This might again be a book versus show thing, but I keep seeing this idea floating around that the ongoing communication issues between Ilya and Shane stem from the fact that Ilya has all of these issues: insecure attachment and trauma from his abuse and Shane is operating from the position of someone who is very secure and well-adjusted because of his healthy childhood. Basically the issues come from the fact that Shane has no issues and can't comprehend Ilya's.
And I don't really think that's true.
Ilya's issues are unmistakable, sure. I don't really think that anyone is out to minimize them. And it is true that Shane doesn't always realize where Ilya is coming from. (Though I think that in the show, and in the excerpts of the books I've seen, Shane certainly tries).
But I think these takes are pretty reductive when it comes to Shane, because Shane clearly has his own issues that are part of the problem.
Shane has parents who love and support him, this is true. Shane doesn't really understand what it's like to not have that. But Shane is also a child prodigy who has been hyper-visible and singularly focused on his career since he was twelve years old.
Episode 4 of Heated Rivalry is an uncomfortable episode for a lot of reasons, but I think it's a vitally important one because, like Episode 2 is for Ilya, it's the episode that really shows us what Shane is dealing with and what his damage actually is. Because there is damage there.
A healthy person, who is secure and well-adjusted doesn't flee when his seven-year situationship says his first name.
We don't get Shane's backstory as clearly as we do Ilya's. But in "Rose", we get a lot of the pieces, carefully threaded through the episode.
We know that at around the age of 8, hockey was fun. The "crazy stuff" won't start for "another couple of years". (The conversation with Rose.)
Shane doesn't really elaborate on what "crazy stuff" means - in context, it sounds like it means everything outside of hockey-as-a-game - the recognition of talent, the push for success, the brand deals and so on. We know that both Shane and Ilya are well known enough at the start of their careers for the MLH/NHL to invest significantly in presenting their rivalry even before they're signed.
At least some of the brand deals are in place as of CCM and before Shane's rookie season. Rolex is new, but Reebok is not. We don't know when exactly that started.
We do know that there were apparently kidnapping "threats" though. And that was a wild conversation beat that only works with fictional dialogue. Of course, we're not going to follow up on that because it's not relevant to the over all plot. But in a real life conversation, I think Rose would definitely want details about THAT.
We don't know specifically what Shane's early training was like. He IS at least somewhat based on Sidney Crosby though, and from those excerpts about his career, that sounds like a fucked up experience. If anything, Shane might have seen worse, given that he's not just out-performing other kids but he's visibly non white while he's doing it.
We do know that Shane thinks nostalgically back to the time before the "crazy stuff" when hockey was "fun". And he admits that, in some ways, hockey did "stop being fun." And from Shane Hollander, maybe that says it all.
Shane is asked about racism and immediately downplays it. He brings up that there was another kid who got the worst of it, while Shane escaped because he had a western name. But the thing is, we know Shane didn't escape racism, because the series shows us that. We see the suit gushing about his race in terms of token representation. We see interviewers bring up other non-white players without any kind of invitation. And we even see it from Shane's friends! We have Miity's comment on Shane's ability to grow a beard. We have Rose bringing up this subject at all. We have Ilya's "Your mom is Japanese? That's where you get your looks from?"
We don't see the guy get hate-crimed (though given that there are fans who have been burning him in effigy, I don't doubt he's heard a slur or two in the process), but there's enough there to show a steady weight.
And it's a weight that Shane does not overtly acknowledge, That's, I think, a big key in understanding Shane. He talks about that other kid, the one who has it worse. And I think THAT is a bigger element in his communication with Ilya than the idea that Shane doesn't have comparable trauma or difficulty.
Shane would look at what he knows about Ilya's life and his own, and he would absolutely focus on the idea that Ilya "has it worse".
Would Shane talk about the pressure, stress, and exhaustion that comes from essentially working two jobs, to the point where his "summer vacation" only constitutes about two weeks to a man who had his brother extorting him like a walking bank account for most of his career?
Would Shane get into what it feels like to always have to perform his race, to be a role model, to push past all of the stereotypes to a man who is fleeing Russia because of his sexuality?
Can he discuss the pressure he feels living up to his parents' expectations, the frustration he feels when they're focused so intently on his career that they don't always take no for an answer to a man who has no supportive parents at all?
Hell, you can see it in the fan reaction to TLG (I know, book not show, but still). Shane makes one thoughtlessly unhappy comment about his mom to Ilya and fans list this as one of the many reactions TLG Shane is OOC, selfish and a bad boyfriend.
But why? Why are we looking at it like that? Why are we treating it like a failing that Shane is, for this one moment, so focused on his own frustration and stress that he isn't thinking about anything else? And not, you know, a warning sign that maybe things aren't okay with Shane?
"Rose" (the episode) gives us a few more important traits about Shane -
He's prone to pushing through discomfort without saying anything (the commercials, sex with Rose).
He has trouble saying no and sticking to it. (The fans in the aquarium, Hayden's instagram girl, his parents for Wimbledon.)
He is susceptible to judgment and the appearance he's supposed to present (give him his goddamn ginger ale, hot bartender!).
Even things that are personal and private have been packaged up for public consumption (the cottage in the documentary, and the follow up we learn later, that he usually does yoga inside but does it outside for the director's benefit.)
These are all issues that are likely going to influence his ability to communicate with Ilya. It's not just that he doesn't necessarily recognize Ilya's insecurity because he's had a "good childhood". It's that Shane comes into this relationship with a mindset that it's normal to perform through discomfort, that there are obligations and expectations that must be met, and that there's no point in complaining about it because he is getting a benefit and because other people have it worse.
(I think, for example, about Yuna's dismissive "well you like the money", when Shane complains about Wimbledon. I couldn't quite figure out how to work it into the above. It's a part of this analysis too)
I know the books are different from the show, but I think ultimately, the issues that are likely to impact the characters going forward come from BOTH sides. And that's one of the things they're both going to have to learn to address with each other.
