Gordon!

Stop attacking, he's a friend!

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This is my personal blog. Here I’ll be sharing my thoughts on life, movies, games, books, and more. It’s not meant to be scientific or purely for entertainment.

The texts may contain content related to violence, immoral themes, or elements that resemble manifestations of mental disorders.

You’re free to ask questions and share your opinions if you’d like. Just keep in mind: the politeness of my response will be proportional to your request.

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It's Pride Month again, and naturally the self-proclaimed defenders of "traditional values" have sprung into action. For some reason they've armed themselves with the name of Christ, started repeating nonsense about declining birth rates, and preaching about the ideal family consisting of a man and a woman. They lament that poor, innocent children are being exposed to the terrible propaganda of homosexuality.

I'll tell you what.

Children, especially teenagers, do sometimes identify with the LGBT community even when they later turn out to be heterosexual. Do you know why? Because there they are not condemned simply for having feelings. They are not shamed for trying to understand themselves. They are not constantly judged based on whether they fit gender stereotypes.

If "traditional" parents in a "traditional" family actually gave their children love, taught them to understand themselves, didn't shame them over every little thing, and encouraged critical thinking instead of blind conformity, those children might never misinterpret their own attractions in the first place. Maybe they wouldn't feel such a strong urge to escape from a "traditional family" where the father is an unfaithful alcoholic and a sexist, and the mother lost her will to live years ago. Or from a family where one parent is absent entirely because two adults failed to think carefully about who they were choosing to create a new life with.

Anti-LGBT marches are a disgrace to humanity.

Put your own families in order first. Then, if you still feel the need, start worrying about what other people do in their bedrooms and arguing that a small percentage of humanity deserves fewer rights than everyone else.

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Lately, I've developed a habit of writing posts and comments online. It's fascinating how seriously people sometimes take fandoms, other people's opinions, or events in their lives. The same applies to people's reactions in real life.

What is an entire world to one person may be worth less than the dirt on someone else's shoe. I look into people's eyes and see the certainty they carry within themselves, then watch their surprise grow when the person they're talking to doesn't share what seems to them such an obvious view of the world. As if there should exist some universal bible of existence, accepted by every human being on the planet.

When someone is genuinely bewildered, there's a strange urge to reach out and touch their face, poke them in the eye, or grab their hand. I'd be curious to feel the horror of touching another person's rich inner world with a cold space that contains no points of gravity.

One day you will die anyways. Have fun.

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The people who care are the ones who keep the machine of society running — the same machinery that created all the rules we are expected to follow.

The people who care that their friend might feel hurt, that the company they work for should continue to grow, that parents have expectations for their children, that they should always present the best version of themselves, and so on, and so on. Ask almost anyone, and they will immediately tell you: "Those and this what matters to me." For many people, that concern is the driving force behind their actions. Fear.

What's amusing is that a great many behaviors we consider polite or empathetic don't actually matter very much. What would happen if you didn't do them? Most likely nothing. The rhythm of life would probably remain unchanged even if you broke a promise or didn't show up to work one day.

Have you ever noticed that the feelings motivating many of our routine actions are almost never positive? The only fear that should truly matter to a human being is the fear of death. And yet all those habits and expectations are what keep us moving. If we removed those familiar behavioral patterns, it's difficult to imagine how much a person's average day would change, how many actions would simply disappear. How much of what remains would actually be us?

Perhaps if you stripped those habits away from people entirely, some of them would almost disappear along with them.

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I just wondered, with all that magic, even the legal kind, is it really that hard to get the seed out of Qifrey and let the poor boy finally have proper gay sex with his best friend?

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I attended a FANCON this summer, and you cannot imagine how disappointing it was to see thousands of incredibly beautiful and elaborate cosplays without finding a single StarCraft cosplay among them. Maybe this is just a thing in my country, but in my opinion, this game has far too few fans.

To be fair, there are reasons for that. The first StarCraft came out in 1998, StarCraft II launched in 2010, and the final expansion was released in 2015. By today's standards, the franchise can certainly be considered old.

I was introduced to StarCraft as a child through Wings of Liberty, and at the time it featured some of the most impressive graphics I had ever seen. And you know what? I still think StarCraft's visuals are absurdly beautiful. You can easily find gameplay footage on YouTube, and I'll leave a few links below. I genuinely take my hat off to everyone who worked on this game. It is absolute cinema.

And it's not just the cinematic cutscenes. In StarCraft II, every structure is animated, every unit feels alive, and an incredible amount of work clearly went into the design of the world, the maps, and the characters. If your PC can handle the game at maximum settings, you absolutely should experience it that way.

Don't get me wrong — good graphics are far from StarCraft's only strength. Unlike many mobile strategy games that barely have a story or larger purpose, StarCraft offers a narrative that at times feels almost Asimov Foundation-level in scale. The story begins in the original game and continues throughout the entire franchise. I definitely wouldn't recommend skipping the first game, especially considering that it received a remaster.

That said, I wouldn't call the story a masterpiece of genius. What it does have is complexity. Characters grow and change, events unfold naturally, and the plot consistently gives you reasons to stay invested. You're not just endlessly grinding through missions for the sake of it.

The worldbuilding is also surprisingly well thought out. There are three races, and they genuinely feel different from one another rather than simply being three versions of human society. The Zerg are closer to an insect hive than a civilization. Most of them lack meaningful individual consciousness and are directed by more advanced Zerg organisms, creating something akin to a collective mind. The Protoss are perhaps easier to understand at first glance: a highly advanced civilization connected through telepathy. Based on some of their unit names and parts of their history, they might initially resemble religious fanatics. However, in their case that belief system is somewhat justified, since they actually interacted directly with their creators. Their social structure is complex enough that I still don't fully understand it myself, but it makes them feel distinctly non-human. My only criticism is that the games don't always make it clear how these races would function during times of peace, outside the wars the player participates in.

What amazes me most is that, despite its age, the game is still alive and accessible. And after watching all those beautiful cinematics, I need you to realize something: THE GAME IS FREE. Well, parts of it are. The entire original StarCraft and the Wings of Liberty campaign are available for free, and you're also free to play against AI or other players without being locked into the campaign experience.

It's hard not to admire a game that greets you with gorgeous visuals and a cinematic movie within minutes of launching it.

Yes, this is StarCraft propaganda. It's one of my favorite games, and perhaps one of its greatest strengths is that it's finished. The story has an ending. The characters won't be endlessly rewritten until they're unrecognizable, and the plot won't be turned into complete nonsense simply to squeeze money out of endless sequels.

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I wanted to write down my thoughts on Arcane, but I don't think I'll make it too extensive. To my surprise, the plot and the themes it explored were actually not bad. They deserve a discussion of their own. However, throughout most of the show, and especially near the end, my internal monologue was basically: "Jayce, you're fucking with the wrong person! Viktor is right there next to you! There he is! Pull yourself together, Jayce, before it's too late! Noooo!"

As you can probably tell, Viktor is my favorite character in the series. A lot of the main characters suffer throughout the story, but in my opinion Viktor is the one who had the most legitimate reason to do so, and yet he almost never allowed himself the luxury of self-pity. While many of the others ruined their own lives through their own decisions and then suffered the consequences, Viktor did not create the circumstances of his tragedy. He was disabled and terminally ill.

Despite that, he tried to make the most of the time he had. He didn't complain about life, didn't try to take all the credit for the Hextech invention, didn't seek the spotlight, and never intentionally harmed or killed anyone.

He's a complex character with surprisingly simple motivations. Viktor's journey ultimately goes to absurd extremes, but his original goal was crystal clear: he wanted to improve life for the people of the Undercity. He never intended to live forever and understood that losing himself would be worse than dying.

The series ends with his death alongside Jayce's, which is tragic, but also strangely comforting. Their ending finally closes Viktor's arc while preserving the essence of who he is as a character.

Overall, I can't say that Arcane has the most logically airtight plot ever written, but I do appreciate how the story gradually pushes its characters' lives into complete absurdity, especially considering how well everything started.

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I finished reading the latest chapters of Witch Hat Atelier. To be completely honest, I'm not really a manga reader. I only started because I enjoyed the first episodes of the anime and wanted additional material to support my jokes about Qifrey being a pedophile. Fair warning: this post will likely contain spoilers.

The first thing I want to say is that the manga genuinely deserves its 12+ rating, and I mean that in a positive way. It doesn't rely on explicit adult content, nor does it present complex themes in a way that feels inaccessible to younger readers. At the same time, it never feels like the author is talking down to the audience. Regardless of age, readers are treated as intelligent people. The only exception is that if I had seen a giant mass of intertwined leeches or a tree growing directly out of a living person when I was twelve, I probably would have been mildly disturbed for quite a while afterward.

I really appreciate how self-aware all the characters are. In many anime series, protagonists are extremely motivated, but they often seem incapable of self-reflection. Their goals never change regardless of circumstances. They want to become Hokage, a pirate, a dragon, or whatever else, and they pursue that dream without ever seriously asking themselves why. Their objective remains fixed forever. In Witch Hat Atelier, Coco's motivations are very clear and understandable. We see what shaped her ideas about good and bad witches, what drives her decisions, and where her doubts come from. Even the antagonists are not simply evil for the sake of being evil. Their motivations are understandable, and sometimes it's difficult not to agree with them. Things that are considered normal within the magical world are frequently questioned by the characters themselves.

I also personally love that the manga teaches both how to teach and how to learn. I had pretty much every learning problem represented by Qifrey's students, borrowing a little bit from each of them. Unfortunately, there was nobody around to tell me the right words or show that kind of patience when I was younger. To be fair, I probably wouldn't have understood philosophical advice right away anyway.

I also like the concept that each teacher only takes on a small number of students and can spend significant time with each of them. Children are genuinely different from one another, and understanding each student while giving them the attention they need is difficult. At the same time, as Olruggio points out, not everyone is suited to being a teacher.

At first, I was somewhat skeptical about the premise of a young man taking a group of girls as his apprentices. Not because there's anything inherently wrong with it, but because we live in a world where that setup is not exactly viewed as typical. That discomfort disappeared pretty quickly, and afterward I mostly found it funny that Qifrey keeps collecting students wherever he goes and has essentially started his own magical kindergarten.

The manga also does a remarkably good job of portraying people with disabilities or health conditions in a natural way. It never feels as though the story is excessively focused on them, treating them differently, or that the author forcibly inserted representation into the plot. In reality, there are a great many people around us with various conditions, even relatively minor ones, that still affect the way they live their lives. We adapt. We learn to work around them. They simply become part of everyday existence. Media often presents characters as nearly invincible and all-powerful, but the truth is that human beings are incredibly fragile. Losing your baseline quality of life is much easier than most people realize.

There are also a few things I personally didn't enjoy as much. These are purely individual preferences rather than actual criticisms. I tend to like stories that move forward through events and action. Sometimes the manga spends a long time on slower chapters. They are beautifully illustrated and usually exist to communicate philosophical ideas, but when there are too many of them in a row, they can become difficult to get through. I also feel that the worldbuilding occasionally contains some plot holes, though I don't think they're particularly damaging. The overall concept is interesting, and perhaps those details will be explained later.

Overall, my impression is very positive. Olruggio is my soulmate.

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StarCraft invented online work meetings long before they became a thing.

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I'll be sharing my thoughts after finishing The Amazing Digital Circus. This may contain spoilers.

The final episode 9 looked outright terrible. Let's be honest, it was bad. The problem wasn't the concept itself, the overall idea behind the story is actually quite interesting. The problem was the execution. It felt as if, at the very end, the creators decided to wipe the floor with the audience and spit in their faces. Just compare how dynamic episode 8 was to the meaningless sentimental mush that concluded the series.

What's especially disappointing is that the show itself was never bad. Every episode had a mystery, momentum, and engaging events. We learned about the characters through what happened to them, through what they said, and through the choices they made. But here there was no momentum, no tension. Every piece of information was simply thrown directly into the viewer's face. It was the most boring, overly sentimental depiction of mutual support that I've seen in a long time. Jax was practically the only thing adding even drops of energy to the plot, and even his storyline was resolved off-screen.

It honestly feels as if the writers suddenly decided to leave the project, and whoever remained just had to wrap things up somehow, to put a crooked cross over the story so nobody would ever want to return to Digital Circus or ask for a continuation again. Which is a shame, because the concept had some potential. The ending could have been turned into something worthy of a theatrical animated film without sacrificing the story's themes or losing the energy and pacing that made episode 8 so effective.

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Sometimes I get this feeling as if I'm floating in an endless vacuum where nothing exists.

Everything you wanted. Everything you needed. Everything you saw every day. Space. Time. It's not even rejection or detachment — it's as if none of it ever existed in the first place.

All the things that used to occupy your mind: achievements, plans for the day, thoughts about other people, suddenly seem meaningless. You look at your own hand, and even its physical existence feels devoid of meaning.

And for a while, you simply can't pull yourself out of that vacuum and return to life. There's nothing there. Just emptiness.

Gordon got too many morphine injections again.

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I don't want to talk. I don't want to go for a walk. I don't want to work. I don't want to rest. I don't want to stand. I don't want to lie down. I don't want to engage in my hobbies. I don't want to look for extra income. I don't want to go anywhere. I don't want to stay here. I don't want to sleep. I don't want to wake up.

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There are many ordinary everyday things that my mind simply cannot process or endure consistently. This also applies to basic social rules. I try to understand them through logic, to imitate human behavior, and honestly, I do it fairly well, but god, I am so fucking tired of it sometimes.

Every step I take has to be weighed and analyzed: the consequences, other people’s reactions, whether it aligns with my goals, what future outcomes it might lead to. And this is not even about becoming some outstanding member of society. It’s simply about being accepted as at least somewhat functional, about not ending up locked in a psychiatric ward.

And when I become exhausted, I stop seeing the end goal altogether. The people whose approval I work so hard to preserve lose all value to me in those moments. This world has nothing meaningful to offer me in exchange for the endless patience and kindness I force myself to give it.

People invent problems for themselves and then spend their lives solving them. So many of the things that torment you do not even truly exist — society invented them. Did you put on makeup today? Were your words tactful enough? Was your behavior moral enough? Are you allowed to enter this space? Everyone suffers because of these endless fabricated rules and anxieties.But honestly, I do not care about everyone. I care about me me ME.

Stop wasting your lives on pointless bullshit.

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Lately we’ve been getting a rare streak of completed TV series, and honestly, it makes me very happy. I’m so tired of endless continuations that eventually lose their essence along with the characters themselves. And now we finally have the ending of The Boys.

The final season had its contradictions. Homelander’s personality was developed for so long, only for him to turn from a manipulative sociopath obsessed with power into something closer to a schizophrenic man drowning in hallucinations and a barely coherent fixation. The god complex had always been there, but it didn’t need to be framed as complete mental collapse and incoherent nonsense. Still, it is what it is. Homelander died exactly the way many of us expected him to die: an unhappy sociopath raised in a laboratory and given the powers of Superman alongside unlimited authority.

Recently I’ve noticed many shows ending in a very similar way: events escalate to an absolutely surreal level where everything feels catastrophically hopeless, as if things literally cannot get worse anymore. The Umbrella Academy, Good Omens, and many others. It’s an interesting narrative structure. Stories have always used escalation, but usually not to such an extreme point of absolute collapse.

There are also many details I genuinely liked about the series. One of them is that, unlike many stories where heroes endlessly charge into danger as if self-sacrifice were routine, characters in The Boys occasionally just say: “No, this is complete bullshit, I can’t do this anymore.” And honestly — they are right. No human being is built to carry the weight of the entire world’s horrors on their shoulders. People simply want to live. They want to run somewhere peaceful and safe because that is what human beings fundamentally need. Not power, not revenge, not endless domination — just an ordinary life.

Personally, I’m not entirely sure what type of personality the writers were trying to portray through Butcher’s obsessive inability to stop. But let’s be honest: he was always right. Even if Homelander dies, another one can always be created. And even outside the concept of superheroes, there will always be people incapable of stopping their destructive desires, ruining everything around them in pursuit of their obsessions. The show simply gave those people superpowers to exaggerate what we already constantly witness in reality.

I also like how the series portrays the tendency to blame everyone else for our own problems. Deep is probably the most iconic representation of this, though he is far from the only one. We blame others for our failures, for not being loved or accepted, for who we became and how low we fell, when the real culprit is standing in the mirror. Homelander was a sociopath incapable of self-reflection, but many of the others simply refused to look at the truth.

It was also interesting how much happier some superheroes became after losing their powers. I cannot say this is some universal truth, but personally I do think humans are not really built to know everything, live forever, or possess godlike abilities. We think we want these things, yet at the same time the human mind itself is not capable of peacefully coexisting with that level of power.

Overall, the show gave me an amazing time filled with an absurd amount of gore, perversion, dismemberment, and every possible variation of human insanity imaginable. If you actually read this far, feel free to share your own insights.

I wish I could say the show is over. But the moment you close the video and step back into reality, you realize this series continues every single day.

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I recently came across the term “acephobia” completely by accident. I didn’t even know something like that existed, but honestly, damn, it makes sense.

I keep seeing so much hate toward Good Omens simply because the characters are not constantly kissing, touching each other excessively, or sexually involved. I remember seeing something similar with Zootopia, where the main characters exist in this vague in-between space instead of a conventional romance. And it’s not even just media — sometimes you genuinely cannot make people around you understand that sex is not the central element of relationships or life as a whole.

Personally, I love music, especially emotional and well-crafted music. You cannot imagine how difficult it is to find something genuinely beautiful without random mentions of sex or painfully obvious sexual undertones. So often the lyrics are going perfectly fine, and then suddenly, like a lightning strike out of nowhere, an explicit intimate scene gets thrown at you, and the only thought in your head is: this was so unnecessary right now.

The expressions people make when you tell them you simply do not need sex are also priceless. It’s like the world suddenly blurs in their eyes and you instantly become terminally ill to them. Very often people’s brains seem physically incapable of processing that fact at all, as if the idea itself slips out of their consciousness moments later.

Honestly, I cannot say this enrages me or ruins my life to the point where I want to protest, scream, and fight for my rights. Maybe there isn’t even a particularly radical asexual movement because, generally speaking, these are fairly calm and balanced people who primarily value personality and individual qualities and simply want to live peacefully.

I understand why society reacts this way and how important sex is for many people as intimacy, as reproduction, sometimes even as a lifestyle. So I do not really feel the need to aggressively push back against it. These are simply my thoughts after suddenly realizing yet another form of sharp intolerance that exists around us.

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Oh fuck it all. I don't even have anyone near me to say fuck you. Everything sucks and I don't have enough words in my brain to fully describe how fucked up everything is. Come clother so I can tell you to fuck off.

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Modern psychology is largely focused on breaking stereotypes, understanding ourselves, and people around us. We are moving away from toxic success culture, imposed obligations, and working ourselves into exhaustion, while learning to listen to our bodies and emotions. All of this is wonderful, but it also becomes unclear where the limits of such self-exploration lie.

As human beings, we need both a direction to move toward and an understanding of the conditions from which we begin. I have never once heard desires for a better body, a higher-paying job, more power, more influence, or a different social status come purely from healthy self-awareness. More often than not, change is driven by our insecurities, fears, anger, jealousy, and internal wounds. We move because we are unhappy.

And this applies not only to grand ambitions, but also to the smallest social rules and the reasons we perform everyday routines. We cannot exist in complete isolation. If you dismantle an old foundation, you need to provide a new one in its place.

The problem may not even primarily concern “ordinary” people, but rather those considered neurodivergent or clinically different, especially when destructive behaviors are involved. In order to function within society, you need to understand the rules by which it operates. It simply isn’t true that there are no rules and that you can do whatever you want. Or rather, the consequences ultimately exist for everyone equally.