MALESTROM

It’s time to have a new discussion about men, one that sees them for who they really are, not what society thinks they should be.

[malestrom1-blog]

'Why is everyone so afraid of black men?'

In her new documentary, 'Afraid of Dark', U.S. filmmaker Mya B. attempts to answer this question.

The film's website explains: "In examining two of the most prevalent stereotypes about the black man as the brute and as the Mandingo we are led on a journey to understanding how the fear of these stereotypes have contributed to the rates of violence and incarceration against black men.

"We see how racism uses black-on-black crime and other unfortunate occurrences in black communities as justification for attacks on black males by police and citizen vigilantes alike.

"The documentary challenges these stereotypes, and their resulting worldview, through candid interviews of black men -- who span the spectrum of age and background – to illustrate through their own words and personal reflections the difference between how society perceives black men and how they define themselves.

"Mya B. also profiles three generations of black men in her family that offered alternative archetypes of what black men can be and are in this society.

"The film ultimately shows us that black men are struggling to find love and meaningful identity in a world that mutes their individual stories and colors them all with one brush; and that the way towards healing means facing this dilemma head on, looking deep into it, and using our understanding and our love to transform the image and likeness we perceive of black men."

[malestrom1-blog]

'Kick Yourself'

Check out this powerful animation about the crucial part a prisoner's family played in his decision not to re-offend.

It's one of series of animations produced for Ormiston Children & Families Trust, which provides services to support children and young people from disadvantaged communities who face social exclusion.

Have a look at the other animations here.

[malestrom1-blog]

'We can't turn our backs on a generation of young men'

By Alice Aylett Roberts

Yesterday I wrote an article on how the Guardian’s Generation Y project, which is being run by nine women and one man, seems to be comfortable reinforcing the under-representation of young men in both English at A Level and Journalism at university.

The whole thing made me a little angry. So, like many people in my generation in times of anger/hunger/happiness/boredom (delete as appropriate), I turned to Twitter.

Everything about The Guardian's #G2GenY takeover makes me angry.

— Alice Aylett Roberts (@aliceroberts)

March 18, 2014

Within minutes of sending the first tweet I received replies from three of the Guardian's new trainees asking for an explanation. I obliged, outlining my concerns about the gender disparity, but it appeared that they didn't share my point of view.

@aliceroberts @fred_dash yes i see what you mean. perhaps it might start to balance out thousands of years of underrepresented women?

— Emma Howard (@EmmaEHoward)

March 18, 2014

I'm guessing society could do with several centuries of male tokenism before it become a problem rather than a solution. #G2GenY

— Fred McConnell (@fred_dash)

March 18, 2014

These replies left me a little stunned. Were Emma and Fred suggesting that it's okay to marginalise the views of young men today as retribution for injustices of the past? Is this what Generation Y is thinking?

Male tokenism will never be a solution and what Fred may not realise, is that it is already a problem. Young men are underrepresented in all sorts of ways and they are losing out to young women all the time.

Girls are still outperforming boys at nearly every level of education, receiving the greater percentage of the top grades in Key Stage Sats, GCSEs and A Levels, and nobody really knows why. But, perhaps the most worrying statistic of all is the rate of suicide for young men.

The latest ONS figures show that men are now three times more likely to commit suicide than women. Whereas in the last 30 years the suicide rate for women has decreased, the rate for men has risen and is still rising. Suicide is the biggest killer of young men in England and Wales and more needs to be done to tackle this problem.

I have always identified as a feminist. I was the sort of awkward child who insisted on joining the school rugby and cricket teams, despite having no particular aptitude or enthusiasm for the sports, but because I thought it wasn't fair that no girls were on the team. I proudly call myself a feminist because I believe in equality, and I thought that's what feminism was about. It's the same reason I read the Guardian, because I thought the paper shared the values I hold dear.

We can't turn our backs on a generation of young men who are struggling in education, at work and even in their daily lives. It's wholly wrong to punish the men of our generation for thousands of years of female subjugation, which is not their fault. If this is Generation Y feminism then I want no part in it.

What do you think? Leave a comment or send a tweet to let us know.

Alice is a social media expert and trainee journalist. You can follow her on Twitter @aliceroberts

[guardian]

[malestrom1-blog]

The Guardian's Gen Y team

Spot the Boy

By Alice Aylett Roberts

On Monday the Guardian launched a week-long series of articles in the paper's G2 section edited by their new digital trainees. Monday's introduction promised readers a week's worth of  articles that would reveal “everything you need to know about Generation Y”.

“That's great news”, I thought. Some insightful, culturally relevant articles that provide an entertaining glimpse into my generation. Then I noticed, of the 10 journalists in charge of the Guardian's Generation Y series, only one of them was male.

Further investigation revealed that the ten editors of the Generation Y series were also the new hand-picked Guardian digital trainees. Now, I have no difficulty in believing that of the hundreds of people who applied to the Guardian Trainee Scheme, the ten best people comprised nine women and one man. In fact, it doesn't surprise me at all.

It's a trend I first noticed back in school when we were all picking our A Level subjects. I knew boys then, smart boys, who wanted to study English at A Level but backed out at the last minute when they found out that it was mostly girls in the class.

In the end, we had only one boy, and he dropped the subject after only one year. I used to think this was a sad anomaly but the trend continued when I went on to study English at university. Of around 200 people who studied English in my year at university, less than 40 were male.

 Boys make up only 29% of English A Level students

Much is made of the fact that a small number of women study physics and maths at school and university, but as the Guardian itself pointed out this week, why don't we care that boys make up only 29% of English A Level students?

There comes a point where you look around and ask yourself; where have all the men gone?

This is exactly what I found myself thinking when I opened a copy of G2 on Monday morning to see ten of my peers representing the views of “our generation” and saw that 90% of them were women.

Again, I feel the need to stress that my concern is not focused on the fact that nine women earned a place on what I suspect is one of the most highly-coveted journalism trainee schemes in the country. Although it does beg the question, why weren't any of the other men who applied good enough?

What I do have a problem with is that the Guardian would commission a series of articles, trying to encapsulate the spirit of a whole generation, knowing that there would be only one man in a panel of ten editors.

Did they think about what impact this would have for the men of my generation who opened the paper and saw these odds stacked against them? Does the Guardian care about the great gender disparity between their trainees?  Would they have cared more if it had been one woman and 9 men?

What do you think? Leave a comment or send a tweet to let us know.

Alice is a social media expert and trainee journalist. You can follow her on Twitter @aliceroberts

[malestrom1-blog]

Now this is what we're talking about. It's an ad about kids, dads, play fights and cheese. Lovely.

More please!

[malestrom1-blog]

Are young gay men choosing to burn up like moths, rather than face the loneliness of old age?

Photo licensed via Flickr

By Liam Johnson

Just last week I sat with a good friend of mine in a restaurant. Her imminent departure to start a new job in Dubai meant our conversation turned towards futures and growing older.

‘How do you feel about getting older?’ she asked. ‘I never think about gay guys in their 30s and 40s.’

This is something that I had to agree with. I started to think about my peers and how many of them have a detached view of their future.

As a young gay guy growing up in London I can invariably see that the focus of the gay community is on looking good, staying fit and warding off the approaching years. Many gay men I know spend their after work hours pumping away at the gym, their spare time scouring dating sites and their weekends on drug-fuelled binges. It’s a huge generalisation of course, but the most prevalent one.

We may have the best hair, the best jobs and the most perfectly Instagrammed smiles but something is missing.

Does it really get better?

Statistics consistently show that gay men suffer from high rates of depression and anxiety, are more susceptible to recreational drugs and the sexually transmitted diseases that plagued the distant 80s are now becoming a threat once again.

A few weeks ago I was lucky enough to be invited to a summit at King’s College in London entitled: ‘Does It Really Get Better?’ It was a talk between esteemed members of the LGBT community both young and old, discussing what problems each group face.

One speaker, and HIV activist, talked about the worrying rise of HIV infections due to gay men having unprotected sex. Statistics state that at the end of the 90s, the number of men with HIV was around 2,500. By 2011 that number had risen to 6,000.

I remember one speaker standing up to talk about the issue of loneliness in the gay community. I didn't need a bunch of statistics to tell me that mature gay men report feelings of loneliness.

A quick flash of excess...

Books like ‘The Velvet Rage’ by Alan Downs addresses the issue gay men have with growing older. As gay boys we are the sons of heterosexual men. As much we may love and admire our fathers, as I do, we cannot imagine ourselves living the lives as they have done. Settling down, marriage and kids are options that have until recently been ruled out for us and are not paths that seem immediately open to young gay men.

Perhaps it is this fear that drives so many young gay guys to live the outwardly fabulous life of excess, to burn up like moths before their time is over.

I believe gay men need to be taught, from a young age in schools, that the chance of them meeting a solid partner and living a fulfilling live with the possibility of marriage and children is a very real thing. Growing older is not something to fear, rather something to embrace.

If we constantly present young gay men with the idea that life is a quick flash of excess, it will lead them to believe that long and happy lives are still just for straight people. We have a right to future happiness too; we just need to know that it could exist.

Liam is a journalist and freelance writer based in London. You can follow him on Twitter @Liam_JohnsonLDN

Are you a gay man in London? Does Liam's point of view resonate with you? Or are you settling down, happy to ditch the gym and let go of the chaos of clubbing? Tell us what you think in a comment.

[malestrom1-blog]

Banger racing: How men bond through beaten-up body work

Fast and Fearless: Britain’s Banger Drivers, a two-part documentary series currently showing on BBC iPlayer, could easily have been a standard exercise in point-and-look TV – viewers invited to gawp at a bunch of working class Essex blokes and their ignorant hobby.

In fact, the series revealed a microcosm of deep, inter-generational masculine pride and affection.

The first episode follows three father and son teams as they prepare their vehicles for race day. As each of their stories unfold, it’s clear that amid the sump oil and rusted motor parts, fathers and sons forge strong ties, spoken in their own language.

One man points to a grimy 1980s photograph of his dad and uncle -- both wearing racing overalls and standing beside a beaten-up banger racer -- as he describes how his dad had died unexpectedly from a brain tumor a couple of years earlier.

He continues: “Everyone you know, either their dad’s done it, or their uncle’s done it. Someone in their family has done it. I don’t know someone who’s just woke up and one day said ‘I’d like to have a go at that. Like no one.”

The next shot shows him sitting on the sofa next to his young son, saying: “Tommy, do you want me to show you dad’s best-ever crash on the video?” The little boy looks at his dad with wide eyes and nods his head enthusiastically.

Between the two films, banger tracks and scrap yards are shown as the settings where men and boys play out deep friendships and old rivalries, screwed-up relationships and life-long lessons.

Halfway through the first episode, a young man leans against a stripped down wreck of a London black taxi and describes his anxiety at the thought of his dad going out to race.

“He ain’t so limber any more. Just tap him in the knee, his knees are no good. If he turns funny his knee will pop out. It’s just a nightmare. It worries you.

“I tell you, as soon as he’s on the track, I won’t be watching the race, I’ll literally be watching his car, staring at it and watching him.

“If he’s stuck in something I’ll quickly run round and make sure he’s OK. If I have to, I’ll go straight on the track and drag him out myself.”

Car crash TV, this ain’t.

Dan, Editor, Malestrom

[malestrom1-blog]

Men are worse at everything to do with parenting, says Mother & Baby magazine (with its all-male board of directors)

By Duncan Fisher

The other day I was dropping my daughter off to do some swimming training and on the table of the swimming pool reception was a copy of Mother & Baby magazine. Having rather moved beyond this kind of magazine (our girls are 13 and 17), I was interested to see how things have moved on in the 13 years since the girl I was dropping off to swim was born.

I discovered bad news: things have not moved on in the mummy magazine world, indeed, it’s worse.

There is hardly a nod in the entire magazine towards the existence of a male parent, other than one article: Dads think we’re clever. Mums actually are. Sub-title: “It’s time to face the facts, says Giles – women are the smarter sex when it comes to, well, everything about parenting.”

The article is nonsense – as a graduate in science I squirm when I see someone so unable to interpret research evidence. The argument is familiar. Men’s brains are different. They cannot multi-task like women. They cannot parent like women.* The editors have got a man to say this – as if somehow that puts the seal on it.

Two things upset me about this, and neither has to do with the infantalisation of fathers, nor the compliment of being told I am a genetically disabled parent while I drop off my child for her training. These things used to wind me up, but actually, personally they do me little harm. It is not really the impact on men that gets under my skin.

First, it is the agenda behind this. What this magazine and the advertising behind it are saying to women is that they cannot depend on their families. They are invited instead to lean on the providers of commercial products who fund the magazine – the cover of the magazine invites women to “meet their new support network” and that is not their family! This is a false promise. Families may be imperfect, men may be, but as sure as the eggs we all started off as, families are a better bet than anything else.

The development of babies’ brains and their preparation of children for a fulfilled life are dependent on the teamwork that goes on within their families and dependent on the innate skills and instincts that all families members have. This article and the whole idea that babies are mums’ work only systematically attacks this idea, and it is the impact of this on children that triggers the strongest reactions in me. It is time to see all this as a child development issue.

Second, this magazine promotes a deeply conservative agenda that asserts deep inequality between women and men. If only women can look after children because of biological inevitability, then it is right that men should run the world and the economy – including the company that owns this magazine, Bauer Media, the entire board of directors of which is male. So we have a women’s magazine, controlled by men, fielding a man saying that men are useless at looking after children.

I think it’s time to start exposing this agenda much more. This stuff is not good for children and not good for parents and we need to show why. This is where an alliance between mothers and fathers is most needed.

For the record, on multitasking:

There is no evidence that women or men are better at it; it all depends on whether or not we are in charge of a task and skilled at it. Women tend to be more in charge in the home.

Even if there were a difference between women and men, the difference in averages is tiny and we are all spread out along a spectrum. All it means is that there is a little bit less of a 50:50 chance that our partner is better/worse than us at something owing to gender, which is not terribly useful for understanding the situation in our particular family!

Human beings learn and the huge extent we can do this annihilates any tiny statistical differences that might exist.

Duncan Fisher co-founded the Fatherhood Institute to challenge how services only engaged with mothers. Most recently he has launched MumsandDadsnet.com as a father-inclusive alternative to parenting forums that are predominately mother-orientated. To learn more, visit the site and read this article about the launch.

This article was first published by MumsandDads.net on March 2nd 2014.

[malestrom1-blog]

What does it take to be a "real man"? Cartoonist Chris Sav takes a look.

"There’s a foul voice in the air, telling our heroes to act like real men – but what is a real man? New TV show ‘MAN UP’ has the answers..."

Check out the full strip at the CALMzone.

[malestrom1-blog]

Why Lily Allen presuming to tell men what they should be isn’t just a hypocritical insult. (Although it is that too.)

Last week ShortList magazine thought it was a good idea to run an issue entitled: How to Be a Man, by Women, led by Lily Allen as guest editor.

There’s so much wrong with this that it’s hard to know where to begin. For a start, try swapping the genders and see how you feel about the idea.

But I’m not writing this to point out the blindingly obvious.

I’m writing it in response to a BBC article yesterday that shows why the kinds of messages conveyed by Lily Allen and the ShortList edition aren’t just offensive, they create real damage in men’s lives.

In 2008 Jonny Benjamin was stopped from taking his own life by a passing stranger, who talked him out of jumping off Waterloo Bridge in central London.

Yesterday Jonny wrote an article for the BBC entitled: “Is macho culture causing young men to take their own lives?” explaining what he thinks are the cultural reasons why three times as many men kill themselves as women.

He wrote: “Society seems to like dictating how we should act as males. A magazine last week dedicated an issue to How To Be A Man, By Women. We were advised to 'go out, earn some money, come back and look after the children. Men should be men.' The dictionary itself synonymises 'masculinity' with phrases like 'toughness' and 'robustness'.

“But when I was unable to cope, it was the fear of not living up to such expectations that led me to almost taking my own life. What stopped me was another man's understanding of how I was feeling. Perhaps we need to redefine the meaning of masculinity, stop telling males to ‘man up’, and start showing them that grown men do actually cry.”

When a formerly suicidal man says there is a direct connection between a high-profile celebrity's expectations of what a man should be, and the reasons why he didn't ask for help, I think it’s time to take notice.

I think it’s time to question why people like Lily Allen -- a woman who has written lyrics mocking men for their penis size and sexual performance -- should have the right to dictate that men conform to ideals that are literally killing them.

Dan, Editor, Malestrom

[reportagebygettyimages]

Pow, Right in the Kisbet

Benjamin Lowy's photographs of Turkey's Kirkpinar wrestling festival are featured in the March issue of Men's Health magazine. In the annual contest, which takes place in the town of Edirne, 150 miles northwest of Istanbul, wrestlers coat themselves with olive oil before each bout and attempt to pin their opponents to the ground or lift them above their shoulders, often by grabbing an opponent's leather pants, called a kisbet.

Read the full story in Men’s Health print issue or digital version, available via iTunes.

[malestrom1-blog]

The Myth of Male Power: Are men really inherently privileged?

Twenty years ago a US author called Warren Farrell wrote a book entitled ‘The Myth of Male Power’, in which he asked readers to look again at society’s assumption that men are automatically the “privileged sex”.

Many of the facts he cited to make his case two decades ago, are also those that underpin the Year of The Male: statistics on everything from homelessness and substance abuse, to imprisonment and suicide.

Here is the first of a series of exclusive extracts Malestrom will publish from the newly-released 2014 edition of the book.

Please let us know what you think of Warren’s ideas. Do they stand up? Are they still relevant twenty years after the book was first written? Tell us in a comment.

Chapter 1

Is Male Power Really a Myth? A First Glance

“The weakness of men is the facade of strength; the strength of women is the facade of weakness.”

There are many ways in which a woman experiences a greater sense of powerlessness than her male counterpart: the fears of pregnancy, aging, rape, date rape, and being physically overpowered; less socialization to take a career that pays enough to support a husband and children; less exposure to team sports and its blend of competitiveness and cooperation that is so helpful to career preparation; greater parental pressure to marry and interrupt career for children without regard for her own wishes; not being part of an “old boys” network ; having less freedom to walk into a bar without being bothered… Fortunately, almost all industrialized nations have acknowledged these female experiences.

Unfortunately, they have acknowledged only the female experiences— and concluded that women have the problem, men are the problem. Men, though, have a different experience. A man who has seen his marriage become alimony payments, his home become his wife’s home, and his children become child-support payments for those who have been turned against him psychologically feels he is spending his life working for people who hate him.

He feels desperate for someone to love but fears that another marriage might ultimately leave him with another mortgage payment, another set of children turned against him, and a deeper desperation. When he is called “commitment-phobic” he doesn’t feel understood.

When a man tries to keep up with payments by working overtime and is told he is insensitive, or tries to handle the stress by drinking and is told he is a drunkard, he doesn’t feel powerful, but powerless.

When he fears a cry for help will be met with “stop whining,” or that a plea to be heard will be met with “yes, buts,” he skips past attempting suicide as a cry for help, and just commits suicide. Thus men have remained the silent sex and increasingly become the suicide sex.

…Our compassion for the struggles of our sons, or for the men who are homeless and unemployed is limited by the belief that “men have the power… if they can’t make it in a system designed by men to benefit men, then that’s their problem.” The Myth of Male Power shifts that paradigm.

To read more of Warren's writing and for further information on the The Myth of Male Power, visit his website.

[malestrom1-blog]

Spoken word artist Prentice Powell blasts the system that keeps him from his son

Check out Prentice's no-holds barred performance of his poem 'Good Father'.

"When you see me in the streets with my little one and want to say it's so good seeing a father doing his job, spending that quality time, don't.

"Because I've been robbed, robbed of the greatest gift, forced to look through pictures on an iPhone...

"...Occasional webcam chats with a child too young to speak back, so that when he reaches for you through that camera, all you can say is, son, I miss you too."

[malestrom1-blog]

Rape in prison: 'It happens in the UK too'

Shaun Attwood while serving time in a US prison for drugs' offences

The idea that rape is an integral part of US prison culture is not only a commonly accepted fact, it’s also something that film and TV comedies often treat as a joke.

In contrast, very little is known about the prevalence of sexual assault in UK prisons.

But Shaun Attwood, an Englishman from Widnes who witnessed gang rapes while spending time in an American prison for drugs offences, says rape happens in the UK prison system too.

Shaun told Malestrom that since returning to this country he has spoken to three former inmates who have witnessed incidences of sexual assault during their sentences.

One man “tried to stop a guy being raped and he got beat down himself. Anything can happen in that environment”.

In an attempt to fill these gaps in knowledge, the Howard League for Penal Reform have launched a Commission on Sex in Prison, which will focus on three broad themes:

Consensual sex in prison

Coercive sex in prison

Healthy sexual development among young people in prison

The Howard League says the commission’s call for evidence has been meet with “a steady stream of responses from serving prisoners, the majority of whom were male.

“The issues raised included access to condoms, homophobia from staff and other prisoners, the treatment of transgender prisoners, the lack of privacy on visits, requests for conjugal visits, sexual assaults by prisoners, coercive relationships with prison staff and pornography in prisons.”

Shaun says there is a double wall of silence when it comes to addressing victimisation of inmates.

The code of silence among prisoners that means a “snitch” will be beaten up, or worse, by other inmates, is combined with a general “lock them up and throw away the key” attitude from the public.

But he says the majority of inmates are serving time for non-violent drug offences and these are often the ones who are most vulnerable once in prison.

“The sentence is the punishment, not to be gang raped and brutalized.”

Shaun has since written a series of books about his experiences. The most-recent of which, Prison Time, details the range of sexual relationships inside prisons — from rape, to prostitution, to equal and loving relationships behind bars.

[malestrom1-blog]

Thousands of prisoners from across the UK are being invited to enter an arts' competition whose winners will go on show at London's Southbank Centre.

The competition is being run by the Koestler Trust, which works to reduce re-offending by engaging prisoners with the arts.

The trust said it expects to receive some 8,000 entries, covering 61 diverse art forms, including painting, song writing, magazine journalism and drama.

This track was recorded by an inmate of HM Prison & Young Offender Institution in Berkshire and won 2012's singer-songwriter Silver Award.

The trust describes its work as follows: 

"The current high levels of re-offending affect us all. To make our society safer, it pays to channel offenders' energies to positive ends, to build their self-worth and help them learn new skills.

"The arts are an especially effective way of engaging with offenders who feel alienated from mainstream education and employment, and there is growing evidence that the arts are effective in changing offenders' lives."

What do you think of this approach to tackling re-offending? If you're a former inmate, do you think it would have helped you?

Please leave us a comment and let us know.

To find out more about the amazing work of the Koestler Trust check out their website and listen to more tracks by inmates here.

The deadline for the 2014 competition is 14 April, with winners announced in the summer.

[malestrom1-blog]

The cruel and unusual punishment of Disney songs. One dad fights back.

Close to smashing the TV after listening to The Little Mermaid for the 1000th time?

About to perforate your own eardrums rather than hear another rendition of When You Wish Upon A Star?

One dad driven out of his mind by endless repetitions of Let it Go! from Disney's Frozen has vented his pain in a spoof version of the song.

He doesn't care if it upsets his kids either.

Check it out, anyone with a toddler and a TV will know where he's coming from.

"It all began a few months ago, just a move, so it seemed. My wife and kids now sing this song, morning, nights and in between.

"It's in my head, it's in my dreams, this freakin' song is hounding me.

"I've had enough, it's got to stop. Please make it stop! Please make it stop!

"Let it go! Let it go! Think I'm going to lose my mind!

"I don't care what my kids will say, let the song be gone, I can't take it another day!"

[malestrom1-blog]

Out of the mouths of babes...

Love these pictures from dad blogger dadrites, who captured the commentary from his two young children as they watched Star Wars for the first time.

See his full post and check out the rest of Alex's great blog at Dadrites.