Mal' 'Lottie

20 y/o neurodivergent they/she transfem. huge language nerd and indie games sucker

[teaboot]

There is a reality not so far from our own in which Ratitouille (2007) was filmed as an avant-garde conceptual horror akin to Eraserhead (1977)

[teaboot]

There is a young American man in France. His mother has passed away. He has few friends, and works the thankless job of a bus boy in a prestigious restaurant, but dreams of becoming a chef despite having very little skill.

He returns one night to his humble apartment, which is known to have vermin, and comes across a rat, which he could easily kill or set loose on the street.

But the rat- it is special. It seems to speak to him. Promises him every little thing he desires- talent, fame, and fortune. Recognition and esteem like he has only ever seen from afar; fine company like the wealthy men and women whose scraps he picks at over the sink.

Put me on your head, the rat says. Put me on your head and think of nothing.

It is strange at first, yes. Strange to feel another take control of his life and live it better than he ever could. To see miraculous things created with his own two hands, to feel his feet move in graceful and fantastic ways with a confidence he has never had.

But the rat delivers as he had promised: he receives promotions, notoriety, admiration. He is noticed. Envied. Every day is a waking dream, rubbing elbows with beautiful women and handsome men and influential personalities who lavish him with praise. It is addictive, this lifestyle- never mind that he is only ever truly conscious of it as a passenger of in own brain.

It is when he has reached heights few can ever conceive, with all that the rat had ever promised- a beautiful wife in a beautiful house with all the world in his palm, in possession of all the wealth and success a man could ever want, that the rat says that it is leaving.

Leaving? The rat cannot leave. Everything he is, the rat has provided.

"I have delivered on our bargain", the rat says. "I have brought to you all that you have ever dreamed. What more could you desire? I must live my own life, now."

The man is furious. He is terrified. He destroys the rat, in all of the ways that a rat can be destroyed, until nothing is left of it but a fine smear of marinara sauce.

He returns to the restaurant the next day moving like the shell of something hollowed-out and brittle. He cooks well- his fingers remember the movements, his eyes recognize the patterns, his mouth knows without his asking what orders to speak and what platitudes make patrons smile pleasantly with their straight white teeth.

He retains the talents of the rat. The charm of the rat. All the worldly pleasures the rat had provided him.

Still, it seems, he is little more than a vessel for the talents of the rat.

But the rat is gone.

What remains of the man?

[teaboot]

You see my vision

[manuciruja]

awww the like button turns into a rainbow when you press it! that's so cute...hey staff what's with all the trans women you keep nuking?

[manuciruja]

i think we should be ridiculing them more for this. you don't get to try and go all "queer website" when your staff likes to go on nuking sprees targeting the trans fem users

[smadsel]

would be remiss not to mention that the rainbow notably straight up just removed the trans flag colors from it. like they’re gone. it’s the progress flag minus the trans flag colors.

[smadsel]

that’s not the whole flag, now is it

[manuciruja]

hey staff what the fuck

[villainessbian]

hey staff don't you think you're being too on-the-nose

[shrodingers-catgirl]

HEY STAFF DONT YOU THINK YOU'RE BEING TOO ON-THE-NOSE

[malottie]

maybe there's a world out there in which we don't need to become strong. maybe there's a world in which we all frolick about an endless meadow knowing neither fear nor grief

[martindykewood]

[guy who doesnt do literally anything voice] there just aint enough hours in the day to get everything done that needs to be done am i right

[theperksofneurodivergency]

[grymmdark]

[malottie]

i'm like an npc but not necessarily in a bad way. my prefered method of interaction is people just walking up to me. they say stuff and i just react to it, and once i'm done saying my piece that's that and they either ask me about something else or go their own way. i would make a fire npc i don't even need to change anything

[malottie]

hold on i thought it was just like. a metaphor or representation or way of speaking. do people actually feel like they're back there when they recall a memory? do they actually see it as if from their own eyes?? like that makes sense logically, where else you be seeing a memory from? well obviously from the third person camera that blurs space, time, events and emotions

like wdym YOUR memories of your life aren't a wire frame of facts you know to be true where actual memories are few, far between and blurry like clouds in the sky? what do you mean your past doesn't feel like an oil painting you're looking at through sea glass?

[txttletale]

So to you whats the difference between realistic and grounded in terms of rpgs and fictional worlds? Ive only ever hesrd them used as synonyms

grounded: serious thought is given to how the evil wizard's army is managing the logistics of feeding a dragon, even if that doesn't come up directly on the page

realistic: dragons cant fly because of the square cube law

[nattousan]

ok so, I approached my local library with a proposal to donate a mural as a way to A: build portfolio/gain practical experience and B: give back to a beloved public institution. The director was very enthusiastic about it and i've been working on it since the beginning of March. Come with me as I endeavor to paint what is in all honesty an excessive amount of birds

I wanted the birds to look like they were actually in the space so first thing after doing the draft was to do a lighting study

after that I covered the walls in letters in lieu of a projector/vr headset bc i have neither of those :) Then i take a picture of the section of wall and superimpose the lineart over top of it so I can pencil in the lines

et voila

and that was a whole week on it's own so next comes the paintin' >:)

[nattousan]

and now, the birds

Birds 1 and 2/14: Red Winged Blackbird, Male and female, Agelaius phoeniceus

[nattousan]

Bird 3/14, American Robin, Turdus migratorius

[nattousan]

hoo boy, ok *out of breath*

GIVE IT UP FOR BIRD NUMBUH 5, THE CANADIAN GOOSE, Branta canadensis!!!!

this guy took me about 4 days to completely finish, all of those freakingk coverts were a bear to render

[nattousan]

speaking of obnoxious coverts:

bird 5/14, Bluejay, Cyanocitta cristata

the friggin stripes almost got me chat, i may not make it

[nattousan]

Madam....

[nattousan]

birds 6 and 7: American Goldfinch, Spinus tristis, male and female

pleasantly simple to paint! next is the flickerrrrr

[nattousan]

*melts into goo*

BIRD NUMBER 8, (yellow shafted) NORTHERN FLICKERRRRR, Colaptes auratus

genuinely made me start questioning my sanity around day 3, it's half the size the of the goose, WHY did it take me 4 days to finish??

nothing but pain and suffering, i'm sure hope the next bird will be much easier and with FAR less barring :)

[nattousan]

in other news, I am losing my mind hairline

[nattousan]

SHE'S DONE!!

Bird number 9: Red-tailed hawk, Buteo jamaicensis

my chains are broken i am FREE. although i did have a great deal of fun with this, the barring on the wings itself took me like four days and i am READY to move on

this was a week and a half of continuous work so please excuse me for getting a little emotional in the bg 🙏

[nattousan]

*does a little jig*

BIRD NUMBER 10!!! The Male Mallard Duck, Anas platyrhynchos

the male and female ones are gonna be posted separately bc they're taking a lot longer lol but yea! super happy i was able to capture the iridescent green of the head, i found metallic green and blue paint at a craft store that really made his head POP. it looks better in person i promise

ALSO!! As this is the 10th one, BIG announcement. The end is in sight!!!!! I plan to finish within the next 3 weeks and there will be a small dedication ceremony/ unveiling happening at the library to commemorate its completion on the 16th of May. If you live in the Western New York region and want to check it out for yourself shoot me a dm!

Also thank you everyone for your kind words and support throughout this whole process, it's been a genuine treat thinking there are potentially thousands of you out there cheering me on while I paint this 🥹

[nattousan]

aaaand another one bites the duck,

we're movin right along with bird numero 11!! The lady Mallard!! Anas platyrhyncos

the 16th is looming in the distance so i'm trying to get thru these as quickly as i can so i can have as much time for the GBH as possible. i still need to do the names next to all of them so i've got about a week and a half to finish everything which is GREAT because i have adhd and nothing gets my ass in gear like a fuckin deadline, let me tell you

[nattousan]

power couple that they are, here's bird number 12 and 13,

the Northern Cardinals, Cardinalis cardinalis

and NOW that they are complete, ITS GO TIME, in the next five days (library's closed for mother's day 😭😭) i need to have the GBH fully rendered, the names of the birds vectored, weeded, masked, applied to the wall, and then painted, plus additional cattails throughout. I may be able to get away with just getting the GBH done in time for the unveiling and then just have the names and cattails added later, but i'm gonna really try to get it all done in time. BUT, i have a plan. Part of why i take so long on these is because i really am just figuring it out as I do it lmao. there have been many a time where i am sitting on top of the ladder googling "how to paint birds" but I think if i take the time tomorro to do all that figuring out how to approach it beforehand, this will go a lot faster. I may also recruit some of my artist friends to help with the placing of the names... hrmm we'll see.

Anyways, shout out to the librarian who tracked down exactly the thing i needed so i could figure out where to place the highlights in my birds eyes, ur the real mvp

[nattousan]

thanks for the reminder, kid

[nattousan]

at long last, we've reached the end...

Bird number 14 out of 14,

The Great blue heron, Ardea herodius

thank you to everyone who reached out or got excited about this project, it genuinely gave me the fuel i needed to keep going. In total, the 480+ total hrs it took me to cover this wall pales in comparison to how long its expected to spend on there, hopefully imparting a sense of beauty and love for the natural world to the next generation and here's hoping i'm only getting started with these.

i'll see y'all soon :')

[yellow-cat]

some days are really hard and it can be difficult to understand why. but usually its probably because my blood is haunted

[malottie]

"i often forget that i have memory issues" <- real thing i just said to my girlfriend

[gremio0]

finally got around to playing Hello Charlotte and I fear it permanently reconfigured my neural pathways

[malottie]

i've GOT to learn more about my disabilities <- girl who has spent countless hours over the years learning about them but keeps forgetting because of her disabilities

[malottie]

the thing is that i often forget i have social anxiety. i think i'm acting normal but i really am not

[malottie]

the thing that i feel many people don't get about easthies especially now that that scene has been adapted in anime is that he's right about coco. she is the first stone. "oh she wouldn't hurt a fly", "bro beefing with a twelve year old" that's not the point. easthies stands against change, he is the avatar of a state predicated upon doing whatever it takes to keep the status quo ; and coco embodies change itself. and later in the manga, easthies is proven right : yes, such a small girl can radically change the world

you have to recognise that he is not stupid nor mistaken : he's actually just a bastard

[pocket-monstrosity]

(at least from having seen one episode so far)

The man is an archetype of one of my least favourite kinds of people: the mechanical rule follower. Is what he's doing insanely unfair and cruel and harmful? Sure, and he's likely to admit it. But the rules are the rules, and you just have to follow them. That's just how things work. The idea that better outcomes might come about by not following the rules has never entered this man's mind.

[malottie]

the thing is that i don't think easthies is either of these. an important part of his character is that he doesn't care about anything but the rules themselves. my personnal bet for his backstory is that he broke the rules once, it was the worst mistake of his life, and he then vowed to not let himself or anyone else break the rules ever again. i don't buy the whole "some people are just like that", especially for witch hat atelier

[malottie]

the thing that i feel many people don't get about easthies especially now that that scene has been adapted in anime is that he's right about coco. she is the first stone. "oh she wouldn't hurt a fly", "bro beefing with a twelve year old" that's not the point. easthies stands against change, he is the avatar of a state predicated upon doing whatever it takes to keep the status quo ; and coco embodies change itself. and later in the manga, easthies is proven right : yes, such a small girl can radically change the world

you have to recognise that he is not stupid nor mistaken : he's actually just a bastard

[allegedly-human]

I'm slightly high on sleeping pills so idk how coherent it's gonna be but you need to love the mentally ill. It's good to hate "empaths" and think they're just creating new ways to the special gifted ones, it's good to rag on the people that use therapy speak and the ones that call anything and everything a sign of narcissism but you have to love the people they hurt.

You have to love the narcissist and the antisocial and the borderline and the histrionic, the schizophrenic and the schizotypical and the psychotic , cluster A cluster B and cluster C and the ones with DID, the avoidant and the bipolar and whatever other buzzword is gonna be the next one to be accused of hurting all the good normal people. You have to love them enough that when some grifter tries to tell you how to spot the evil disordered people your first reaction isn't just "those are symptoms of autism and ADHD too you know" but also "those people aren't ontologically evil and you're just looking for a scapegoat that doesn't require dismantling authority systems

[allegedly-human]

zopiclone off and I stand by what I said, love mad people, love people with evil disorders and love the ones you were taught to treat as subhumans more than you hate stupid trend grifters

[hollanderthoughts]

"your life is yours to mold" oh nooooooooo oh no oh my god. oh fuck me. no. oh my god. oh im so fucked dude.