Existence @lroc - Tumblr Blog

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You know what's funny? Waiting.

Waiting for the texts

Waiting for a calls

Waiting for one more late night

Waiting for one more 4am

Waiting for one more time those headlights shine up my driveway

Waiting for the moment they turn around

Waiting for the moment they realize

Waiting, waiting, waiting...

There's a reason I don't like roller coasters.

March 26, 2014.

It's funny. Through all of this I always thought you'd be mine. I thought every time it didn't last with one girl or another and you looked for me that each time would be the last time. That you would finally listen to the words you utter yourself. (To the words that you send in the messages to the other boys...I've seen them all. The ones that made me upset and the ones that made me smile.) See that I am amazing, that I do everything for you. Don't you want an easy life? To know every single day that you wake up that there is going to be someone that loves you no matter how much hair is or isn't on your head. To know that you have someone that other people ask out and they turn down even when you weren't officially together? To know that you have someone that would walk through fire for you, someone that wants to see you happy, someone that wants you to get the job you want ...and hmm has been helping along the way. Is it crazy of me to think that people actually want to be loved for the rest of their lives? to know that they have someone to come home to that will willingly make sure dinner is on the table and everything is how they like. that their clothes are ready for the next day, everything and anything. A house and a life fit and laid out for a king. You never fully ever left my life. There was always a part of you somewhere. You never fully erased our line, you would continue to walk it from time to time. And that gave me false hope that I wasn't loving someone that was incapable of loving me. But you didn't love me and you never would.

I wish I had the balls to tell you how much I want to hate you, how much I want to knock you to the pavement and yell at you to get a fucking grip! Do you want to know what I think about you? i think you're a whore that has no remorse. Go ahead and hate me, delete me from whatever you still have me on if you haven't already. I'll still sit here and love you. But hate me, ignore me.. I should be used it it. Ill still cry. I can't get used to being ignored by the man that I love, I can't get used to watching him fuck another girl this night and another girl the next night. I cant get used to watching the man I love love another girl while i'm loving him. I want to tell you i hate you, you made me bitter, you made me afraid. But I love you so I can't do that. I can sit here and cry for oh what? the one millionth time? Probably. You'd think by now I wouldn't have any more tears to shed. But boy do they flow.

For so long you dragged me along with your I miss yous and I care about yous. I wish you wouldn't have told me you still had feelings because my feelings were always stronger. And idk maybe I saw you as something I needed to love, something I needed to help. You came back time after time because you knew my love was something different something that no one was ever going to give you and maybe you were afraid to lose that forever.

I wish you didn't live your life with a different girl in your bed every week. I wish you were the man that I thought you were. The man I thought I had met back then.

But here I sit, a broken girl. A scared, small, alone, broken girl.

I hope you see that you broke the girl that loved you through everything she shouldn't have, the girl that loved you no matter what. The girl that waited.. and waited for the man she loved to turn around and sweep her off her feet. You broke the girl that put up with everything just for a small chance to see you. I hope every girl you picked over me was everything you were looking for in that moment in time.

I'll still dream of the day we argue or just talk and I think that's it and then you show up at my door. I'll dream of that day and fall in love all over again with that thought... because I wish just once you would do something like that. I never asked you for anything and Im asking for that and I can't even get that

I hope whoever you choose to share your bed and life with is a great choice. I hope they love you dearly, and they never hurt you. I hope they tell you every day how strong and amazing you are as a person. I hope they make you see life isn't so bad, people aren't always annoying and things get better. I hope she is someone you can cuddle up to during the winter and complain how sticky it is to sleep close in the summer.

I hope when she looks at your blue eyes she sees that beautiful man that she has standing in front of her. And I hope the thought of losing you puts a pit so deep in her stomach. I hope she knows not to make any mistakes, to hold you tight to love you with every fiber of her being. I hope she sees the scar above your eye and brushes it gently..as a reminder, superman isn't always invincible.

I need a new guy in my life. Getting fed up with this constant back and forth, Your words...while make me smile... mean nothing when you can't prove them.

#heartbroken #love #lost #relationship #2 years #too long #not enough effort #need love #hate this

New Year...... better friends?

sad-idol

I broke my own heart loving you.

(via infusing)

What the hell am I going to do when it's all over? Let it end and move on like a normal person? .... Too bad i'm not fucking normal. And I'll let this linger, the feelings with hang above my head for too damn long. I won't stop them, I won't lock them in the closet. Nope. I'll let them hover, and I'll think about them more than I should. I know myself all too well. I wish I knew what made me love you.

#leaving #lost #alone #feelings #love #wonder #wish #end #over

what hurts the most is when you make an effort. I love it like crazy, It drives me nuts in the best way. It hurts in the worst way...I want to tell you I love you. I want you to hear it again, one more time. Maybe you'll love it and love back.

#love #hurts #pain #want #life #me #you #us #boy #girl #need #hope

It's an interesting feeling to have a broken heart that mends every time you see the person that broke it. The only reason it's broken is because you can't be together. Those moments his arms are wrapped around your body, your heart heals. For those moments are very dangerous, but the heart doesn't care about the risk.

#love #heart #broken #boy #girl #life #me #us #you #we #now #current #relationship

I love you.

Well January is now October. Effffff my life. I'm not ready, he wasn't supposed to leave yet. Still friends, As much as I should forget him I know I never will. I know a little part of me will always care, always wonder how he is. All I can hope is maybe for the same in return. Maybe.

#military #love #boy #girl #want #wish #leaving #ugh #sigh #life

I still feel like I love you. And I say "feel" because I don't want to believe that I still love you. I want to be over you, and I know I will be....eventually. I deserve to find someone that is afraid to lose me. I deserve at least that.