If only you would have trusted me (Simon "Ghost" Riley ﾒ Female "Cobra" Sergeant)
A/N: MW 3 broke me, don't talk to me
Summary: Makarov blackmailed you into joining his army and Task Force 141 thinks you betrayed them without hesitation. Once Ghost and Soap find Milena and you, Ghost finally confronts you about letting him down.
Warnings: curse, angst, guilt, fight, betrayal,
Wordcount: 4.7k
”I thought I was someone whom you could trust because you can be sure as hell that I still trust you with my life. Whether you like it or not."
You knew this moment was coming once Laswell had let you know that Makarov escaped the gulag and was on the move.
You didn’t want it to happen but your job wasn’t famous for making guarantees. Especially with crazy terrorists who wouldn’t stop until the world fell to its knees in front of them.
And Makarov was just like that.
Ruthless, smart, cruel and unpredictable.
While running from location to location, you started to feel getting lost. There were too many dead ends while Makarov was playing with Task Force 141 as he’d wished.
Ghost noticed how much you’d changed since Makarov broke out and wasted no time in getting his hands dirty.
You’d heard stories of him before Price and Soap managed to capture him once 4 years ago which ended in agony and cost a lot of innocent lives. You’d dealt with all kinds of criminals who wanted to build their throne out of corpses but Makarov was by far the worst and most dangerous one.
With each mission you’d went to with the others, the less your voice could be heard. You were silent and kept checking every corner while wondering how could you finally make a step forward.
There were times when you were seated with Ghost and his favorite sniper to watch the others’ back, and while laying on the ground for hours, the lieutenant tried to get you to talk but you weren’t too bulged.
You hadn’t noticed because you were too focused on your task but Ghost always kept an eye on you when you were in his sight. He’d seen this kind of dedication before, so he understood where your change of heart had come from but he didn’t want you to completely forget who you truly were before.
He’d hated to admit but he would have done anything to bring you back to the surface. It’s been too long since he had heard your laugh or seen your beautiful smile. Hell, he even started to miss those moments when you’d happily join Soap and push his buttons while making fun of Brits.
Ghost couldn’t stand your silence, he liked listening to your voice even while you were only making small chats with him through the coms.
What Ghost had never expected – or anyone else for that matter – was you suddenly disappearing without a word and hearing from a source that you’ve been seen on Makarov’s side.
At first, he was confused and kept denying it but when Price told him that it wasn’t some sort of plan for you to get involved with the Russians, Ghost felt like someone punched him in the chest.
You’d left willingly without a word, and the next thing he knew, you were working under the hands of the enemy.
He was overwhelmed with your betrayal, he was sad, furious, and desperate to find an explanation for your treachery.
What Ghost and the others didn’t know was that Makarov had his eye on you since he escaped from the gulag. Firmly, because you knew Milena from before, and she knew that you were an unstoppable sergeant.
Makarov wanted to break Task Force 141 from the inside before he would grab a gun to put a bullet into everyone’s head, so he ordered his men to do their research on you.
It didn’t take them too long to find your family, even though you tried your best over the years to make it seem like you didn’t have them. You’d never once talked to anyone about your sister and mother who always waited for you to go home, who were always worried about you whenever you departed and had been gone for months while fighting terrorists.
For the first time in your life you didn’t know what to do, you wanted to tell Price and the others that Makarov had captured your family and gave you no choice but the Russian’s intentions were crystal clear. If you’d told anyone about this, he’d kill your family and would blame it all on Task Force 141.
You even thought about telling Ghost that Makarov had found you and backed you in the corner but you knew if the lieutenant would have found out about any of this, he’d never let you go.
Ever since you joined Makarov, the guilt has been eating you from inside, especially whenever your friends’ name was thrown around as Makarov was planning his next move.
Makarov has been calling you ’Rynda’ ever since you gave yourself up to him which you absolutely despised. Since you were his only living connection to Task Force 141, he’d given you the task of always letting him know what the special forces’s next move might be.
”Like the bell ringing when danger is around the corner,” Makarov had said back then with a wicked smile on his lips. ”I don’t want you to disappoint me, Rynda.”
”I won’t.”
Your words might have caused satisfaction in the man but your tongue was burning with the forced promise you’d had to make to him. Your skin was crawling each time he touched you and his voice crept through your ears like venom.
You hated being Milena’s present. Makarov didn’t want any women on the battlefield but he admired your strength and skills, so he ordered you to always stick to Milena and watch her back. Without his financial support, he would have had some problems getting into this whole capture-or-kill scenario.
Milena always made a sound of her whines about how she hated that you were practically babysitting her. Don’t worry, I hate it too, you’d thought.
Whenever you were alone you missed the guys, missed Price being a father figure to you, missed Gaz making fun of your looks after a horribly executed plan, missed Soap teaching you Scottish, and missed Ghost for… for being himself and keeping you under his wing.
”I admire your dedication, really,” Milena called from the other side of the room.
”Do you?”
Milena glanced up from her papers and searched your face.
”Yes, I’m surprised you betrayed your people right away and did everything Vladimir ordered you to.”
”He didn’t give me much of a choice, did he?” you asked and crossed your arms. You hated that she was able to think that you betrayed your second family easily while in reality, it was wearing you down in every way possible.
You were sure you’d never be able to look into their eyes if you saw them again.
”He knows how to win people over.”
You cleared your throat and narrowed your eyes.
”Or to force them to do something that would benefit him.”
Milena was one delusional woman, you were sure of that. You hated how spineless she was and how easily she could get under your skin within seconds.
If Makarov wasn’t so intimidating then you would have already punched her whenever she said a bad word to you. You would have enjoyed it for sure.
Gunshots and shouting emerged from the other side of the building which made you tense right away.
”What the hell?” Milena asked as she stood up and walked to the wall where the security cameras were shown.
You took a few steps, examining the figures that appeared, and felt the color drain from your face.
You wished you would have mistook them for someone else but after serving with them for years, there was no way you wouldn’t recognize them.
It was Soap and Ghost.
Your heart was hammering in your chest, and your stomach turned when you saw Soap getting closer and closer to the door that stood behind you.
With trembling hands, you grabbed your gun and spun on your heel just when the Scots opened the door.
”Special forces, show your hands!”
Raising your guns at the same time, you faced your best friend whose eyes softened the second they found you.
”Cobra…”
It’s been so long since anyone called you that, you almost dropped your gun.
Then you forced yourself to remember your family whose life was on you and how you act now, so you tightened your grip on the cold metal.
”I’d advise you to turn around and leave, Soap.”
Soap lowered his gun while his face dropped in sadness. Your voice was cold and distant, something you’d never used toward him before. You’d only given this treatment to your enemies.
”That’s not going to happen, you know it.”
”I’ll shoot you,” you said, trying to hide your nervousness as he kept your stare.
”You won’t.”
Gritting your teeth, you took a step forward, keeping the gun at him as Milena looked at you in fury.
”What are you waiting for? Shoot him for fuck’s sake!”
No matter how hard you tried, your finger couldn’t touch the trigger. Your heart didn’t let that happen.
Memories flooded and invaded your mind as you looked at John MacTavish who was your favorite partner in crime. Moments of him making you laugh and calming you down after losing a battle made your hands shake in defeat.
You didn’t want to do any of this but you had no choice.
When Soap realized you were not going to shoot him, he let out a small sigh, grabbed one of the chairs, and pushed it forward, his eyes finding Milena.
”Sit.”
You didn’t want to admit but you missed the way Soap could talk coldly to those who were on the other side.
”Fuck you.” Milena spat in hatred.
Soap kept his gaze and gun firmly, his voice leaving no room for argument.
”Sit down, Milena.”
Milena gave you a deadly glare before dropping her hands and taking a seat. You couldn’t say a word, it seemed like your voice ceased to exist.
”Where is your boss?” Soap asked sharply.
”I don’t have a boss. No one tells me what to do.” Milena said and you almost scoffed. Only if her words were true.
Soap glared at her for a while before turning around when heavy footsteps broke the silence. You lowered your hands, sweat appearing on your skin as you noticed a familiar tall figure moving in the shadows.
Soap turned around when Ghost walked through the door with a laptop in his hand.
”She’s not talking.”
As Ghost’s familiar dark eyes met yours, he stopped walking and you felt your heart skip a beat. Just like every other time he’d looked at you, you felt exposed and small.
Ghost’s eyes never left you as you tried to catch your breath. His eyes held many emotions, such as surprise, melancholy, and distance.
You hated the way he was looking at you like you were someone else. Like you weren’t someone who was close to him like you weren’t the sergeant who was never afraid to be honest and open with him.
Before you could realize that there was nowhere to run from him, he blinked and walked over to the table.
”She’s about to,” he grunted and put the laptop down on the table, and walked to the other side of the room.
Not wanting to look into his eyes again, you focused on Soap who opened the white laptop and extended his hand to Milena who was sitting still like a rock.
”Give me your hand.”
”Why? Or else you’ll cut it off?” Milena asked.
”Your friend over there knows that it’s true when I say to you that it’s not my style,” Soap said glancing at you from the corner of his eyes. Then tilted his head in Ghost’s direction. ”He might.”
Milena seemed to lose her patience with each second that passed by.
”Why the mask?” she snapped.
You almost rolled your eyes at the question you seemed to hear a million times.
”To hide my face.” Ghost answered with cold eyes.
You were surprised he answered even though it was an obvious and useless response.
You felt Ghost’s eyes finding you again, making your skin burn as you dropped your gaze. You were intimidated by his presence and not because you were afraid of him but because you knew for sure that you hurt his feelings when you left.
You wished you weren’t here to live through this unwanted confrontation. A part of you was happy to see them but your heart was aching by the disappointed and hurtful looks you received from them.
”Cobra.” Ghost called after you as you turned your head away. His voice reached your bones immediately and you hated how much you missed your callsign falling off his lips.
”Don’t call me that,” you said dryly, turning back to him.
Ghost gave you a challenging look as he pushed himself away from the wall and closed the distance between you two. With each step he took, you felt your chest tighten with anticipation and guilt. You wanted to look somewhere else but he firmly held your gaze.
He always did and that hasn’t changed.
”How about we give these two birds a few minutes to find a way to cooperate with each other?” Ghost asked and you felt your eyes widen.
”I’m not leaving Milena.”
Ghost gave you a meaningful look and took the gun from your hand with such ease that wasn’t surprising to either of you.
”Yes, you are.”
Remembering that you weren’t supposed to leave Milena’s sight for even a second, you felt panic and annoyance wash over you.
”You can’t just order me around. Not anymore.” You said in a cold tone that made Ghost shift in his place.
Without saying a word, he grabbed your elbow and pulled you with him as he made his way to the other door that led to another empty room.
”Hey! Get your fucking hand off of me!” You shouted in frustration and tried to free yourself from his grasp but Ghost easily dragged you with him through the door and kicked it shut with his foot.
You let out a desperate groan as you grabbed his wrist, trying to pry it off of your arm which seemed tiny compared to his.
You bit into your lower lip as you tried your best to move his fingers but he wasn’t moving an inch.
”Cobra…” his voice was calmer and more thoughtful now that you were alone with him.
You didn’t look at him, only let out a defeated sigh and stopped fighting, your skin slightly aching.
”This hurts.”
Ghost glanced down at his hand still holding onto you and let go of you the second you’d admitted your physical pain. Hurting you was something he never intended to do.
Hissing, you brought your arm to your chest and touched it with your other hand, and turned away from him. You didn’t trust yourself when he was alone with you.
”What are you doing, Cobra?” Ghost asked from behind you and you closed your eyes. Hearing confusion and disappointment hiding in his voice made you feel guiltier than before.
”That’s none of your concern anymore, Ghost.” You replied still facing the wall.
Taking deep breaths you tried your best to collect your thoughts as you heard him walk closer to you, dropping your gun to the table standing next to you.
”It is.”
His voice circled around you like clouds darkening the sky before the storm.
”Why did you leave?”
You pressed your lips against each other and turned around. You got used to his menacing presence coming firstly from his height. You felt small and weak because you knew he could see right through you.
”People change, Lieutenant. You better get used to it.”
”People change that’s for sure. But don’t betray and stab others in the back just like that. A decision like this never comes from a single thought.”
You hated how much he tried to get into your mind, still trying to find answers to his questions that have probably been burning in him since the day you left.
”I refuse to believe that after everything that happened, you’d willingly just switch sides, I know you. And I know how much you despise traitors,” his eyes never left you as he was speaking.
You didn’t say a word, not when you were on the edge of breaking down.
”Talk to me, Cobra.” Ghost said, his voice quiet.
”I can’t,” you shook your head. ”Why don’t you just do your job and get out of here?”
”I’m not leaving until you say something to me.”
”There is nothing for me to say, especially to you.”
Ghost felt his chest tighten at your coldness. He would have never expected you to speak to him this way. Not after how long it took for you two to finally let your guard down around each other.
”Don’t say things you don’t mean.”
”I do, Ghost. Believe it or not, I’m not part of the special forces anymore, so either shoot me or get out of my face.”
”You really think I’d hurt you?” he asked, his voice low and sad.
”You eliminate targets and now I’m one too,” you crossed your arms, trying to look confident.
”I know why you’re pushing me,” he narrowed his eyes. ”And I know for sure that you didn’t betray us because you felt like you could. I know there is something behind all of this that you refuse to tell me.”
You didn’t answer and that was more than enough for him to confirm his theory about you.
”What happened, Cobra?”
”I left and now I’m one of Makarov’s people, that’s what happened!”
You were desperate to try to get him out of here because your heart was breaking with each word that was exchanged between you two.
”No, don’t even say that. I know who you are.”
”You don’t, Simon. Just get over it and let me go,” you snapped and his gaze dropped for a brief second. You didn’t even realize at first that you called him by his real name until you saw the change in his eyes.
It seemed like your words had made a final straw in Simon’s heart. You hated yourself for talking to him like that and you wished you could go back to them, to him, and forget about this nightmare you’d fallen into.
”I thought I was someone whom you could trust because you can be sure as hell that I still trust you with my life. Whether you like it or not."
His words made more impact on you than they should have. They meant the world to you and knowing that even after turning your back on him, he still trusted you and wanted you to go back.
”I trusted you.”
Trusted you. Past tense which didn’t go unnoticed by him.
”You didn’t if you could leave me like I was nothing to you.” Ghost confronted you with raw honesty, not even hiding the fact of how much your decision had pained him.
”It wasn’t easy,” you admitted, hugging your stomach and your eyes filling with unwanted tears. You hated if someone saw the vulnerable side of you, you hated being vulnerable but around Ghost, you knew he wouldn’t use your pain against you. Never.
Ghost stepped closer to you, making it impossible to look at anything else but him. When he heard your voice tremble and saw your eyes become glossy, he knew he meant something to you after all.
Lifting his hand, he put his index finger under your jaw and made you look at him. His eyes mirrored his emotions as he watched you slowly letting go of the invisible mask you’d hidden behind.
”You don’t need to keep anything from me, Cobra. Have I ever broken your trust and let you down?”
You swallowed the lump in your throat as a lonely tear escaped and rolled down on your hot skin.
When you slowly shook your head, he dipped his to your level.
”Then tell me. Please.”
Swallowing your doubts, you took a shaky breath, his hand still on you.
”He’ll kill me.”
”I won’t let that happen,” Ghost promised it without a second thought.
The words were on the tip of your tongue, almost jumping down. You hated to keep secrets from anyone, especially from Simon who had proven himself worthy of your trust more than once.
”Cobra, I can’t help if you don’t let me,” he continued with sad eyes and wiped your face.
It surprised you how a tall giant like him who had a name for his ruthless methods and interrogation scenes, could act so soft and careful with you.
It was hard to believe that the hand that was confronting you and wiping away your tears had killed so many people before.
With your lower lip quivering, you felt your fear taking over you, making your knees shake. Ghost watched you with worried eyes as you let out a sob you couldn’t hold back anymore and jumped into his arms, hiding your face into his neck.
As you wrapped your arms around his broad shoulders, you felt the heat coming off of his body, his tenseness slowly fading away once he’d realized what you were doing.
Ghost embraced your hug, his big arms wrapping around you like a shield, silently promising to keep you safe. He felt your scent filling his nose and his heart slowing down as your bodies pressed against each other’s.
”He has my family, Simon. He’ll kill them if I don’t obey his orders,” you sobbed in pure panic, your small hands holding onto him.
Ghost exhaled and tightened his grip around you, his head dropping onto yours with ease.
”Shh… I’m here,” he scooted you as you let your tears fall onto his gear.
”I couldn’t tell anyone and he made me swear to leave you or else…”
Ghost didn’t say it was okay or that it would be all right. Because he wasn’t sure if he could keep his promise if he’d told you something you wanted to hear at the moment.
So, he just kept you in his arms and rubbed your back while his heart came to peace now that he knew the real reason why you left them.
”I’m sorry, I’m so sorry…”
”Hey, hey…” Ghost pulled you away slightly so that he could look into your eyes.
When you glanced up at him, his eyes didn’t make you feel anxious like a few minutes ago, they made you realize you weren’t alone and that he wasn’t blaming you for anything.
”Don’t be sorry, family comes first.” Ghost answered. ”You did what you have to, I understand.”
”But you’re also my family,” you whispered in a defeated tone and his eyes softened.
”It’s okay, Cobra. I’m not mad, I could never be mad at you,” he admitted and pulled you into his chest, his hand caressing your hair.
You sniffed and hid your face in his chest, wishing you could wake up from this nightmare.
But unfortunately, you were awake. You have been this whole time and there was no turning back from now.
”I wish you would have told me without running away,” he said quietly. ”I understand why you did it, I just wish you would have told me.”
”I wanted to,” you admitted, your voice small and vulnerable.
”Why didn’t you then?” he asked, still holding you against his chest.
You sighed and wiped your flushed face, your other hand still around his waist.
”I was afraid you wouldn’t have let me leave.”
”You’re fucking right I wouldn’t have let you do that,” he agreed immediately, causing you to giggle.
Ghost felt warmness fill his chest at your almost laugh, making it easier for him to breathe now that you were in his arms and let yourself smile.
He missed you, a lot.
”I trust you, Simon. You know, I do.”
He hummed as he let his fingertips dance on your skin a little.
”It was hard to believe otherwise when I woke up to you missing one day.”
The familiar feeling of guilt made your expression drop and your brows furrow. You really wished things would have been different.
You hated yourself for making Ghost feel like he didn’t mean anything to you. You hated yourself for making him almost lose his faith in you.
”I’d tell you that you’re coming back with us but something tells me you won’t.”
You stepped away from him, letting go of his torso with defeated eyes.
”He’ll kill them, I can’t go with you,” you said sadly. You’d never felt so lost and desperate before and Simon could see that in your eyes.
”So, what…” his voice trailed off. ”You’re just going to stay by his side and do whatever the fuck he wants you to?”
”It’s not like I want to work for him, Simon. But I have no choice.”
”We’ll figure something out,” he replied.
You sighed and ran your fingers through your hair in frustration.
”You can’t, you know it.”
Ghost shook his head. ”No, there has to be a way… We have to do something before he kills you.”
”I appreciate your concern but there’s nothing you can do for me,” you whispered in a hoarse voice.
Ghost stared at you while hundreds of thoughts had run through his mind, wondering if there was a way he could help you. Hoping he could say or do something that would make you feel better.
”I have to do something… I can’t lose you again, I won’t.”
His words made your heart almost jump out of your chest while he massaged the back of his neck. You felt physically weak at the plea of his voice while he was trying to find a solution.
But there was none.
Not when Makarov had his chains on you like on a dog.
”I’ll be fine, just go.”
Ghost looked at you with hesitation.
”I can’t, Cobra. What if I won’t see you again?”
Wiping your eyes, you took a shaky breath. Him trying to get you out of this just made the whole situation more unbearable.
”We knew what we were signing up for when we joined the special forces, Lt.”
Ghost felt his heart starting to ache in sadness as he took your defeated and exhausted sight in. You weren’t the woman who once made a race with him about getting more kills on a mission or not.
You were only a shadow of yourself and he hated to see you this way.
He would have done anything to be able to take you back with him to the base and never let you go.
It terrified him how lost he’d felt when you left the team, he could still remember how he’d stare at the ceiling of his room, wondering if he’d ever see you again.
”Don’t talk like that, Cobra.” Ghost scolded you. ”Now is not the time.”
”You know I might end up getting killed after all.”
”Don’t.” Ghost said in a stern voice, his body tensing at your words. ”Nobody is dying. Not on my watch and I’m going to keep my word.”
It made you feel better to know that Ghost didn’t hold anything against you. Your soul found peace now that he knew the why behind your decisions and betrayal. It killed you that you couldn’t go home with him and Soap.
Ghost stepped closer to you and waited for you to look into his dark eyes that led you directly to his soul.
”I’m going to get you out of this, Cobra. I promise. I’m not leaving anyone behind, especially you.”
His promise made you forget the danger that was around the corner and just for a brief second you were happy to let yourself believe what Ghost was saying.
”You better not to, lieutenant.”
Ghost huffed and touched the side of your face, his thumb softly caressing your skin. Closing your eyes, you leaned into his touch and forgot how to breathe for a moment.
Simon Riley was famous for a lot of things and keeping his promise was one of them. That was the only thing that helped you come to peace with the things you were forced to do in order to protect your family.