In honor of all the snow my little college town is getting today.
If Remus were to be completely honest, he’d say he did not want to be at the ski resort today, despite it being his first time this season. In his defense this winter hasn’t been very white compared to past years and there were only a few trails open, evident by the grass and rocks on more than half of the mountain that were visible from the parking lot. Not only was the snow scarce, but the wind was fierce and whipping harshly against his face as he waited to get on the lift.
So no, Remus did not want to be skiing today.
However, considering that Hope had pooled in to help him buy a pass as an early Christmas present, Remus is obliged to go as many times as he can to get good use out of it and the slopes. Even if the weather isn’t very nice and there is no powder to go through, Remus will be here until the mountain closes and everyone else goes home.
He’s looking forward to 3:30 for that very reason, when the chair lifts close and Remus can finally drive back to his cozy cottage home and share a cup of hot chocolate with his mom to warm up. Then maybe the two would sit by the fire and watch a cheesy Christmas movie that Remus will pretend to hate but will secretly be enraptured with. It was the perfect plan.
For now, he just had to get through the day.
It’s made easy considering that there aren’t that many people at the resort in the middle of a Thursday, and Remus gets to navigate the mountain alone without waiting up for anybody. It made the day just that more bearable.
James Potter and Sirius Black were old friends of Remus. They’d been close through High school, but the summer after graduation Remus noticed Sirius acting weird and distant with him. It was a sign to Remus that Sirius might have found out about his feelings for the other, and always one to make sure he doesn’t get hurt first, Remus started acting the same and pulling himself away from their little friend group. James and Sirius must’ve taken the hint because they stopped talking to him altogether after a few weeks of Remus’ self isolation. And he hasn’t talked to them since.
But here they are, standing directly next to Remus in the line as they wait for their turn to get on the lift. James is talking loudly and with his hands, which makes Sirius bark back a couple of laughs that turn a few heads just for the sheer volume of it. It’s a sound that rattles Remus in his bones and nearly keeps him frozen to the spot if he weren’t so afraid of inconveniencing the people in line behind him. He hasn’t heard that laugh in months and Christ, does it unsettle Remus to his core whilst simultaneously setting his insides alight at the beautiful sound.
Remus counts the people ahead of them and finds out, to his dismay, that he is going to have to share a chair with his old friends who haven’t even glanced his way. It isn’t until then that Remus remembers he’s wearing a full face cover to keep his cheeks warm, and the goggles hide his eyes very well. He is completely invisible to them, as long as he doesn’t make a sound.
Luckily, very few people ever try to chat to Remus on the ski lift. He figures it’s because of some anti-social vibe he must give out but compared to the chattiness of the strangers in line in front of him, James and Sirius are keeping to themselves in their conversation. Hopefully they don’t decide to involve a seemingly random stranger into their talk once they’re on the lift.
They reach the front of the line all too soon and before Remus is even ready for it, the chair lift swoops in and picks him up, along with his two ex bestfriends. He was sitting on the same surface as one of his old closest friends and the guy he used to be in love with. The day couldn’t get any worse.
“Hey man,” James says, turning to look at Remus who freezes. There was no way they could have recognized him alrea- “Do you mind if we put the bar down?”
Remus breathes an inaudible sigh and almost, almost opens his mouth to say some variation of Sure, go for it before he remembers that these two can recognize him by voice alone, so he settles for a nonchalant shrug and reaches up to pull it down himself.
“Thanks.” James says with a friendly grin before he’s facing Sirius once again to continue their conversation.
“I went out with Emmeline again.” James was saying now, and Remus listened carefully to any news he could get about one of the people he misses most. Any crumb of information from either of the boys would be enough for Remus, maybe enough to keep him from thinking too much about them (impossible).
The truth is, Remus misses Sirius and James like crazy. He misses their long late nights running around the town and having fires at the local campgrounds. He often thinks back on his memories of pranks and laughter, of Summer nights spent outdoors and Winter nights spent by the cozy fire at the Potter’s winter cabin. There were days when they would drive to other towns and look around the shops or just explore, and there were days spent skiing, just like they are now except then they’d still been a group. Back then, they were still a family. And it’s Remus’ fault that they weren’t anymore.
Maybe in another life Remus would be sitting here on this lift with them because they all came together. In another life, Remus didn’t fuck up the best thing to ever happen to him.
He thought hard about maybe jumping in and saying something. Perhaps he’d pretend to only just notice them, put his goggles up on his beanie so his eyes were visible and recognizable and say James? Sirius? Is that you? Well how the hell have you been!? or maybe even make a joke about James’ dating life. But Remus would not be doing any of that, for fear of making an absolute fool of himself. They probably didn’t even want to see him, anyway.
The chair bounces as they pass a tower, and Remus’ upper body accidentally knocks into James. Uncomfortable and suddenly wishing he was anywhere else, Remus scoots to the very edge of the chair lift, but unfortunately it just brings attention to himself from James sitting next to him.
“Oh sorry man, am I in your way? I can adjust my board.”
It was Remus’ worst nightmare come true to have someone do something kind for him but he couldn’t even say thank you. Universe just strike him down now. He can tell James is a little unsettled by his lack of response, but Remus can’t do much about it unless he wants to blow his cover.
“You were saying, James?” Sirius’ asks in a bored tone, like he’s had this conversation a thousand times already.
“Right, well, I went out with Emmeline but I don’t think I want to see her again. I just don’t feel anything there.”
A smile takes over Remus’ face upon hearing the information. James’ has always been the type that believes in things like love at first sight and soulmates and it’s clear that James thinks this Emmeline person is not his one true love.
“Well, no shit?” Sirius wonders aloud. “It might be because you’re still in love with Lily?”
Guilt. Remus physically hurts with it to hear that, to know that he’s the reason Lily also pulled away from James and Sirius after she noticed him doing it to. It’s Remus’ fault that their old group is no longer together, in fact he doesn’t even have a right to be here and should just ski away as fast as he can as soon as they reach the top…
“Yeah well you’re one to talk! You’re the dipshit still in love with our ex bestfriend!”
The breath is practically punched out of Remus and now he’s having a difficult time breathing - especially through the face covering - and the lift is taking forever to get to the top. And there is no way James just said what Remus thinks he said.
“Hey, shut up! We have listening ears! Sorry.” Sirius says, the latter part to Remus as he leans over and gives an apologetic look. Remus shrugs in response.
“See?” Sirius says, looking back at James. “You’ve made our lift companion uncomfortable.”
Remus tries his best to say it’s fine without actually having to say it but his mind is still stuck on the whole “in love with our ex bestfriend” thing.
Sirius seems to accept his nonverbal answer, though he gives Remus a funny look for it before he leans back in his seat and continues to talk to James about his dating life. It turns out that Remus is right, and Emmeline is definitely not the one.
“Maybe I should just try talking to Lily.” James sighs. Sirius smacks him.
“They don’t want to talk to us.” He snaps, bitter and angry before his face softens just slightly. “But I know the feeling.”
They’re finally coming up on the top of the mountain, just a couple of chairs ahead of them before it’s their turn to get off and to Remus the end can’t come fast enough. To make matters worse, he really has to sneeze but he’s worried that it will give him away. Especially to Sirius, who used to always make fun of him for “sounding like a kitten” when he sneezes.
They’re close enough to the top that James decides it’s time to raise the bar, and Remus wonders if he should say something now or just leave them alone forever. Probably the latter.
Just as the chair comes into the unloading platform, Remus decides he can’t hold it in anymore. Just as he stands and pushes himself away from the moving chair lift, he sneezes quietly.
He’s almost sure he got away with it, sure that James and Sirius have no idea he’s there until he sees both of their heads snap towards his direction.
He moves quickly, pushing his skis against the snow in an attempt to get away, but Sirius has been coming to this resort since he was two years old and he’s much quicker than James to catch Remus and tackle him to the ground.
“Not even a fucking cordial "hello”?“ Sirius asks angrily. He’s sitting on Remus’ legs, who luckily landed sideways so his skis are laying on the ground rather than poking various directions in the air.
"Um. Hello?” Remus tries, unsure what to do now that he’s found himself trapped under his old friend. He’s incredibly embarrassed about getting caught by the two, but he’s even more embarrassed by the scene Sirius is causing. Compliance is the quickest way out of this.
Unfortunately, Sirius has never been easy to deal with.
“Hello isn’t good enough!” Sirius yells, pinching Remus’ sides. “What the fuck Moony? You heard our entire conversation and you didn’t say a single word!”
“Yeah, well I didn’t think you’d want to talk to me! I was doing you a favor.”
“A favor!?” James cries incredulously, now having caught up to the two after he was able to strap into his snowboard. “Being ignored by you, Remus, is not a damn favor.”
Remus sighs, still stuck under Sirius as his gloved hands come up to move his goggles up so they can see him better.
“So tackling me is an appropriate response to being ignored? Right.” Remus says sarcastically, but at least it gets Sirius to clamber off of him.
“Shit, sorry Moony. I just had to stop you before you got too far away for us to talk to you.”
“Yeah, well, that was kind of the point.” Remus says, though he regrets it as soon as he sees their faces fall.
“Right.” James whispers to himself, looking down at the ground. “I guess we forgot you don’t like us anymore.”
He starts to turn away, and Remus can tell that Sirius is about to follow him but he can’t let these two go without saying something. Anything.
Sirius stops, then James, and they turn around to face him.
“Didn’t want to?” Sirius questions, and Remus nods.
“I… I ran away when things started to change between our friend group. Sirius started acting different, and James was almost never around so I ran away because I thought it meant you were going to leave me. So I left first. But I never wanted to.”
It’s quiet for a moment, the only thing filling the silence is the howling wind and the sound of a few snowboarders fastening their bindings. They both stand there, staring at Remus like he’s an anomaly. Then, James blinks, and Sirius blinks, and they both fall apart with laughter.
James falls backwards, landing on his butt while Sirius bends over to rest his hands on his knees, wheezing.
“Hey!” Remus shouts, hurt. “I literally just bared my soul and you assholes are fucking laughing?”
James shakes his head, slaps his knee and falls backwards on his back to laugh some more.
“Can’t help it.” Sirius pants between laughs. “You are so oblivious, it’s adorable.”
Remus’ insides warm at being called adorable by Sirius, despite thinking he was over his crush by now.
Remus just huffs, waiting for the two idiots to stop making a fool of themselves on the mountain.
Finally, Sirius stands up straight and moves his goggles out of the way to wipe a fake tear from his eyes. His hair that is not pulled back into a braid is sticking out in all directions from under his beanie, framing his face and making his grey eyes even more alluring against the back drop of white snow and green pines.
Remus is still a love sick fool.
“Do I get to be let in on the joke?” He asks them, reaching a hand down to pull James up. They both beam.
“I’ll let Sirius cover that one.” James says joyfully, squinting up at his taller friend. “Right, Sirius?”
“Uh, right.” Sirius responds, nervously cracking his knuckles without taking his gloves off. “Well, uh, you see James stopped coming around so often because I asked him to.”
Remus immediately raises his eyebrows while his eyes flicker between the two.
“Okay?” He says slowly, having not expected that answer and completely unsure of where this is going.
Sirius takes a deep breath while he’s looking at the ground. He lets it out slowly, then raises his chin to look Remus in the eye.
“I asked him to, because I wanted more alone time with you.”
Oh. And suddenly, Remus remembers what was said on the lift and knows that it’s actually true. James wasn’t just messing with Sirius, and Sirius hopefully isn’t messing with Remus and now it all makes sense why Remus is such an oblivious idiot.
Sirius Black is in love with him. And Remus never stopped loving Sirius Black.
“Oh.” He says out loud, looking back and forth between his two friends. James is smiling at him, but Sirius just looks nervous.
“Do you guys want to ski down to the lobby and get some hot chocolate?”
The twin beams he gets in response are answer enough.
titsay
areudirty
janainaart
jbbartram-illu
germansingergirl
gummygunk
annaxmalina
kianamaiart
yousharknotpass
origamiaround
