I see you're trapped on my gay & stupid blog again

We are coming down but we will never, never land |--| Malcolm/Teddy, 30s, queer+nb, he/him |--| Header by @aforgotto |--| DMs open (this means YOU 👁️👁️)

[mewsfire]

something i did sorta quick for fun

alt version without bg under cut

[fleshmesh]

Break the stereotype of tumblr sexyman always being a skinny guy in a suit. It’s time for hairy muscled short middle aged men with big beards to shine. Vote senshi

He’ll make you bread

[malcolmcooks]

[mimosa-sexypeople-contests-2026]

Tumblr Sexyman Contest 2026 Final Round

Senshi (Dungeon Meshi)

Ryland Grace (Project Hail Mary)

Mr. Ant Tenna (Deltarune)

Remaining time: 1 day 21 hours

Tenna art by @9Aaaalt29 on twt

[malcolmcooks]

[yesornopolls]

do you have any friends that are 4x your age or more?

Do you have any friends that are 4x your age or more?

Yes

No

Remaining time: 2 days 19 hours

[malcolmcooks]

they would have to be 128 years old.

[innerchildabortionclinic]

"dog residue" post means so much to my ocd

[innerchildabortionclinic]

[mimosa-sexypeople-contests-2026]

Tumblr Sexyman Contest 2026 Final Round

Senshi (Dungeon Meshi)

Ryland Grace (Project Hail Mary)

Mr. Ant Tenna (Deltarune)

Remaining time: 1 day 21 hours

Tenna art by @9Aaaalt29 on twt

[mimosa-sexypeople-contests-2026]

Guys it’s only been 3-4 hours wtf

[smallpwbbles]

Yall if that TV doesn’t win istg I’m gonna be on the news, DO YOUR DUTY AND VOTE TENNA

[qsycomplainsalot]

I'm torn because on the one end mr deltarune guy seems like a character that will be replaced next week when shippers get bored, but isn't that the true essence of a tumblr sexyman ?

[dsmsix]

[dsmsix]

[naamahdarling]

"In the same way that your heart feels and your mind thinks, you, mortal beings, are the instrument by which the universe cares. If you choose to care, then the universe cares. If you don't, then it doesn't." -- Brennan Lee Mulligan, D20, Fantasy High

[defilerwyrm]

[tatzelwurming]

was about to make a post saying “putting the word berry up on a shelf” in response to seeing two -berry posts in a row but then i realized how meaningless and cruel that would be for me to say

[malcolmcooks]

im putting the "putting this phrase up on a shelf until people learn how to use it properly" meme up on a ahelf until people learn how to use it properly

[malcolmcooks]

cunnilingus

[malcolmcooks]

why are colleauges so obsessed with figuring out when you're going to be on shift together next

[malcolmcooks]

awooooooooooooooooo! i wanna be with you everywhere

[delmondo]

dude have you watched arcade. it's based on a game called leading legends but it's actually good as fuck. even parents watch it.

[whosname]

[id. A twitter post by @/Bennieeexyz Jury duty letter came addressed to my cat. Not a mistake. "Felix Martinez" - that's his full name according to his vet records. My last name. His first name. Somehow he's a registered voter now. Called the county clerk. Me: My cat got summoned for jury duty. Clerk: Is the name correct on the summons? Me: Yes, but he's a cat. Clerk: Is Felix Martinez a legal resident of this county? Me: He's a legal cat. Clerk: Sir, if the name matches our records, he needs to appear or file an exemption. Me: He can't file anything. He has paws. Clerk: You can file on his behalf. Me: Under what exemption? There's no box for "is a cat." Clerk: (pause) Check "unable to serve due to medical reasons." Me: What's the medical reason? Clerk: He's a cat. Me: That's not a medical condition. Clerk: It is if it prevents him from serving. Sent in the form. Got rejected two weeks later. "Insufficient documentation. Please provide medical professional's statement." Took the letter to my vet. Me: I need you to write that my cat can't do jury duty. Vet: Why is your cat summoned for jury duty? Me: Excellent question. No good answer. Vet: This is the weirdest request I've gotten. Me: Can you just write that he's medically unfit to serve? Vet: On what grounds? Me: He's a cat. Vet: (started typing) "Patient is unable to serve due to species-related limitations including inability to speak, read, or comprehend legal proceedings." Me: Perfect. Sent it in. Got another rejection. "Summons is mandatory. Failure to appear will result in contempt of court." My roommate thought this was hilarious. Roommate: Felix is going to jail. Me: This is serious. Roommate: Bring him to court. See what happens. Decided that was actually the only option left. Day of jury duty, put Felix in his carrier. Brought the entire paper trail of rejection letters. Checked in at the courthouse. Clerk: Name? Me: Felix Martinez. Clerk: (looked at the cat carrier) Is that Felix? Me: Yes. Clerk: (long stare) He's a cat. Me: I've been saying that for six weeks. Clerk: Why didn't you file an exemption? Me: I filed three. All rejected. Showed her the letters. She read through them, expression shifting from confusion to disbelief. Clerk: Someone rejected the veterinary documentation? Me: Twice. Clerk: (called her supervisor over) You need to see this. Supervisor read everything. Looked at Felix. Looked at me. Supervisor: How did a cat get registered to vote? Me: You tell me. Supervisor: This is a data error. Me: Took you six weeks to figure that out. They dismissed Felix immediately. Apologized for the inconvenience. Supervisor: We'll remove him from the voter registry. Me: Appreciate it. Supervisor: (pause) Out of curiosity, how would he have voted? Me: Probably whatever party supports universal treats. Got a formal apology letter a week later and a voter registration card. For me this time. Apparently I wasn't registered, but my cat was. Roommate: Felix committed voter fraud. Me: Felix committed nothing. He's innocent. Roommate: That's what they all say. Felix is sleeping on the jury summons now. Fitting end to his legal career. end id]

[malcolmcooks]

personally I'm a big fan of how the Big Rock Candy Mountain still has an oppressive class structure but the agents that uphold that structure are neutered (cops have wooden legs, bulldogs have rubber teeth, jails are made of tin ect.)

[malcolmcooks]

personally I'm a big fan of how the Big Rock Candy Mountain still has an oppressive class structure but the agents that uphold that structure are neutered (cops have wooden legs, bulldogs have rubber teeth, jails are made of tin ect.)

[maykitz]

[patrickbatemanamericanpsycho]