send help

jus some……… fuckign guy, man

[m1d-45]

hello there!

• my name is midas, and it’s lovely to see you!

• i am a minor. please be normal.

• i talk a lot in the tags, and write near-entirely on mobile. spelling/formatting issues can/will occur, so please feel free to point them out !

• i write for genshin impact: mostly sagau, but not always !

• chatting / worldbuilding asks are always welcome, and more formal requests are open !

• my masterlist can be found here !

housekeeping things below the readmore :]

taglist:

@/samarill || @/arienic || @/valeriele3 || @/shizunxie || @/boba-is-a-soup || @/yuus3n || @/esthelily || @/turningfrogsgay || @/cupandtea24 || @/genshin-impacts-me || @/chaoticfivesworld || @/raaawwwr || @/ryuryuryuyurboat || @/undrxtxd || @/rainswept || @/wanderersqt || @/rozz-eokkk

-> open! send in an ask, reply, or dm <3

anons:

stew🥘 anon, teddy anon, sibling anon, 🍄 anon, 🐆 anon (from an ask i? lost??), blood curse anon, 🐈‍⬛ anon, owl anon, baby cat anon, raccoon anon, 🦑 anon, 🚬 anon, pari anon, death loop anon, lynx anon, 💌 anon, moon anon

tags used:

#m1d : [chats] — everything that isn’t a formal post on my masterlist (bird xiao exceptions apply)

-> #m1d : [secrets] — stuff on the [chats] tag that is more writing and less chit chat.

#m1d : [masterlist] — mostly for my purposes, just a list of my masterlists !

#m1d : [sweethearts] — sweet anons!!!

#m1d : [welcome to hell] — a scuffed dnd-rip off based on going to hell. involved: @/creationsabyss, @/thelullabydiaries, stew, teddy, mushroom, and curse anons, and yours truly. fair warning, unfinished

#alternate!au — things relating to a mandela catalogue au of sagau. mostly drabbles

#the shining nikki saga — stuff related to shining nikki (yes i’m a GI blog no don’t ask)

-> #the dark side of dawn — stuff relating to red

-> #sailwind shadow — stuff relating to shade

#[ meteor showers ] — stuff relating to the 1k event, all of which can also be found on my masterlist

#bird!xiao shenanigans — what it says on the tin

-> #pari anon — informally holds all of the xiao stuff relating to pari!reader

all tags are tagged on this post for easy access, and if you’re on desktop type ‘/chrono’ at the end of the url on whatever tag you’re browsing to see it in the order it was posted so you don’t have to scroll.

enjoy your stay!

[m1d-45]

Hey buddy how you doin?

Feel free to vent frustrations and worries, we all get stressed and anxious so do not keep it bottled up bro

We are here for you dude

i am okay , thank you for asking ! just very tired lately , is all , and don’t have a lot of energy to spare . however ! blog’s not going anywhere , i’m not going anywhere , i do plan on continuing to post in the future , all of that stuff . thank you very much for your concern , and i hope you’re ( and everyone else is ) doing okay too !

[m1d-45]

it was ABSOLUTELY my intention for the shining nikki ask to be sagau adjacent because i am capable of thinking abt exactly Three things and two of those are genshin! also if i had a dollar for every gun nikki canonically has i would have two dollars which isn’t much but weird that it happened twice! also she canonically tried to shoot someone. i love her <3 - teddy anon

the post in question. anyway she WHAT

discussion/talk of firearms below the cut . if that wasn't obvious

(also , minor… like, very minor fontaine spoilers ?)

thinking about this. microwaving it even. what if she Kept her gun . what if she pulled up to teyvat w a .22 . parry this , you fuckin archon ,

guns exist in teyvat, fontaine shows us that, but they also seem relatively contained in fontaine. chasca is an outlier and should not be counted.

either way. point is. pov you are kaeya trying to sneak up on the two you and the knights have been chasing and are met with not only an identical clone of yourself but also the tree a few inches from your head also has a brand new hole in it, and the girl(?) you're not even sure is human anymore is holding some large steel contraption that still has smoke pouring out of the barrel. what do you do in this situation 🎤

[m1d-45]

Question!

Have I ever actually shared any pictures of my dog on here? Like I've shown Adeptus Star Gazer, but did I ever submit any of the fabulous original girl?

-sibling anon

...yk . i have not a damn clue

OKAY so i went and looked and dug up the original post, and no you haven't !

[m1d-45]

WANDERER CONTENT YIPPEEEEE… tajín my beloved….. - teddy anon

I FORGOT YOU NAMED HIM TAJIN ,,,,, im sure i said this last time but how does it feel to be the funniest wanderer haver ever

[m1d-45]

Here have some traumatized characters

pov you are celestia granting the anemo archon his vision wielders

[m1d-45]

If you wanted ideas, SAY SO!

I've been cooking and steaming over here, BUT IT'S SO HARD BEING AN ADULT AND THEN SEEING NO ONE ELSE SENDING I WAS LIKE DID I MISS A POST TELLING YOU, A STUDENT, WERE BUSY STUDYING AND I CANT REMEMBER BEING A STUDENT ANYMORE SO I CANT COMPREHEND WHEN HAPPENS WHAT SO IWAS LIKE MAYBE YOU'RE HAVING EXAMS OR SOMETHING SHIT!

Cough, yeah, so, i've been PENT UP, you could say.

But that Gaming was yummy! And speaking of Performance-arts, does the creator ever go to see other performers? And how do the people and vessels regard the creator joining the audience?

-🥘Stew

i am in fact a student and it is in fact major kicking my ass rn . that being said comma

(here's the ga ming fic stew mentioned , for context )

performing arts are predominant in three major places: sumeru, fontaine, and liyue. natlan is arguably an honorary mention in this list but fuck it we ball. my post .

in liyue, i think i've already brushed over their performing arts "economy," but i'll restate it here so we're all on the same page. liyue is a dense city, and every spot on a stage is very carefully accounted for. for occasions such as the lantern rite, these slots are even more meticulously rationed, as its one of the few times of the year they can all but guarantee you will be present, so it's important your stay is as perfect as possible, even without you being able to see every stall. i imagine the creator choosing to see your performance is a career changing opportunity, one that cemented yun jin's position and lifted ga ming and his troops to someone the law sees as worth mentioning. if you mean post an isekai of some sort, or simply without the whole game thing, it's still mostly the same deal, except somehow worse? liyue is a bright and full place, one that manages to get brighter and fuller when you arrive.

in either case, they at least try to be somewhat calm about the whole thing, though. no want for scaring you off! the sight of you in the crowd, though, whether through a vessel or not, is enough to give any performer a shot of extra energy.

natlan is FAR more lax. not only is dance a less formalized occasion, but they in general have a far less dramatic difference in levels of authority, social or legal. the archon is regularly on the same level as any other tribe member, and while yes, there is a difference, it's nothing as dramatic as some of the other nations. people play songs for the sake of playing, so it doesn't matter if an audience is present or who's in the crowd. 10/10 the best place to go if you want a casual show.

fontaine swings back into an almost obsessive formality. every appearance is carefully crafted, and if anyone gets the idea you're coming, true or not, they suddenly put 100x more effort into the performance. the briefest hesitation when reciting one's lines is a monumental failure, and the slightest fumble when performing a trick is grounds to scrap the entire routine. it is a problem. please tell them that it's okay to make mistakes and that you won't, like, shoot them for making an error.

thankfully, sumeru finds a healthier balance. the arts are still being somewhat suppressed, though with your backing, its hard to make a case to continue doing so. the sabzeruz theatre is thriving, frankly, and has never seen better days. it's a bit of a cross between liyue and natlan, in that your approval or attendance definitely influences choices made, but it's still a relatively lax time. whether or not you show in the future, the knowledge that you approve of the arts is a massive point in their favor.

[m1d-45]

wyyy i love all of your works sm… i keep coming back to admire them. you evoke emotions within me wjth your words

hell yeah.... ty.... <3

[m1d-45]

Is there only one bank in teyvat?

-🥘Stew

(Btw, new PHONE and i HATE IT! [Affectionate])

GREAT QUESTION

minor spoilers for natlan AQ and kinda spoilers for mondstadt's/inazuma's/fontaine's ?

there DEFINITELY is , absolutely, 110% . HOWEVER COMMA,

the northland bank is:

the most widespread

capable of the highest loans

provides the best security for one's funds

is very willing to accept... non monetary exchanges

+more

so. it's by far the most popular, even despite it's reputation! if you have the money, there is nowhere safer for your money than the northland bank, and they have branches in most nations at this point. some are certainly larger than others, but they still have a hand in most economies, even if not as tight a grip as in liyue.

speaking of: the northland bank in liyue is a very notable outlier. aside from being the biggest chapter outside of snezhnaya, it has most definitely choked out most major competitors. if you want anything over a few thousand mora safely secured, you're all but forced to go to northland. there have been attempts to combat this, and the idea of a state-funded bank has been thrown around, but everything the bank does is technically above board, and their rates are reasonable, and they've already got prime estate in the center of the city, and it would be a hassle to make work diplomatically...

the situation is similar in snezhnaya, except they are the state-funded bank. every other bank that isn't northland is connected to it in some way. either they're funded by them, work as a subunit for them, or just are them, just with a new face. snezhnayans don't have the pretense of kindness the liyuen branch has, though—their interest racks up fast, and kills from loan collectors are well known and well feared.

so, in liyue and snezhnaya... no, there's not really another reliable bank to use. other than them, though, there are at least options !

mondstadt, obviously, has next to nothing to do with the fatui. there's the goth hotel, of course, and they do do some business out of it, but most mondstadters simply don't use a bank. they keep their money on their person, or can get help from the knights or their community as needed—even the winery has been known to lend money to those in need, on occasion.

the second weakest sect of the bank is assuredly in inazuma. it draws very little business, as most of its clients are desperate laypeople with little money to their name. it mostly serves to keep tabs on inazuma and its economy, as well as the political climate. the most popular bank in inazuma is the one sponsored by the shogunate, but even that's more so just for long term savings than an active account. there was a bit of a bottleneck during the decree, but before and after it there was and is an abundance of other, smaller options to choose from. northland poses as one of these, but again, the real value is in social currency.

natlan and sumeru are roughly tied for involvement with the northland bank, though natlan is pulling ahead with recent developments regarding the captain. public (and private, for that matter) faith in the fatui is increasing, so the establishment of a larger foothold there is definitely possible if not inevitable. inversely, sumeru's branch is struggling for similar reasons. prior to this, however, both had a rather neutral opinion of the bank at large. of the handful of large banks, northland just happened to be one of them. there are plenty of other reliable options, and the (general maha)matra and sheer cooperative strength keep unsavory activities low. it's hard to leverage one family or tribe for money when pressing one all but guarantees others get involved. in either of these nations, you could easily go your life without ever hearing anything notable about the northland bank.

the gap of involvement between liyue and fontaine is absurdly large—tsaritsa knows why the regrator wants liyue so bad—but the gap between fontaine and natlan is still nothing to scoff at. aside from the knave, it's fairly heavily implied that the regrator was the one that set up the coupon system in the fortress. with fontaine's every changing laws, there's no shortage of loopholes for them to exploit, and general opinion of the fatui is rather high, so it's fair to assume they're doing a good job of it. there's not a monopoly, or at least not one as strong as in liyue, but there's a high likelihood someone turns to northland for money. there's more deals in the dark here, too, and many deaths are written off as mysterious crimes of passion. it's a bit of a gamble, but nothing like snezhnaya. overall, far heavier ties, but if you were determined to out of principle, you could probably live without ever doing business with them first-hand, so long as you vet your sources well. the political scene in fontaine isn't exactly orderly, after all.

[m1d-45]

Hi 👋

hello, tumblr user jjovin3221 👋

[m1d-45]

sitting here yelling at my screen over the gaming sagau fic from last year T-T

I didn't really care about him until I saw him this year during lantern rite and something just struck me about him. I was fully ready to get lan yan for the free 4 star this year, but at the last second I chose him. I even got arlecchino and her weapon, but instead of fully building her (me being someone desperately in need of a good dps) I've been building gaming.

I read his entire story after getting him, not even waiting to unlock them with his friendship levels, and he has most, if not all, of my heart atm.

anyway, that fic was really good and is making me want to open genshin and apologize to him over not caring about him when he came out

yes!!! let's go!!!! i love ga ming n spreading ga ming propaganda

i'm so happy you like it !! and i'm VERY happy you like him — i can personally attest ga ming is a rather simple dps once you get the rhythm going. i was able to build mine very easily, and i hope yours serves you well !! ty for your kind words <3

[m1d-45]

Midas,

Do you think the people of teyvat have "old remedies" like eating frozen peas when you have a fever?

(Frozen peas is a rare remedy in my country, but it works as a healthy cooling thing that helps you clear your throat of runny snot and distracts and numbs you from feeling the tickle of the incoming sneeze, works for me like a charm!

-🥘Stew, who has had a runny nose and almost choked to death trying to cough up snot TWICE and has eaten like four packs of frozen peas, and needs to go buy more.

since this was sent like... over a week ago at least, i hope you're feeling better by now !

minor spoilers for mondstadt/sumeru/natlan AQ ? kinda ?? very very minor

i've never actually heard of eating frozen peas, but there definitely are local remedies for certain issues!

i don't know if i've mentioned this at some point, but cor lapis is thought to be good for bones, whether for healing broken ones or stabilizing fragile ones. whether or not this is true greatly depends on the elemental capacity and resonance of the person—there's an ongoing argument about whether it actually weakens the person taking it due to the toll of consuming such a high concentration of geo—and it's hard to get your hands on true cor lapis since it's still, you know, a relatively rare stone that takes effort to mill into something edible. absolutely nobody recommends it due to its inconsistency and the fact that it's stupid expensive. still, if you happen to be, say, a powerful vision wielder, then it's probably a safe (if pricey) remedy for most physical wounds..

i think mondstadt would push a really high emphasis on vegetables. light, warm vegetable stews should fix just about anything wrong with you with enough time. why? who knows. some ideas are thrown around about the increased price of meat during decarabian's time, but nobody has a solid answer. on the bright side, it tastes fantastic.

in inazuma, onikabuto are explicitly said to help heal(/close? i forgot) wounds, but i think sakura leaves are also thought to have antimicrobial properties, at the cost of being notoriously painful. its most likely just the electro in the petals, but... it certainly does live up to both accounts! also, though dendrobrium work wonders for clotting wounds, nobody really has the spirit to go out into a graveyard for one unless it's a serious situation.

sumero aromatherapy sweep!!! very big on natural remedies to be honest, many teas to be found. part of this is because there's a lot of danger to be found and it's best to be able to make do with what's around you, but the other part is just because everyone swears by it. dried petals turn into incense, leaves for tea, stems for salves. they literally have an incense specifically for focus while studying ! lots of scented products in sumeru...

natlan loves honey !! the sweetness is cut with either spices or lemon juice (does teyvat have lemons??) depending on the person, and it's a nice general cure-all, i think. the high sugar comes in handy when one lacks energy for much else—coincidentally, it's also often eaten before pilgrimages! sprayfeather gills are said to make for good snacks, but i imagine they're also rather nutritious. since they grow just about everywhere in the people of the springs, it's a very common remedy.

snezhnayans get sick a lot due to everwinter. cryo slime is an abundant, cheap, and easy way to get someone to eat, and it helps cool down the body. there is a very high risk of elemental poisoning, though, as too much cryo in someone's body can make things worse long before before they get better. snezhnayan food is more prone to an overabundance of cryo, more so than any other nation and their respective elements. it seeps everywhere, and most people are perpetually at least a little sick with it. as such, cooking the aforementioned slime helps melt the cryo out, creating an odd sort of elemental sink, one that eagerly attaches to any source of elemental energy. it's eaten directly after it's made, and it's a rather fragile practice to perfect, but it's a staple in most homes just due to necessity.

[m1d-45]

the corner of 1st and 9th

summary: you've given a little too much information to your favorite barista... not that it matters, when he already knows.

word count: 3k

-> warnings: stalking . he is unwell guys

-> gn reader (you/yours) is a hot drink enjoyer . mb

taglist: @samarill || @sarienic || @valeriele3 || @shizunxie || @boba-is-a-soup || @yuus3n || @esthelily || @turningfrogsgay || @cupandtea24 || @genshin-impacts-me || @chaoticfivesworld || @raaawwwr || @ryuryuryuyurboat || @undrxtxd || @rainswept || @wanderersqt || @rozz-eokkk

< masterlist >

reasons to NOT think that he is stalking you:

you tap your pen on the corner of your paper, eyes glancing between your writing and the clock. there’s no sound but the intermittent ac and the chatter of voices from the common room, a group of your dormmate’s friends that you’re not keen on interacting with. it’s a reminder of the fact that you’re assuredly spending too much time locked up in your room thinking about this, but you can’t stop. you haven’t been able to stop thinking about it, about him.

thoma was a normal barista at an innocuous cafe. and he was definitely, assuredly not stalking you… right?

you go there fairly often

the estate was a dimly unpopular cafe set right near your dorms, perfectly on the way to most of your classes and not too far out of the way if you wanted a quick bite. despite clearly being a family business, it had managed to partner with the university, and accepted the meal plan you were forced to buy. given its proximity to you and the fact that the other options got rather repetitive, you frequented the small shop. it was never too crowded, so it wasn’t impossible to assume that you were one of the few regulars.

there were exactly two consistent baristas that worked there, with the occasional new face only ever showing for a few days. there was no set uniform, as far as you could tell. one was a young girl, likely another student, who constantly yawned and always had to push up her sleeves to work the register. she didn’t talk much; the one time you had complimented her sweater, she looked at you like you were a raccoon that had waltzed in and tried to pay with cash.

the other was the object of your paranoia: thoma, a chatty redhead who always seemed to drag out the conversation longer than he had to. he didn’t wear a name tag, but did introduce himself after you gave your name for your order, like you were meeting as friends and not in a mercantile exchange. when he handed you your receipt, there was a doodle of a dog in a suit at the bottom wishing you a good day.

your schedule was rather uneven, what with waxing and waning stress and assignments and the various misaligned tests you had to take. but still, you had credits to burn and their menu was solid, so you came back whenever you wanted.

2. he’s just being nice

thoma was an occasionally odd guy, but not overtly strange. he smiled and said hello and goodbye in the regular tone someone in customer service would, provided they were either really enthusiastic about their job or desperately trying not to get fired. he wore a plain black tee and jeans and despite the silver tags around his neck, never really screamed ex-military. he seemed rather young to be deployed anyway…

regardless, he was still just a normal guy. it was normal to memorize someone’s order if they came back so often, right? normal. it was normal to ask why you looked tired, or what had happened if you were in a better mood, or to wish you luck if you were about to head to class.

he was a normal, nice guy. he never made a big deal if you came in near closing time—in your defense, their hours seemed to shift from week to week—and still recited your usual back to you in case it had changed.

it never did. his smile was proud whenever you said so.

he was forgiving, from what you could see. whenever another staff member made a mistake, or if a customer dropped something, or if a funny looking bird flew by the window and he spilled whatever he was holding, he was quick to laugh it off. he laughed a lot, actually. rarely was any visit when he was working devoid of it, whether loud and excited or quietly amused. when he wasn’t, he wore an easygoing grin, the kind that implicitly forgave you for tripping over your words or the rug by the front door. he worked quickly and quietly and sometimes you’d find you were given a discount “just because.”

3. you’re probably overthinking things.

the problem had started around the same time midterms did.

the attendees at the tables grew sparser, busy studying or sleeping or praying. there were days when you’d walk in and be the only one there, aside from whoever was at the counter that day. when you walked in, you had just enough time to see the deep frown etched on thoma’s face before it slipped away, customer service smile back on his face.

you debated over whether to ask the entire time you waited. it was the polite thing to do, wasn’t it? it wasn’t as if you were friends, but still. if someone’s sad, you ask why. that’s the normal thing to do..

he still called your name, despite you being the only one there. how did this place stay afloat? surely there was some bigger chain willing to pay the rent. the middle of a college campus was the best spot for a place selling caffeine..

now that you thought about it, why was this place so quiet?

you shook it off and went to pick up your drink, finding a small pastry there instead. you blinked, looking up to correct him, but he was already looking at you with the same smile as always.

“they’re going to go out of date soon,” he explained, “and we over-ordered, anyway. take as many as you want!”

…odd. this didn’t look like a new building. did they not know business slowed around this time?

but not too far out of order. you took the freebie, waited a few minutes longer for your drink, and went on your day.

reasons TO think he is stalking you:

he knows where you are

you, like everyone else, had assignments due, and tests to get to. your free time dwindled to a select few naps, and your, like everyone else’s, trips to the cafe slowed to a stop.

and yet, the next time you visited, he knew.

he knew.

you dragged yourself through the doors on a spur of whim, determined to reward yourself for making it through the past few weeks. god, you were tired. you blinked the exhaustion from your eyes long enough to find the barista on shift; thoma, as usual, greeted you with a smile.

“welcome back! same as usual?”

you nodded, digging through your wallet, but instead of punching in your order as usual, he reached behind him, setting down a to-go cup in front of you.

it was still steaming.

you froze, the sight settling into your exhausted mind, unable to even force your hands to pay.

why the fuck did thoma know you were coming back today?

you didn’t even know you were coming. this was an impulse, an idea you barely thought through.

after what you can only assume is too long, he lets out a laugh. not nervous, or uncomfortable, but the same casual laugh as when he spills something while someone’s watching. your eyes find his, easygoing and bright.

“i hope you’re not too surprised,” he starts, like you’re not keenly aware of every beat of your heart. “i just figured you should get some rest as soon as possible.”

is it worse, you wonder, if he just made the same drink every day until you came back and simply got lucky? that’s the only answer that doesn’t involve you calling student services, but even that makes your skin crawl. you pay as fast as you can and grab the drink, rushing the rest of the trip back to your dorm.

it went cold on your desk, too unnerving to ever take a sip of.

2. he knows your schedule

it took… a lot of mental energy to force yourself back to the estate. you didn’t even want to go, not really, but the other options nearby either didn’t take school credits or simply tasted worse. you didn’t know what it was, but it was always off. too strong, too weak, with an odd aftertaste. it was a different problem every time, one that wore down your resistance.

nothing was better than a (technically not) free pick-me-up. you had all these credits anyway, you might as well use them on something you actually liked, right?

it’s not like you were known for making good decisions, okay? maybe… maybe it was just a fluke? maybe you could ask him about it. there’s even a chance that it’s not him working the counter!

…yeah, not a chance. a quick glance inside shows the same bright copper hair as always… though the girl is at the register this time, and he’s in the back. there’s only a handful of other people inside, so you’re probably fine.

you walked in, the bell ringing, a few patrons looking up on instinct. the girl at the register does the same right as thoma abandoned the order he was working on, tapping her on the shoulder. “sayu, let me handle this one, okay?”

great. sayu, apparently, looks at you with what you can only describe as pity, shrugging and returning to the back counter. you stood a bit further from the counter than normal, but thoma still continued to smile.

“hey there! your usual?”

he looked so normal. you couldn’t ignore how pleasant his smile was, how easily he waved like he wasn’t the reason you stayed up until the sun rose, unable to look away from the cup on your desk. it almost annoyed you, knowing he probably didn’t even think about it. so you grabbed that irritation, twisted it into words, and pushed it through your teeth; “how did you know when i was going to come here?”

for a moment, his smile faltered. his laugh was quieter, nervous, nothing like before. he shrugged, pushing up the bandana around his forehead, green eyes avoiding yours. “ah, lucky guess?”

you’re a lot of things. stupid is.. probably on that list, given your presence here, but you’re not stupid enough to believe him about that. to his credit, he seems to recognize that, shoulders slumping with a sigh.

“okay, that’s a lie. i’m sorry.” he shakes his head, as if chiding himself for trying. “one of my friends happened to see you, and he said you looked upset. i thought you might appreciate the thought…?”

yeah, you might, if that wasn’t a fucking insane thing to do.

he looks sheepish enough, or as much as one can when it’s clear he doesn’t actually feel bad for what he did.

“…don’t do it again. it’s weird.”

it’s comical, how much he brightens, standing straighter like a flower finally put in the sun. “of course! if you don’t mind the wait, then i’m not complaining.”

that should have been it. you paid, you waited, and though sayu is the one that makes your drink it’s thoma that called you up to the counter. it’s a constant, at this point, same as your order and the chipper grin as he handed you your drink instead of leaving it there, a wax bag in his other hand.

“take this as an apology,” he explains, “i really didn’t mean to unnerve you.”

sure. you’re willing to believe that, if only for the sake of normalcy. you took both, the warmth easing your tense hands.

he lingered. he always did. he stood, and waited, and when he had enough of your staring, he spoke. “if there’s anything else i can do, just let me know. i could even give you my notes to study, if you want! i know you’ve got a test coming up.”

you’re learning to hate his smile. it’s so easy, his words soft and fluid with a genuine curiosity that sent chills across your skin.

there’s the possibility that he just also attends school. you’re aware of that. you swallowed your fear and managed the breath to ask what you really, really didn’t want to know. “do you also have ms yae?”

if you had access to a time machine… well, you’d stop yourself from ever stepping foot in the estate to begin with. but if you couldn’t do that, you’d come back to that instant, and keep yourself from ever asking such a stupid question.

some things were better unsaid. never did you understand that more than when thoma replied, eyes as sharp as a blade of grass.

“of course not. but you do, don’t you?”

you put your pen down, the ink from your anxious tapping now covering most of the upper corner of the page.

you hate it. you hate it. you hate that you wrote his name willingly, you hate that you’re so shaken by something you could have easily avoided, you hate that your life has taken such a turn.

you should have just stayed gone. you’ve stopped now, but now he knew you were stuck here for this semester. leaving mid-term would wreak havoc on your transcript, let alone your grades or schedule or however you were supposed to find another college to attend on such short notice.

you refocus on your list. objectively speaking, there’s more reasons to think this is normal, but the downside of lists like this is that they failed to fully capture the way your heart had dropped that day.

it was a month ago. a month, and you haven’t been able to stop looking over your shoulder whenever you went outside. you should really just call someone…

would student services be open at this hour?

you dig through the school’s website for a bit, but only find an address and a phone number for the department head. what “department” this falls under, you’re not sure, and you’re not keen on making a call less than an hour before midnight, so you don’t ask either. no dice. not for a few hours, at least. it’s just you, not really alone in your dorm, both because of the phantoms in your periphery and the fact that the walls are thin, letting you hear the cheers and disappointment of whatever game they’re playing in the common room.

it’s a bit of an anchor. the world is still going to turn, after all, and you need to be ready to meet it; you need to rest. being on edge for so long is wearing you down, and the weight on your shoulders will only grow if you keep sitting here. after a moment to consider the paper, you rip the list of your worries into short shreds, dumping the remains into the trash. you stand, stretch, and begin to tidy up, plugging in your phone and reaching for your water bottle, only to find it empty. you must have forgotten to refill it in your panic.. you look to the door, mentally weighing the benefits of going out and refilling it. there’s people in the common room, and you’re not too keen on being looked at right now, but it’s not as if they’re the ones plaguing you. it’s a common room for a reason, and filling it now will reduce the number of things to do tomorrow morning.

in search of a blessing for your future self, you unlock and open your door, the voices getting louder. some are familiar, but you shelve the memories. you have a mission. you unscrew the cap as you walk, aiming for the small kitchenette against the wall. archons willing, you won’t even have to interact with anybody. you walk, avoiding their eyes and even doing a rather good job at it, in your opinion. you fill your bottle, lingering just long enough to get the cap on without spilling anything, and turn to leave.

in a moment of weakness, you glance at the tv. there’s some sort of pvp game going on, with both players and bystanders crowded around the lone couch, most watching the ebb and flow of victory in earnest.

most, except one. on the floor, hands neatly in his lap, is the last person you want to see. he’s missing his bandana, but he still has that same smile, one gloved hand raised in a familiar wave.

you don’t think about what he’s said or done. you don’t think about the fact that you definitely should have told your roommates not to let him in. no, all you can think about is the fact that he now knows where you live, right down to the suite number.

it takes a lot of effort to drag your eyes away, pulling your feet into the dorm. you don’t want to think about how much effort it will take to leave tomorrow.

you don’t want to think about what could be waiting for you.

[m1d-45]

post-mortem

summary: war was not a gentle affair; not to the land, the civilians, the soldiers, or their captain.

word count: 1.1k

-> warnings: major spoilers for natlan aq, very very brief mention of canon-typical violence

-> gn reader (you/yours) and unspecified traveller

taglist: @samarill || @sarienic || @valeriele3 || @shizunxie || @boba-is-a-soup || @yuus3n || @esthelily || @turningfrogsgay || @cupandtea24 || @genshin-impacts-me || @chaoticfivesworld || @raaawwwr || @ryuryuryuyurboat || @undrxtxd || @rainswept || @wanderersqt || @rozz-eokkk

< masterlist >

harbingers were not meant to be kind. they were meant to carry out the tsaritsa’s will, and while they were allowed some level of leniency within their methods of doing so, their goal remained firm: fetch the gnosis. if they could manage that, then it was to return home in more or less one piece.

capitano was not in natlan for fun. he had a mission to complete. anything that stopped him was an obstacle to be immediately removed. anything that slowed him was to be brushed off and cut away. for hundreds of years, he had had no problem with this goal, and no problem for what would come after it.

he stationed himself just within natlan’s borders, gathering as much information on the ley lines as he could without stepping on too many toes. he had bided his time patiently, tending to his mechanical heart and the souls within, his plan ready to go as soon as the traveller arrived. carefully reviewed and edited millions of times, paperwork he no longer needed to read to remember the words of. it was the pinnacle of his years on teyvat, his will and testament to the nation he once served.

he held no reservations. he had no doubt, no fear for what was to come. il capitano did not linger.

the captain sat behind his desk, the plain wood empty and unoffensive. there was neither pen nor paper across its surface, all reports having been reviewed just as midnight struck. the only light in the cramped tent was from a lamp in the corner, the flame’s light flickering over the walls and everything held within. outside, the wind whined through the stone of tezcatepetonco range, keeping all words far from listening ears. had he wanted to, he would feel comfortable even listing out his plan to someone he trusted enough to tell it to.

that had been his plan, initially. his tent was nestled deep within the heart of the camp, and he doubted neither his soldiers’ fealty nor their ability to alert him should something go wrong. in the wilds of the land of war, he had forged a sliver of true privacy. any day now, he would receive word that the traveller had finally left fontaine, and his plan would fall into place. every possible failure and fault had long been accounted for; all that was left was to secure that his affairs would be in order after he died.

and with that, you had been called into his office, the summons delivered by an agent with a deep red mask and a voice permanently roughened by illness.

you had been hired young by the fatui, like so many others in their ranks. you were a remarkably ordinary person, in fact; at least by snezhnayan standards. you were born, you starved, you joined the cause. and because the captain made a point of caring after those put under his banner, he let you try to forget the things that happened in between. you came when called and struck when commanded, carrying the same loyalty that marked the rest of his division. you were entirely unassuming, if not for the fact that for some inexplicable reason, it was you that he had called.

there were soldiers with more experience than you. there were soldiers with a more precise control over the elements than you, with a higher kill count, with a broader stature or quicker strikes. you were perhaps not average, but assuredly not him, nor someone fit to manage every loose string.

the only thing you were, for certain, was slumped over his desk, leaning rather uncomfortably on your arm in a way that you’d certainly regret in the morning. normally, he’d never allow such disrespect—this was his tent, after all—but given that you were the one he’d chosen to step alongside him for the past few days, he supposed he could cut you some slack. regular people needed sleep, after all, and the captain was in the habit of protecting those under his banner. as a reward for trekking with him across the country and back and dealing with the combat in between, he would allow you to rest with him as your guard for one more night.

no one person could handle every consequence of the power vacuum that would be left in his stead, and he was not stupid enough to think so. he had informed both the jester and her majesty, but their business was not with inter-platoon affairs. while he may not have to worry about anyone striking when they thought the harbingers were weak, he did have to worry about who would upkeep all of his contacts, monitor the ley and those that resided within them, who would coordinate his troops while they either filtered to the other harbingers or were reassigned to whomever would take his place. it was for this reason that he had spent his tentatively “free” time developing and editing a second plan for when news of his death reached fatui ears. it sat in his pocket, a thin weight he was never meant to hold on to.

he was meant to give it to you. ordinary you, as plain as the uniform over your shoulders, tasked with filling his shoes until the storm passed. you, who he should not be fond of because captains did not have time for such childish things as favorites, and yet your name had refused to leave his mind. no, he was not forced to give command to you in particular, and neither was he made to leave it at all. but war was cruel, and a soldier without a cause was as good as a cart without wheels. he was to reduce his people’s suffering, not impart more upon others. you just happened to be better suited for the job, and he had happened to tell you more about natlan’s ley lines than anyone else. it only made sense that he kept calling on you rather than anyone else, as he could handle any combat anyway. informing you would make your transition to stand-in all the more easier, that was all. there was no place for “kindness” in his crowded heart. “kindness” implied a level of sympathy he did not show, not to any of his troops and assuredly not to you. it was not “kind” to mark you with his death.

he waited until the sun crept above the horizon to move, letting you sleep uninterrupted. you would need a much of it as you could get. he let his chair slide against the floor as he stood, letting that wake you instead of his gauntlets on your shoulders. you snapped to sitting up, but just as fast winced at the knot in your shoulder. “get moving,” he ordered, and you hurriedly apologized, thanked him, and turned to comply. as the wind swept in behind you, he watched you shiver at the sudden drop in temperature, hunching your shoulders high and walking quickly.

for just a moment, his mind briefly drew the idea of giving you his coat. he discarded the idea as soon as it came, pushing his chair back into place and following you out, running through today’s agenda.

his last wishes would be dealt with another day.

[m1d-45]

wandering eyes

summary: wherein he's not sure what's going on between him and you, but he knows that he definitely shouldn't be thinking like this...

word count: ~2.5k

-> warnings: minor sumeru AQ spoilers ?? author very clumsily uses no name for wanderer . reader is a scholar of unnamed darshan and author handles that clumsily too .

-> gn reader (you/yours) ++ unspecified traveller (they/them)

taglist: @samarill || @sarienic || @valeriele3 || @shizunxie || @boba-is-a-soup || @yuus3n || @esthelily || @turningfrogsgay || @cupandtea24 || @genshin-impacts-me || @chaoticfivesworld || @raaawwwr || @ryuryuryuyurboat || @undrxtxd || @rainswept || @wanderersqt || @rozz-eokkk

< masterlist >

there are many scholars in the akedemiya. thousands of scholars across six darshans, collected under the akedemiya’s flag, differentiated only by the emblems on their uniforms. tens of thousands of people walked through the front doors, searched the house of daena, roamed the halls and chatted and laughed with their peers.

you were not one of them. you rarely were. it seemed, as time went by, you were more fond of lingering in his office rather than the established gathering places for students and staff alike.

how you found it, he didn’t know. it wasn’t marked with his name, nor that stupid nickname given to him by the rest of the scholars, nor any name at all. it wasn’t even a proper office, more so an abandoned classroom that he’d claimed as his own. and yet, one day you’d opened the door and sat in the chair across from his makeshift desk, and he’d never really had the mind to lock it after you left.

the wanderer did not often say what he was thinking. it was far easier to allow others to run their mouths in attempt to fill the silence, usually giving over more information than they meant to. buer used to chide him for it, but he thinks she’s gotten the message by now; casual conversations were reserved for a very narrow selection of people. her, of course, when he sat in the sanctuary and rattled off the list of tasks that comprised his day. he didn’t think there was much important about his day to her, but that had of course changed. she told him about his, and maybe he found something from a tavern to bring up to her, letting her try the fruits of her labor. he never ate much. he didn’t need it, and sumeru food was far more… complex than inazuman cuisine. he’s never been able to move past that simplicity—at nobody’s fault but his own, of course.

the second spot on his inch-long list was reserved for the traveller and, somewhat irritatingly, their companion. they made good company, though he hadn’t seen them in a while now… and as such, his list had effectively shortened to two.

if asked, he would not give a name to the tentative bond between you two. both because anyone that didn’t already know certainly deserved no stake in it, but also because it felt wrong to do that without knowing what you thought, and he’d not be asking that question any time soon. you were first a colleague, approaching him despite the gap in your darshans, and then… he didn’t know. he wasn’t familiar enough with the intricacies of human relationships to name it.

you weren’t an acquaintance. he knew more about you than he cared to admit, which his mind already reminded him of often enough. you were not a friend, nor anything else close to it. you were not a companion, that was too close a word for his liking. you were not a confidante, as you surely were not privy to the dim paths his thoughts often wound. more than an associate, less than a comrade. even if, say, the walls of the akedemiya had turned into the plains of battle, he could not call you a warrior in arms, for not only would he be far from the bloodshed, but you would surely be just as distant.

you were a strange character. maybe that was why he had allowed you so close—and it was only on his terms that this had happened, he told himself, because he would not be so foolish as to allow you near him of your own volition. when you spoke, he could almost hear your will threaded into your words, a silent determination to do… something. he hadn’t figured out what yet. you had no research projects you were uncertain on, no assignments or tasks you did not know how to complete, and yet you spoke with all the tenacity of a detective on a cold case.

you had walked into his life and he was too curious to let you leave. just curiosity, that’s all. there was no other reason to entertain someone so… intruiging.

that wasn’t the right adjective. he could spin a few hundred, if he wanted, but he had a feeling that even if he had recited them all, it would still fall flat. why was it that he had no problem summarizing others with the snap of his fingers, but his tongue always lingered over your name?

you didn’t seem to care that he didn’t talk. you spoke more than enough to make up for him, going into gratingly deep detail about how your day had gone and what research you were struggling with connecting, to the point that he’d began to keep books on your subject permanently in his “office” just to push them over to you whenever you started complaining. it didn’t matter that the time before he did so began to stretch longer and longer. he just knew you better, and as such needed to decide which text would be better. nevermind that he could give you both. why did he both welcome and shrink from the sound of his door clicking closed?

this problem, among others, drifted lazily through his mind as he skimmed the various proposals on his desk. for being gifted a name such as “hat guy” by the people of sumeru, a shockingly large amount of them wanted his time or approval on some project or another. he always denied them, and usually wouldn’t give them any mind… but he needed something to keep his eyes busy.

today was a day like any other. he had retired from his lectures with a weight on his shoulders like he was the one forced to memorize half a century in an hour, hanging his hat and sighing in his chair. he had sorted the mail that made it onto his desk—despite being across campus from the other staff offices, he still managed to receive letters—into a neat bucket called his trash can and had set about grading papers, which never took very long. when he was done, he began flipping through the textbooks stacked on his desk, waiting for the tell-tale click that would herald your arrival.

he used to go for walks during this time. he wouldn’t even bother with his hat, quickly scrawling over mistakes in thick red ink before leaving just as fast. he usually went for a walk outside the city to clear his head and get away from the noise, and maybe stop to buy some trinket for buer while he was out to make up for the fact that he “didn’t socialize enough” for her liking.

he doesn’t do that anymore. his routine had shifted, and the idea of you coming back to an empty office… well, he didn’t want you bothering anyone else with your inane inquiries anyway. he’s not sure anyone was as familiar with your research as him, and he’d rather not gain a reputation for annoying his coworkers by forcing them to keep up with you. no, only he was fit for that task.. and so he waited.

you had walked in with all your usual fanfare, sitting in the chair he never moved, starting to ask pleasantries that he had parried as soon as they left your mouth. his day was fine. his work was fine. his students were annoying. your day was good? good. what did you want and how could he give it to you?

from the moment you began to talk, he knew what your problem was. he was reading about it as you spoke, actually, tracing the arguments on the page as your words filtered through his mind like coffee through paper. perhaps if he was the divining sort, he’d sift the grounds and read your fortune.

he wasn’t. he read, occasionally looking up so you knew he was listening and continued, eyes flicking over your expression. you seemed more irritated than usual, the softness wrapped around the steel cord of your demeanor shedding away. it, like you, was interesting. that was the only reason why he was staring.

your hair was out of order, like you’d been fussing with it on the walk here. your uniform was out of place, as if thrown on without your usual care. your brow was set tight, though it softened when he’d snapped the book in his hands shut without a word, waiting for the truth you knew he held.

why was it, he wondered, that you bothered with small talk? why was it, as he pushed the book across to you, did he put up with it? why had he wanted to hold onto it longer, and why was it your exasperation that had made him cave?

curiosity. that was all. for when you took it into your lap with a smile he ignored, you did not leave. you stayed, launching into a spiel about the house of daena’s lending practices. did you know he was the one with all the books you needed? the house was short on such a niche subject as yours, and he didn’t like the idea of you going without the materials you needed—it would only cause more headaches, after all.

even if you did know, why tell him? this was not a problem he could fix. he looked to the remaining books on his desk, but found no answer. you had pulled the topic away from research, and he was at a loss for what you wanted. back to you, his eyes wandered, searching for some other indication. he would not say he was the smartest when it came to human emotion, but he still knew how to read one’s intentions; spending decades stuck in a palace of ice would teach anyone how. yet, despite all of this experience, he kept getting caught on one detail.

curiosity. that was all. your lips were dry, just so, and he was wondering why. had your stress caused you to neglect yourself? that happened often among scholars, to his understanding. were you without water? or had the heat gotten to you? if you were flushed, he couldn’t tell. you spoke without a rasp, the same voice that had haunted him since you had first called his “name” from up the hall, lips the same shade of pink he always knew.

curiosity. intrigue. novelty. he pulled his eyes away with an odd feeling pooling in his fingertips, willing himself back in line. and yet, the moment he looked back at you, his gaze was weighed down. dry, yes, but seeming so soft between the cracks. or was he just seeing things?

with a groan and a harsh shake of his head, he reached down, pulling the old proposals out of the trash. you had stopped talking, so he waved his hand to lead you to continue, pushing his eyes across the lines of text instead.

a lecture he was bored by from the name alone. a subject he held no research on. a lot of those, actually, people seeking his help from across darshans either instead of or after going to their sages. in fact, he had received proposals from everywhere but vahumana, it seemed. it was ridiculous. maybe only those he dealt with knew how futile sending a letter his way would go. should he give the relevant letters to you and say he had sent you in his stead? some of the subjects looked like something you would be interested in… it would never work, but he took the excuse to look back at you anyway, currently elbow-deep in a story about the last time you went to puspa café.

what did you drink, he wondered? was it why your skin looked so rough? perhaps the next time he went by the shops, he should find you some sunsettia juice.

it was that thought—and assuredly not that you had caught his eye with confusion—that had snapped him out of his thoughts. he dropped the stack in his hands on the desk and again pulled his synthetic eyes from where they should never have strayed, gesturing to the book in your lap with some snappy quip he didn’t think much about. there was little reason to put thought into insults he didn’t mean, and calling you poorly-read would only reflect back on him and his help.

which was fine. because he wasn’t helping you for his reputation. he was helping you for his own selfish…

you stood, giving thanks that slipped right off his shoulders, as easy as the breeze on a hot day. you “pushed in” the chair that had nowhere to go, leaving it where it would stay until you returned, like a dog by the door.

“don’t come back,” he called, voice holding no bite as the door latched shut. it was useless putting effort into things he didn’t intend to happen anyway.

[m1d-45]

That is yummy.

-🥘Stew

thank you!!!

and how have you been? i haven’t spoken to you since like last year !! hope you’ve been doing okay <33

[m1d-45]

the pain of rapture

summary: there is no excuse for weakness in an archon. only explanations; no matter how impossible to find.

word count: ~3k

-> warnings: major spoilers for liyue archon quest . duh . unedited . also duh

-> gn reader (you/yours)

taglist: @samarill || @sarienic || @valeriele3 || @shizunxie || @boba-is-a-soup || @yuus3n || @esthelily || @turningfrogsgay || @cupandtea24 || @genshin-impacts-me || @chaoticfivesworld || @raaawwwr || @ryuryuryuyurboat || @undrxtxd || @rainswept || @wanderersqt || @rozz-eokkk

< masterlist >

there was no underestimating the time that zhongli had waited for this day. it was every archon’s desire to fulfill their duty, of course, but he couldn’t help but feel as if his wait was all the more painful than theirs.

every archon—no, every person had, at some point or another, strayed from their ideals. whether inconsequential white lies or betrayal of that which they loved, no soul was pure. nobody ended up exactly as they intended to be, in exactly the life they meant to live, with exactly the views they had longed for as a child. it was simply impossible; the world was too unpredictable, forcing one through trial after trial to pull gem from slag and discover what color crystal lay within one’s veins. despite these unremarkable paths, it was equally everyone’s nature to seek out a reason that they were unlike everyone else. billions of unique voices joined an endless choir of individuality, cutting into the same earth for a place within it, blind to their actions being pushed along by the mob around them.

and perhaps, due to his position as archon, he had thought himself better. perhaps he, like everyone else, had thought that he was nothing like anyone at all. while he could never return to who he was before the archon war, his memory was not as easily washed away as time, and he had had millennia to reflect.

was it his own mind that decided to rewrite his history? actions were undeniable, but nobody but him could attest to his motivations. was he judging himself through the wrong eyes, and in the process blinding himself to the truth? or had he willingly turned away from what he already knew? even from an outsider’s view, he was a stark contrast to the morax he was. should it not follow that he has also changed internally? that the rough, raw ore of his pain had softened and smoothed? ah, but to argue that would be to admit that he was once a jewel that hurt to hold. what gem did not want to be admired?

there was a lot that has changed in his life. it should not be so shameful to acknowledge that he, too, had changed. stones in rivers did no good to travelers when jagged and unsteady. he had learned. he was not so foolish as to think he was incapable of learning. there were many things he did not know then, and still things he did not know now. what did it matter that “humility” was missing from the first list and “pride” from the second? circumstances had changed, and he had changed with them. there was no shame in adaptation.

(if put back in the thick of war, would he become who he was then? would he revert back to the mindset of selfishness and wrath that had kept him alive? was that really what had enabled his survival at all, or was it just his claws?)

the moon was not the only witness to these debates, but it was the most frequent. during the day, he could busy himself with work and walks and idle discussions with whomever he pleased. it was only at night, when the port had settled but his mind had not, that he was without reason to avoid such musings. the air was warm and yet he kept his hands close around his teacup, feeling the corners settle into the indents of his knuckles like there was never a time he didn’t spend his evenings like this. there was nobody around to fool.

sleep never came easy to him, in any of his iterations. morax had too much to do, plans to pore over, reports in one hand and a sharpening stone in the other. rex lapis got the closest, spending time not tending to his people quietly meditating, listening to the prayers brought through the stone beneath his hands. even now, if he pressed his hand flat against the earth and searched, he could still find the last vestiges of these pleas. he never listened for long, though.

despite shedding as much of his skin as possible, sleep did not come easily for zhongli. he could lay and wait until his muscles itched for any sort of attention, but his mind never slipped away. if work was particularly stressful and he had neglected this routine the night prior, he could perhaps slip into a fitful doze, but it was always easily interrupted. birds on his windowsill did not make him reach for a blade as they once would have, but they did once again bring his mind back into consciousness, identifying its call and guessing the time as if his internal clock ever wavered. he had long since come to peace with this—it made sense his transition into humanity would not be seamless—but it had become more troublesome recently.

if anyone asked, not that they would, he would simply say that lantern rite was coming up soon. with vendors focused on the event, it would be harder to fetch the supplies necessary for the parlor, and as a consultant his job was to be able to provide options for his customers. if florists were out of silk flowers until next week, or there were no dried birch available, then it fell to him to inform the client. those in mourning were already unconsolable, and he saw no reason this excuse would not work. the handful of times he’d had to use it, when he was new to the parlor and they hadn’t gotten used to his personality yet, it had worked fine.

it was good that nobody knew who he truly was. he had long since grown used to the desperate cries of his people, and heard enough of their disputes and conversations to know which words helped and which did not. his excuse was just that; an excuse.

zhongli did not have a birthday. not just as a date of the start of this identity—though that itself had taken several years of pondering, each of which could have been equally considered a “day of birth” in that sense—but as an absolute date. aside from the fact that the modern calendar had simply not existed back then, there was no date in his memory that was truly his birthday. consciousness was a hazy thing, and he’d never had a need to decide which of the days of his blurry existence constituted a “birthday.” however, humans placed importance on them, and so he did as well. like everything else about his new persona, he had chosen it, placing it at the end of the calendar year for no particular reason other than it feeling right. no day stood out to him enough to be “his,” and all carried some level of importance. he had experienced thousands of each day, and it wouldn’t be right to decide which stack of events was more or less “meaningful,” so he didn’t. the last day of the year, perhaps somewhat symbolic of his retirement.

before that day, he hadn’t given much thought to the passing of time. he was aware of it, certainly, but it had never weighed on his mind as it did. dedicating himself to human ideals meant noticing and appreciating when the year ended and another began, looking out over the city from ground level.

it also meant that when he looked up, he recognized the stars held within the night’s tapestry.

lapis dei. the stone of god. it hadn’t appeared until several years into his place among liyue’s harbor, and only a few months before his planned failure during the right of decension. his vision was glass, and yet it weighed heavy as jade against his back that night, the name settling against his heart like a snake around a sun-warm stone.

it was not that night that he sought. as your traveller had roamed the world, it was to be expected that you may have your pick of companions, and it made sense than an archon (however retired) would be among them. no, the day that had just closed, that left him with now cold tea, was not something as simple as a rearrangement of false stars.

it was that a special set of six had flowed brighter. it was that, before he could blink, he had been pulled into the sky. his teapot was in front of him one moment, and the. it was gone the next, replaced by sprawling clouds and a voice he’d never heard. all the same, you were familiar, a memory he did not hold but could still feel the shape of.

he had waited for years to feel this light. to be held in a sea of stars and to be something of desire, something the one who had all wanted. it was, in his mind, a final act of defiance against celestia, and a firm bind of his loyalty despite the distance between him and you.

(he asked, at first, for a contract to prove it, but you had just laughed. it made sense. he still wondered if you were laughing at the impossibility of the idea of you being limited by mortal paper or laughing at him for suggesting it.)

those years, however, were spent doing just that: waiting. sure, he busied himself with the harbor and considered himself as doing a rather good job as blending in with the people around him, but he was not a fool. to be worth someone’s time was to have something to offer.

equally, he was not some unsteady, sobbing servant. he did not win his seat in celestia through pacifism. he did not sprout stone forests without power within his hands. he felt nothing but pride as a new polearm was placed into his hands, hefting its weight. the stars faded and he was left in unfamiliar territory, led to a group of enemies that snatched up their weapons the moment he got close.

for good reason, he’d thought, leaning into your touch as you guided his hands to pull a stele from the earth. pure geo wrapped around his shoulders—a skill he hadn’t needed to use for several decades now; he’d have to brush up once you were done with him. that was secondary, though, to the planet befall collecting over his shoulder. already, undead habits rose to the surface of his mind, preparing for the dust to settle and his spear to once again seek blood.

but his opponents were not left frail and weak by his show of skill. within seconds, they shed the stone he’d built around them, looking little more than annoyed.

why?

his spear glanced off their armor without so much as a scratch, despite the force with which he swung it. you pulled him in and out of range of their swords, far too dodgy to be handling an archon.

why did it seem like he wasn’t doing a thing? why, when a crossbow bolt clipped his shoulder, did it feel like the shot had passed through his chest instead? you clicked your tongue like a parent who’s child had done something they weren’t supposed to and he was back in the skyless sea, watching distantly as unfamiliar vision wielders took his place with well-worn precision. he was barely bleeding, the shift of his coat over the scratch shouldn’t feel like he was dying, and his spear should not have been so blunt. he drew it again, testing the edge with a finger, and it caught the fibers of his gloves with ease. he could feel the steel itself hum under his touch, a fine, razor point despite the repeated reflections.

it was only then that zhongli had begun to worry.

he’d heard countless stories from both near and far about the feats of strength normal people could wield when under your blessing. why was he not affected by it? why did it feel instead like all of his strength had been sapped from him, leaving him unable to even nick a bandit’s skin? had he made a mistake somewhere?

what would you think? an archon made helpless. offering you his strength was one of the pitiful few ways left he could help within the bounds of his contract with celestia, and now it was gone.

or had you noticed how he had faltered? how he had slipped from being zhongli for a moment, and decided to punish him for it? would this state last beyond your influence? no, you weren’t so cruel as to leave him helpless for one mistake. and yet, his mind fell to late nights, wondering if his worries had crossed time and space to reach your ears.

it was a plain truth in zhongli’s mind that the only thing he had left to offer you was his strength. he had no stories you had not heard, no wisdom you did not already know, no information left for him to speak. was this a lesson of some sort? but why not tell him directly? your voice had cooed in his ear as a war plume was tucked into his lapel, talking about domains and rolls he didn’t understand, but could hear as clear as jade.

and yet. you led him on a few more walks through valleys and plains, the few interactions with enemies either sprinted away from or leaving him tucked on a shelf while your better equipped followers attended to the problem. when it was over, his house felt too oppressive, the pot barely moved off the stove before he pushed open the door and took to the earthen path.

it was the lantern rite, he lied, his vision heavy against his spine. it pressed against his lower back and swayed when he walked, like the guiding hand of one treading alongside him, except the streets were empty and he had little to blame but himself.

did you know it was his birthday? did you blame him for having one?

did you know that that single day with you had only pushed sleep further away from his grasp? did you know that he could not change the past, no matter how hard he tried? if he’d not signed that contract with celestia then he would not have been here to witness your golden messenger. was he not meant to?

why not tell him? or had you already? had he missed something, somehow? when? was it during the war, when his memories were still colored by his selfishness? what lesson was he supposed to learn from helplessness?

was this some indication that you preferred him as a human, without the earth-shaking power he had held with his gnosis? but why lower him to the strength of an insect? he didn’t know.

zhongli was not insecure. he was proud of his new life and had not been given any reason to doubt that self assurance. even now, he did not regret it, only… wondered. wondered, and thought, and pondered, and mused, and ruminated, and reviewed, and every other verb one could apply to the deep, unsettling feeling that he had made missed something somewhere, and the rapidly growing need to find it.