The Long and Winding Road

twenty-two usa not a writer

[makpalmushi]

It’s painful and cold.

But I’m in control.

Fuck all the people

Who say that they know.

I can hold it in my hand.

Making me God

With no righteous plan.

And,

God forbids

They ever see you bleed.

You’ll never beat it out of me.

You’ll never see me bleed.

I’m in control, I’m in control

I’m in control of the enemy.

[makpalmushi]

I caught you creeping down the stairs

Glitter on your face, glitter in your hair.

You were laughing

With 

A smile like a fairy tale,

Skin so fair, so pale. 

You were dancing in the kitchen

In the middle of the night, cheeks colored crimson.

You were out of breath

With

Movement lacking any doubt,

And a scar at the corner of your mouth.

-

I could never know much about a thing like Love,

But

Let me know if I’m wrong when I say

We’re on the right track

[makpalmushi]

i’m in love with you.

i’m in love with the way you laugh, the way you smile, the way you dance.

i think about you when you’re gone.

i think about you when you’re sitting right in front of me.

i think about holding your hand.

i like the way it feels in mine-

warm, strong, anchoring.

i think about the way your lips feel -

soft, giving, melt worthy.

you talk about the hard things you’ve gone through,

i’d like to hold you. cradle you. soothe you.

i’d like to stroke your cheek and tell you it’ll all be okay.

i’m not a liar,

it’s one of the few things i’m proud of

(aside from holding your attention)

so believe me when i say:

i love you, i think about you a lot, and everything is going to be okay.

[makpalmushi]

a timid moment-

the static threatens to invade.

a stolen moment-

free of troubles, no price paid.

the shock of reality-

a prism that hurts your eyes.

a simple comfort, perhaps,

to talk to you tonight.

[makpalmushi]

if this is just a dream,

nothing more than that-

i find that i’d like to sleep forever,

just to hold your hand.

[makpalmushi]

it’s not all about fate, my friend.

but if you love the stars,

i’ll trace them over and over again -

finding the ways we align.

[makpalmushi]

we passed up by the southern pier

with smoke in your lungs

in the air

in your silk hair

we drank the ocean’s water

with a prayer to the earth

the spirit

the holy father

light as a feather

in green spring weather

i find your voice as a tether

to the grace of God

forgive me

i’m unholy

forgive me

i am not your hands

[makpalmushi]

you love it when it rains

the smell and dreary skies

i never really saw the beauty

until i got to see it through your eyes

[makpalmushi]

i do believe in silly things

like happily ever afters

and the healing power of laughter

and i love the simple things

like the timid brush of fingers

and the subtle scents that linger

and i abhor the hurtful things

like the silent treatments supplied

and the sound of another’s cries

but i’m wishful for happy things

like second chances given by both

and changes that lead to two souls

finally being home

[makpalmushi]

i forgot the sound of your laugh.

i remember how i used to describe it-

being loud and piercing, yet sweet and my favorite thing.

but i can’t remember it;

i can not hear it in my head anymore.

and i don’t know whether to be absolutely heartbroken

or to be indescribably relieved.

[makpalmushi]

blame your bad love

on your bad history

like you’re stuck the way you are -

is it wrong to call bullshit?

[makpalmushi]

It’s you!

You’re the culprit!

You’re the one who stole my time.

The time I needed to find what I’m needing -

What I’m needing to be happy.

[makpalmushi]

Take me out of this life.

Take me back to those nights.

When problems were just poetry,

For you to neatly write.

[makpalmushi]

why are you frowning? -isn’t this what you wanted?

[makpalmushi]

something sits inside me, right in my gut. it twists and grows heavier with every passing day. and as i try to shove it deeper and deeper, it festers, coming back with a vengeance.

it makes me hate my friends and lay awake until the sun peaks through my blinds. it makes my mother frown, and my father shake his head.

i stay in bed for too long because of it. i cry for seemingly no reason because of it. i ache for things that don’t exist and shiver when it’s one hundred degrees in the summer, and i wonder

how do i expel this feeling?

[makpalmushi]

there are things i want to ask but can’t

when did you wake up and realize

you didn’t want this anymore?

[words-of-heartbreak]

“I still bring you up because the memory of you is all I have left. I still talk about you, just to taste your name on my tongue again. I still remember everything about you, and I can’t bring myself to forget.”

— once you were mine ( @words-of-heartbreak )