🖤

20yo autistic lesbian obsessed with wicked and other random stuff

[lesbianwithchainsaws]

One of the reasons I really love Tara as a character is that, to me, she feels like such a good representation of being an awkward and shy person. I feel like with a lot of media, a shy character gets over that pretty quickly once they get friends. But with Tara, even when she's dating Willow and is friends with Buffy and everyone else, she still very much is shy and awkward for quite a while around them. She even says herself that she feels like an outsider around them. And I really like that. Because in my experience, that's how it is. I can be close with someone, but still feel awkward and like I don't fit in when I'm around that person's friends. In a way it is easier, but the feelings don't just go away. I like that Tara is like that for a while too. Like when it's her birthday, and the gang don't know what to get her because they feel like they don't know her well enough despite her relationship with Willow. She gets there eventually, but it's not quick or easy and, to me, it always still seems like she's most comfortable around Willow and feels less so around the others. But despite this, she's still part of the family

[littlebirdofprey]

bitches will be like "im gonna watch a comfort movie" and then put on whatever the fuck this is

[depressedcryptographer]

Checking the recent YouTube comments on “I Didn’t Know I’d Love You So Much” or really any Repo! song lately just reminds me how many of us there are, all congregating online to mourn Anthony Head. This fandom sometimes seems tiny and dead, but at the end of the day, we are all here, still showing up.

Rest In Peace. You won’t be forgotten, not by us.

Editing to add this because they put the soundtrack back on Spotify.

[phleb0tomist]

he would not fucking say that, but with disability.. he would not fucking be able bodied. sick n tired of characters walking away from multiple life changing injuries without a scratch. let’s get some natural consequences in here.

give that knife/sword fight survivor nerve damage. give the character who was shot in the gut a stoma. give that fire survivor lung damage and an oxygen cannula. give that leg injury survivor a cane. give that starvation survivor gastroparesis. give that spinal injury survivor a manual chair or powerchair.

while we’re at it, give your characters congenital disabilities too, just because. give them intellectual and development disabilities. give them acquired and postviral illnesses. dare to make somebody bedbound. for me.

[m00nl1ghtbae]

Why does every social interaction feel like a test?? Do normal ppl really enjoy hanging out with friends?? Like it just feels easy or like something you do for FUN??? Every interaction with my friends feels like an exam, like I have to prepare in advance and memorize what to say to sound like a human being, and every conversation is a test to see if I can think of right things to say. And if I can't think of something to say, or I'm too quiet, or if when I do open my mouth it's never funny or interesting or right- then I failed the interaction. And I'm always wrong. Everytime I open my mouth I feel like I failed a test. Everytime a friend asks me a question or there's a moment of silence and I need to think of something to say, I always feel like such a failure and like I should have prepared more and WHY does my brain go completely empty or can only think of stupid things that are wronggg everything I do is wronggg I never know the right thing to say and I fail every interaction.

And I know it sounds like I'm just describing autism but no!!! my friends are autistic too and I don't think that they feel like this! They always want to hang out and I don't understand how it's something they're able to enjoy and want more of when I need so long to recover after every interaction

And it's not like I have bad friends, I am the problem! It's just my own brain, I have always been like this

[werewiire]

my therapist: “you need to unlearn the belief that failing to completely explain every statement you make will cause people to misinterpret and hate you. that’s generally not how people think, and it’s just your OCD talking.”

tumblr when you word a post slightly vaguely/poorly:

[traumatizeddfox]

“omg peoples mental health is so bad they don’t shower??” girl some people have such bad mental health they kill themselves

[estrogenesis-evangelion]

my rule of thumb for this, for any behavior that you look at and go, "god, how can you not (X)?" is to ask myself: well. how bad would it have to be, for me? how bad would it be before i would stop doing that thing? how bad would i have to feel?

what would have to go wrong in your life, and how wrong would it have to go, for you to stop bathing? to stop eating? to let the garbage pile around you until you can no longer see the floor?

how bad would you have to feel, and for how long, before you would stand on the street screaming at anyone & anything? beating your fists on your head and crying? how bad would it need to be?

do you think there's some fundamental difference between you and people who suffer until their lives are unrecognizable to you? can you face the knowledge that if things went badly enough, you would be just like them? just like them? just like

[m00nl1ghtbae]

The thing is, sometimes ppl get really depressed or sick without an external or concrete reason. Sometimes you don't need something incredibly traumatic to happen to you in order to *feel* like you're suffering enough to stop caring about your life. And then ppl judge and don't understand, because they can have the same life circumstances as you, but it doesn't make them *feel* the things you feel. Just because it can't always be explained, doesn't mean it's not valid. Even if life circumstances aren't "bad enough", feelings and headspace can absolutely be bad enough to control your behavior.

[wwicked-confessions]

They absolutely assassinated Boq's character from the book to musical to movie.

"People who claim that they're evil are usually no worse than the rest of us. It's people who claim that they're good, or anything better than the rest of us, that you have to be wary of." Is a quote from BOQ.

.

[m00nl1ghtbae]

I say this all the time! He was such an important character in the book and basically was elphaba's best friend and directly involved in helping her with doctor dillamond's research

[m00nl1ghtbae]

How do you guys interpret that expression on the tinman's face looking at glinda during March of the witch hunters? Apparently a lot of people say that this shows how he truly lost his heart so he doesn't even love glinda anymore, but I don't think that's it at all. He was never TRULY in love with her, it was a shallow crush that could still continue without his heart because it never came from a deep part of his heart anyway (in the book it even says his crush on her lifted after Dr dillamond died and she shed some of her glamour- he was only drawn to that glamorous fake persona). I think that look could be resentment or anger, blaming glinda for being stuck with nessa all this time and then becoming a tinman, or just being mad that she never wanted him, but I also saw an interesting take that he might truly believe the propaganda that glinda wants elphaba dead, and he believes that by killing her he can become glinda's hero and finally win her over. Also, it's all nonsense because if he truly didn't have a heart he wouldn't be able to feel hate, anger, fear- the opposite of love is indifference, and he clearly has many strong emotions. What do you guys think?

[m00nl1ghtbae]

Looking at this clip again it seems like he most likely was feeling ASHAMED. Like he can't really hold that eye contact with her, his pupils are trembling and he quickly has to turn away. Maybe because he sees that her expression is scared (of him?) or sad or dissaproving. He looks up at her as soon as he's done singing, like he is searching for her approval or her reaction, but as soon as he sees her face he seems so uncomfortable like he doesn't want her to see him like this, as a "monster". Or it pains him to see her and realize he is no longer worthy of even confessing his love to her like he planned, it makes him hate what happened to him even more because he thought she could want him eventually but now it's completely off the table and he has to accept that boq died and say goodbye to the future he once thought he could have.

Another theory- he knows how much glinda loves elphaba but his rage is so powerful right now that he would kill her even if he knows it would hurt glinda, revenge is more important to him now than his crush.

[mswyrr]

"No Place Like Home" was written by a Jewish American living in a time when this country elected a mob of Nazis, one of whom stood on stage and Seig Heiled twice at the Inauguration this year. He has every right to make an "obvious" song about how much that hurts.

[mswyrr]

If an achingly sincere Broadway musical can't just come right out and say it, what is the appropriate artistic venue??? The power of Broadway musicals is that they are fearless about big feelings and being "cringe."

[explosionshark]

Tumblr is great bc you get to witness people going sincerely all the way fucking crazy with how much they love the dumbest/most mediocre piece of art you've ever seen and you get to really sit in how varied and vast the human experience is

Also it helps you never forget that to someone else YOU'RE the person going sincerely all the way fucking crazy over something incredibly mid. And I love that. Stay humble ❤️

[m00nl1ghtbae]

How do you guys interpret that expression on the tinman's face looking at glinda during March of the witch hunters? Apparently a lot of people say that this shows how he truly lost his heart so he doesn't even love glinda anymore, but I don't think that's it at all. He was never TRULY in love with her, it was a shallow crush that could still continue without his heart because it never came from a deep part of his heart anyway (in the book it even says his crush on her lifted after Dr dillamond died and she shed some of her glamour- he was only drawn to that glamorous fake persona). I think that look could be resentment or anger, blaming glinda for being stuck with nessa all this time and then becoming a tinman, or just being mad that she never wanted him, but I also saw an interesting take that he might truly believe the propaganda that glinda wants elphaba dead, and he believes that by killing her he can become glinda's hero and finally win her over. Also, it's all nonsense because if he truly didn't have a heart he wouldn't be able to feel hate, anger, fear- the opposite of love is indifference, and he clearly has many strong emotions. What do you guys think?

[orchidvioletindigo]

Hearing Madame Morrible say "It was just [Nessarose's] time" as a young physically disabled person hit me like a shard of ice in the chest. My God the ableism of that line was so subtle and yet so effective if you've known what it's like to have people in power create conditions that get disabled people like yourself killed and then they shrug and say it was just time for you to die

[m00nl1ghtbae]

wicked for good spoilers:

Can we talk about how perfect Wicked Witch Of The East is? And thank god they added more scenes of nessa and boq. When he sings "surely now I'll matter less to you and you won't mind my leaving here tonight" it means something completely different because she explains to him before why he matters so much- because he is the only one she has, because her sister didn't even visit after their father died. Now he is relieved not just because she can fly but because she has her sister and because she seems truly happy (And elphaba did this "to make her happy"- not just "for her". This little change means a lot). I also love how Marissa's voice sounds so sweet and girly and innocent, she is just a girl so desperate for someone to love her. I love how much they leaned into the HORROR of this moment when the tinman tears down the door with his axe and genuinely seems capable of murdering nessa right then and there, leaving her no choice but to blame elphaba as a survival instinct, and that long "it was elphaba!" scream was literally my favorite moment in the show but making it rushed and urgent is actually so much more powerful because you see the genuine mortal fear in her eyes. And in the storm when she is fanatically searching for boq and calling to him, and that's the only reason she is even outside, and she seems so lost and alone, I'm so greatful that we got to actually see the house land on her because that scene is SO HEARTBREAKING

[m00nl1ghtbae]

Finally we got a picture of this iconic hoodie!!!

[m00nl1ghtbae]

Why am I so secretive and feel the need to hide everything? I'm so terrified of being judged or rejected that I'm just so incapable of opening up and letting people get to know me, I can only wait for them to open up first so that I can mirror them, and then I have to lie in order to keep a separation between different friend groups and/or family because each of them knows a completely different version of me that I curated specifically for them and what I think they want me to be. But it's not on purpose!!! I just literally don't know who I am and feel so much shame about every single little thing about me for no rational reason. Does anyone else struggle with this? How do I stop being like this???

[notearsnora]

Jon being like “why would a man be there?” while watching the wicked musical is still so funny to me.

This is from the wicked exclusive November issue of empire magazine, it goes on sale today.