#IsBruceWayneBatman: a social media au | Part I
I mean yeah this is exactly what would happen.
Batman has gone to great lengths to create the persona of “Bruce Wayne, upper class twit who could never be Batman.”
If Batman walked into the middle of Gotham Square and pulled off his mask and yelled “I, Bruce Wayne, am Batman!” The Headline would be “Bruce Wayne gets drunk at costume party, driven home by Commissioner James Gordon.”
And on that ride home:
Gordon: You are such a piece of shit you know that right? One of these days that’s not gonna work.
Bruce: *With the biggest shit eating grin ever* I know Jim, but it never stops being funny.
Gordon: So…. out of curiosity, how much money did Ollie lose to you this time?
Bruce: A gentleman never tells Jim, besides, its not about the money, its about the satisfaction of being right….. and the look on his face.
Gordon: Nice.
and you just know Alfred has a veritable host of “embarrassing early morning bruce” pics and video raring to go, like after a “skiing accident” to cover up a particularly nasty bat-injury in the line of duty
“I’m fine Alfred.”
“If you are, then prove it by putting on your socksies by your self.”
(source is Harley Quinn season 2, episode 5, but I can see this as part of Dave Willis’ “Happy Bruce” headcanon
I think the villain reactions would be priceless as well.
Two Face: Look I was friends with Bruce for years. He’s a nice guy, but doesn’t have the brains God gave a fiddler crab. He’s not Batman.
Riddler: I can confirm this. I took him and his board of directors hostage once. He tried to write me a check and got the check wrong. Four. Times. He had to ask his guy Lucius Fox to do it. It was just plain awkward for everyone involved.
Poison Ivy: Bruce is what we in the business call a Himbo, great to look at, a real sweetheart, but not much going on upstairs. I guarantee he’s not Batman.
Penguin: I’ve had Bruce Wayne as a guest at the Iceberg lounge before. Nice guy, excellent tipper, complete and utter moron. If he’s Batman I’ll eat my umbrella.
Joker: What? Oh yea of course Bruce Wayne is Batman. I mean obviously right?
Rest of the villains:……
Joker: Wait, you mean you guys didn’t know? I figured it out like the first day.
Penguin: You…. you’re joking right.
Joker: Penguin you will KNOW when I am joking. Seriously. No one else figured it out. No one. Just me. You guys are dumbasses.
Riddler: *Pinches bridge of nose* Okay…. so if Bruce Wayne is Batman, and you KNEW this the whole time, why not just KILL BRUCE WAYNE?
Joker: *As serious as a heart attack* because I’m not fighting Bruce Wayne, I’m fighting Batman. Obviously.
Riddler: Goddammit I hate you so much Joker. So fucking much. I can literally taste how much I hate you.
“Bruce Wayne….why are you dressed up like Batman?”
Max Schreck in Batman Returns after watching Batman do a bunch of Batman things then take off his Batman mask to reveal Bruce Wayne underneath it
Two-Face: So, you’re telling me you knew Batman’s real name all this time and you didn’t kill him!
Joker: Bruce Wayne isn’t his real name. Not any more than what the called me before my chemical cannonball is my real name. I’m the Joker. He’s Batman. And I don’t want to kill him. I want to make him laugh.
Poison Ivy: You do understand that’s never going to happen, right?
Joker: Well, I have to keep trying. Just like he has keep trying to stop me. Over and over. Day after day. Forever. The struggle itself is enough to fill my heart. After all…
*the Joker smiles a wide insane smile*
…we must imagine Sisyphus happy!
Clark Kent: Bruce Wayne? As the Batman? *rubs the back of his neck awkwardly* Look, I met Bruce back when his car broke down around our farm when we were like… nine? It was after his folks died, and Pa might have said his butler told him he was still broken up about it… anyway, he kinda tried to play ball, but… heh, he never landed a hit. Even now, he always swings out at the Planet/Wayne Baseball game. So the Batman? Not really sure what that caught on from…
Oliver Queen: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Bruce Wayne?! The Batman?! Yeah right! The man too busy trying to keep his small army of crazy kids from destroying his manor spends his nights jumping across the Gotham rooftops? What next? You’ll tell me that Vale thinks Ted Kord is the freakin Blue Beetle!
Catwoman: Bruce Wayne? Hardly. Batman is tall, dark, and brooding. Bruce Wayne is squeamish, naive, and easy. The differences couldn’t be any clearer.
Catwoman: Yes, I’ve been seen with the mboth, but what can I say? I’m the kind of girl who likes to have it all.
