#public libraries are good because they let people access books they might never otherwise read#private book ownership is good because it's Yours#physical books are good because they last a long time and again it's Yours#ebooks are good because you can fit a whole library into the physical space of a single book and they're cheaper to produce#audiobooks are good because they're accessible to people with eyesight or visual reading issues and leave your hands free#in conclusion: all books are good and people should enjoy them however and whenever they can#(lest it be misunderstood I agree with you completely OP I just also really like books in general and it got away from me)
“never kill yourself” is such a funny phrase to me that i think it’s accidently started working. its like an affrimation. say ‘never kill yourself’ enough times as a joke and maybe you won’t try to kill yourself over minor inconviences anymore
the one problem with heated rivalry, and every other hyperfixation i've ever had, is that it's making me feel so mentally ill and it's not a sustainable feeling. im once again getting a weird mix of major fomo (as if i'd be an actor?? girl i'm too disabled for that life, even if i think about it often) and that uncomfortable empty feeling i get when things end.
part of it is just being mentally ill, and part of it is a sort of envy towards the actors, they're living a life i think of often but realistically cannot ever live, for many reasons. usually it's not so strong, but the fact that both connor and hudson are younger than me (by like a year) is making it so much worse.
genuinely crazy to me that people get to live their dreams sometimes, i'm just dragging myself through life and hoping it's gonna end at some point, and i'm trying to find something i enjoy, but the things i really want to do i simply am not healthy enough for.
it's hard to see people your age do the things you wish you could do
things i want to see in season 2 of heated rivalry as someone who bought the books (im like 90% sure.. maybe 80%) but then had to move and hasn't read them yet because they're in a box somewhere on a different continent but now the show's my hyperfixation so im doing what i can to get information on what happens between now and their happy end
shane holding more Pike Children and ilya melting into goo
hayden and ilya chirping each other to death
ilya's obsession with shane's glasses. and his freckles. and his everything else also tbh.
ANYA
she is very important to me
dallas kent and that whole storyline is so important but it needs to be done so well and so i think we should get a third season as well for reasons of proper storytelling and not selfish desire
once the whole fanmail video thing happens i desperately need the centaurs in general to rag on brad so bad (fuck that guy)
for personal reasons i would like to see crowell getting punched
also when ilya punches dallas because he makes a comment about shane? i dont have much context but if im right they arent even out yet? love that
more rose
more svetlana
unrelated to the above but fun fact nonetheless: while the characters of shane and ilya and are millenials, and by now in their early 30s, the actors that portray them are literally younger than me as they were born in 2000 (connor) and 2001 (hudson) this makes them genz
rose landry is a beautiful majestic woman who deserves the world and so much more.
that strength to sit in front of a boyfriend who you highly suspect is gay because 70% of your relationships have been with emotionally repressed men seeking companionship in a woman because they're terrified of coming out in case of repercussions and homophobia. she recognised all those signs, she knew something wasn't right, and yet to hold onto that inner strength and have another relationship fail but to remain open and forgiving is honestly admirable. she could have cut her losses from him, saved herself the pain, but she saw the conflict, saw the hidden anguish, and knew she needed to stay to be the clutch he needed, and was willing to do it.
i need to wake up at 8 tomorrow and i'm a hypersomniac so i should REALLY be asleep
However.
i had this thought and i need it Out of my Head
i've read a couple of fics where Nile lives for so long that she leaves earth with other humans eventually and it made me think
different ships take off from different places and the old guard made the decision to each be in different ships to keep as many people as possible safe from things like corruption and wall-e inspired space capitalism. so they leave.
but they don't dream about each other. they all know that their last goodbye will be the last.
in theory the ships will be heading to the same place and go in the same direction and be able to communicate to each other, this is the last of humanity and no one wants the end of the human race, so they're all going to the same place. in theory. because they know that humans are hot-headed and emotional and corruptible and they're almost certain that it will take all of them working together but separately, cut off from each other, to get anywhere remotely near where they mean to go.
they all think they will be dead by the time the ships will land. it will take several generations to reach it, and they are already planning ways to hide their immortality on these ships that are so big as to have more passengers each than some countries ever had at their peaks.
but most importantly, they will be alone. truly alone. for the first time.
and they haven't seen each other much in the past few decades because moving humanity elsewhere takes a lot of planning, and convincing people to leave their homes and everything they have ever known takes hard work, and being in the ears of powerful people to make everything happen takes secrecy to a level so extreme.
so it's been a long time. they give themselves a month together before leaving, they can't risk this operation going wrong at the last moment (something, they have learned, that humans always manage).
and then that's it. they're gone, and they believe they will never see each other again, but Nile, always the fearless leader, never says goodbye. she says i love you and see you later and get me a souvenir with a wink.
so she doesn't say goodbye. what she says is almost worse.
this has been the greatest honor of my very very long life. i will miss you, but i will keep you with the others in my mind and my heart and my memories will fade but i will always know that it's you i'm seeing.
and that's it. the oldest army in the world, disbanding.
they hope there will be other immortals, selfishly, so they can be less alone and see their family again through new eyes, yet they hope they are the last ones, tired of carrying this burden they keep passing on, an inevitable mutation that steals you away and breaks you and rebuilds you. that creates your best and worst moments, the happiest memories and the emptiest void inside when you try to recall your mother's language and your father's voice, your children's laughs.
they think they've prepared themselves to absolute loneliness, and they have, to the best of their abilities, but they aren't prepared. it's like the first time they woke up from death, all over again. this time with the anxious little voice telling them you could be thrown into space, die out there and come back to life and die again, until the immortality ends. they push the voice away, and they feel a fear they've never felt, that this could happen to anyone of them, hypothetically.
years pass.
there are no new immortals, yet they do not die. it's as if whatever force makes them what they are is paused. neither ending, nor continuing. just staying as it is. as if it's waiting.
after several decades it feels more like torture than anything they've ever felt. each year feels longer, and yet each day is shorter than the last, a little more meaningless, just a grain of sand on the beach.
their only true solace is knowing that they are managing to push humanity where it needs to be. Nile isn't sure when she stopped thinking of herself as a part of it. of humanity. when she started seeing herself as other than human. she wonders if she'll ever feel that again. being part of something.
then something happens.
a child draws what they believe the other ships look like inside for a school assignment. and it's a little overly realistic and yet so alien, it unnerves everyone. the people he draws though, they're the same as them and yet even drawn their faces feel wrong.
the child continues to draw, eventually just becoming accepted as another weird artist type. his art is very celebrated, and Nile finds the concept of his art, us but not us, to be so interesting, and so painful, but it soothes the ache of being alone, to think about the others living in these places.
it's not until the child dies, after more than a century of his life, that Nile sees the first drawings while cleaning out one of the storage decks. this one is for deceased people's belongings. when all family members die out they are recycled, but Nile like to go through the deck and people's memories. sometimes remembering specific moments. when the belongings stop having traces of earth, Nile doesn't get out of bed for a long, long time. she loses track of the years, stuck in her head, unprepared for the end of the majority of her life. unprepared to be the last person to remember being on earth, to remember natural oxygen, to remember the internet, or the library of congress, or what cities looked like. it's too big.
but eventually she starts to process it enough that she can breathe again, that she can feed herself and cut her hair and wash herself.
it's when she's started to accept that she is the last person she will ever be able to share earth with. alone like she's never been before.
she walks through the deck, endless rows of storage, piled so high in these metallic structures, everything put away and labeled, forgotten and fading.
she sees the child's belongings and feels guilt and grief again, for the years she was gone in her own head, made insane by the thoughts and the knowledge that she has. she remembers enjoying his work, so she goes to see what they stored.
almost nothing from the age of 27 onwards is present. bought over his lifetime, and most likely auctioned after his passing.
there are boxes of his childhood though. she looks through those, curious to see the child's scribble become more distinct shapes, some of his drawings so familiar to anyone who has lived on this ship yet so foreign.
it is then that she sees one of his drawings and everything changes.
because there, on the page, clear as day, in an environment that is both her home since they left the planet behind and the furthest thing from it she could imagine, is Booker. she's sure of it.
Karadec: Okay, so Gio doesn’t seem to secretly have plans to kidnap/kill Morgan. Thank god. I can (slightly) relax.
*5 seconds later*
Morgan: Soooooo, bad news, turns out our latest killer - the one who likes to kill people in creative and horrible ways - is now obsessed with me and is focusing only on me playing his murderous games.
got the crunchyroll free trial just to watch the cherry magic anime and omg i forgot how much i love these characters
and i can handle some of the more extreme behavior when it's animated, which isn't the case when it's live action
also if the anime is accurate to the manga then damn, they picked the live action actors really really well
do you guys ever think kurosawa cried the first time adachi called him yuichi?? no because that's all i can think about right now
like kurosawa just being extra as hell, but more openly because it's just him and adachi and adachi read his mind and saw the worst parts of him so he feels comfortable being more himself
and adachi looks at him and just takes his hand like "yuichi, love of my life, owner of my heart, keeper of my dreams, what the fuck are you talking about"
and all kurosawa can do is gape like a dumbass and blush increasingly red
but because they're in a relationship and alone and very much in love he decides that the only possible way to answer is by absolutely jumping him
i think i've learned that my favorite type of romcom tv show is "loud extroverted person who actually uses it as a mask" falling in love with "i can't diagnose a fictional character but that person's autistic" who can't help but fall in love back but they have no clue about it so they're just confused about what the actual fuck is going on with them
gummygunk
romaincrisis
turnnoffyourmind
origamiaround
pixelskylines
stormborns
