Frail to Fit

My success story of eating disorder recovery. I am still a work in progress, and always will be, but hope to inspire people who might be going through the same thing. No one should go it alone. #eatingdisorderawareness #healthyisbeautiful #musclesarebeautiful #girlswithmuscles #fitmoms #goals #pushyourself #yourebeautiful #gethealthy #getfit #yourenotalone #yourebeautiful #youcandothis

[mandigetshealthy-blog]

Started my first bbq workout today. Normally I would be at my cardio/circuit training class, but my trainer ruptured his Achilles. So home workout it was, and what a wonderful find, stumbling across Kayla Itsines workouts. I have no more excuses. These work outs are fun, challenging and only 28 minutes. Now one the 3 days off I don't do my class, I can do this. I won't be following the eating guide exactly, because I fear it may trigger some old tendencies of my eating disorder, so I may see slowed results, but I'm okay with that, I'm doing this for my health.

[in-pursuit-of-fitness]

Fitness motivation!

[mandigetshealthy-blog]

I needed this

[beetlestothestars]

The context of “pro-ana” has shifted quite a bit over the past few years, as it used to be much more impudent and direct than it is now. People used to shamelessly post their disordered goals, specific calories during the day, weight loss progress photos, etc. but that has recently changed. 

Much of that explicit content is subdued now (not completely, of course) but it is presenting itself in other harmful ways on this site. Rather than posting eating disorder-specific goals, they post about their goals in the gym, goals to be vegan, goals to elimintate certain foods to prevent binging, etc (i.e. something more socially accepted). Rather than posting caloric intakes, they post photos of their giant plates of veggies/fruit/low-calorie foods and tiny plates of everything else. Rather than posting progress photos, they post photos with their feet together to accentuate their thigh gap or photos with their arms extended to divert attention to the bones in their shoulders/chest. 

These blogs often receive messages questioning their intent but they typically respond with something along the lines of “I would never promote this illness” or “I would never tell anyone else to do things like that.”  However, their material is just as harmful, if not MORE harmful. Their posts normalize their disordered behaviors because they follow axioms of diet culture rather than those of their eating disorder; they hide behind a mask of “just being healthy” to deflect from their illness. 

Is your blog promoting eating disorders even if you are not directly wanting to  promote them? The recovery tag has become the new “pro-ana” and the only way that will change is if people can start being honest with themselves about their intent behind their posts. Do not perpetuate this illness under a facade; start tagging your disordered meals, photos, etc. with the tags that they deserve. 

[bite-bybite]

This is so important!! I’ve had to unfollow many recovery blogs on this website because the users behind them place too much of an emphasis on their fitness regimes and posting pretty photos of vegetables. I have discovered that I cannot get better while “eating clean” (which is a term I hate, might I add), going to the gym 6x a week, or following any diet rules at all. 

If you’re a recovery blog and you’re consistently posting photos of yourself in your sports bra, holding a green smoothie with a caption along the lines of “on my way to yoga!!”, I really encourage you to take a step back and ask yourself if you’re doing alright. Maybe you are, in which case that’s great, and I’m not saying you can’t do yoga regularly or drink smoothies or exercise without relapsing, because it depends on what stage of recovery you’re at and whether or not you’re doing these things in moderation. BUT I have noticed I follow a number of people whose recovery journeys look a little bit too “perfect” to be true, and I encourage everyone to take a look at their blog and question if anything on there could be triggering for others or not. 

[sheisrecovering]

[car-dio]

The girl on the left, me - 1 ½ years ago. She had an eating disorder. No muscle tone, no energy, no confidence. I didn’t admit it to anyone, because I hadn’t even admitted it to myself. I honestly thought I was fine…I ate when I was hungry…where was the harm in that?! The problem was, I was never hungry. I lived off cigarettes, coffee/energy drinks, and alcohol. People asked me numerous times if I had an eating disorder, and I said no. I wasn’t trying to lie, I really didn’t think I had one. I thought what I was doing was okay. This girl loved being thin. She didn’t care about muscle, health, well being…none of it. She cared about one thing, the number on the scale.

The girl one the right. She is one year recovered from an eating disorder. This is me now. I eat 3+ meals/snacks a day, and I make sure everything I put in my body is something that fuels me. I no longer smoke, drink energy drinks or drink a ton of alcohol. (I do live in Bend, so of course I drink beer on the weekends, lol.) This girl goes to the gym 4+ times a week, hikes, lifts. She loves having muscle, and pushing herself past her breaking point. This girl gets pissed if someone calls her too thin or gangly, as I used to be called and enjoyed it. This girl hasn’t stepped on the scale in 6 months, aside from going to the doctor’s a month ago. And guess what…she gained 15 lbs. (I won’t lie, there is still a piece of me that cringes when I hear it…but the new me knows that it is healthy weight, I am gaining muscle.) This girl cares about numerous things, muscle growth, crushing goals, increasing stamina, and a positive outlook on life and her body. This is me now. And I’ve never been happier.

I’m not going to lie, it hasn’t been easy. And you never fully recover from an eating disorder, it stays with you for life. I still have to remind myself to eat and get in my full calories every day. I have to remind myself, that reaching goals the healthy way isn’t as easy as starving yourself, but much more worth it. I still have severe body dismorphia from it, and most days I can handle it. Other days are not so easy. Those are the days I am so thankful for my loving fiancé, Josh. He reminds me what I am doing for myself, for my daughter, for my LIFE. I was headed down a very bad path, and didn’t even know it. He saved me, my baby girl saved me. I don’t want her growing up having self image issues because of me, or EVER thinking it is okay to starve yourself to be thin. Screw that, being thin doesn’t make you beautiful, being healthy and confident does.

I’ve compared myself to that skinny girl on the left since the moment I made the choice to get healthy, but I always found myself kind of wishing I was that small again. I found that picture while looking through my phone today, and it was the first time I looked at the old me, then looked at myself now, and loved the results.

This is uncommon in the fact that I am celebrating weight gain, not weight loss. I have arms. I have legs. I still have a little bit of a tummy…but I had a kid and I’m human. I have a BUTT! I’ve never had a butt. That’s something to celebrate in itself. :)

I thought for a long time during recovering, that I could do so without anyone having to know that I ever had an eating disorder. I told my loving partner once I finally broke down and realized what I was doing. Since then I have told my few closest friends, but I was ashamed. I’ve slowly been coming to the realization though, that it’s OKAY to talk about it. I will never move on if I hide who I was and what I went through. And the accomplishments I have made so far wouldn’t mean as much.

I am not posting this for compliments, sympathy, or judgment. I’m posting this, because no one should EVER feel that they need to starve their bodies to be good enough for someone else, to be good enough for themselves. I’m posting this, because maybe…if there is anybody else out there who is or has struggled with this, I can give you a little bit of hope, that life goes on after an eating disorder, and it is a beautiful life. One where you can enjoy food, work your butt off because you actually have energy, and you feel better because you put in the work for it. I am posting this for myself as well, as a reminder of who I want to be, where I want to go from here, and who I never want to be again. I NEVER want to be that girl on the left again.

You can have the body you want with hard work. Think about it; If you have the willpower and strength it takes to starve your body of everything it needs, you have the willpower and strength to work hard, get fit and be healthy.

#musclesarebeautiful #healthyisbeautiful #thereislife #aftereatingdisorders #eatingdisorderawareness #yourenotalone #goals #pushyourself #istillhavegoals #yourebeautiful #gethealthy #getfit #foodisgreat #foodisfuel #loveyourself

[mandigetshealthy-blog]

Thank you for posting my story. I'm hoping it helps someone in a time of need.

[recoveredandfreeav-blog]

So powerful!

[mandigetshealthy-blog]

I got better for my daughter, who will never look to the scale to tell her, her worth.

[mandigetshealthy-blog]

The girl on the left, me - 1 1/2 years ago. She had an eating disorder. No muscle tone, no energy, no confidence. I didn't admit it to anyone, because I hadn't even admitted it to myself. I honestly thought I was fine...I ate when I was hungry...where was the harm in that?! The problem was, I was never hungry. I lived off cigarettes, coffee/energy drinks, and alcohol. People asked me numerous times if I had an eating disorder, and I said no. I wasn't trying to lie, I really didn't think I had one. I thought what I was doing was okay. This girl loved being thin. She didn't care about muscle, health, well being...none of it. She cared about one thing, the number on the scale. The girl one the right. She is one year recovered from an eating disorder. This is me now. I eat 3+ meals/snacks a day, and I make sure everything I put in my body is something that fuels me. I no longer smoke, drink energy drinks or drink a ton of alcohol. (I do live in Bend, so of course I drink beer on the weekends, lol.) This girl goes to the gym 4+ times a week, hikes, lifts. She loves having muscle, and pushing herself past her breaking point. This girl gets pissed if someone calls her too thin or gangly, as I used to be called and enjoyed it. This girl hasn't stepped on the scale in 6 months, aside from going to the doctor's a month ago. And guess what...she gained 15 lbs. (I won't lie, there is still a piece of me that cringes when I hear it...but the new me knows that it is healthy weight, I am gaining muscle.) This girl cares about numerous things, muscle growth, crushing goals, increasing stamina, and a positive outlook on life and her body. This is me now. And I've never been happier. I'm not going to lie, it hasn't been easy. And you never fully recover from an eating disorder, it stays with you for life. I still have to remind myself to eat and get in my full calories every day.(Continued in comments...) #musclesarebeautiful #healthyisbeautiful #thereislife #aftereatingdisorders #eatingdisorderawareness #yourenotalone #goals #pushyourself #istillhavegoals #yourebeautiful #gethealthy #getfit #foodisgreat #foodisfuel #loveyourself #gymgoals #fitmoms #youcandothis #gethelp

[in-pursuit-of-fitness]

TheyAllHateUs | Page 6 on We Heart It - http://weheartit.com/entry/204581921

[mandigetshealthy-blog]

And today is one of those cupcakes/no pants days. The old me would have had a panic attack at the thought of this. The new me, accepts that I work my ass off in the gym, so I deserve a day of rest and to enjoy the little things.

[mandigetshealthy-blog]

Loving my growing booty! #thisiswhyisquat #squats #fordays #healthyisbeautiful

[myhealthysteps]

[mandigetshealthy-blog]

This. Right. Here. #loveyourself #mentalhealth #comesfirst

[myhealthysteps]

[mandigetshealthy-blog]

Don’t compare yourself. #strongmind #strongbody #mentalhealth #equals #physicalhealth

[mandigetshealthy-blog]

The girl on the left, me - 1 ½ years ago. She had an eating disorder. No muscle tone, no energy, no confidence. I didn’t admit it to anyone, because I hadn’t even admitted it to myself. I honestly thought I was fine…I ate when I was hungry…where was the harm in that?! The problem was, I was never hungry. I lived off cigarettes, coffee/energy drinks, and alcohol. People asked me numerous times if I had an eating disorder, and I said no. I wasn’t trying to lie, I really didn’t think I had one. I thought what I was doing was okay. This girl loved being thin. She didn’t care about muscle, health, well being…none of it. She cared about one thing, the number on the scale.

The girl one the right. She is one year recovered from an eating disorder. This is me now. I eat 3+ meals/snacks a day, and I make sure everything I put in my body is something that fuels me. I no longer smoke, drink energy drinks or drink a ton of alcohol. (I do live in Bend, so of course I drink beer on the weekends, lol.) This girl goes to the gym 4+ times a week, hikes, lifts. She loves having muscle, and pushing herself past her breaking point. This girl gets pissed if someone calls her too thin or gangly, as I used to be called and enjoyed it. This girl hasn’t stepped on the scale in 6 months, aside from going to the doctor’s a month ago. And guess what…she gained 15 lbs. (I won’t lie, there is still a piece of me that cringes when I hear it…but the new me knows that it is healthy weight, I am gaining muscle.) This girl cares about numerous things, muscle growth, crushing goals, increasing stamina, and a positive outlook on life and her body. This is me now. And I’ve never been happier.

I’m not going to lie, it hasn’t been easy. And you never fully recover from an eating disorder, it stays with you for life. I still have to remind myself to eat and get in my full calories every day. I have to remind myself, that reaching goals the healthy way isn’t as easy as starving yourself, but much more worth it. I still have severe body dismorphia from it, and most days I can handle it. Other days are not so easy. Those are the days I am so thankful for my loving fiancé, Josh. He reminds me what I am doing for myself, for my daughter, for my LIFE. I was headed down a very bad path, and didn’t even know it. He saved me, my baby girl saved me. I don’t want her growing up having self image issues because of me, or EVER thinking it is okay to starve yourself to be thin. Screw that, being thin doesn’t make you beautiful, being healthy and confident does.

I’ve compared myself to that skinny girl on the left since the moment I made the choice to get healthy, but I always found myself kind of wishing I was that small again. I found that picture while looking through my phone today, and it was the first time I looked at the old me, then looked at myself now, and loved the results.

This is uncommon in the fact that I am celebrating weight gain, not weight loss. I have arms. I have legs. I still have a little bit of a tummy…but I had a kid and I’m human. I have a BUTT! I’ve never had a butt. That’s something to celebrate in itself. :)

I thought for a long time during recovering, that I could do so without anyone having to know that I ever had an eating disorder. I told my loving partner once I finally broke down and realized what I was doing. Since then I have told my few closest friends, but I was ashamed. I’ve slowly been coming to the realization though, that it’s OKAY to talk about it. I will never move on if I hide who I was and what I went through. And the accomplishments I have made so far wouldn’t mean as much.

I am not posting this for compliments, sympathy, or judgment. I’m posting this, because no one should EVER feel that they need to starve their bodies to be good enough for someone else, to be good enough for themselves. I’m posting this, because maybe…if there is anybody else out there who is or has struggled with this, I can give you a little bit of hope, that life goes on after an eating disorder, and it is a beautiful life. One where you can enjoy food, work your butt off because you actually have energy, and you feel better because you put in the work for it. I am posting this for myself as well, as a reminder of who I want to be, where I want to go from here, and who I never want to be again. I NEVER want to be that girl on the left again.

You can have the body you want with hard work. Think about it; If you have the willpower and strength it takes to starve your body of everything it needs, you have the willpower and strength to work hard, get fit and be healthy.

#musclesarebeautiful #healthyisbeautiful #thereislife #aftereatingdisorders #eatingdisorderawareness #yourenotalone #goals #pushyourself #istillhavegoals #yourebeautiful #gethealthy #getfit #foodisgreat #foodisfuel #loveyourself #fitness #health #selflove #motivation