Merry Kiss-Ass

Full-Time Dissapointment 

[canwehaveapooldad]

It’s so thick!

[matchless]

*prays that I instantly become hot at 18*

[saintlukas]

*ok let’s shoot for 21*

[lunadeville]

Hanging Out Washing In Australia In Summer

Sydney: Hang out washing, go to collect in half hour - bone dry.

Hobart: Hang out washing, go to collect in half hour - hasn't dried at all, has probably been rained on.

Melbourne: Hang out washing, get sunburnt in raging sunlight whilst doing so, go to collect in half hour - wet again, as it's now raining.

Brisbane: Hang out washing, go to collect in half hour - still has that damp kinda feeling because even the clothes are sweating; why so humid?

Canberra: hang out washing, go to collect in half hour - Tony Abbott is tangled in your clothesline and you have to beat him away with a broom.

Darwin: Hang out washing, go to collect in half hour - washing has blown away, time for a new wardrobe.

Perth: Hang out washing, go to collect in half hour - washing gone, claimed by great white shark.

[ofela]

[bootydeficit]

ITS NOT SEWING SUPPLIES!

[philwhythatguy]

My question is how does every single person identify with this, is it like a secret rule to use those for sewing supplies?

[titty-loam-deactivated20160430]

[iamtallandthin]

40,000 redditors signed a petition to get the Bible off of the shelves of Target only to find out they don’t sell them

[troyeble]

[communistbakery-deactivated2017]

lorde’s impact

[ihatebleh]

She’s beautiful

[kittensinsocks24]

IF A CREEP WANTS YOUR NUMBER

A series of fake numbers to leave behind.

1-888-447-5594 - Easter egg number for finishing God of War, contains a dramatic speech. Personal favorite.

605-475-6968 - Rejection hotline, politely explains that whoever gave you this number turned ya down, buddy

888-276-6760 - The 24-hour Klu Klux Klanline where you can get a FREE INFORMATION BOOKLET!!!!1!

866-740-4531 - Only responds with “I am Groot”

206-569-5829 - Seattle radio station “Loser Line”. If they leave a weird voicemail, it could get broadcast over the airwaves.

Stay safe, people.

[refinery29]

[tepitome]

Obama drops the dad joke of 2015.

[micdotcom]

Canada sent a friendly robot to America. Americans destroyed it.

This is why we can’t have nice things.  On Saturday, vandals in Philadelphia destroyed a hitchhiking robot from Canada named HitchBot, two weeks into its U.S. trip. Designed as a social experiment, HitchBot could talk to humans and upload photos to social media. If you found it, HitchBot would tell you where it wanted to go and ask for a ride. Worry not though, HitchBot may get a happy ending.

[smolsoftkarkat]

IT WAS A SIMPLE NICE THING, AND A COOL THING, WHAT DO YOU EVEN GET OUT OF BEING A FUCKER AND DESTROYING IT?

[lizgillies]

[povverbottoms]

[its-deedee-bitch-deactivated201]

[dldrms-deactivated20190918]

Visit Original Link

happy birthday, from 19

Keep reading

[i-hate-tubbs-the-cat]

[trashpits]

who decided skeletons are scary like ???? you have a skeleton do not be afraid of u

[scarfulhu]

but they aren’t meant to exit the meat

[hiphopocliedes]

a darkened auditorium with 264 silent people in the seats. on the stage, me, sitting on a stool, lit by a spotlight, the only light in the theatre. i hold up a photo of my cat, 10 people applaud, two or three hold up photocopies of the same photo, the rest do nothing, watching, waiting. 

[creativereadingfanfiction]

I love this description of tumblr.