pls repost ur fics they were so good and im mourning the loss if them. i am genuinely willing to pay. pleaseeeee freaky byler will save me
i've gotten a bunch of these sweet messages since i took down my fics and i want to address them once and move on.
i've been writing fics for a long time. at risk of dating myself i started writing larry stylinson au fic and was on ao3 back when you could only join because another user invited you. granted i was WAY too young and the fics were bullshit BUT. hahah. my ao3 has had dozens of fics that are since deleted or orphaned. i think about writing transformative work from basically every piece of a media that i like. then i outgrow them or cringe at them or my writing gets better than it was when i wrote x thing and and i orphan or delete. i also write outside of this, my own creative work, poetry, whatever. if you comb through my posts i also make art. so all of that to say: creating is a big part of my life. and has been since way before chatgpt or whatever.
so the ai discourse was straight up hurtful. i work out of scrivener and notes app on my phone. as far as i can find, there is no version history. so i'm just defending the legitimacy and quality of my work against someone just not really liking the prose. what i realized is i really could not handle that level of scrutiny and like... almost gross effort to invalidate my work when i was putting that much of myself into each story and feeling that devoted to the writing. even if like 99% of the feedback was positive, a few people being like this is trash... oof. took the wind out of my sails real bad. those first few days were shitty and i regret just scorched earth deleting, but i was trying to reclaim what people were calling garbage when it was like the most vulnerable writing i'd ever published and i felt very protective over it. and deleting cant be undone so here we are. just needed to touch grass i guess. it's not that serious
i'm going back to not using betas so the voice is entirely my own (but s/o my betas i still love u gals, byler truthers foreva). i'm currently writing under a different pseud to lose all the weirdos and be able to quietly enjoy this thing again. im really sorry to everyone who liked the old work. i did too. its prob floating out there somewhere. i think im the most sad about losing all of the sweet comments. it was fun y'all!
