idk nobody follows me so nobody is going to see this anyway but I'm so tired of being depressed. i can't do anything for myself. any ounce of motivation i have has to be spent on the dishes i've left piling up for a week. i tell friends i'm busy but really i just can't get out of bed. i'm not busy, i'm rotting. i'm unable to live. the one person that consistently talks to me significantly betrayed me in the past and i feel like everything he does to try and make me feel better is just him trying to atone for what he did to me in the past. i feel unworthy of good things or love. i push everyone away by believing nobody likes me and everyone's out to get me. that's what i'm used to experiencing. i don't want to believe that anything else could happen, it'd only get my hopes up. i think this world is cold and unforgiving and looks down on people who try to combat that. any gentleness must be snuffed out and i embody gentleness. i think i'm probably unbearable.
