Things I wish people would say to me #1:
There is no way for me to explain to you dysphoria. For to understand means to comprehend. To feel the weight of the message and you will simply not do that. You either willfully don’t, or you simply just can’t.
To be dysphoric is not a fleeting moment of whimsical ponder. It is the thought to be had at all times, regardless of whether you’re having comfortable thoughts at the moment or not.
To explain dysphoria is to take
“hey you know how sometimes when you were a kid you wanted to be catwoman? But then you grew up and became a soldier firefighter man? Yeah, that but like infinitely more intense. Yeah, I just didn’t stop wanting to become cat-woman so much that I wanted to pierce my skin from the inside and wear a new skin body vessel just to be her. That’s what I was imagining while you were taking too long to order fries when you were 16.
You went through boot camp to start your life. Then you picked specialties probably and became your best self probably. So you can die happy knowing you had a full life.
I took medication that grew me breasts snd made my skin soft and hair finer, not to start either.
For 25 years I’ve just been trying to constantly catch up to a starting point that never comes to me no matter what I do or how long the wait is. I have to fight the world, everyone, all the time, to be able to take this medication and we are fighting to change the minds of people who specifically in particular want us dead/forgotten/hidden away. Then I have to take the medication every single day, without fail, navigating fucking side effects, just for a second train of hormone fueled puberty to hit you again and then, maybe, you get surgery if you can afford it.
and make it so professedly polite so you don’t kill me for accidentally saying something in an accent too girly for you, that it ends up being some bullshit like “I’m trans? because brain juice weird”
Being trans is not just to want to be boy or girl or whatever. It’s not so men can dress up as women to harass people in bathrooms. It’s not so we can kidnap you and turn your pets gay and make the apocalypse sexy.
Being trans is to have a conviction of thought so strong, a belief so strongly held that it burns your hand and with that pain, being trans is to exist everyday amidst a world of hate.
It’s also that despite all this bullshit, if you’re still standing at the end of the day, and you still want to put up with all that and keep going, for a small chance that you think might look more like you, that’s what makes you a fighter, babe. And I love you for that.
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