YOU SHOULDN’T HAVE SAVED ME
giyuu tomioka x fem!reader
summary: you almost die on a mission protecting giyuu, and after recovering, he avoids you completely because he cannot fathom the idea that you put your life in danger for someone he clearly deems not worthy of saving. when you finally confront him, he breaks, confessing he'd rather you hate him than die for him.
the rain had started sometime after midnight: thin at first, now steady, almost angry, as if the very sky had chosen to mourn.
you weren't sure how long you'd been awake, hours maybe longer. time had gone soft around the edges, dripping apart like watercolor, leaving you stuck in a daze of pain, drifting in and out of consciousness. the room around you smelled faintly of incense and damp wood, heavy with humidity from the storm.
your bandages itched. your ribs and chest ached, and with every deep breath, there was a sharp stab that reminded you that you were alive.
the kakushi said that you were lucky. you weren’t so sure. the door to your room creaked quietly, subtly-so subtle that had you not been awake, you'd have missed it. someone slipped inside.
but you knew that presence before you even heard the footsteps.
or at least, the echo of him.
because he did not come near your bed; he moved as a ghost would, without noise, without barely stirring the air, glad to remain on the fringes of life.
he stopped around the doorway. you could sense his gaze upon you, though the darkness hid any expression he might have had.
he didn’t say a single word. he had not spoken to you at all since it happened.
you forced your dry throat to work. “giyuu…?”
the shadows shifted, but he didn’t move closer.
giyuu wasn't cold; he wasn't emotionless-not the way people thought, at all. under that stern quiet, he was soft-too soft, too easily wounded, too scared of the weight of his own heart.
but this wasn't his usual distance. this was avoidance. fear. something deeper and sharper. something born out of guilt.
you pushed against the mattress, fighting to sit up despite the burn in your chest. “giyuu, why won’t you look at me?”
his breath caught. it was a small sound, hardly loud enough to be audible, but it was there—a crack in his armor.
so you tried again: "please… come here."
silence stretched long and thin like a blade. at last, he exhaled. a whisper. “you shouldn’t be awake.”
your pulse jumped. his voice was hoarse, as if he hadn’t used it in hours or days.
“i wanted to see you,” you murmured. “i waited.”
“there’s nothing to see.” he swallowed and even that sounded painful. “you should rest.”
he was never going to leave. you knew that. you would lie in bed at night and hear footsteps outside your door. felt the door shift, as if someone had opened it just enough to check you were still breathing.
he had been coming here every night. just never close enough for you to reach.
you weakly grasped your sheets. "giyuu. please."
then, his reluctant form stepped deeper into the room, and moonlight outlined his figure as he came to your bedside. his hair was damp, either from the rain or from washing the blood off, his haori clinging to his shoulders.
you didn't realize how tightly your chest had been constricting until now.
he finally sat beside you. but he didn't meet your eyes.
your stomach twisted painfully not from your injuries, but from the distance in him, the way he stared at the floor, the tension in his shoulders and the trembling in his fingers.
he had never looked so unreachable. or so broken.
“giyuu,” you whispered, “why won’t you talk to me? why won’t you even look at me?”
again, his breath hitched. still no answer.
you reached out, your hand shaking, and brushed your fingertips against his wrist. it was a light touch, barely there, but he froze, as if burned.
“im alive,” you whispered, desperate.
“i know,” he said at last so softly. “that’s the problem.”
your blood ran cold. you stared at him, your brain working to decipher the meaning behind the words. "what…? how is that a problem?”
he didn't respond. his jaw clenched, his eyes fixed on the wooden floorboards. outside, the storm rumbled, creating an illusion that the house itself was holding its breath.
he looked… terrified. terrified of you. no, that was wrong, terrified for you.
“giyuu,” you said softly, “talk to me.”
“it should’ve been me,” he breathed.
your heart lurched painfully.
“that demon—” his voice cracked. “it was meant to kill me. not you. you threw yourself in its path.”
you had. you did not regret it.
he finally lifted his head. and his eyes-
you’d seen giyuu quiet, you'd seen him distant, you'd seen him angry in that calm, controlled manner he had. but you had never seen him look like this. his eyes were raw, rimmed with purple shadows of sleeplessness. not shining he never cried where people might see, but full of an aching sort of sorrow, as if your survival hurt him.
“you shouldn't have saved me,” he whispered, his voice shaking. “you should've let it kill me.”
the words hit you hard. It's like a punch to the ribs.
“that’s not true,” you protested immediately. “i—
"it is." he shook his head, staring at you with a kind of desperation you didn't know he could feel. "you almost died because of me. you’re lying here broken, hurting because you interfered. because you protected me."
“i saved someone i care about!” you snapped, much louder than you'd intended.
he recoiled as if struck.
you softened your voice. “giyuu… why can't you understand that?”
"because I don't deserve it." the words ripped out of him. "because people who try to help me die. because I hurt them. because I'm not worth-”
he breathed, "i cannot afford to lose any more," fists clenching in his lap. "and you almost- you almost-" he couldn’t finish. He broke.
a choked sound escaped him, and he bowed his head, his shoulders shaking with the effort of keeping himself together.
he was not avoiding you because he was angry. he was avoiding you because he blamed himself. because he thought that your pain was his fault. because he thought you were dying due to him.
you reached up with both hands, ignoring the pain, and cupped his cheeks. his eyes widened, startled.
"look at me," you pleaded.
you saw what he had been concealing.
the fear, the guilt, the crushing, suffocating belief that he didn't deserve to live while good people died around him.
“giyuu,” you whispered, “i chose to save you.”
“you can't keep pushing me away every time you get scared,” you said, your thumbs brushing the wetness at the corner of his eyes—too faint to be tears, but too noticeable to ignore. “you can't decide for me who's worth saving.”
"then explain to me then," you begged.
he let out a shaky breath. “i wasn't supposed to survive. not sabito. not any of them. for years now, i’ve lived on borrowed time. you shouldn't have wasted your life on me."
anger flared hot in your chest on his behalf.
“giyuu tomioka,” you said, voice shaking, “you are not borrowed time, not a mistake, not a burden.”
he looked away, his lips parting as if he wanted to argue.
“you’re someone i care about. someone i choose. someone worth saving.”
“you think you're protecting me by staying away,” you continued in a soft tone, “but you’re hurting the both of us right now.”
a shaky exhale left him-half a sob, half a surrender.
“you almost died,” he whispered, his voice breaking. “i thought―gods, i thought i lost you. i've been sitting outside your door every night praying you'd breathe. i don't― i can't―”
overwhelmed, he stopped again. he was at a loss for words.
“giyuu,” you said softly, “i’m here.”
you tugged weakly at his haori. "so come here."
he hesitated for a moment. his breath trembled, his hands shook. he then leaned slowly, forward, laid his forehead against your shoulder, making sure not to touch your wounds.
his body shook against you. he was shaking so hard.
you wrapped your arms around him, wincing at the pain but refusing to let go. he froze for a split second, then melted into you, silent, fragile, desperate.
his warm breath brushed your neck. "i’m sorry," he whispered. "i’m so sorry."
"don’t apologize," you whispered, stroking his hair. "just-just stay with me."
his hands clutched your clothes, his grip tight as if anchoring himself before he drifted away completely.
for a long time neither of you said anything.
the storm outside had softened, faded to a gentle patter against the roof. time moved more slowly once more, but this time it felt grounding instead of suffocating.
it was giyuu’s voice that broke the silence.
“please don’t do that again,” he whispered. “please don’t risk your life for mine.”
you smiled sadly into his hair. “then don’t make me watch you die.”
it was the truth in your voice that left no room for argument. you felt him breathe in—not sharply, but deeply, as if for the first time in days.
he said, "…i cannot lose you."
“you won’t.” you promised.
his hand tightened on your sleeve. “you can’t promise that.”
“i can promise i won’t leave you.” you countered. “even if you try to run.”
he huffed weakly—a quiet wet sound that might've been a laugh.
“then i’m already caught.” he whispered.
you stroked his hair once more, softly and in slow motions.
his breathing evened out against your skin, and you didn't know if he was crying giyuu never really let himself cry, but the trembling gradually eased into a fragile, exhausted calm.
“giyuu?” you whispered after a while.
“you’re worth saving. every time.”
he went still in your arms. completely still.
then, softly, almost reverently:
and somehow, despite the pain that pulsed through your body, despite the heaviness hanging in the room, you felt something inside you soften.
because for the first time since that horrible night—
he wasn't running anymore. he was here. with you.
and as he finally lifted his head and met your eyes, the grief was there yes, but so was something new.
something fragile. something hopeful. something that did resemble for the most part, love.
you smiled faintly. “you’re allowed to stay. you know that, right?”
his expression softened, quiet and overwhelmed. he reached out and, after a moment's hesitation, brushed your cheek with the back of his fingers, as gentle as rain.
"then," he said quietly, "i'll stay."
you leaned into his touch.
“good,” you whispered, “i was scared you wouldn’t.”
he breathed out, his body shuddering a little.
"i was scared that you wouldn't want me."
slowly, you blinked, your heart aching in another way now. "you idiot."
you smiled weakly. “you’re the one i want to come back to.”
his eyes widened. and for the first time in what seemed like an eternity—
giyuu smiled. it was small, barely there, so tentative it might have been a trick of the moonlight. but it was real, and it was beautiful.
“rest,” he whispered. “i’ll stay till you fall asleep.” you nodded; eyelids falling heavy, breathing slow. his fingers laced softly with yours as you sank into the pull of sleep. gentle. cautious. as if though in pledge he didn't yet know how to say.
and when at last you slid into the stillness of the dark, the last feeling was his thumb stroking your knuckles, light, slow, alive. he stayed as he remained there for the whole night.
a/n: watched the infinity castle movie a couple days ago (late ik) and it made me fall in love with demon slayer once again so i decided to write for my favorite man giyuu 🫶🏽. (i apologize if he’s a bit ooc).
