it actually is insane to me that it's a cultural norm for men to suck ass at getting their wives/gfs gifts. especially when they whine about how they have no idea what women like.
man, you're not getting a gift for Female Domestic Partner. you're getting a gift for Natalie, a person whom you have been married to for 7 years, whom has lived in the same home with you for a decade, whom speaks to you every day about her thoughts and interests, whom you presumably love, and whom you can directly or indirectly ask what she wants. it's not that you don't know what half the human population wants, that's irrelevant. you don't know what Natalie wants and that is inexcusable.
Funny thing is this is something I've been turning over in my head a lot lately. It's not even just that it's normalized for men to suck at giving women gifts (though that's definitely one of the spots where it's worst), it's practically anywhere that you're trying to buy someone a gift across broad demographic lines - it's also found in the idea that Dads Are Just So Hard To Shop For (oh yes, we can talk about how men are asked to just hide the fact that they have interests outside of a select "acceptable" few in favor of presenting the ideal of A Man, but...most of us grew up with our dads? Most of us could get at least SOME idea of what they like if we just thought of them as individual people and not the platonic ideal of A Dad), and I do not know a single POC who hasn't received a microaggression as a gift from a white friend because as soon as a birthday rolled around they thought of them as The Black Girl Friend rather than as Valerie, the girl whose Tabaxi saved everyone's asses with a strategy that will be talked about for years to come during last week's session, or as The Asian Guy rather than Jun, their best work buddy for the past 5 years whose favorite topic of non-work discussion is his aquarium hobby.
It really goes to show how much work there is to do when it comes to breaking out of the desire to stereotype, and how much stealth work marketing by demographics does toward keeping people divided and stereotyping each other...
But honestly. On an individual level. If you're finding something for YOUR OWN mother or girlfriend or wife or daughter off one of those generic Gifts For Her lists...unless she really is just the most stereotypical For Her to ever Be Her and thus that really is the most efficient way to find something she'd like, personally I'd find that kinda embarrassing.
Also it's really worth going to the kind of smaller, specialist shop where you can get help to buy things you're less familiar with. The kind of place where you can talk to someone about your person and what they like and they'll be able to help you choose out something that's personal and special. Like a florist who knows what questions to ask to put together a bouquet they'll love, or a bookseller who knows just the thing that will combine a few of their interests. And they'll also know when to say "this is something they'll want to choose for themselves, you need to take them with you or get them a gift card".
