anaheim ❆ j.ww [m]
𝜗ৎ part 9/17 of happy haolidays with haologram!
— synopsis: you and wonwoo are bound by the radio waves of wireless fidelity — and lose each other to the ether, until you're both on opposite ends of the same state, and on opposite sides of where you need to be to belong to one another...even when something tells you that it was never supposed to be you and him forever. – genre: estranged friends to ??? ; angst, suggestive, tiniest bit fluff. — pairing: jeon wonwoo x fem!reader [feat. choi seungcheol.] – word count: 6.8k — rating: 18+. minors do not interact. – warnings: long-distance situationship. lots of angst. mentions of sex and sexual acts but nothing happens? like the sex is described but its not a sex scene. mingyu mention hehehe. mentions of fraternities and everclear (yes they get a warning.) swearing. mentions of pregnancy and labor, nothing graphic. mentions of virginity loss, oral sex, marking, p in v sex. will tag smut just in case! — what to listen to: facebook friends - niki ; on the drive home - niki ; the apartment we won't share - niki ; take a chance with me - niki ; oceans and engines - niki ; anaheim - niki ; man i need - olivia dean. – author’s note: welcome back to haologram! this is a special segment i’ve created to give a quick thank you to all of my friends this holiday season, and this one is for the moomin to my snufkin @kkaetnipjeon. mj, you have truly shown me what it is like to be able to tolerate a gemini and i could never be more thankful for your presence in my life. you have shown me kindness and bestowed wisdom upon me that i would feel too worried to ask anyone else and yet, your ability to make me feel comfortable enough to ask questions has made you such a standout figure in my life. thank you for being around and i love you. happy haolidays, mj! i love you!
♫ NOW PLAYING: FACEBOOK FRIENDS - NIKI.
You'd met Jeon Wonwoo on a Reddit forum on Halloween.
It was years ago — you were both sixteen under the stupid r/Minecraft forum. You'd been looking for friends to play with, he'd been new to the game and asked the most basic questions, and you'd found it easy to tease u/GAM3BO1 (while still giving him the answers he was looking for) about not being as much as a 'game boy' as he thought. He'd wound up DMing you to join his server, and you did — eventually, building crafting tables in your shared pink wool cottage.
Eventually, the friendship fizzled out and long nights staying up playing together stopped. You were friends on Facebook, he wrote on your wall once and then, like the plethora of internet friends you'd made at that point — disappeared into the ether.
Until four years later, you were splayed across your dorm room bed with your cousin, eating a plate of stale cookies and comparing how long your lists of Facebook friends were. She had the odd hundred, you had kept yours small (and hadn't checked or updated your account in ages) — and she quickly pointed at Wonwoo's profile.
"Who is that?" "Somebody I met on Reddit a handful of years ago. We played Minecraft together, he built me a pink house. It was pretty cute."
She gave you an odd look as you shoved the last cookie into your cheek, and proceeded to scroll through her list of friends, seeing no one with the same name. You clicked his profile, seeing an update from just six days back. He was bigger — broader, smiling brightly as he posed with a tagged friend: Kim Mingyu.
"He's cute," your cousin pointed at Mingyu, and you scoffed, turning your phone away. "Wait, what's his name? What if I find him?"
"Mina, if you do, have him." You rolled your eyes, tilting your phone closer to your face and scrolling a bit more. It seemed like he'd fully fleshed his life out — he was going to school for engineering, transferring from Rutgers on the East Coast and had lots of soccer posts. You remembered being on calls with him when you were sixteen, often hearing his choppy laugh through his shitty microphone whenever you asked about his soccer team. He said he'd been shit, but the more you scroll — he got a scholarship for soccer, and he was the UC Berkeley team captain.
You were at San Diego State, almost eight hours away by car — the closest you had ever been to one another. He'd grown up in the rainy streets New Jersey and cheeks pricked by brutal winter winds, your skin kissed by the warm sun of California's soft seasons, barely knowing what a thunderstorm was.
Mingyu seemingly posted on his wall, too — giving him song recommendations, telling him to call him back because he knew he was on his phone. You wound up clicking around and finding that Mingyu was also at Berkeley, and a brother of Alpha Sigma Phi — having roped Wonwoo into Jell-O wrestling at the house parties and you didn't see a single beer can or bottle along his profile.
He was smart.
"Says here Kim Mingyu is single." Your cousin sang, tapping the screen with her manicured nail, courtesy of you (after you both inhaled a shitload of monomer due to the fact that your dorm windows barely cracked and inch and your ceiling fan had broken two weeks prior. You gave her a pointed look, waving her off — not seeing her add him and send off a message request.
That was the beginning of the end, you think.
♫ NOW PLAYING: ON THE DRIVE HOME - NIKI.
Mina had managed to score a day to meet with Mingyu — the guy had been incredibly intrigued by her story of finding him through her cousin (you) and her cousin's (still you) old internet friend (Jeon Wonwoo.) Apparently, the trip up to San Francisco had been a lie — you were sat in her passenger seat after she'd gotten on the I-5 S, absolutely silent after she told you the truth. You weren't mad, you don't think — but you felt…invaded. You felt like your privacy was now held in someone else's hands, and that you had no choice but to stay in the car and go to Berkeley.
It was Halloween weekend, and you were missing several ragers that you'd been invited to (but weren't going to go to, anyway. You'd just gotten a new set of beads in the mail and you were absolutely going to spend all weekend making bracelets for your Student Council.
She told you when you cruised through Lost Hills that if you really didn't want to go, she'd take you to San Francisco and drop you off with your grandmother and go back on her own. She didn't want you to be there if you were uncomfortable — and you'd only argued that she should've asked you that before she used your life to weasel her way into Mingyu's good graces. She frowned, pulling into a 7-Eleven and getting you a cherry Slurpee, fruit snacks and a bag of Doritos as an apology.
You accepted them, but still turned your nose up at her as she continued up the interstate — the too-sweet taste of the artificial cherry reminding you of an odd situationship back in high school. Nothing serious, it didn't make you want to die at all — but free Slurpee is a free Slurpee, and you'd be damned to let it go to waste.
It wasn't until you saw UC Berkeley in all its glory that it hit you — how real this was becoming.
How real Jeon Wonwoo could be. Choppy laughed heard clear, his off-key renditions of 2NE1's I Am The Best and what he was potentially like with girls.
Did Wonwoo get girls?
Was he still glued to his computer? You remember him spending weekends talking to you on the phone, fiddling around with old computers while he let you tinker around on the BedRock server while his skin was idle. You remember chewing on your cheek as he cut in and out, his signal horrible in the attic that was his room. Sometimes it would fail and he'd call you back again, sounding clear for three minutes before the signal got shitty again.
You don't think you could handle the idea of Wonwoo being flirty. Much less, liking girls enough to come onto them. You don't know if Wonwoo drinks, if he's even ever had his first kiss — it wasn't any of your business when you were teenagers, and it certainly wasn't now.
You begged your cousin to take you to San Francisco as she parked her car in front of the fraternity house — her eyes wide as your panic became far too evident and she simply reached over and tugged on a strand of your hair to snap you out of it. You scowled, smacking the back of her head as she huffed, "you were going to ralph all over my center console if I didn't! Take a deep breath, man. Chances are that Wonwoo won't even be here."
She lied.
Well. She was wrong, but she was also still a liar — because the front door of the frat house swung open, the sound of Apink's Luv blasting through the air as the Jeon Wonwoo came barreling out. There was a boyish grin on his face as he ran down the hill, glancing over his shoulder once as he bolted past your cousin's car — Mingyu just a yard behind him. Rickety laughter was heard all throughout the parking lot and you glanced at Mina, whose eyes were wide when a bunch of other brothers followed, spitting their drinks out and pouring a bowl of punch into the bushes.
Mingyu gave up on catching Wonwoo, apparently — returning with a crushed cup in his hand and a grimace on his face. His lips were pursed as you and Mina gave each other confused glances, before one of the other fraternity brothers comes towards Mingyu.
"Did you catch him?" His thick brows are furrowed, lips pouty as Mingyu rolls his eyes.
"Obviously not, Cheol. If you wanna go—" "Fuck no. God, here. Just get Jeonghan to run back down to the liquor store…I'm sorry, are you ladies looking for someone?"
The guy was holding a wad of cash in his hand, counting out what seem to be twenties as his eyes landed on you. His eyes shamelessly raked up your frame, stopping at the hem of your shorts. You scowled, and Mingyu rolled his eyes, shoving the guy and taking the money from his hand.
"They're here for me, dickwad." Mingyu scoffed, and Mina's cheeks flushed as she made eye contact with him. You rolled your eyes so hard you were sure they'd get stuck, but the boy with the brows — 'Cheol' — only smirked, "both of them are here for you? Isn't that a little greedy, Mingyu?"
"Uh, Mingyu. This is Y/N, my cousin. The one I told you about." Mina finally opens her historically big mouth, and you shook Mingyu's hand over the top of her 2009 Civic. He gave you a cute smile, before the boy with the brows rapped his knuckles on the hood of her car, "Mingyu, he's right there."
"Ladies, I'll be right back." He excused himself, and Wonwoo sprinted back across the lot the moment he saw Mingyu peeking at him. You aimlessly took a sip of your Slurpee as Mina introduced herself to the boy with the brows, before he extended his hand over to you.
"Seungcheol." "Y/N. Nauseated to meet you." "Chipper. I like it."
Mingyu caught Wonwoo by the shirt, tackling him on the grass moments later — only for Wonwoo to wiggle out of Mingyu's grasp and run around other side of Mina's car. He was sweaty and out of breath, but his eyes never left Mingyu as he adjusted his glasses.
"Just hear me out, Gyu…" he laughed as Mingyu lunged for him, and Seungcheol only leaned on the hood of the car as you nibbled on a fruit snack. He wiggled his brows at you as you offered him some, holding his hand out as Wonwoo dodged Mingyu's attempts at catching him, "I made money from it! I'll buy your shit to make the punch, I promise!"
"Someone paid you to put Everclear in the punch and you listened?!" Mingyu grabbed Wonwoo's arm but he twisted out again, giggling as he hid behind you, his hands on your arms as Mingyu scowled. You were trapped between the two of them, your eyes wide as Mina met them across the roof of her car. You glanced at Seungcheol, who stood up abruptly, ready to intervene if you needed it.
He was kind of cute.
"You wouldn't hit me now, would you? There's a girl here! Think of her…think of…I'm sorry, what's your name, Miss?" Wonwoo's hands pulled you back against him, your face burning hot as his eyes made contact with yours. His brows furrowed as he turned you, Mingyu face palming behind you, "Y/N?"
"Is this where you guys kiss? Because I'll be sick." Seungcheol piped up from his spot behind Wonwoo, and you snorted, "we're not gonna kiss."
"Oh my God, it is you!" Wonwoo exclaimed, "how have you been? Are you okay? Did you move here? I thought you would've gone to San Diego State?"
Surprisingly, Wonwoo did not forget about you.
He broke his phone and forgot his Facebook password for three years. By the time he'd gotten back in, you hadn't posted on your profile in ages — so like any loser, he decided not to message you. Mingyu was also witness to all of this, because he transferred out of Manhattan to Cherry Hill the same summer that you and Wonwoo stopped playing together.
Wonwoo wasn't staying for the weekend, he'd been dared to dump the Everclear into the punch and dash. He'd actually packed his car up to leave right after — to San Diego of all places, meeting his girlfriend at San Diego State for one of the many ragers you'd been invited to. He'd given you his number and a sweaty hug, begging to catch up soon — that he'd drive down or you could drive up or you'd figure something out.
No one noticed the way your heart sank to your stomach except Seungcheol — his eyes fixed on you as Wonwoo gave Mingyu half the money he'd gotten to repurchase punch materials. He offered his room for you to stay in, saying he'd room with Jeonghan down the hall while your cousin shacked up with Mingyu for the weekend — giving you privacy and a moment to realize that Wonwoo was a boyfriend to someone that went to school on your campus.
And enough time to make you realize that you might've gone up to Berkeley with the hopes of something blossoming between you both. You felt dumb, just a tad — and decidedly spent the weekend getting absolutely plastered.
And maybe just a bit too close to Seungcheol. Close enough that he danced with you all night while both absolutely sober, dragging his hands down your sides and holding your hips to his. Close enough that he pulled you upstairs with him, pinning you against the door of his bedroom as the reinforced wood muffled the sound of In The Dark by Dev playing throughout the house.
Close enough that he almost took your virginity that night, but stopped when things got too heated — saying he didn't want to do something you could regret. You'd raised a brow at him, glancing at the bulge in his pants that was pressed against your thigh, his hands cupping your chest under your top but over your bra. He'd climbed off you, but you cut him off before he could apologize — asking if he'd stay the night. He eagerly agreed, and far more intimate things ensued — a shower together in his small tub, tentative tongues wandering and curious fingers traveling wet skin enough that you ended up on your knees in front of him and he'd splayed your legs open on his sheets right after, burying his face between them.
You went home with Seungcheol's phone number, three hickeys blooming on your chest and the taste of his lips on yours.
And Wonwoo's number was long forgotten at the bottom of your contacts.
♫ NOW PLAYING: THE APARTMENT THAT WE WON'T SHARE - NIKI.
Your junior year of college came and went. You and Seungcheol alternated weekends driving up and down the bay of California. By the spring semester, you were his girlfriend and things felt serious — serious enough that he drove down to San Diego on June weekend to stay with you. He was meant to meet your other friends and some of your cousins you trusted not to rat to your parents — said parents had gone up to San Francisco for a week, turning their noses up at you for saying you didn't feel well enough to visit your aunts and gossip about people you didn't know anymore.
Gossip clearly made the world go round.
Unrelated to Seungcheol's trip, Wonwoo had also made a trip down. The two of you were on semi-speaking terms — talking more when you'd gone up every other weekend to see and spend time with Seungcheol, carpooling with your cousin who had successfully sunk her claws into Mingyu's honeyed shoulders. You spent Friday evenings talking to Wonwoo. Saturday morning was spent watching soccer practices and the afternoons watching games…and the evenings and all of Sunday spent getting Seungcheol's fingertips bruised into your hips as you took your weekly frustrations out on each other. He'd taken your virginity on a very sweet weekend, spent away from soccer and his stupid fraternity brothers, constantly telling you that things did not have to happen if you didn't want to.
Yosemite National Park was now a landmark in your relationship, and you remember the way he'd nervously told you about the cottage he'd booked and the way he practically forgot how to kiss you. You'd taken the reins, checking you both in and making sure you both enjoyed the trip.
Including the quiet night that you realized Seungcheol could be the love of your life — and how much it scared you to think that he was. Not because Seungcheol wasn't a good guy, he was absolutely great.
It just worried you that he wouldn't feel the same — so you kept it to yourself. You bit your tongue, you kissed his neck and held him close as his thumb circled your clit to ease the ache between your thighs.
And you whispered those three little words right back, after he let them fall first — the moment he thought you fell asleep, right into the skin of your shoulder as he pressed a lingering kiss to it.
I love you.
Seungcheol's week in your bed was only on it's second day when Wonwoo called you — saying he was in San Diego and stranded because he broke up with his girlfriend. You had looked at Seungcheol with a worried expression as Wonwoo meekly asked to stay with you for the time being, because he'd taken a flight instead of driving down to kill time.
"He's our friend," you'd told Seungcheol through gritted teeth as you drove the two of you back to his now ex-girlfriend's complex to pick him up. Seungcheol had tongued his cheek, "this is the only week I get to spend with you and we have to keep him until Sunday."
You'd made Seungcheol smile and laugh for the rest of the week, not wanting Wonwoo to wallow in his breakup. You argued with Seungcheol in your bedroom in hushed voices, Wonwoo just down the hall in the guest bedroom that you'd cozied up for him. This went on for two days, until Mingyu and your cousin made the trip down to meet her parents — and Wonwoo drove back up to Berkeley with them.
The trip down had been soured for you and Seungcheol, and he left your house with a sigh and a tick in his jaw. He pressed a kiss your lips, hard — like he was trying to prove something, like he was trying to stake his claim.
Your senior year of college was hard. You and Seungcheol were slammed with coursework and couldn't make the drives to each other as much as you would have liked, opting for FaceTime calls and Seungcheol took one flight down to spend twelve hours in your bedroom with you before climbing out your window and going right back to the airport.
Winter break came around, and you meekly asked if he wanted to spend it with you and your family. Your mother had overheard too many FaceTime calls and you'd spilled the beans, and he had eagerly agreed — and you booked his flight to stay with you for a week, and you'd both fly up to Yosemite for the New Year. Your mother made him sleep in the guest bedroom, and your father quickly put him to work — clearing the gutters, mowing the lawn, polishing silver around your house. Seungcheol did it all happily…
Until Mingyu and Mina showed up at your door, yielding a drunk Wonwoo who was very clearly searching for you. You'd gaped as they explained that he'd made the trip down with them, wanting to spend his Christmas in San Diego with his best friend — only for them to get a few beers in him and realize that he meant you.
Seungcheol was furious, but he swallowed it and moved Wonwoo into the guest room for the night. You'd explained to your parents and they quickly agreed Seungcheol could sleep in your room — but your boyfriend of almost a year (come January third) turned away from you, marking right back down the stairs and sleeping on your couch.
You promise yourself you'll never love a man enough again to lay on the ground and hold his hand while he sleeps. You promise yourself you'll never, ever love a man enough again to let him peel open his eyes, tears brimming in them as he pulls his hand out of yours and tells you he doesn't think it'll keep working if this keeps happening.
You and Seungcheol boarded the flight to Yosemite with a fight brewing in your bellies, and it officially broke the moment the two of you stepped foot in the booked cottage. You started pacing around like caged animals — you called him insecure and he called you too available. You said he was overreacting and he accused you of disregarding his feelings.
And a part of you knew you were, but you didn't know why.
The fight continued throughout the week — wake up, eat breakfast and argue, then fuck all your pent up stress out until the sun went down. The nights were quiet, some full of tears — some his, some yours, but the thickness in your voices was unmistakable.
Your relationship would not survive the year, the distance, or Jeon Wonwoo.
Your flights flew out at different times and from different terminals. You said goodbye to Seungcheol with a kiss that broke him, tears spilling down his cheeks as he silently begged you to stay. To try, to fit him into your life the way he knew he did — but you knew you were haunted by what could've been.
He knew you were haunted by what could've been.
And he let you walk away from him, boarding your flight to San Diego on January 3rd and breaking his heart for the very first and last time.
♫ NOW PLAYING: TAKE A CHANCE WITH ME - NIKI.
You graduated university at the top of your class, and you cut contact with Wonwoo entirely. You deleted your Facebook profile, your Reddit account, and changed your number. You didn't speak to Mina all that often anymore, either — ignoring the hurt in her eyes when you'd cut conversations short or tell her you were too busy to hang out. You skipped her birthday party that year, spending that July weekend staring at your ceiling with a gaping hole in your chest that ached to call Seungcheol.
Yet, your mind wandered to Wonwoo.
Enough that you drove up to San Francisco, where you knew Mina was holding her birthday party — and walked in with an array of gifts. Puzzles, nail supplies, skincare she'd been talking about for ages but would never shell the money out to get…
And you made eye contact with Wonwoo as she pulled you into a crushing embrace, his face filling with surprise and your own with annoyance as you avoided him for the majority of the party — until he caught you outside, your phone in your hand with the urge to call Seungcheol.
"Y/N, please." Wonwoo begged, his hand gently splayed on your upper back as you sighed. "Just listen to me, I have to explain."
Explaining led you both to Wonwoo's car, parked at the end of the street and hidden from view by trees. Explaining led you both to the backseat of Wonwoo's car, his hands holding your thighs apart and his tongue working you over as you clapped your hand over your mouth.
Explaining led to you climbing into his lap and sinking on his cock with a muffled whimper, his thumb sucked into your mouth as his other hand palmed at your ass. It led to you letting him kiss your skin messily, sucking marks into it haphazardly and ripping the flimsy fabric of your bra. It led to him covering every inch of you that he could reach in him — your soft belly painted with his cum as he flipped you onto it in his backseat, your hips bruised with his fingertips and sharp smacks that made you push back against him marked across the swell of your ass in the form of his hand.
Explaining led to you going home with him to his place, leaving your car at your aunt's house as you both Irish Goodbye'd the party in favor of him practically ripping your dress off and pinning you to his mattress.
You both laid in said mattress with the realization that you couldn't even call it a drunken mistake, because you were both sober.
You agree to a date after Wonwoo begs you through teary kisses. You agree to a date after you tell him that he's ruining your life, that you wish you'd never met him on that stupid Minecraft forum — before you both laugh, because it's stupid. It's so stupid and you're both so young and dumb…and a part of you thinks you're in love.
And the other part knows.
One date turns to two, two dates turn to eight — and eventually, you're spending Christmas with his family in New Jersey. Eventually, you're undressed in his bedroom that he used to call you from, and the signal is still as shitty as it was then — check-in calls with your parents breaking up every few minutes to the point that you end up calling them from the Jeons' landline with an apologetic look on your face as your potential sister-in-law gives you a dirty look.
You're not his girlfriend until New Year's Eve, when he asks you two minutes before the ball drops. He's hold you close in the middle of Manhattan, his lips warm against the shell of your ear as you look at him through your lashes. He's got a gleam in his eyes that makes you want to say no, just to wonder if he'd pout. If he'd beg, if he'd plead.
You say yes ten seconds to the New Year, and you're already kissing each other when January 1st rings in.
January 3rd comes and goes, and you're back in San Diego when Wonwoo tells you that he could move down or you could move up to San Francisco.
You don't have the heart to tell him you hate San Francisco.
And you don't tell him that Seungcheol would've moved down as you decide to move up.
♫ NOW PLAYING: OCEANS AND ENGINES - NIKI.
Your relationship with Wonwoo gets to the three-year mark when you realize you want more out of life — you're just not sure what.
You're both twenty-five, spending your days in a sort of Groundhog Day rerun. You wake up, you eat breakfast together. You kiss in the doorway before going your separate ways to work — he goes downtown to the high school he's teaching Physics at, and you go uptown to the firm you're designing ad campaigns at. Wonwoo messages you twice — once before lunch, once twenty minutes before he gets off to ask what you might want for dinner.
You spend every Thursday together, roaming the streets of San Francisco. Wonwoo's hidden behind a camera, a hobby he'd picked up a year before the two of you reunited at Berkeley. He takes perfectly angled photos of you, he makes you feel like his muse.
Wonwoo is a good boyfriend. He holds you just right, he learned to cook, he pulls himself away from his computer and his desk to give you attention regularly. He plans date nights meticulously, he takes your anniversary very seriously.
So you don't understand the problem.
And you feel like a jerk as you slowly feel yourself start to pull away…not knowing he's doing the same.
It starts with Thursdays being scrapped. You'll go home, claiming a headache and he'll come to you — eventually, the migraine turns into period cramps, turn into vertigo, turn into whatever excuse you want and he takes it as a sign to leave you alone. He goes on his own, taking pictures of things he thought you'd like and showing them to you.
And you do like them. You love them, even — your hand smoothing over his mussed hair before you pull him into a kiss. A kiss that turns into your hand down his pants and his hips rutting into it, a kiss that turns into his fingers unclasping your bra expertly and sucking your nipple into his mouth. A kiss that was once a silly distraction turning into I'll do whatever I can to stop talking about this.
Wonwoo notices.
Wonwoo asks.
You don't answer directly. There's no one else and you're absolutely honest about that — even showing him all your phone records and credit card statements, your location long shared as the relationship progressed. But you can't tell him what it is, because you don't know.
Are you bored?
Are you tired?
Are you falling out of love?
You know Wonwoo hopes it's not the last, his eyes still full of stars and his heart telling him you hung each one of them.
He works harder to get you back. He plans more dates, he expands more on your interests — he takes you both to a pottery class, earning a bright smile from you as you carefully craft a couples' pair of mugs. He brings focus to you more during sex — forgoing the blowjobs to make you cry on his tongue, worshiping every inch of your body. He kisses you all over, dragging his lips up your calf and along the arch of your foot. He staves off his own orgasm, tracing shapes into your clit to make you crumble first before twisting you into any other position that could bring you there faster. He edges himself until you're at the brink, ruining your sheets as he pulls one last toe-curling orgasm from you.
He usually has to finish himself off, merely peppering kisses on your face as he checks in with you. His hand does all the work as he sweet talks you, kissing down your body and coating his knuckles in his release — only for you to lick his fingers clean and scold him about being wasteful.
And just like that, Wonwoo has you right back. Thursdays are spent together again, promotions are celebrated, you're enthusiastic about dinners in downtown….
Until you take a trip back down to San Diego with him, your parents asking the question every young couple dreads to hear.
Or at least, he thought it was a dreaded question.
You hadn't. You didn't.
You were excited for it.
"When are you two going to get married?" Your father had asked jokingly, and you'd smiled brightly as Wonwoo stiffened next to you. Your face didn't show it, but your eyes had quickly flamed as he quickly recovered, saying that you hadn't talked about it yet.
You had. Many times at this point — but it was never something you seemed to coincide on, and that night after the awkward dinner ended, you both proved it again. Marriage was a deciding factor of the near future of your relationship.
You wanted to get married. Wonwoo wasn't sure about the whole thing; he said it was just a piece of paper. That a piece of paper and a ring couldn't mean that much, and you argued that it meant almost everything if the two of you decided to start a family. That sparked another hushed argument — Wonwoo didn't understand why you had to be married to have kids. You spat back that children of married parents, happily married parents at that, had better quality of life. You rattled off how important it was that two parents were equally involved because it was important for the legalities of life with a partner, that marriage could decide whether or not he could be there when the kid was born, that marriage was important to you.
And couldn't that be enough?
The breakup was swift after that.
Thursdays crashed and burned. Dinner was silent until you got up and scraped your uneaten food into the garbage can and washed your plate. You went to bed three hours before he did, showering alone, and Wonwoo felt something in him sink when he heard the familiar buzzing through the door of your bedroom. The same buzzing that got you both through the few months of long distance before you moved up to San Francisco, and Wonwoo realizes.
You abandoned everything for him, and yet, built the world around him.
Without you, he wouldn't have gone on to be an engineer. Subconsciously, he would've never transferred with Mingyu to UC Berkeley. Without you, Mina and Mingyu wouldn't be getting married next year — a wedding you'd been made the Maid of Honor, and him the best man. Without you, that wedding would be incomplete…so Wonwoo sends in his RSVP saying I will not be attending.
You and Seungcheol broke up because of him, after he decided he had enough of being alone. You and Seungcheol fought after his ex-girlfriend in college asked who you were and dumped him when Wonwoo slipped up and said he thought you might be the love of his life.
Wonwoo didn't think.
Wonwoo knew.
And that's why he let you leave. He helped you pack, his eyes swollen from tears as you tongued your cheek. You looked nothing like him — your hair was clean and pulled back, your face even and even had a light layer of makeup spread across it, sparkling glitter on the high points as you loaded the boxes of your things into your car. You took one last look at Wonwoo, your hands trembling as you handed him your key.
Your eyes brimmed with tears as you pulled him into you, and he swore you were doing it on purpose. Leaving behind the smell of your perfume on his clothes as he lets his tears soak into your t-shirt, leaving behind the comforting weight of your arms around his shoulders.
Leaving him behind, again.
"You've ruined my life, Jeon Wonwoo." You whispered, sniffling as you pressed one last kiss to his lips, "and I'll never forgive you for it."
♫ NOW PLAYING: ANAHEIM - NIKI.
It's been six years since Wonwoo has seen or heard from you last.
He's moved on — or at least, he's tried to.
It's January 1st and he's living in Chula Vista — maybe three miles from your parents' house.
He moved three years after the breakup — submitting his photography to exhibits and blurring your face. He became hugely successful, his degree gathering dust in the basement of his new house on the hills. You don't live here anymore, he doesn't think — Mingyu had told him that he and Mina had helped you move out of your parents house to San Diego after the breakup. What was in San Diego for you, you didn't know.
Wonwoo spent his time wandering the streets, picking up things he thought you'd like subconsciously. He wrote down songs, made playlists, took photos.
All for safekeeping, he told himself. A part of him hoped you'd come back.
And the other knew you wouldn't. You'd never.
He'd taken a drive through the city, somehow crossing through Inglewood and landing in Santa Monica. He lingered on the infamous pier, taking photos of the horizon when he looks up. The pier had been quiet for a while — he'd gotten up early to catch the sunrise, arriving at the pier just minutes before they opened.
The footsteps are unstable. Small, pattering as a familiar voice calls out.
A familiar laugh rings out — rickety and it makes his heart sink as you look up, your left hand swiping at your hair. A white gold engagement ring is nestled on your hand, snugly followed by a wedding band. A hand wrapping around your shoulders showcases the same one, a doubled stack with your initials engraved so deeply he can see them from his spot across the pier.
A little girl with his eyebrows and your eyes, lashes that brush her cheeks with every blink just like his do. A little girl that has his surname, just like he calls it out when she gets a little too close to the edge, swiftly picking her up with one arm and hoisting her onto his shoulders. He's sure one day he'll convince her that he's a superhero.
"Choi this, Choi that. Her name is Minseo, in case you forgot." You roll your eyes, and Seungcheol sticks his tongue out at you, "I know my kid's name. I chose it, don't make me remind you."
"You chose it or you let my parents guilt you into taking that one because they liked it?" You raise a brow, and Seungcheol tongues his lip as he bumps your hip with his.
"Are you sure you want to move back to San Diego?" He asks gently, and you sigh, hooking your arm with his and leaning your head against your daughter's side. Grubby fingers pat your head, making you wrinkle your nose as she swipes your hair out of your face haphazardly. He chuckles, reaching up and helping her, "I know things got twisted for us out here back then. I don't want that to happen to us again."
"Babe, it won't. We are," you hold up your hand, a mischievous smile on your lips as his cheeks tinge pink, "married. And we've been married for years, mind you."
"Years, she says, but she took four years to say yes." "I had to be sure you were the one." "You knew I was the one the moment you met me, be so serious."
You laugh loudly, your hand swatting the backside of his jeans as he smiles, "at least, I knew you were."
"We've come a long way," you nod, cupping his face gently. Your thumb pinches his cheek carefully, "I'm sorry."
"Don't be sorry." He shakes his head, your daughter squealing as birds fly overhead. He presses a quick kiss to your lips, "in the end, we ended up right where we were supposed to. We're married. We did it."
"You mean, I married you after you begged me." "I mean you married me because you were so in love with me that you called me the moment that Mingyu called you telling you I was going to move to Barcelona."
"Can you imagine if I hadn't? Wouldn't have this little pumpkin," you grab your daughter's foot, making her squeal before you hold up your left hand, wiggling your ring finger, "or this. Or that tattoo between your shoulders."
"Are we ignoring the cherry tattoo you got for me? Because I vividly remember—"
"I didn't get it for you." You scoff, "I got it to commemorate the fact that I was the only kid that liked Wild Cherry Capri-Sun growing up."
Wonwoo remembers that. He'd been the only one, too.
He remembers thinking, at the tender age of sixteen — you were his soulmate.
"You got it for me, honey." "…Okay, maybe I did but we're not telling Minseo that."
Your daughter pulls at Seungcheol's hair at the sound of her name, making him wince as you laugh, gently pulling her hands out of it and pulling her off his shoulders. You settle her on your hip, and Seungcheol slides up behind you, wrapping you both into his chest as the sun rises slowly.
Wonwoo can't be here.
He doesn't know when the tears started, but he knows he can't stop them.
His camera goes off silently in his fumble to put his things away, and the Polaroid floats down and onto the pier as he hoists his bag over his shoulder. He doesn't bother picking it up, giving curt smiles to other people now beginning to gather on the boardwalk — yielding fishing poles, warm waffles wrapped in wax paper, even excited dogs on leashes as he moves down the pier towards the parking lot.
He doesn't see your daughter wobble over and pick the picture up, Seungcheol's eyes immediately widening as you move to pluck it out of her hand — and he doesn't see the way you both still as you see the small black watermark on the edge of the custom Polaroid that has a perfect shot of your family facing the water, with pink marmoris against the waves as the sun rises carefully.
From The Studios of Jeon Wonwoo ©
And you'll never know how he'd give anything to stop time, and go back to that day he'd driven you both to San Diego. How he'd stopped in Anaheim for a quick bite, leaving you at the diner that was next to a jewelry shop and perusing the engagement rings.
You'll never know how he'd give anything to stop time — and drive you around Anaheim at sundown one last time.
Maybe then he'd be the man you needed.
And maybe then, he'd be the man you wanted.
Until then — you've got Seungcheol. Your best friend and lover, all in one. Seungcheol, who you met organically, who smiled at you and stole your fruit snacks. Who gave you as much patience as he could, who gave you everything you wanted and more. And it was all Wonwoo's doing.
And even if Wonwoo ruined your life.
He also gave you the one you deserved.
Be him present, or not.
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