Have an Aloha day

A few concierge in the Hawaiian islands with true experiences at a desk by the beach About Mahalo For My Time Our Facebook page Feel free to submit your stories and let us know if you would like to remain anonymous or not

[mahaloformytime]

Can you forget that you’re a concierge for a minute and tell me where I can get some weed?

anon submission from another poor concierge #soulsisters #maybebrothers #idk

[mahaloformytime]

‘MERICA

Guest: Is there an outdoor gun range in Honolulu?

Concierge: There is one but it's used by people who live here who bring their own guns.

Guest: Do you have guns we can borrow?

Concierge: hahaha, guns you can borrow... right (thinks guest is joking.)

Guest: (blank stare)

Guest: Does the hotel have gun rentals so we can rent them?

Concierge: Oh... God no we do not rent guns. No. No gun rentals...

Guest: We thought because america...

Concierge: No.

[mahaloformytime]

LOSING MY MIND OVER HERE

Guest: Is there a Hilton restaurant?

Concierge: There's like 15 places to eat on property which one are you looking for?

Guest: The Hilton one

Concierge: Ok this is the Hilton, its a 22 acre property. Which restaurant are you looking for? They all have names.

Guest: The one run by the Hilton hotel

Concierge: (circles all places on a map) Here you go.

Guest: Ok but which one is the Hilton one?

[mahaloformytime]

A baby Goat is called a kid. Lady... you have a kid. (Submission from another tortured concierge) Guest: is it okay for my baby to eat my Lei? (Baby is ripping orchid pedals off the lei slowly eating them) Concierge: I don’t think your baby should be eating that... Guest: Okay, that’s fine…are they toxic? Concierge: No. They are not toxic but that’s definitely not safe for her to be eating. (lei hangs from baby’s mouth like a puppy holding a chew toy, drool runs down its chin) Baby: nom nom nom Guest: well. It must be tasty if she keeps eating them…how do u know they’re not toxic? Concierge: Well I suppose if you were scared in the first place, you wouldn't be letting her eat the lei? Guest: They’re probably not toxic since she seems fine. Never mind! (Guest walks away) Concierge: Sure thing.

[mahaloformytime]

We don't know how GPS works, we are from Canada.

Clueless Canadian Guest

[mahaloformytime]

Take a bath or something I don’t know

Guest: Where is there a pool with no people?

Concierge: Well these are the pools we have on property (circles multiple pools on map)

Guest: Yeah that's great, I went to all those pools and there were people though. I'd like one without people.

Concierge: I... um, these are the only pools we have. We have other people staying at this resort so there will always be people at the pool if its open.

Guest: Ok, well where is your manager? I don't think I should have to deal with all these people at the pool

Concierge: Sorry? Manager is over there...

[mahaloformytime]

Huh?

Guest: GRAND TOUR

Concierge: I'm sorry, do you have a question?

Guest: GRAND TOUR

Concierge: Are you asking about tours and activities?

Guest: GRAND TOUR

Concierge: I understand that part but are you looking for one? Is that a question? Or are you telling me you had a grand tour?

Guest: THE GRAND TOUR

Concierge: (Circles activities desk on map)

Guest: OK THANK YOU

[mahaloformytime]

I will not carry you over there

Guest: Where can we get a good acai bowl?

Concierge: We have a place right here around the corner from my desk by the pool that serves really good ones! (circles it on map)

Guest: Ok, is there anything closer?

Concierge: (looks over at the corner where juice place is) Ummm... it's right there. (points to it)

Guest: So... nothing closer then?

Concierge: Sorry I don't have a blender at my desk.

Guest: Alright we'll go over there then

[mahaloformytime]

Sh*t

That moment when you're so tried that you try and say "you're welcome" but in your head its "no problem" and it comes out "your problem". Sh*t

[mahaloformytime]

Welcome back to 1844

Guest: Where is the telegraph office?

Concierge: Are you looking for the business center?

Guest: No, I need the telegraph office...

Concierge: Are you a time traveler? (serious face)

Guest: (confused face)

(staring contest)

Guest: So, where is the telegraph office?

Concierge: (circles business center on the map) Here you go

[mahaloformytime]

Happy Halloween!

Guest: For this whale watching tour do I need a costume?

Concierge: Uh... costume?

Guest: Yes, do I need to bring a costume?

Concierge: Well, it's not October so...

Guest: What does October mean?

Concierge: Well in the month of October we have Halloween and we wear... costumes.

Guest: A COSTUME, A COSTUME, YOU KNOW TO SWIMMMMM IN.

Concierge: I don't advise swimming in a costume.

Guest: A COSTUME, YOU KNOW, BATHING CLOTHES. BATH COSTUME.

Concierge: Are you referring to a bathing suit?

Guest: Yes, sure whatever.

Concierge: No you do not need a bathing suit for a whale watching tour.

Guest: (Rolls eyes and stomps off)

[mahaloformytime]

I'd like to give an Oscar to the lady who dramatically complained for 5 minutes about the placement of the bathrooms within the resort.

[mahaloformytime]

Sky diving request from a guest. We can't even make this stuff up.

[mahaloformytime]

Lost In Translation

Guest: Sitimat papa

Concierge: Excuse me?

Guest: Sitimat papa?

Concierge: I have no idea what you are asking me for...

Guest: Siti. Mat. Papa.

Concierge: City map paper?

Guest: Siti map pamlot

Concierge: Pamphlet?

Guest: OK!

[mahaloformytime]

Talented Dolphins

Guest: Hi, I would like to set up some jet skiing with dolphins for my daughter

Concierge: Did you want to do jet skiing then swim with dolphins on the same day?

Guest: No, she wants to jet ski with the dolphins

Concierge: Dolphins can not use a jet ski...

Guest: Oh, right. Well can she jet ski next to a dolphin?

Concierge: I don't think that can be done, we try to keep our waters dolphin safe. If she wants to swim with dolphins we have sea life park. They have a dolphin swim program you can sign up for.

Guest: Do they have jet skis there?

Concierge: ...

[mahaloformytime]

I Literally Can't Even

Guest: Can you tell me about the Jurassic Park tour?

Concierge: Sure thing, they do tours of where they filmed the movies. I have not done it personally but I've heard good things about it.

Guest: So, it's like a Jurassic park thing? There's a tour through it?

Concierge: Yes you can see where they filmed the movies.

Guest: So... is it like, the dinosaurs?

Concierge: It's where they filmed the movies, about the dinosaurs.

Guest: Do they come up to you?

Concierge: Excuse me?

Guest: Where the dinosaurs are, do they come up to you?

Concierge: There's no dinosaurs...

Guest: I wanted to go one the one where the dinosaurs come up to the vehicles. What tour is that one?

Concierge: ... There are no dinosaurs, they have been extinct for a long time.

Guest: oh.

[mahaloformytime]

R.I.P

Guest: What time will it stop raining? Concierge: (crawls under desk and dies)