all my hockey feels

ems. 25. colorado. pittsburgh penguins. colorado avalanche. usa hockey is do or die.

[intermissionpenguins]

06/11/17: Horny gets emotional after Hags’ ENG

[coloradoavalanche]

We know we’ve been slacking, butt we told you we’d reward you for sticking with us while we were busy…

[malkingmecrazy]

The team my not have had the best season last year, but hot damn if the social media isn't on point. Here's to more fun posts next season! (And less sad ones, last season was really hard for all of us.)

[captainsid]

[minnesotamild]

2017 Stanley Cup Final Penguins + NYT Minus Context (2016 version)

[lionelsmessi]

source

[caramelalmonnd]

not only do i want the penguins NOT to visit the white house this year, i also want them to give the most thinly veiled excuses possible when asked. like oh, sorry we can’t be at the white house… sidney’s got a cold… tanger is washing his hair that day… geno just forgot how to speak english… not that we’d expect his russian to be too much trouble for the current white house staff, but all the same, 

[caramelalmonnd]

conor sheary asked his mom and she said no

[babylonqaf]

#dumo and dales have a doubles beer pong tournament that weekend#carl also has to wash his hair#jake has reservations at chili’s#there’s something important phil has to do instead but he just can’t quite put his finger on it (x)

[laurastaceys-deactivated2017070]

© Minas Panagiotakis/HHOF-IIHF Images

[intermissionpenguins]

All Access: Quest for the Stanley Cup, Episode 4 ( 1 / 2 / 3 or x )

[m-a-lkin]

The Average San Jose Sharks

[hockeylesbians]

don’t worry everyone, the love is still there

[tboobs-deactivated20220315]

[x]

[ehghtyseven]

fun times with geno and phil at media day

[hazel3017]

[nicollekidman]

me, laying facedown on the floor: i wouldn’t feel like this if i had ten new lipsticks 

[drunkenkeith]

My favorite time of year

[manicpixiedreamgoalie]

Team USA if NHLers can’t play in the Olympics: a proposal

(totally inspired by @nataliespooner ‘s hilariously awesome Canada roster) Forwards:

the neighbor’s golden retriever who stole 8 hamburgers from your 4th of July barbecue

some excellent player from Minnesota whose name everyone promptly forgets

Carrie Underwood

that guy in your english lit class who read Kerouac’s On The Road and is literally physically incapable of shutting up about the death of American masculinity and who watches the blackhawks just often enough to be insufferable about his knowledge

Amanda Kessel sporting a fake beard

Jason Momoa, shirtless but protected by the power of his own beauty

the smell of a Taco Bell at 4am

the blandest white man on this season of The Bachelorette (the competition will be stiff)

a customer service person who clearly doesn’t want to be smiling at you but is doing so anyhow

a dump truck full of sand sprinkled over the entire roster for “grit”

someone dressed head-to-toe (snapback-to-slide-sandals) in underarmour athletic wear

twitter user soloucity aka Tony X.

every child in this year’s Kraft Hockeyville USA

the vengeful but impotent spirit of USA Hockey

Defense:

Snoop Dogg, mic’d up and swearing

an alligator in a Florida Panthers jersey

the slightly too good-looking American dude who’s gonna play Brent Burns in the Hollywood movie about John Scott

an unexpectedly mild-mannered Texas longhorn steer

a gallon of sweet tea laced with arsenic

someone totally bewildered by the idea that Canada has its own Thanksgiving

a battered VHS tape of 2004′s Miracle 

the entire Las Vegas Golden Knights roster as of April 4, 2017

Goalies:

the personification of Ben Bishop’s sadness about being traded

15 starbucks frappuccinos arranged in a pyramid

a very expensive wall that actually does a really terrible job keeping stuff out

The puck will be a Chicago deep-dish pizza.

[intermissionpenguins]

When Pens winger Phil Kessel arrived at Ricoh Coliseum for Pittsburgh’s optional practice on Friday, he was met with a surprise.

Instead of finding his gear in a locker stall, it was set up on a chair outside of the locker room, complete with a case of Coke-a-Cola, cups for coffee, some signs and a big sign above it all reading “The Phil Zone.”

The prank was the brainchild of center Evgeni Malkin and head equipment manager Dana Heinze.

The backstory is this. On Thursday the Pens were playing against the New Jersey Devils at Prudential Center. However, there were only 24 locker stalls available and 25 players in attendance.

Heinze approached Malkin out of respect and asked if he would mind being placed in a chair, since he was not playing that evening against the Devils. Malkin, of course, was fine with it.

Heinze set out to find “the nicest chair possible,” and set up his gear on the seat. As the team arrived for the morning skate, Kessel began chirping both Heinze and Malkin. He even tweeted a pic of the seat saying: “Pigeon couldn’t even get a regular stall.”

So Malkin and Heinze put their heads together for some payback.

“It wasn’t my idea. It was Dana. He said we need to answer,” Malkin said. “I wanted to answer today and Dana helped me.”

04/07/17: Phil Kessel gets pranked + Inside Scoop: Payback for Phil