[garfieldthemovie-deactivated201]

[omegaversereloaded]

The other day i was getting rizzd the fuck upp by the crunchy latino cashier at trader joes. Just having a blast. Then the whole vibe changed when my card declined .

[modernbaseball]

2 am: bedtime were meant to be broken 😈

7 am: I hope i get in a car accident

[metamorphesque]

'things there are no words for, but should be', tatheve simonyan

[the-haiku-bot]

ALTALT‘things there

are no words for, but should be’,

tatheve simonyan

Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.

[innerchildabortionclinic]

completely ai generated twitter account: they're apparently executing people in the street for the great crime of being a proud american who likes raw milk

elon musk quote tweet: Concerning

[otherwindow]

I hate explaining jokes but this fucking scene from Kung Pow makes me lose my shit every time: 

The children screaming “We’re children!” like they’re Pokemon

Cans of Pringles in the background 

Shopkeeper’s voice breaking the microphone levels 

“Babe-y”! 

The shitty cgi hand with the phone

He doesn’t even dial the phone

[pussysoupforthesoul-deactivated]

Squidward clocking out of the Krusty Krab and heading to the nearest gay after hours event 

[bpdcassidy-archived-deactivated]

Come on, now, op. We all know squidward doesn’t go to the club.

He’s one of those “I’m not like other gays” gays who goes home to a bottle of wine and his obscure 50s vaudeville records, and then mopes because he can never find a boyfriend.

[calamaricarlo]

I love this website so much

[cinnamonghost]

[hedgehogoftime]

Weenie Hut Junior’s and the Salty Spitoon are competing gay bars

[the-haiku-bot]

Weenie Hut Junior’s

and the Salty Spitoon are

competing gay bars

Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.

[eliyahu613]

this tweet. but for tumblr

[dashaibo]

And what, pray tell, is so wrong with that? Must a king lower himself to the vocabulary of insects? Must an academiac explain his reasoning to kindergartners? There is no shame in knowledge nor is there in verbosity. Quite the opposite, they are to be celebrated. But I guess this is the world we are forced to inhabit. This world... This planet, teeming with life and all its infinite possibilities. And you would dare dilute it, so that a simpleton's mind could comprehend it? I will not stand for this. No more shall a man be judged for his might, his ambition, his intellect. No more shall we look down on those who propose a mere thought experiment about owning a human pec9sdjv0 c9i2ewokhndvoi adsjvci uwqeowdsxujvnli ufdsiuljfcniu ofeidcvjpc9nUIODSuljvniuwqopisafjvp985erioewaudJHB9jrg8frjuv8ar9jvuw08rd9vujq35g89spdujigk[0e9ravjik0rvu9jq54w8yvh r8og;af9ukjgmoiaelgurj9g8zboifyhvlo8fivujawp89 OC:Ivjare0sd9oizl

[semicolonthefifth]

Please leave the mall, you're making a scene.

[dashaibo]

You won't... Keep me... from Hot Topic... forever...

[elbiotipo]

the funniest thing the Chinese Crusader Kings 3 community did is, after years of western players saying they don't want China and India added because of "performance", the first thing the Chinese modders did when the devs added China was a mod to deactivate Europe

[elbiotipo]

do we really need these weird kingdoms like "France" and "Byzantium" in my scholar-officer simulation game? It's not like you're gonna interact with them in your average Song Dynasty playthrough... I guess a lot of people want them but idk... to me they just worsen performance :/

[beemovieerotica]

was at a bar and a 50+ year old drunk white woman complimented me and my friend's outfits, told us there was a campsite up in northern maryland where a lot of gay bears go to have sex in the woods. we asked her how she knew about this and she very aggressively said "because i'm a FAG HAG!!! but i'm not allowed to say that anymore I GUESS!!!"

[sigmaleph]

i like to imagine how people in the post-material-scarcity future would romanticise the current time period.

having a job gave people a sense of community and purpose lacking in our modern age where nobody is forcing you to get out of bed on threat of starvation. actually the average office worker in the early 21st century was so much wealthier than a UBI-having-modern if you forget to count paying rent and also make some very bad purchasing power conversions. if you look at contemporary records (sitcom where the main characters are only at work when it's plot relevant) it is obvious that employment was never really a major obstacle to having an active social life or pursuing your own passions.

[baraphalloplastyclinic]

I actually do think we should discourage women from becoming housewives. Do not become financially dependent on a man. That's how a lot of women ended up dead over the years. A man gets violent suddenly and you have to choose between homelessness or potentially dying at his hand because you have an enormous gap in your resume and no degrees or certifications or anything that will help you pursue a career that will allow you to be financially independent. He owns your bank account. His name is probably the one on the car. Try and leave and he can report it stolen. Where will you go then?

Don't become a housewife.

[ladyfoxfire]

And if you do become a housewife, take steps to protect yourself. Make sure you’re legally married, for starters; stay-at-home girlfriends have very little legal recourse to claim their partner’s assets in a breakup. Make sure your name is on the house deed/rental agreement, and have your car in your name, even if your spouse is paying for it. Have your spouse transfer money every month into an account solely in your name, so you can buy yourself things without needing permission, but also so you can save up to leave if needed.

If your spouse fights you on any of this, then don’t quit your job. The tradwife to poverty pipeline is real, and so is financial abuse.

[dressedupliketheking]

also, many women/people experience controlling behaviour and domestic violence from their partner for the first time during pregnancy. don’t risk thinking “he’s just stressed, it’ll get better when the baby comes” because it won’t. neither you and your child will ever be safe with that man. get out as early and safely as you can

[jewish-joy]

Last year, I befriended a Catholic seminarian. We've gotten to be pretty decent friends. Seeing as he was staying in town for the summer and I wasn't, I entrusted him with caring for my plant.

He did a wonderful job, but as he was returning my plant to my custody, he explained "I watered her every other day, I gave her new dirt, moved her into the sunshine, prayed the rosary-"

"What?"

He looked at me, confused. "Isn't she a plant you pray with?"

"No," I said slowly. "She's a prayer plant. That's the... colloquial name of the plant."

Upon seeing his stricken face, I realized something went wrong. Turns out, this entire time, he's been including my plant in on his prayers and leaving her near icons.

Listen, totally cool. My plant becoming Catholic is a great deal for her not dying over the summer. But now I must navigate this interfaith household. Keep me in your thoughts.

[divorcedwife]

look at the republican calendar and see which animal/plant/item is associated with your birthday ok. if you're born january 14 you get the day of the cat

[divorcedwife]

solidarity for everyone who was born on the day of the cistern or the watering can or something like that

[ch4051nth3k1tch3n]

my birthday isn’t on there #erasure

[divorcedwife]

all birthdays are there, don't give up! troubleshooting :

when looking for your birthday, make sure to read the small grey italicized number, not the big orange numbers ; january 14, for example, is on the 25th day of the month of nivôse.

there are three months for each season ; if you're on mobile, you may need to scroll sideways to see the third one.

some birthdays in september are in a special section. that is because the first day of the year is september 22nd, and the last few days of the year before that are special holidays. see :

also, i know i joked about some days being less cool than others, but that's also the point of the calendar : replacing worship of saints with appreciation of the tools and plants that allow us to live. don't feel bad for having topsoil as your day, where would be without topsoil?

[hbmmaster]

I think to balance out the peppa pig episode that's banned in australia because it's about how you shouldn't be scared of spiders there should be an episode of bluey that's banned in the uk because it's about how you should be extremely scared of spiders

[estro-boi]

[xylophonetangerine]

I didn't even know they had a category for that