@maebeamae - Tumblr Blog

I haven’t watched Steven Universe in months, but all I know is that every time I log on to Tumblr, someone else shattered Pink Diamond.

girlidiotdotcom-deactivated2023

I hate the word “discourse” it just sounds like Goofy saying “discuss”

yyyyyyyyyyyyy6-deactivated20201

this post literally ruined my life

cheaphalloweencostume

AT MY AUTOPSY:

mortician: *makes the first incision*

me: *confetti comes flying out of my chest cavity with a little trumpet noise*

prophecyguy

So I’ve decided to remake the Elder Scrolls god pantheon with modern gods

Beyoncé - Akatosh, Dragon God of Time and Chief God of the pantheon

Beyoncé exists outside of time and being chief god goes without saying.

Lorde - Arkay, God of the Cycle of Life and Death

“Every night, I live and die.“ She said it herself.

Nicki Minaj - Dibella, God of Beauty and Sexual Desire

I mean, who embodies beauty and sexual desire quite like Nicki Minaj?

Britney Spears - Julianos, God of Wisdom

Listen. Nobody knows the highs and lows of this world like Britney does. Wisdom comes with experience.

Ariana Grande - Kynareth, God of the Air and Sky

This girl is the incarnation of being lighter than air.

Kesha - Mara, God of Love and Compassion

If you disagree then go and listen to Rainbow until you see the error of your ways.

Dua Lipa - Stendarr, God of Justice and Righteous Rule

I mean what is Dua Lipa known for if not her legendary rules

Dolly Parton - Zenithar, God of Work and Commerce

Aunt Dolly has a healthy appreciation for a 9-5 work day she knows what’s good.

Carly Rae Jepsen - Talos, Hero-God of Mankind

Because she is.

xspiritofthemapleleaf

If you ever think your 12 year old self was an idiot just remember this:

one time when I was in seventh grade I decided to walk home from the community center without wearing any shoes. But it was like 98 degrees outside, so obviously the pavement was hot as balls, but I stubbornly continued to walk home barefoot. Long story short I got second degree burns from the pavement and painful blisters on every part of my feet. When I had to explain to my parents why hell I walked home barefoot I told them that my shoes were hurting my feet. I ended up going to go see doctors, and I wore inserts in my shoes for three years. My parents even considered surgery to fix my feet so that they wouldn’t hurt.

I never had the courage to tell them that the reason why I walked barefoot that one day was not because my feet hurt, but because, being an avid fan of Avatar: The Last Airbender, I had wanted fucking callouses on my feet like Toph

xspiritofthemapleleaf

Holy shit let this die

xxxozzyfozzyxxx-deactivated2018

MAJOR WARNING TO DISCORD USERS!!!! PLEASE REBLOG AND PASS THIS ALONG!!

Do not accept a friend request from Chrisopeer Davies and Jessica Davies. They are hackers. Tell everyone on your friends list because if somebody on your list adds one of them, they’ll be on your list too. They will figure out your personal computer’s IP and address, so copy & paste this message wherever you can

Heads Up: Also look out for a Discord user by the name of “KeirStarmer” or often just “Keir”. He is going around sending friend requests to random Discord users, and those who accept his friend requests will have their accounts DDoSed and their IP Addresses revealed to him.

Spread the word and send this to as many discord servers as you can. If you see this user, DO NOT accept his friend request and immediately block him.

Please be warned there is a user going around called “KurtStarmer” or just “Kurt” who is mass spamming terribly graphic gore and of such(he is also a hacker). Please spread the word of this to your other servers

roskii

I don’t have discord but I know some of my friends do.

Be safe

kazoosarentsatanic

I know a lot of y'all do have Discord, so watch out for these people!

knitwitcrone

PSA. Be safe out there kids. :)

fiveway-of-fear-isms

@viola-huntress @b0red-skript

purplepotatomunv

@jupiter-s @hayden-the-gayden @iamthe90smom @ihavenomuffins @ihavenosoul12 @foxtrtter @milomeepit

thenachoduckof-fandoms-deactiva

@whatwashernameagain since you have discord and you’re kind of popular thought I’d tag you in this

whatwashernameagain

Thank you so much!!! I‘ll pass it on! 💛💛💛

oak23

no offense but…. fruit salad? Yummy, yummy.

canadianstuck

One of the funniest things I ever experienced was when I went to go see John Mulaney live, and halfway through a bit about how expensive college in the States is, he looked down at the sleeve of his suit jacket and just. stopped. dead halt, mid sentence.

And after like three seconds, where we’re all trying to figure out the punchline because the story clearly hadn’t ended, and John Mulaney quietly says, “Has there been tinfoil on my buttons the whole goddamn show?”

He’d taken his suit to the drycleaner, and they’d wrapped the buttons on the sleeves and the coat with tinfoil to protect them, and John Mulaney didn’t notice until half-way through his set, and was SO FLABBERGASTED that he never did finish the story about college and instead did five minutes on how stupid it was that his buttons were reflecting the light and he just didn’t notice, and in that moment I understood more about John Mulaney as a person than I ever have.

ournameisfun

during one of his portland shows, he noticed this like 7 year old girl in the front row and asked her (and her parents) if she ‘is aware that she is physically here right now’ or if she was just brought along. turns out her favorite john mulaney bit is the “and I’m new in town” bit and that she’s seen all his stuff. He was so shocked and discomforted by the fact a SEVEN YEAR OLD has seen his shows, that he couldn’t get through a bit about donating to charity without interrupting himself at least three times to import good life lessons on this small child, as if that makes up for all the horrible things he’s said that she heard

sammysausage

When I saw him in Ft. Lauderdale, there was a bar in the lobby that people kept leaving to go to. At one point, a guy in the front row just got up and BOOKED IT to get drinks. John Mulaney looked over at a woman who was next to the empty seat and asked, “Are you with him? What’s his name?”

She was, in fact, with him, and she did tell him her date’s name. John Mulaney considered this, looked around, and unplugged his microphone. Leaning in to us, he told us that we were going to trick this guy so fuckin hard. He said, “At some point during the show, I am going to stop and say, ‘Well, you guys know what they say here in Ft. Lauderdale,’ and then you guys are all going to scream back ‘WE LOVE MILKSHAKES!’ He’ll be so confused.”

He then continued on with the show as normal, the drinks guy returned to his seat, and that was that for quite a long time. We thought he had forgotten about it until, at some point during what I believe was his McDonald’s drive-thru bit, he shrugged his shoulders and said, “You guys know what they say here in Ft. Lauderdale…”

Naturally, we erupted with “WE LOVE MILKSHAKES” and John Mulaney SWUNG around to face the drinks guy and said, “I bet you’re real confused now, huh, JASON?!”

windyvalleyzone

ah so john mulaney is a chaotic neutral cryptid

jxhn-mulaney

i saw him last night and there was a good ten minute interlude where a woman told him everything she found wrong with his suit, including that his pants were too high waisted to which he replied “that’s where my hips are” and someone in the back shouted “look at that high waisted man he’s got feminine hips!” and he yelled back “that’s my joke! i’m offended!!”