and is technically perfect of course Elbow straight; wrist bent Wand tip aligned with left sightline left arm held loosely behind her for balance Harry hasn’t ever done the reading Grip too tight; elbow locked Shoulders raised Left elbow cranked in awkwardly against his body Kids’ll imitate his awful technique and Junior Aurors it’ll make their parents nuts; don’t twist your neck like that I don’t care what Auror Potter does When you save wizardkind you can hold your wand however you want until then drop your shoulders Ron’s been around wand users since birth practiced with twigs and then his brothers’ wands Look at how the movement flows from his center the way he uses his whole body throws out his opposite hand behind him to counterbalance the movement Harry and Hermione get their wands into position and then throw the curse Ron’s spell starts mid-motion because he knows his wand will be in position in time  (helenish)

Mmmmmmm, yes.

[stephiecarcar]

There will be a day when I see this and I will scroll past.

Today is not that day

[melodyrae14]

Plus Ron is casting his curse non-verbally. That’s very difficult and it requires training and practice to successfully cast a nonverbal spell. It’s success is determined by the amount of concentration and mental discipline of the witch or wizard. But this is Ron Weasley he likely didn’t put training and practice into casting non-verbal spells, this advanced magic comes to him naturally. The only other time we see him cast a non-verbal spell is when he accidentally made it snow in the great hall, and that was only because Lavender was glaring him down after he said Hermione’s name while he was unconscious in the hospital wing. He felt crappy and his emotions were so intense he unknowingly made it snow. Here he’s trapped in a muggle cafe, with his best friend and the girl he loves. He’s probably scared, and angry but most of all protective. He wants to defeat these Death Eaters without anything happening to his team. His emotions are intense again and that allows him to cast a powerful non-verbal spell. No, not even a spell, a curse. We’ve seen Hermione cast non-verbal spells loads of times but even here she says the curse to ensure it’s potency. Ron is concentrated and disciplined enough in this moment to curse a Death Eater without any words at all.

[remedialpotions]

and isn’t his “eat slugs” curse also non-verbal? because I doubt that “eat slugs” is the actual incantation for that curse and actually if I recall correctly from the book, he says “eat slugs, Malfoy” in an “eff off” sort of way but his wand isn’t even out. then a minute later when Malfoy calls Hermione a Mudblood, he takes out his wand and it backfires on him. and he’s TWELVE when he does this! it’s another moment where his emotions are running high because his friend has just been called the most awful word he’s ever heard.

Ron is a great wizard, so much of his magic is natural and intuitive and he doesn’t have to think about it the way Harry and even Hermione do. it’s just a part of him.

[ferrousfellow]

[dogsanddiscourse]

oh fucj.. oh ruck… oh fuckcfuckfuk… oh fuCK FUCK

[qtiljdhk-deactivated20210828]

Reblog this to Renew Wynonna Earp

Let’s show @syfy how powerful we are!

[dannykitchen]

Advice for girls: buy skinny jeans in the boy’s section

They’re more comfortable, still form fitting, and best of all: THE POCKETS. THEY HAVE ACTUAL POCKETS.

don’t believe me? look:

these are boys pants, and they look just as good on me as any other skinny jeans I own

See that phone? I’m going to put it in the pocket. Must be so small right??

Ah yes, girl pants length. Probably can’t fit any further than that-

what? what’s this?

Good god. Oh good lord in heaven. This is blasphemous.

Look at how much room is still there. There’s chaos in the streets. Babies are crying. Fashion designers are screaming out of fear of the unknown.

Buy your pants in the boys section, girls. Live in the beautiful world you deserve where you can fit shit in your pocket.

[prismatic-bell]

Curvy ladies: Men’s dress pants have more room in the butt. I don’t know why, I only know that all my dress pants for work are off the rack in the men’s department in Target. Literally nobody has noticed, except a couple of my younger coworkers who’ve asked me–you guessed it–”oh my god, where did you find pants with pockets?”

Tall ladies: men’s pants are easier to find in longer lengths than women’s pants are.

Trans ladies: Wanna get on this gravy train, but afraid people will misgender you for wearing clothes off the men’s racks? Step one: tell me who these people are and I will punch them in the face. Step two: if it doesn’t make you dysphoric, please don’t feel obligated to wear pants off the women’s racks if pants off the men’s racks are more comfy/useful to you. I’m a cis woman who’s been wearing pants from the boys’ section and, later, the men’s section, ever since I hit puberty and in thirteen years maybe, maybe half a dozen people have noticed. And it’s always women asking the oh-my-god-pockets question. You’re all good. <3

Fat ladies: you will pay the same for a pair of 42x32 jeans as for a pair of 34x32 jeans, instead of having to pay some kind of Fat Penance Tax by way of being in the “plus size” section. Also, did I mention more room in the butt?

Ladies concerned about modesty: For obvious reasons, there is more crotch space in men’s pants. Embrace it and enjoy a life free from cameltoe worries and spontaneous labia-wedgies when you squat down.

All ladies: I swear to god the waists in women’s pants these days are made specifically to fit exactly nobody so that no matter what you do, your underwear will show. Men’s pants do not do this. The waists sit where they’re supposed to and will actually lay flat against the small of your back instead of flopping open to show your unmentionables to the world. If you want hiphugger jeans, buy one leg-length too small and one waist-size too large and let them hang, and they still won’t accidentally show your undies. Men’s pants will last longer. They cost less, in a lot of cases. Embrace the men’s jeans. Buy the men’s jeans. Stop buying shitty flimsy women’s jeans that wear out in six months.

AND FINALLY: to determine your size in men’s pants, take a tape measure around your waist at its smallest point. This is your waist size and will be the first number in a pair of men’s pants. Next, take the tape measure from about an inch below your no-no squares parts, and run it to your ankle. (You may need a friend or parent to help with this.) This is your inseam length, and will be the second number on a pair of men’s pants. Men’s and boys’ pants are tailored the same way, so if you have trouble finding your waist size in men’s, hop over to the boys’ section. Feel no shame. If they’d give us decent fucking pants we wouldn’t have to steal theirs, right?

[thewinterotter]

Listen you guys, I am SO MAD ABOUT THIS. I’ve seen this first post before, and recently my mom said, “Hey, did you see that post on Tumblr about shopping for jeans in the men’s department?”

And I said yeah, I’d seen it, I’ve been through the Trying To Fit Clothes On My Stupid Body wars, and this post really only applied to skinny jeans because they’re so stretchy. It couldn’t possibly work for regular jeans! I have TRIED SO MANY TIMES. I’ve always shopped in the men’s department because women’s clothes are like 90% bullshit and 10% fake pockets.

But I hadn’t seen the second addition, which gave me more hope, and I decided to just try on a few pairs when I was at Old Navy the other day. They have some “classic” jeans with no give to them at all, which is what I was trying on years ago that convinced me it just wasn’t possible. (Jeans in my price range didn’t really come with any form of stretch back then, as I recall. Textile technology is bad-ass.) But these days they mostly have “flex” jeans that have some give to them. (Women’s jeans are usually labeled “stretch” but apparently men’s have to be “flex” like they need stretchy garments so their HUGE MUSCLES don’t just TEAR THEIR CLOTHES!)

This was totally an impulse decision so I couldn’t measure myself, but I grabbed a few sizes based on what I vaguely thought my measurements probably were and decided it couldn’t possibly be worse than the endless cycle of regret, dissatisfaction, and recrimination that is trying on women’s clothing.

The first pair I tried on fit like a DREAM. I’ve been gaining weight lately which is a whole separate nightmare (mainly centered around “but I don’t WANT to buy new bras, this is bullshit!”) and the reason I need to buy new jeans because nothing freaking fits me, and I was sure these wouldn’t either, but DAMN. They’re the best pair of jeans I own. Twice as thick, pockets twice as big, legs nice and loose (they don’t even sell women’s jeans with a cut remotely similar to this), and contrary to my super dumb opinion from before this experience, they’ve got my plenty of room for all my womanly curvey bits. AND because they’re actually a relaxed fit instead of trying to cling to every inch of me, they don’t show my weight nearly as much as my women’s jeans do, they’re easier to move in, they’re not constantly inching down my hips with every move I make, and overall they just make me feel GOOD about how I look which is a strange new sensation I could definitely get used to.

It’s like a miracle. I want to cry both out of joy and because of all the shitty jeans now filling my closet when I could have been buying comfortable, relaxed, pocket-having men’s jeans all these years. Many blessings to the posters above, may your crops grow and your cows give milk and your jeans hold all the gadgets you desire.

[thatoneartyishperson]

Also: men’s pants have constant sizes that are based off of actual measurements instead of the women’s whatever-the-company-wants-to-make-the-size sizes. They’re far more reliable and your size will translate to other brands.

[inconspicuouslyevil]

@get-dunkd-on help me remember this for our next Goodwill run lmao

[fenland-witch-deactivated202005]

I HAVE to try some men’s jeans. Sick of these super skinny show everything always having to be hitched up no pocket crap jeans!

[k-lionheart-deactivated20171126]

Honestly signal boost. Because imagine this actually starts some kind of ludicrous pants revolution that ends up causing women’s pants fashion company’s sales to tank, absolutely forcing them to realize men’s pants have always had the right idea and start doing that instead of this bullshit. Like just imagine. And don’t just signal boost this. Tell every woman you know. Tell every trans friend and every curvy friend out there. You see a lady down the street, stop her and tell her you’ve discovered a new gospel and it’s purchasing men’s pants. With the way women spread information when we’re excited, the mentioned scenario could actually be hella achievable

[akreliadeklavesht-deactivated20]

PRAISE THE UNIVERSE I FOUND THIS POST AGAIN

[what-even-is-thiss]

Guys. Gals. Non binary pals. As a trans ftm person who just recently started shopping in the men’s department and has gigantic hips full of dysphoria let me tell you a thing.

Athletic cut jeans have more room in the butt. I repeat. Athletic cut jeans have more room in the butt. You don’t need to go to the dress pants to fit your lovely curvy self in there. Go to the regular section or big and tall if you’re a bit taller and/or wider, and there’ll be a little section of athletic style jeans. They’ve still got the giant blessed pockets and the room in the crotch and if you’re really curvy with a large bone structure like I am you can get yourself some quality pants.

This has been an addition by your local nb trans dude. Thank you for your time.

[sulrae]

Reblog to save a fucking life

[chicorystreetcoffee]

the material of jeans in the mens section is also just better i feel like. no more wearing a hole in your jeans from your thighs rubbing together. not with mens-section jeans.

[dangerouslycasualattitude]

Wynonna Earp Advertisers

Between gushing over last night’s episode & live tweeting with the cast, I quickly jotted down all the advertisers I saw during the commercial breaks! Start tagging/writing them about how much we appreciate Wynonna Earp! Also, know that writing to SyFy is the BEST way to do that, but you can easily take the letter you wrote to them & send it to all the advertisers as well!

Starbucks (x2) - DirectTV - Downy (x2) - Outback (x4)- Little Caesar’s Pizza - Toyota (x2) - Apartments.com - Mt. Dew - Liquid Plumber (x2) - Dominos Pizza (x2) - Propel (x2) - CHANTIX - Subaru (x2) - Geico - USA network

Every little bit counts towards getting our show renewed for season 3!

[girlslikegirls-thoughts]

Earpers, do the right thing. Delete reblogs, unlike stuff, and DO NOT watch the leaked episode illegally. Emily just tweeted this and honestly we have to pull together if we want to save this show.

[kendrene]

Support the gay agenda. 

Help get Wynonna Earp renewed. 

Even if you don’t watch this particular show, but you care about healthy LGBTQ representation, please, please help us get our voice heard. 

We are a pretty small fandom, but with your support we can get a third season. 

If you can, tune in on the show live on syfy - even if it’s just to leave it in the background while you do something else (but I reccomend you give it a shot, it’s good) - help us on twitter, let’s trend #renewwynonnaearp to syfy. If you are an Earper and live in a country where the option is available, consider buying the seasons off itunes or amazon. Rewatch season 1 on Netflix!

HELP US MAKE THIS SHOW SUCCESSFUL SO WE CAN GET MORE LGBTQ CONTENT ON TELEVISION.

[gundambarbatos]

Black Friday is over and my manager slapped me with $10,000

[jui-ci-fer]

reblog the money gamestop to get beat over the head with cash

[anti-transphobia]

Actually, no. Unless the only trans people in the community are your few token trans people, then by no means does the “transgender community support drop the t”.

Reblog this if youre trans or not cis and dont support drop the t

[fourunlikelylovers]

to all the transwomen who are fetishized by being called “chicks with dicks, traps, trannys, etc.”

to all the transwomen who are told “i don’t date penises” or “i only date vaginas” by cis men/women

to all the transwomen who are attacked by terfs daily

to all the transwomen who do not want to have surgery

to all the transwomen who want to have surgery

to all the transwomen who are called rapists just because they want to use the bathroom

to all the transwomen who experience dysphoria

to all the transwomen who do not experience dysphoria

to all the transwomen who required to pass as cis because they fear for their lives

to all of the transwomen who are afraid to come out

you are beautiful and i love you.

[fapitalism-deactivated20120910]

[raisemysonbootlicker]

This is the money Patrick. Reblog so money will come your way

[gvldenhour]

“I’m getting back in line.”

[sniggadoodles]

OKAY but i just reblogged this last night and guess what i got today from my workplace’s self-audit!

THANK YOU PATRICK FOR FREE MONEY

[musinvenusian]

BLESS ME PATRICK

[lily-d247]

PATRICK I HAVE NEVER STRAYED YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I LOVED YOU

[ghara2]

@billshitposts

[billshitposts-deactivated201608]

*rolls sleeves* aight dude lets get me some money

[merakid-0]

Can i just *Gets in line*…there

[fatassbry-deactivated20170418]

Ok so it actually worked cause we got served with an eviction and owe $1739 and we have like 1300 and my moms friend said hes gonna pau the rest that we owe and take us out to dinner

[nasty-nympho]

I counting on you lol

[laine-brain]

can’t even risk it

[gunvolt]

im going to have a stroke

[prideling]

Instead try… Person A: You know… the thing Person B: The “thing”? Person A: Yeah, the thing with the little-! *mutters under their breath* Como es que se llama esa mierda… THE FISHING ROD

[artykyn]

As someone with multiple bilingual friends where English is not the first language, may I present to you a list of actual incidents I have witnessed:

Forgot a word in Spanish, while speaking Spanish to me, but remembered it in English. Became weirdly quiet as they seemed to lose their entire sense of identity.

Used a literal translation of a Russian idiomatic expression while speaking English. He actually does this quite regularly, because he somehow genuinely forgets which idioms belong to which language. It usually takes a minute of everyone staring at him in confused silence before he says “….Ah….. that must be a Russian one then….”

Had to count backwards for something. Could not count backwards in English. Counted backwards in French under her breath until she got to the number she needed, and then translated it into English.

Meant to inform her (French) parents that bread in America is baked with a lot of preservatives. Her brain was still halfway in English Mode so she used the word “préservatifes.” Ended up shocking her parents with the knowledge that apparently, bread in America is full of condoms.

Defined a slang term for me……. with another slang term. In the same language. Which I do not speak.

Was talking to both me and his mother in English when his mother had to revert to Russian to ask him a question about a word. He said “I don’t know” and turned to me and asked “Is there an English equivalent for Нумизматический?” and it took him a solid minute to realize there was no way I would be able to answer that. Meanwhile his mom quietly chuckled behind his back.

Said an expression in English but with Spanish grammar, which turned “How stressful!” into “What stressing!”

Bilingual characters are great but if you’re going to use a linguistic blunder, you have to really understand what they actually blunder over. And it’s usually 10x funnier than “Ooops it’s hard to switch back.”

[trainsinanime]

Just once, I want the hero to go “your wife/sister/mother/whatever would not have wanted this!”, and the villain to go, “actually, we talked about this a lot. She was really into vigilante justice and eye for an eye stuff. She always said, if something like this happens, avenge me.”

[dreadlord-mr-son]

“Your mother never would have wanted this!”

“Wow you clearly never met my mother.”

[amuseoffyre]

“Your wife wouldn’t have wanted this!”

“To be honest, I’m following her list of instructions. Do you think I came up with this plan by myself?”

[dragonwitch21]

“I wanted to go to art school, but no! You had to kill my sister and make me enact her 37 step plan on what to do in case she was murdered!”