Things nobody tells you about raising a toddler
- you desperately try to keep them safe whilst they are on a one person mission to cause themselves injury as frequently as possible
- their first words will inevitably end up being “no” “shit” or “oh god” which is not exactly what you expected to write in the baby book
- changing nappies becomes VERY VERY difficult. They do not want you to change their diaper. They don’t want their diaper on. They also don’t want it off. They do want to put their hands in poop and smear it on the wall/your face/the cat
- they will say “no” ALL THE TIME
- toddlers suddenly obsess over certain toys or books. If their obsession is the latter, you will read the same book OVER and OVER and OVER again. You will want to burn said book; but can’t as toddler would be distraught.
- they will fall over. A lot.
- they will bang into things. A lot.
-they will be frequently bruised, scratched or marked. You will feel guilty about it. blame Daddy.
-sleeping times and schedules are so much harder - now they can stand up, move around, try to climb out of the crib, shout into the baby monitor, remove their bedding and throw it out of the cot, etc, etc
-things start to become very dramatic. Simple tasks, like putting the toddler in a car seat are MELTDOWN worthy, they will arch their backs, contorting in a way you didn’t think possible, scream (so loudly that the neighbours peer out of their windows wondering who is being murdered), cry and make things basically as difficult as possible
-your toddler will embarrass you often. Whether it is shouting, throwing food (bonus points for toddler if it hits the elderly lady on the next table), screaming (in places like the Doctor’s Surgery or Library) or throwing themselves on the floor because you won’t let them play with scissors. Try to remember that most people have been in this position before; if they look judgy its probably because they’ve tried to block out the toddler period from their memory and can’t remember the trauma, don’t worry Momma, you’re doing great.
-everything takes a very long time. Nappy changing, dressing (a fun game is when Mummy puts a sock on and toddler takes the sock back off - repeat until mummy cries in the corner), shoes on, coat on, coat off, coat on, changing bag packed (toddler will kindly unpack things she or he doesn’t think you need; and will obviously be a disaster when you realise you don’t have nappies/wipes/bottles with you).
-Walking. Toddler now does not want to be in a pushchair. The pushchair is the root of all evil and according to toddler should be treated as such (kicking, screaming, crying, body flailing are all vital in avoiding the pushchair). They have discovered that their little feet will take them where they want to go. Unfortunately - where they want to go; and you need to go are very different places. Important destinations for toddler result in picking up tiny stones, leaves, cigarette butts and putting them in their mouth. Other important places to explore are the busy road, shop doors and in particular the opposite direction to you.
-Toddlers though suddenly have this incredible and overwhelming love for you. Their beautiful faces light up as they see you, their chubby arms reaching to cuddle into you. They cry when you leave the room. The love you receive from your toddler is unlike anything else and is such an exciting (and exhausting) time in their life. Enjoy the ride.
izzy806
prguitarman
turnnoffyourmind
dailybridgerton
theartofmadeline
titsay
