M4ch!n3Symp4th!z3r

Silly human bean. Minor (15)! They/Them Loves machines Do not ask me to send money. I do not have the funds.

[machinesympathizer]

Me, who has parental issues and is randomly getting into horror movies for the first time, Saw being my first one: Damn. I really hope I don't get a comfort character out of this.

John Kramer/Jigsaw: *cracks his knuckles* Bet, kiddo.

[machinesympathizer]

tw vent

I hate my brain. I hate how it works. Because of it, I'm a nervous/anxious wreck whenever things go wrong. Because of it, I have to go to the bathroom whenever I feel like I'm about to cry in public. Because of it, I'm stuck on a cycle of thinking I need help and then thinking I'm delusional. I hate this stupid back and forth I have mentally. I want help but I can't get it and I keep feeling like it's not necessary. Why...

[machinesympathizer]

Call me Adam Stanheight with how I feel my life is going to start going this rest of the 2026 year.

I do believe I may be delusional and paranoid/anxious to some extent, and I do not like it.

Psychiatrist where?

Also, my androgynous ass boutta get kicked by the PRE-ACT. I hate long ass tests. Like, no thank you, I'd rather have a cancer-riddled old civil engineer help me with math homework I barely understand while I'm crying and shaking from fear than do some of this stuff.

Spring Break was fun though. Got to see sharks, stingrays, and other cutie-patooties.

Highly worried about the fact that I'm going to be forced into becoming a mentor or something during my (possible, not decided yet) vacation to another country during the summer.

[machinesympathizer]

My brain has been put in the equivalent of what Edward Nigma felt when he used The Box™ in Batman Forever today, but I have so many cool craft ideas, so I'll write them here for me to remember later.

Papercraft Jiggy and his Piggies (John Kramer and his apprentices).

Bleached black top of some sort that is based around one of my interests. Might make it Carcosa themed if I'm feeling extra spicy when making it.

Mini painted canvases that are ridiculously carefully painted with perhaps mini version of real artworks or whatever my brain comes up with.

One of the many papercrafts templates I have saved on my pinterest.

Visual Aid stuff for my entertainment speech.

Homemade squishy thing using a balloon and pony beads.

Attempt to make a letter but it looks old and stuff. Might end up being what I believe Oscar's letter was about. (Malevolent reference).

Literally just making a chunky sketchbook minus the drawings because the drawings need to be added once I get the backgrounds.

[machinesympathizer]

I normally don't spiral into emotions so strongly in public, but I'm too emotional right now. I love speech, but my perfectionism ruined it. I nearly broke down because my visual aids for my entertainment speech about Diagnostic Medicine kept falling apart. I also kept blanking in extemporaneous speaking. Don't get me wrong, I love and breathe speech, but the mix of doing bad in extemporaneous and people not laughing in two of my entertainment rounds and my visual aids failing, I'm thinking about just giving up and quitting. I can't talk to anyone about it to anyone either because I'm afraid they'll think I'm looking for attention. I'm so lucky nobody is noticing that I'm in the verge of tears. So, so lucky. If you read this vent, thank you, I suppose.

[satan-offical]

satan what is your wisdom today

fuck women and fuck not women

[machinesympathizer]

Average thoughts of a pansexual person.

[machinesympathizer]

Can we turn drawing ourselves in reverse bear traps or our favorite saw traps into a trend? I love how it turned out. So, here is me in a Reverse Bear Trap. It's really easy to do.

[machinesympathizer]

Sawtism in the wild is awesome. Bonded and made a new friend at a speech meet because of Saw. See? Being a nerd is good for you, people that dislike everything they don't see as normal.

[machinesympathizer]

Just finished watching Saw while on my way to a speech meet that's like 3 hours away. HOLY SHIT! First off, Amanda, baby, sweetie, angel, are you okay? Why'd you crawl out like that? Second, I got the Happy Clappy Hands™ each time I saw John. Lawrence also has the biggest, saddest, prettiest eyes I've ever seen. He's cool. The gore wasn't as bad as I thought it was either. It's actually pretty bearable, and this is coming from someone who hates seeing photos of gangrene and tends to have vivid images of injuries. The soundtrack kicked ass too! Loved it.

Overall, I'd definitely recommend it to people.

I still think Adam needs a good kick in the balls for hitting Billy the Puppet though. Big meanie. >:(

Also, also, I still stand on the hill that John Kramer would give awesome hugs.

[machinesympathizer]

Billy the Puppet is my spirit animal. No, I won't elaborate, Yes, I do want to ride a tricycle, and Yes, I want to play a fun game with people (preferably Cthulhu:Death May Die.)

[machinesympathizer]

Kramer is the type of Father Figure who'd make me go through a trap where I only have to cut off one finger to be freed as a punishment for doing something stupid as hell when I knew better (his version of making a kid stand in the corner), and then he'd reward me with a Chocolate Chip Rice Krispee Treat and a bedtime story after having to endure that.

[machinesympathizer]

Words can not describe how much I love and kin Soundwave as a character. I actually see a lot of myself in him. I do ridiculous amounts of research and shit, he sort of does the same. And his DESIGNS! I don't understand how people hate on his Bayverse design. He is AMAZING. He'd be so cool to drive around in too. I don't really like the TFA version of him, but eh, it might be because it strays so far from regular Transformers. Soundwave definitely is superior though.

Also, also, also, another detail I thought way funny in Bayverse is that he's short compared to the other Decepticons. Short King Soundwave.

[average-alex-g-listener-deactiv]

Imagine what John Kramer would do to ChatGPT users

[machinesympathizer]

I feel like he'd use one of the brain or finger-taking-away traps. Or maybe not. I'm pretty sure those people lack brains anyways.

[machinesympathizer]

Every director ever: We're going to use most of our budget on getting a younger body double or use de-aging CGI on you.

Whoever the Hell directs Saw: Yo, Tobin! Wear this baseball cap backwards! Yeah, it's for a flashback for John Kramer.

[machinesympathizer]

It's going to be okay, friend. Spirals and episodes are hard, especially when they're recurring, but nothing is forever, and you will never lose the chance or ability to heal.

If you can, it may be worth looking into seeing if you can speak to a school counselor or a mental health hotline, as well as search around for other resources that may be online or in your area. Public libraries are a great source of general resources; that and your school are some good places to start.

I don't know who you are, but thank you so much. I'll try a mental health hotline. My school's counselor scares me and I don't want to end up eventually having to tell my parents. Thanks a bunch!!!!!! :,)

[machinesympathizer]

Vent Post

I don't know what trigger warnings to put, so just hold caution, I guess. Maybe tw for possible ED and bad mental health?

You know the spiraling feeling of madness that Lovecraftian protagonists have? Yeah, no, it's real. At least, the feeling I have is the closest thing I could compare to it.

The past month had felt like hell. I've begun to be more uncomfortable and cautious of men that I don't completely trust yet. I feel really comforted by my Body Systems teacher though. He's cool.

I've also occasionally had spiraling or intrusive thoughts. I worry about myself and if people hate me or not. Every little noise or behavior from some other people are pissing me off too.

I've been trying to gain weight so I'm at a healthy weight. I'm currently at 106 pounds. I just don't really want to eat until my body is telling me im hungry though.

I feel like the only thing that's been able to really keep me calm is my interests, music (the heavier stuff. God, I love how Chino's voice makes me feel safe), drawing, and a few other small things.

I'm so, so scared that I'm eventually going to spiral out of control and into something I can't come back from.

I'm completely undiagnosed because my parents most likely won't ever bring me to a psychiatrist/psychologist or a therapist. They're strict and I can't bother to even argue against them because they're almost always right.

I'M SO FUCKING SCARED.

[machinesympathizer]

I crashed out SO HARD during The Wager and Da Capo. I WOULD THROW HANDS WITH KAYNE but I don't wanna die too, so imma avoid that. HOLY HOT DAMN THOUGH! Harlan did such a good job. My emotions reached the entire spectrum.