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@lucifer-but-better
Welcome to Lucifer but better!
This blog is my dumping ground for shit posts headcanons which will rewrite the dumpster fire that was season 6 (and anything else that was depressing for no reason)
Submissions and asks are very welcome!
Help me grow a pile of headcanons so big it becomes a fix-it AU
Spoilers obviously
Sometimes I forget that Chloe is freaky af. Like girl was disappointed that Lucifer didn't have a forked dick lmao. Not to mention the horned Lucifer horny dream.
P.S. Lucifer is canonnically the bottom in that relationship
Okay, what if Lucifer was a female? And Peirce falls for her? Like he's still trying to get with Chloe to end his life, but he sees Lucifer and he's caught between two lines.
I think Pierce could've fallen for Lucifer regardless of the devil's gender because I personally headcanon him as pansexual but I love the idea of Pierce falling for Lucinda even against his better judgement.
Lucifer had promised Pierce that he would finally get what he wanted, death, but she went back on her word to protect her dearest Detective. Pierce had no other choice. Whatever made Chloe so special, enough to make Lucifer vulnerable, would be the key to his death. So Pierce tried, he really did, to get Chloe to fall in love with him. However, any self respecting woman would know better than to try for a relationship with a man whose attention is on someone else. Whenever Lucifer entered the room, Pierce's eyes were on her. Attention wholly paid to her every word like an offering. Chloe wasn't jealous of Lucifer, she just wished Pierce would get his act together. Pierce couldn't understand why Chloe rejected his advances, or why she just looked pointedly at Lucifer without elaborating. Pierce was back to square one, death still not any closer. Yet the longer he spent gazing longingly at the only woman who would ever understand his immortal struggle, the more he found he didn't particularly want to die anymore.
If Lucifer's nickname is Luci, then Amenadiel's is Ami (pronounced Amy).
Headcannon for if Lucifer gets with Daniel rather than with Chloe?
Douchifer or Lucidan is such a cute ship I would be happy to oblige :))
Headcanons:
Lucifer getting with Dan was the most unforeseen outcome. The precinct all but froze in time when Lucifer smacked Dan's ass affectionately before giving him a smooch and walking off and Dan didn't seem to even mind.
It's a recurring joke between Dan and Lucifer that since they couldn't get with Chloe, they just settled for each other.
(post season 2) One day when Lucifer was in one of his moods, he asked why Dan's relationship with Chloe didn't work out when they were trying to fix things. Dan explained how Malcolm had broken it beyond repair.
We all know how Lucifer is when he's filled with righteous anger. That man flew straight to hell to personally torture Malcolm for the shit he did to Dan. Not only did he kidnap Dan, hurt him, try to frame him for Lucifer's murder but he also completely ruined the relationship Dan tried so hard to repair. And as insecure as Lucifer is about being someone's romantic partner, he probably believed Malcolm ruined Dan's one chance to be with someone he deserved.
Lucifer tries to work the waffle cufflinks Dan bought him into every outfit.
Dan gets to go on joyrides with Lucifer's cars, all he needs to do is give Luci his puppy Dan eyes and he's free to choose any vehicle from Lux's impressive garage.
Headcanon:
The precinct watching Pierce mope around and assuming he and Lucifer broke up.
Hey you're not going to get hate from me for being an apologist. Michael did a frick ton of things wrong, but he was angry, jealous and wanted to hurt Lucifer's reputation as much as possible.
Thank you my fellow apologist 🙏 It went way beyond just simply wanting to ruin Lucifer's reputation but yeah I know what you mean. He was so desperate to get out from under Lucifer's shadow, he did some very despicable things. I mean Michael literally had been manipulating Lucifer since the dawn of time and then successfully gaslit God, among other not so great acts.
But what can you expect from someone who gave everything to his family and the silver city yet was still overshadowed by his parents' favourite children. God and the Divine Goddess were awful parents. And unlike Lucifer, Michael did not have a circle of friends to push him towards the right path. His own brothers and sisters didn't even care for him, they only feared him. Both Lucifer and Michael were unwanted by their brethren, but Lucifer was fortunate enough to find friends and even grow closer to Amenadiel. Michael truly had no one.
Not to mention the writers did him so dirty. All that crap about anyone deserving a second chance and redemption, even Michael, and then the poor guy all but loses his divinity, gets thrown in hell and has to scrub its floors on all fours, half naked for eternity. Absolute bullshit and Lucifer would never condemn his own brother like that especially after having learned that even he, the devil, could be redeemed.
Imagine if it was Trixie who discovered Michael's trickery.
I think if Michael (pretending to be his brother) and Trixie ever crossed paths, she would immediately be able to tell he wasn't Lucifer. She's smart, very perceptive and knows Lucifer much more than he thinks she does. More importantly, just like her mum, Trixie knows and trusts Lucifer to always tell the truth. The second Michael slips, she would know. And my girl would not hesitate to rip into him, she's very upfront like that, as kids often are.
Probably something along the lines of...
Michael: Ah yes Trixie, so wonderful to see you again.
Trixie: ur not lucifer
Michael: What-?
Trixie: im telling mom
Michael: What??
Question, since anything is possible in the Lucifer universe and you've answered a male pregnancy ask before. How do you think Chloe would've reacted to Lucifer being the pregnant one? Just curious about your opinion.
In all honesty anon, I thought you were trolling when you sent the first mpeg ask. So I thought it would he funny to answer "seriously". I'm not much into the omegaverse and I don't have a lot of knowledge on it. I would appreciate if you don't ask about it anymore since the topic of pregnancy, male or female, fictional or otherwise, makes me uncomfortable if I think on it for too long :/
But if you genuinely want my opinion on how I think Chloe would react, I can give it to you just this once. Chloe has been through a lot and has seen some crazy weird shit since Lucifer waltzed into her life. She's had her mind blown more times than she can count so she's probably already used to things that are out of the ordinary. But I think a pregnant Lucifer would likely render her speechless. It would be very Chloe of her to stare at Lucifer upon hearing the news, blink a few times, perhaps nod as if in understanding, and then she would probably walk out of the room to either process the information or pretend she never heard it.
Celestial McParental Units's Handbook on being absent parents part 375.846 gazillion
God and Mum really could NOT give less of a fuck about their other children uh
oops became a Michael Demiurgos apologist
Wondering if the rest of the precinct noticed something was off when Michael was pretending to be Lucifer. They probably thought he was being too calm. There's something very distinct about Lucifer's rage that Michael could never hope to replicate.
Imagine you're just a regular old demon minding your own business preparing hell loops and whatnot and then your boss, the devil, walks in reeking of guilt and now you have to torture him for however long Lucifer was down there. Bombastic side eye. Criminal offensive side eye, even.
And then your boss's mum, the goddess of creation, also shows up and now you have to torture her. Like what do you even do.
Imagine you're just a regular old demon minding your own business preparing hell loops and whatnot and then your boss, the devil, walks in reeking of guilt and now you have to torture him for however long Lucifer was down there. Bombastic side eye. Criminal offensive side eye, even.
Really wish we could've seen people talk about how Lucifer is like actually terrifying sometimes. Almost every other case involved someone pissing themselves at the mere sight of him and yet no one talks about that? Hello?
Thinking about how in the millennia that Lucifer had lived, he'd never taken a life. It was a point of pride for him, proving that he wasn't the monster people thought he was. Proof that he wasn't an evil senseless murderer like people painted him out to be. That even when humanity had wronged him his entire immortal life, some more than others, he would still spare their lives no matter what.
But then the first person he killed was his own brother.
Headcanon:
Lucifer self-actualised that he aged so he could grow old with Chloe.
