“I just… don’t know how to fix this,” Sirius whispers, shoving his food around his plate lifelessly. When he looks up, James is chewing his lip uncomfortably, looking about as uncertain as Sirius feels.
“He didn’t say anything at all?” James asks. Again.
“Not a word.” Sirius shakes his head again, running an anxious hand through his hair. “I don’t know what to say to him.”
“To who?” Lily seems to appear out of nowhere. Sirius jumps at her arrival, forcing himself to relax as she slides into the seat opposite him and looks around at the three marauders. “To Remus?” Peter nods once, drawing a frown out of Lily. “What’s going on? Is everything okay?”
“He…” Sirius trails off, trying to figure out just how much he can tell her. “He got hurt. Hasn’t said a word to any of us since.”
Lily’s eyes widen as she leans in a little closer and drops her voice.
“Nothing?” Sirius shakes his head, pressing his lips into a thin line and trying to ignore the anxiety gnawing at his stomach. “Well… how hurt? What happened?”
Sirius’ brow furrows as he recalls the night before.
The full moon was bad. The marauders may as well have been invisible, with the wolf hell bent on tearing itself apart. They had, thankfully, managed to keep the worst of it at bay. It has been tiring, and hurt like hell, but at least they had managed to stop Remus from bleeding out overnight. What they couldn’t do, however, was protect Remus from everything. The wolf is frustratingly strong, having successfully fought the marauders off more than once. The night had left Remus with a few new scars. The odd one on his arms, his shoulder, and…
One gash had found its place right in the middle of Remus’ face, cutting across his nose from one cheekbone to the other. Sirius had sat with Remus when he saw it, watched him shut down. Something like light had vanished from Remus’ eyes as his face went blank. Any emotion was pulled straight from his face as soon as his eyes settled on the injury.
Madame Pomfrey had promptly kicked Sirius out, as he waited with the other marauders for Remus to re-emerge.
When he finally got out, he walked straight past his friends. With a concerned frown, Sirius had followed him to the dorms, gently trying to get Remus to open up to him.
That is, until Remus closed and locked the door behind him with barely a glance in Sirius’ direction. It stopped Sirius in his tracks, as clear a sign as any.
Remus wants to be left alone.
Begrudgingly, hesitantly, Sirius had turned and left him alone.
“He’ll be okay,” Sirius opts for. “Physically. It’s his head I’m worried about.”
James and Peter nod, uncertain. As Sirius looks between them, he’s sure that they share the urge to skip class and check in on Remus.
Still, that’s not a part of the deal. Too suspicious, apparently.
With a sigh, Sirius pushes down his uncomfortably nauseous feeling and starts to eat.
“Guess we just have to wait it out, yeah?” He says eventually. “Not sure what other options we have.”
The others nod, as Sirius tries to force himself to take his own advice. He can’t make Remus open the door. He can’t make him do anything.
Reminding himself of that does nothing to ease the pit in his stomach.
This is going to be a long day.
Charms is, quite literally, hell on earth. Flitwick doesn’t give the marauders any grace, completely ignoring the fact that they’re all practically falling asleep at their desks. Sirius has to fumble through a startlingly difficult lesson with no energy and his mind solely on Remus. The hour seemingly stretches, lasting years.
Still, he makes it through charms without too many issues and, thankfully, McGonnagal lets him zone out throughout most of transfiguration.
By the time he’s walking out of the transfiguration classroom, he’s actually starting to think that he’ll be able to push through until lunch.
That is, until he gets to divination.
In all honesty, he’s been expecting divination to be a breeze. It’s hardly a real lesson anyway.
The moment he walks through the door, he knows that he’s wrong.
The room is stifling, hot, cramped and loud. As soon as he gets in there, spots his small, uncomfortable chair, every inch of his body starts to protest. It’s like he can’t even bring himself to sit down.
“Padfoot? You okay?” James asks gently.
“I’ve got to go,” Sirius says suddenly, dumbfounded. He looks over at James, expecting him to protest. Instead, he just reaches out and squeezes Sirius’ shoulder.
Sirius shoots James a grateful smile, relief crashing down on him, before he turns as bolts from the classroom.
His first instinct is to make a beeline for the dorms, but he forces himself to stop and think for a moment. What would he be going in with? No plan, feeling completely lost.
He needs to go in with something.
With a sigh, he turns and starts to walk towards the hospital wing. If anybody will have answers for him, it’ll be Madame Pomfrey. As much as he doesn’t want to freak her out, he’s a little too worried to bear that in mind right now.
When he gets into the hospital wing, Poppy Pomfrey is nowhere to be seen.
He looks around, confused. Just as he’s about to give up, to resign himself to improvising, the office door opens and Madame Pomfrey emerges.
“Oh, Mr Black.” She looks at him, a little surprised. “Aren’t you supposed to be in class?”
“Yeah, sorry. Er…” Sirius looks down at his feet uncomfortably. “I just… needed to ask you something. About Remus.”
“Ah.” She nods, face softening. “How is he?”
“Well…” Sirius bites his lip uncomfortably. “I haven’t really seen him. He’s been in the dorms all day.”
For a moment, Madame Pomfrey just looks at him, a little stunned. Sirius is half-expecting her to chastise him for leaving Remus alone. Instead, she shoots him a reassuring smile, before turning and heading back to her office. She pulls the door open, before turning back to him.
“Come in.”
She sits there with a kind, comforting expression as Sirius expresses every concern that has been sitting in his stomach from the moment everything had started to go wrong. She doesn’t interject, or judge him. She doesn’t even seem bothered by how long he goes on for. When he runs out of steam, he looks up at Madame Pomfrey uncomfortably.
“Sorry,” he says quietly.
Poppy just waves him off politely.
“Don’t worry,” she says with a smile. “It’s comforting to know that Remus has such a supportive group of people around him.” Sirius smiles back at her, fidgeting with his fingers. “In all honesty, Sirius…” she trails off, choosing her words carefully. “Waiting for him to speak to you may be the only thing you can do. Just telling him that you’re there for him, and that he’s not alone.”
“Oh.” Sirius tries not to frown. She’s probably right, but… well, that’s pretty much the last thing he wanted to hear. “Right. Okay. I guess I’ll go do that.”
Although he hasn’t gotten any new advice, he feels a little more confident going in now.
He pushes away from the desk, ready to leave.
“Thanks, Madame Pomfrey.”
“Any time, Sirius.” He turns to the door. “Could I ask you for a favour?” Sirius nods. “I gave Remus some care instructions, to ensure the scar finishes healing quickly. Would you be able to look over it? See if he’s in any pain?”
“If it’s still causing him any trouble, let me know.”
He nods once, before turning and leaving.
Finally, finally, finally, he heads to the dorms.
He’s never felt this antsy in his life, practically sprinting towards the Gryffindor Common Room. He ignores the confused glances thrown his way by the people around him, shoving through the portrait and up to their dorm.
When he pushes the door, the lock protests.
He takes a careful breath, before pulling his wand out.
Hopefully Remus isn’t going to be too frustrated about this.
“Alohamora.” The lock clicks open, as Sirius pushes the door open carefully and looks around. The dorm looks empty. The curtains are drawn, darkness shrouding the room.
The only sign that Remus is even there is his closed off bed.
“Hey, Moony?” Sirius calls out softly.
He walks over to Remus’ bed, spotting a sealed bottle of murtlap essence on his bedside table.
“I’m coming in, alright?” He pulls the curtain side, before slowly settling beside Remus’ sleeping figure. For a moment, he just watches him, still unable to shake his concern. He reaches out and rests his hand on Remus’ shoulder, feeling Remus tense underneath his touch.
“Moons. Hi.” His earlier confidence has vanished, suddenly unsure. “I, er… I just wanted to check on you.” Remus takes a breath, relaxing slightly under Sirius’ hand.
“Madame Pomfrey wanted to know if you’re in any pain. If everything’s healing up right.”
“Could I, er… check?” He squeezes Remus’ shoulder. “We don’t have to talk about it. Promise.”
For a moment, Sirius is certain that Remus isn’t going to do it. Then, he turns and sits up. Sirius shoots him a reassuring smile, trying to pretend that relief isn’t crashing over him. He lights the tip of his wand and, for a moment, just looks at him. He looks… empty. He’s still shut down, not quite looking at Sirius, eyes heavy. When he looks at the scar, he has to fight to keep his expression neutral. Not because it looks bad, or out of place, or anything.
It’s a lot more inflamed than it had been that morning, and Sirius knows exactly why.
Without saying a word, he reaches out and grabs the bottle of murtlap essence on Remus’ bedside table. After using his wand to open just enough of the curtain, shedding light over the two of them, he sets his wand aside and starts working on Remus’ face. He applies the murtlap essence gently, but he doesn’t miss the slight stutter in Remus’ breath whenever he hits a particularly painful point.
Once he’s finished, he sets the murtlap essence back on Remus’ bedside table. Then, he looks at Remus for a moment, offering him a smile.
“There.” He leans in and presses a gentle kiss to Remus’ nose, just underneath the scar. “Beautiful.”
The word seems to break through something in Remus’ head. He looks up, meeting Sirius’ eye, and all of the emotion floods back into his face. Sirius watches the tears well in his eyes, and pulls him into a hug without hesitating. As soon as Sirius’ arms are around Remus, he crumbles. His breath escapes in gasping sobs, clinging to Sirius as though Sirius is the only real thing in the world. Sirius just sits and holds him through it; grip tight, heart breaking for him.
Sirius rakes a hand through Remus' hair gently, whispering soothingly as he lets Remus cry it all out.
He knows this isn't about Remus' face. It's about the visibility. It's about never being able to hide again.
Sirius doesn't move. He still doesn't know how to fix this.
All he knows is that he's staying right here.
