This Life

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Weekly focus:  What makes me happy?

Happiness should not be the goal we work towards, 

it should be what we experience while we work towards our goals.

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"An it Harm None..." - A Witch's Litany

As I sloshed through water to lay my towels on the flooded floor, tears were running down my face.  For a while, as I worked to get rid of the water that flooded my flat from one wall to the next, I felt overwhelmed and my body moved automatically as I mind spun through thoughts of damaged furniture, having to move in a hurry and the financial implications of what had to be done.

The anger only came a few days later.  I was mentally exhausted and in physical pain from trying to pack up and move things within a couple of days.  This was exacerbated by frustration when my landlords refused to respond or acknowledge all of my attempts at correspondence with them.  For a few days my anger simmered and flared into rage, then simmered back into anger as I felt that I was being treated unfairly.  

Before the practice of Witchcraft, I would have wished all sorts of agonies on my landlords but now I am more aware of the implications of making even unintentional wishes like that.  As the perceived injustice of the situation caused havoc with my emotions, I kept repeating the Wiccan Rede.  

"An it harm none, do what Ye will."  It became a Litany and I found myself being comforted by the cadence of the words as my mind fell into rhythm with the repetitions.

Not only did the Litany of the Rede ensure that I did not intentionally or unintentionally send out negative energy, it also reminded me that in spite of the mundane reality and inconvenience of a leaking roof, moving, expenses and living out of suitcases, I find joy in my Spiritual Path and that there are far more worthy and important considerations in life.  Instead of focusing on the anger, I am able to focus on the hospitality and love of my family, who opened their home for me while I wait to move into another flat.

Between that turmoil and now, I have enjoyed celebrating Litha, albeit a very subdued celebration held without Ritual because my stuff is still in storage, and tonight is the Full Moon.

Now the cadence of the litany has changed and the emphasis is no longer on "An it harm none," but rather on "do what Ye will." so with Magick and keeping with the ethics, morals and joy of my Craft, I can effect changes within myself so that whatever comes next will be worth reaping when Mabon arrives.

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Litha, Summer Solstice

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Litha - the longest day

On this longest Day of the year, I will take the time to enjoy just this day.  I will enjoy the hot sunshine of this long African summer day and let my Spirit be filled with the peace of the moment while I thank Nature, or the Gods & Goddesses for the gift of the Summer Solstice.  

Although the effort and work throughout the year has brought me to this point; for today, I will not think about the past because it is useless distraction about things over which I can have no effect.  Whilst plans for the future are necessary in order for me to achieve my dreams and goals; for today, I will think about what matters today so that the plans I make tomorrow will be the right ones.

Blessed Be and may your Litha be joyously filled with warmth & light.

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Making Changes

It is easier to accept changes in our lives when we are the ones who cause them to happen.  

In my case, there are quite a few changes that I am making to my life.  Much of these changes are the result of reflections from Ostara (end of September).  I was thinking about how I have grown as a person/woman/Witch, and then I realised that even if I had grown on some emotional/mental level, it was not necessarily reflected in my life.  I also decided that I wanted to manage my Growth for the next year by intentionally bringing about changes to my life.

I have taken a risk to get something that I have wanted for a very long time and, now that the process has started, I am so excited.  I also feel empowered because this is a change that I have had the courage to effect.  Of all the changes that I am bringing about, this is the largest and most profound because it will affect, and improve, my self-image and my perception of myself.  

Other smaller changes are that I am trying to quit smoking, and I have started a new hobby.  I admit that giving up smoking will have long term benefits for me, but in light of the bigger change that I am making, this is quite insignificant.

Since Ostara I am more aware of how making changes helps me to avoid complacency and stagnation and I now realise that I need to hold on to at least one thing in my life that is familiar so that I do not loose myself in the turmoil of change.   

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Repeating Patterns

It is so easy to fall back into old, familiar patterns when things go awry.  Whilst it may feel a bit like failing, I realise that these patterns can help me to stabilise myself so that I can work my way back to the point where I can take risks in life and in living.  

My familiar coping mechanism gives me something to work towards each day, and each day that I am successful in this, I learn to trust myself again and I become more confident in my ability to be self-disciplined.  

Now I need to think more about my goals, set new short-term goals with ways in which I can achieve them.  This will help me to look forward with some hope.  Doing this is also a repeating pattern, a familiar place to be and my awareness of this is something that can make the difference in how I approach my goals and my life.  Instead of just repeating this particular pattern, I have decided to do things differently than how I have done them in the past.  I can afford to do this because I am already using a familiar, and therefore comfortable, mechanism to cope with everyday stress.

I trust that if I can change just one thing about how I take the chance at achieving my goals (dreams) then I have a better chance at succeeding, and if do not succeed, at least I will have learned something new.

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Life Changing Decisions

Life Changing Decisions require much thought and consideration.  Not because the decisions will change our lives, but rather because the actions that result from any decisions will change our lives and possibly the lives of those around us.  

We are not all so decisive that once we have chosen a course of action we follow through on it, which is probably a good thing because sometime actions are irrevocable.

Although our decisions and actions can affect the lives of people around us, we cannot use the possibility of those effects when making decisions that impact directly on our own lives.

May you all make the right decisions for you.

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Time moves forward

I saw the first spring blossoms on a tree yesterday, which is odd because I would have thought that the icy weather would have destroyed them.

Those few, small lightly pink blossoms stood out from the surrounding brown of the leafless branch of a tree surrounded by other leafless trees.  Imbolc passed a few weeks ago, and though I marked the day with a small Ritual, it seemed to have less impact on me than those blossoms.  This seemingly inconsequential reminder that nature moves towards the sunny, warm season of Spring has more effect on me than any calendar date.  It made me more mindful of the connection that I (and all of us) have with Nature and that I should not allow the demands of life to interfere with that connection.  It also deepened my awareness of the inexorable passing of time; so that I could feel in on a spiritual level rather than just acknowledge it on an intellectual level.

I am forced to admit to myself that I am not satisfied with my life; the changes I had wanted to see in my life have not manifested and sometimes I feel that I am running out of time.  It seems that so much of my time is spent at work, where my focus and my energy are on those matters that are, on a spiritual and personal level, meaningless.  Because I try to ensure that I meet my responsibilities, by the time my work day ends, I have so little energy left that it becomes difficult to engage in that which is spiritually and personally fulfilling to me.

My faith that there is a Reason for all things, is what gives me hope in the face of what appears to be an imprisoning daily cycle.  I may not understand the Reasons right now but, as those hardy little blossoms prove, life and time move forward, and in time, maybe I will have more wisdom and be able to understand more clearly.

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You know there is a technology problem when cell phones in the house outnumber people by more than two to one.

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Snow is such a rarity in South Africa that we all stopped work to watch the snow, like children seeing Santa.

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Life's Moments

I remember how simple life was when I was a child.  Life was all about fun, playing and enjoyment with no consideration or understanding of the future.  Any small worries that came up were short lived, and even these were few.  

There are times when I miss that carefree sense of being, to live without the stress of fulfilling daily obligations and responsibilities; to not worry about the consequences of my choices each day.

As I wistfully remembered the carefree existence that was childhood, I realised something that gives me a better perspective.  During that simpler time there was much that I did not notice about life; like the richness of feeling certain moments as they happen. 

As a child I never noticed

how good it felt when the sun was warm against my skin on a winter's day;

how soothing it was to listen to the rain falling outside while I was dry and warm in bed;

the tickle of the breeze that cooled my heated skin on a hot summer's day;

the simple, peaceful feeling of having the time to sit quietly with a warm cup of coffee in the morning before leaving to start the day

Looking at photographs of my childhood, and sifting through my memories, I realise how many 'moments' must have passed by unnoticed and unappreciated.  

Being Pagan, and an adult, has opened my mind and made me more aware of my life in terms of nature and the spiritual connections that exist within our world; and this has added such texture to how I view and experience the world around so that I now see, feel and experience these amazing moments at a deeper level - these moments that thrill my soul or cheer my heart and uplift my spirit. 

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Southern Hemisphere - The Crone, Waning Moon

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I Am Worthy

The other day I was thinking about my life, about what I wanted in life and how much I had not achieved.  Embroiled in these thoughts was an underlying feeling of helplessness and fear that I would never actually achieve any of my goals and dreams.

Perhaps the Goddess, in her Crone aspect, gave me a mental clonk with her staff because abruptly, and unrelated to what I was consciously thinking, came the thought:

"I Am worthy."

Following that remarkably self-empowering thought was the realisation that I am not helpless, and that my fear is unfounded and based on an underlying perception that I am unworthy of achievement.  

Being the sort of person who has an undeniable need to process everything by thinking it through and understanding it intellectually, I thought about this....

Why did thinking the words - "I Am Worthy" - have such a profound effect on my mental and emotional state?  The conclusion that I eventually came to was that in my constant comparison of myself to others, I always judge myself to be lacking in skill, talent, looks, experience and determination (amongst many other things) and this has given me the perception that I am not worthy because I am not clever/pretty/accomplished/knowledgeable/talented enough; but I don't have to be any of those things to be worthy of achieving my goals or being loved or having an opinion or being successful.

That one thought has changed my self-perception.  I Am Worthy because I am alive.  No other reason is needed.

When I feel intimidated by someone else's beauty/success/talent/achievement/etc, all I do is remind myself that I, too, Am Worthy and this gives me the courage I need.  I have value and an ability to add something of value to life.  What I do may not be done as well as what someone else has done or will do but this no longer stops me from doing it.

I Am Worthy.  So is everyone else.

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Physical movement

Dancing can be so cathartic and therapeutic; it revitalises the mind and the soul.

Tonight, I was feeling a bit frustrated and disgruntled with life.  I put on music with a good beat and danced for a while.  

I let my body feel the music - the strumming, drumming, tinkling, rhythmic beating - and moved with abandon. Sound became my here-and-now, unfettering me from tomorrow and yesterday.  

There is a joyous and exhilarating sense of freedom in the physicality of movement. It precludes thought and denies reality; leaving the Spirit unhindered by humanity.

Of course the body gets tired and when the dancing stops, thought and reality return but without the tension.

It is a reminder to myself that I need to honour myself as a physical being.  

Don't take my word for it. Put on some funky music and let go of your inhibitions, let the rhythm carry you away for a while.

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The view from the parking lot of the shopping centre where I work in Jo'burg. 

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City Life

I work in a shopping centre and sometimes I just need space to breathe.  When the stress threatens to overwhelm me and I need to regain my sense of equilibrium, I go out to the parking lot and look out over the city.  From up there I can see all the trees and the open sky on the horizon.

Although the view reminds me that nature flourishes even in the city, and that there is a great universe out there, it also reminds me that I am just one amongst millions in the city.  Out there, in the buildings are so many other people living out their lives; dealing with their own emotions and thoughts.  The weight of this understanding can become daunting in the face of my own little life.

We all have hopes, dreams and we all have disappointments or problems.  Some of us will live out our lives to the very end without ever realising our dreams.

I realise that this is a fact that I can accept, as long as I can spend part of my life pursuing my dreams.  If I get to do that much, I am satisfied.

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Pagan Path - Re-finding my footing on the Pagan Path.