hi! i hope this is alright to ask (if not please ignore hwjwgeje 😭😭) but i wondered if you might have any advice for someone new to a D/s dynamic and the hypnokink scene
my boyfriend and i have been negotiating a scene (hasn't happened yet) and we've gone over likes/dislikes and safewords both verbal and nonverbal and all of those kind of important things but I'm still Nervous
especially trying to lean into a more dominant side, like i worry I'll be projecting confidence i don't really have? if that makes sense?
I'm excited of course, can't stop thinking about it :) but if you have any advice or expertise to lend i would really appreciate it
(p.s: I've been reading madison and belladonna and really enjoying it, you have such a lovely writing style!)
First of all, thank you for reading Madison and Belladonna. Feedback makes us so happy. We appreciate knowing when people read it.
For matters of stage fright, anxiety and confidence the best thing to do is treat scene play as low-stakes improv. You are agreeing in advance on what the scene will look like which means you have some very firm rails which you can fall back on. Both parties know where this is going which means you both just need to commit to your roles for the bit.
I promise that in the moment when you see him reacting to your actions and suggestions/commands it'll help you immerse into the moment a lot more smoothly because it's reinforcing. Just as a hypnotee slides into a suggestion because they are following along and agreeing with the hypnotist, the hypnotist sees the hypnotee going along and thus knows that they're orchestrating those reactions.
Don't get hung up on doing things right, whether it's working or not. Just agree to follow the rails of the early scene.
Learning hypnosis is learning a new skill. If in rope play you practice tying ropes and have issues sliding it around your partner, they'll adjust and help you. If they slip out of the knots you'll pause the scene and adjust. It's all data points and breaking the ice to feel more comfortable.
Familiarity will help get rid of the jitters. Experience will lead to confidence.
This is true of any practice.
Just trust in the other party and know what you've agreed to. Sometimes being the hypnotist makes a person feel alone in the scene, because the other party gets to "check out", which is why it's important to "check in" when you need to.
A little bit of wordplay for you there.
Anyway. You've done the hard part. You negotiated. The rest is rehearsal.
Have fun with it. That's why they call it play.
