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we're not kids anymore.
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@mandrakecry
must have been easier to be alive before news traveled so fast and you were only ever aware of a handful of tragedies instead of thousands and thousands of them being delivered to you on a daily basis. why is there even a question of why our generation is so depressed and anxious like I’ll tell you why?? everything i read breaks my heart and my capacity to empathize and be outraged is absolutely maxed out. yeah i’m sad bitch! we’re all sad! there’s no relief!
She’s sending me into a department store right before Christmas, clearly her sadism knows no bounds.
Dash & Lily (2020) Streaming on Netflix
this might come across as anti capitalist but,,,,,, i want to enjoy life
You know when you’re listening to a podcast and one of the character’s voices starts to strain with emotion? I hate that
Voice actor: *acts*
Me, on the verge of tears: hey shut the fuck up
found a Nice Guy? dont friendzone him. end zone him. throw him on the ground like an effing football. touchdown
nice guy finally scores
Molly: You know who flew your enchanted car halfway across the country last night?
Arthur: What?! How did You-Know-Who get his hands on my car?
why is this so relatable
annoying as fuck
I think my favorite memes are the ones about insignificant but universally relateable things
@ august please be a little gentle with me I’m so tired
[MAKE ME CHOOSE CHALLENGE] @untiljanuary asked: eleven or max mayfield
That’s not justice
reblog until ur fingers bleed
Signal boost. This is a really important issue.
I got you a lot! #EthicalMemes
One of the funniest things I ever experienced was when I went to go see John Mulaney live, and halfway through a bit about how expensive college in the States is, he looked down at the sleeve of his suit jacket and just. stopped. dead halt, mid sentence.
And after like three seconds, where we’re all trying to figure out the punchline because the story clearly hadn’t ended, and John Mulaney quietly says, “Has there been tinfoil on my buttons the whole goddamn show?”
He’d taken his suit to the drycleaner, and they’d wrapped the buttons on the sleeves and the coat with tinfoil to protect them, and John Mulaney didn’t notice until half-way through his set, and was SO FLABBERGASTED that he never did finish the story about college and instead did five minutes on how stupid it was that his buttons were reflecting the light and he just didn’t notice, and in that moment I understood more about John Mulaney as a person than I ever have.
during one of his portland shows, he noticed this like 7 year old girl in the front row and asked her (and her parents) if she ‘is aware that she is physically here right now’ or if she was just brought along. turns out her favorite john mulaney bit is the “and I’m new in town” bit and that she’s seen all his stuff. He was so shocked and discomforted by the fact a SEVEN YEAR OLD has seen his shows, that he couldn’t get through a bit about donating to charity without interrupting himself at least three times to import good life lessons on this small child, as if that makes up for all the horrible things he’s said that she heard
When I saw him in Ft. Lauderdale, there was a bar in the lobby that people kept leaving to go to. At one point, a guy in the front row just got up and BOOKED IT to get drinks. John Mulaney looked over at a woman who was next to the empty seat and asked, “Are you with him? What’s his name?”
She was, in fact, with him, and she did tell him her date’s name. John Mulaney considered this, looked around, and unplugged his microphone. Leaning in to us, he told us that we were going to trick this guy so fuckin hard. He said, “At some point during the show, I am going to stop and say, ‘Well, you guys know what they say here in Ft. Lauderdale,’ and then you guys are all going to scream back ‘WE LOVE MILKSHAKES!’ He’ll be so confused.”
He then continued on with the show as normal, the drinks guy returned to his seat, and that was that for quite a long time. We thought he had forgotten about it until, at some point during what I believe was his McDonald’s drive-thru bit, he shrugged his shoulders and said, “You guys know what they say here in Ft. Lauderdale…”
Naturally, we erupted with “WE LOVE MILKSHAKES” and John Mulaney SWUNG around to face the drinks guy and said, “I bet you’re real confused now, huh, JASON?!”
ah so john mulaney is a chaotic neutral cryptid
i saw him last night and there was a good ten minute interlude where a woman told him everything she found wrong with his suit, including that his pants were too high waisted to which he replied “that’s where my hips are” and someone in the back shouted “look at that high waisted man he’s got feminine hips!” and he yelled back “that’s my joke! i’m offended!!”
I saw him live at my college. During his show he shouted something, which spooked a service dog in training that someone had brought with them (the dogs are common on campus, cause they are learning how to socialize and be in large crowds without reacting). Seeing the dog had been scared he apologized and asked the dog’s name. Upon hearing the dogs name was “Blanket” he about lost his god damn mind he was so happy. throughout the show he kept checking on Blanket. It was adorable.
This is my favorite version of this thread now
♡ Christina Applegate and Linda Cardellini - 2019 ♡
