Crushing emotions-Jack Abbott x reader
Summary: When things fall out of your control and you think it’s the end, Dr. Jack suddenly appears in your life in a new way simply as Jack
Warnings: depression, suicidal thoughts, and child deaths (it's not reader children)
Note: I previously posted the first half of the story as Part One, but I decided to make it a single story instead. Also, English is not my first language.
Words:2300
A suffocating sense of tightness is one of the things that has haunted you since your first awareness of the world and its cruelty you never felt comfortable in your own skin and you are always anxious you do not know exactly from what but there is something gnawing at your chest silently not loud to onlookers but deep within you rooting itself further every year and one of the worst things you did was choosing a major that increases this anxiety if it hasn't already caused you psychological or other illnesses you will never know because you do not want to anyway...
it was one of those days when things reached their peak. a school bus rollover accident injured children everywhere and twenty children died out of forty it was a massive number for children who had seen nothing of the world and the screams of parents shook your ribs with fear and grief as if it were the only way they could express the magnitude of their pain.
one press.. two.. three..
you were pressing hard on the chest of a fair skinned soft built child and for some reason you wondered if his eyes were blue or brown you said with fear
"please.. come on.. come on"
but the beep of the heart monitor kept ringing in your ears as if it were mocking you you heard robby's voice but his words did not reach you they seemed muffled then he gently pulled you away from the child's bed the fourth child to die by your hands today what a victory!
all you could hear was the sound of your breath for a moment just a troubled breath and eyes fixed on the child then the bubble burst and robby's voice returned to you
"y/n are you with me"
you nodded your head yes he looked at you for a moment while you looked back at the child as if you did not believe what was happening so he turned your head and looked at you and you saw his eyes were red he said in a husky voice
"you did everything you could.."
lie i did not.. screamed in your head but you did not say anything you shook your head then you pointed with your finger to go out so he nodded yes and when you went out you saw langdon and mel working on the last child and he survived you felt relief because he was able to help a child and pain because you could not...
dana approached you and placed her hand on your shoulder to catch your attention
"are you okay"
you smiled sarcastically and said with irritation leaking from the storm inside you
"is that even a question"
dana's features relaxed with understanding but immediate guilt took over you you said softly
"I am sorry.. I'm just tired.. we all are, can i leave"
she nodded while touching your back reassuringly
"it is okay go our shift is almost over the night shift team will take care of the rest"
you thanked her and went to change your clothes your movements were slow as if there were a wound hindering your movement maybe there was but you did not see it.
you walked to your house hoping that physical movement and the city sounds might lighten the weight of your thoughts but it did not work so you took out your headphones and put them on your loudest song motorbreath by metallica
the drums began to thud loudly in your ears making you move your head with relief in a state of euphoria from the relief that washed over you the moment what you saw today fell silent
"Living and dying, laughing and crying"
"Once you have seen it you'll never be the same"
you walked a little faster and laughed at the words that you felt expressed your view of life
"Life in the fast lane is just how it seems"
"Hard and it's heavy, it's dirty and mean"
"Motorbreath, it's how I live my life I can't take it any other way"
tears gathered in your eyes and you walked faster and crossed the street not noticing the red light the sound of the guitar had detached you from the sounds around you all that screaming and people's attempts to warn you... all you saw were terrified faces then a strong light on your right it was a cargo truck you could move away
but you did not want to..
you turned toward the truck and looked at it as a challenge with its blinding lights and the song pounding in your ears
"Don't stop for nothing, it's full speed or nothing"
*"I'm taking down, you know, whatever's in my.. "
the car approached closer and closer and your heartbeat accelerated with the song lyrics...
you closed your eyes..
then all you felt was a hand wrapping around you and pulling you forcefully to the side of the road, you fell hard and your headphones fell off then the noise of the people returned..
Loud voices and car sounds and something breaking and a loud groan beside you you looked and it was jack doctor jack you cursed under your breath as you quickly straightened up into a sitting position to see if he was hurt while the voices of the people gathering around you began to rise you said in an unstable voice
"doctor jack are you okay"
he groaned again then he sat up as well his hand was lacerated from the fall and blood was flowing then someone said
"sir are you okay your limb is broken"
you looked at where the man was pointing and his prosthetic limb was smashed on the street pavement from the cars passing by could the situation get any worse you wanted the earth to swallow you before you could say anything jack spoke
"i am fine thank you for your concern but my friend will take care of me I'm sorry for disturbing you"
he said it smiling at the people someone said
"are you sure do you want us to call"
jack replied before he could finish
"no need she is a doctor and i am a doctor"
someone helped jack stand and then you and another person supported him someone called a taxi you did not dare to say anything and he did not look at you he was probably angry when you got in jack gave him his home address and you opened your bag taking out disinfectant and some gauze he grabbed your hand and you looked at him in surprise
"my house is nearby let us get there and clean the wound"
you looked stupidly as if you were not sure what you were doing because of the sight of the ugly scratches then you said okay in a low voice and sat there hugging your bag you arrived at his apartment and he gave you a key
"i would be grateful if you went to get another limb you will find it in the closet near the door"
you took the key and found two so you took one of them and gave it to him but because of his hand he could not put it on
"here"
you took it from him and put it on him you felt his tension for a moment and the curious looks of the driver but guilt was controlling you and all you wanted was to be useful after you entered the apartment you put his things aside and took out what you needed and sat in front of him on the table he was looking at you in an annoying silence then you said quietly
"your hand give me your hand"
he extended his hand and you started cleaning the wound he hissed a little
"sorry"
but he replied to you
"are you okay"
you said angrily while focusing on the wound
"fuck me! look what i did to you"
he pulled his hand away and you looked at him in surprise only to be met with an angry annoyed face that made you shrink a little
"do not talk about yourself like that"
you raised your eyebrows in slight wonder then you nodded your head
"okay"
then you extended your hand asking for his hand to finish your task and he gave it to you after a moment.
You wrapped the gauze around his injured hand with trembling fingers. You couldn't push away the image of the violent white light from your imagination the light that could have ended everything. You didn't understand how you had reached this point of surrender.
Suddenly Jack’s warm hand settled over your trembling one. You raised your gaze to find a strange look in his eyes. It wasn't anger it was a transparent sadness that made your defenses collapse. A tear fell then another to realize you had been crying silently all along.
"Damn it" you whispered as you tried to stand up quickly driven by a fatal shame of your weakness but the world spun violently forcing you to fall sitting again.
Jack held your shoulders firmly to steady you his eyes following the paleness of your face. "Take it easy.. breathe."
You ran your hand over your head heavy with thoughts and said in a voice barely heard "I am sorry.. Doctor Jack.. I have made your day bad enough I shouldn't have been this mess."
He said with faint irony while his hand patted your shoulder in a deliberate gentleness as if trying to prove his presence "Making my day a mess is much better than seeing you as a corpse on my shift."
You could no longer pretend to be strong and you found nothing to defend yourself with what you did was clear. Silent tears washed your face and in a trembling voice "I am sorry.. I.. I don't know why I did that."
He replied calmly his tone carrying a kind of consolation "It’s okay.. the important thing is that you are here and that you are fine."
You took a deep breath trying to gather the fragments of your wounded pride. You said in a voice you tried hard to keep steady "Can I go now? Let’s talk later."
Jack sighed with annoyance then stood straight in front of you. "No.. you will stay here tonight."
Your eyes widened in astonishment "What?"
He had already taken out his phone sending a brief message while continuing in a tone that accepted no debate "You will stay here tonight and this is not an option for discussion."
You wiped the remains of your tears in annoyance defending your independence "Doctor Jack I am not.."
He interrupted coldly and leaned down slightly to be at your eye level whispering slowly "Outside the hospital walls I am Jack.. just Jack. And as you said earlier you have caused me enough mess so if your apology is sincere then remain silent. And also.. because you currently do not own the price of my broken artificial limb it is expensive in a way you may not imagine."
You asked with anxiety penetrating your voice "How much is it?"
He leaned towards your ear and whispered a number that made the blood freeze in your veins "Eighty five thousand dollars."
You froze in place. Despite your respectable salary as a doctor this number exceeded your ability to pay at once. Your movement stilled completely while a faint victory and mysterious smile appeared on his lips.
He moved away quietly leaving you in your place drowned in a mixture of physical dizziness and fatal shame for appearing this weak before the night shift doctor. You realized that his keeping you was not a desire for money but rather a concern for you.
He entered his room for seconds then came out heading to the kitchen with regular steps and asked without turning "You haven't eaten anything since morning have you?"
You were slightly confused "Oh.. yes but it’s okay.. I.."
He interrupted with a softer tone this time "I ordered food for both of us but I will prepare some juice now.. do you prefer banana or apple?"
You paused for a moment.. was he really trying to have a normal conversation after everything that happened?
"Apple.. and thank you for the food."
He answered from inside briefly "anytime.."
After a while he returned with the glass and stood watching you while you were still fixed in your place.
"Drink it.. your dizziness is most likely due to a sharp drop in sugar.. come on."
You nodded mechanically and took the glass drinking it under his sharp gazes that were studying your features. He took the empty glass from you and said in a voice carrying a hidden consolation "It’s okay.. you will feel better after a short time.. just breathe."
Jack placed the food bags on the small wooden table in front of you and the cardboard made a soft sound as he emptied the contents. He handed you a warm plastic box and a roll of paper napkins.
"How is your hand?" you asked while watching his movements.
"Oh.. it’s fine" he answered briefly without looking at you then asked as he opened his box "And you? Has the dizziness eased?"
"Yes.." you shook your head slowly then added questioningly "Did you tell them you weren't coming to the hospital? They might worry about you."
"Yes I told them" he said as he plunged his fork into the food.
A heavy silence settled broken only by the sound of spoons scraping against plastic boxes. Your eyes roamed the apartment. The space was medium dominated by a practical arrangement that suited a man living alone. Yellow lighting was distributed from small lamps throughout the place and the smell of the place was pleasant.
Jack sat with a straight back focusing on his food with exaggerated seriousness before suddenly breaking the silence as he slowly raised his eyes to you "Robby has told me a lot about you."
"Oh really?" you said trying to regain a natural tone.
"Yes.. I mean I used to see you and we talked a little in the hallways but I didn't really know you. Robby and I would exchange talks about the others sometimes."
You replied sarcastically while fiddling with the edge of the paper napkin "So it’s gossip."
Jack laughed a short laugh "Not always."
You moved in your place uncomfortably then asked "And what else did he tell you?"
Jack sighed and put his fork aside "He told me how brilliant you are caring and strong willed.. he told me how you don't blink when a drunk screams in your face as if you are challenging him to lay a hand on you."
A faint laugh escaped you as the image of that incident from a week ago jumped before your eyes. Jack smiled as he watched the tension fade from your features for a moment as if you were finally starting to open up.
But he added suddenly in a lower and calmer tone "He told me how patient you are with anxious families and steady in difficult moments.. and how you fall completely silent after any sudden loss of patients as if you detach from the world around you."
The smile disappeared from your face as if it had never been. A deathly silence prevailed in the room broken only by the sound of your repeated mechanical defeated stabbing of the fork into the piece of food with your eyes fixed on your meal refusing to rise to meet his looks that were piercing your silence.
"Y/N.. stop torturing the food."
He said it in a dry tone that cut your dark train of thought. You raised your hand from the fork that had left clear marks in the food and said in an annoyed voice trying to ignore the meaning of his comment "I think Robby talks more than he should."
Jack fell completely silent passing a quick look over your tense features before returning his back to the chair. You pushed the food box away from you and said in a sharp tone "I am full.. if you are still insisting on my staying here where will I sleep?"
You raised your gaze to meet his eyes colliding with his calm.
"You will sleep in the room and I will sleep on the sofa here."
You frowned with distress feeling the weight his sudden generosity imposed on you "I.."
He interrupted quickly standing up from his place "I want that so let's just sleep.. it has been a long enough day."
He headed towards his room "Wait I will bring you something to wear."
Jack came out of the room after minutes while you were still sitting at the table thinking about your outburst at Jack.
"You will find the clothes on the bed and there is a bathroom inside if you want to shower."
"Thank you" you said in a faint voice as you moved towards the room avoiding looking at him.
You entered and closed the door quietly behind you. Your eyes fell on the clothes arranged on the bed. It wasn't a wide t-shirt or a random piece as you expected but rather a shirt and delicate purple pajamas their texture suggesting they hadn't been worn for a long time. Anxiety crept into your chest suddenly and you imagined for a moment the shock of Jack’s girlfriend if she knew of your presence here.
You called him in a hesitant voice "Jack.."
He poked his head through the kitchen door "Yes?"
You said nervously "I think I should go now.."
He frowned in astonishment "What? Why?"
You continued quickly trying to justify your confusion "Jack I don't want a misunderstanding with your girlfriend.. it’s not nice for you to give me her clothes it’s better that I leave."
His features stiffened for a moment then signs of shock appeared followed by a faint laugh lacking any mirth. He looked away while wiping his face with his hand "These are my wife’s clothes.. and she died a very long time ago. So I don't think she would mind lending them to you."
The realization slapped you hard and you felt the heat of shame running through your face. You stammered broken words "Oh.. I’m sorry.. I didn't mean it I was just.."
Jack interrupted in a calm tone trying to absorb your embarrassment "Caring.. you are really caring and it’s nice of you to think this way but it’s really okay.. wear them and sleep."
You nodded your head in silence your eyes fixed on the floor while he returned to the kitchen.
When your head finally settled on the pillow the weight of the entire day came back to sit on your chest all at once. You couldn't resist any longer. Your tears flowed abundantly and you thought your muffled sobs were lost in the silence of the apartment just a faint moan that would not cross the boundaries of the room.
But in the hall Jack was lying on the sofa his eyes fixed on the dark ceiling and his ears catching every broken sob that came from you. He didn't try to do anything realizing that crying was the only medicine that would relieve the internal pressure you were facing.
After a long time your body began to calm and your consciousness began to withdraw slowly towards sleep. In those final moments you noticed the smell of the bedding around you. The scent was very familiar exactly like that cologne that wafted from his clothes when he pulled you forcefully away from the edge of the truck. You felt as if his scent surrounded you granting you a kind of strange safety you hadn't experienced in a long time.. and with this realization you finally surrendered to sleep.
Jack woke up at seven in the morning to a faint pulse in his injured hand. He sat up adjusted the cushion under his foot mechanically then headed towards your room. He opened the door a few centimeters to check on you. You were drowned in a deep sleep. He sighed an inaudible sigh of relief and closed the door heading to the kitchen.
While the coffee machine was working with its monotonous sound his thoughts drifted towards last night. He remembered how he was heading for his shift when he saw you on the other side of the road. He had been admiring you for a while for your sobriety and strength of character in crises which left a deep impact on him. But seeing you there standing before the truck with dead features made his body move before his mind. He didn't feel pain until your living corpse settled beside him and only then did he sigh with relief mixed with bitterness. It pained him that you felt shame for hurting him more than your regret for trying to end your life. He wanted to say a lot but the words vanished before the breaking of your eyes.
The sound of boiling coffee cut his train of thought so he took his phone and called Robby.
At that moment Robby was in the shocked room trying desperately to control a severe hemorrhage in a patient's chest surrounded by Victoria, Dennis and the nursing staff. The phone rang twice before Robby asked Dennis to open it and put it on speaker.
"Hello brother.. I’m busy make it quick."
Jack answered in a calm tone "sorry.. I just wanted to tell you that Y/N won't come today.. yesterday was exhausting for her and for both of us in fact. I wanted to tell you so you wouldn't worry and if you can book her a leave.. and don't tell anyone please."
Robby’s hand froze inside the patient's chest for seconds and he completely forgot that the line was open on speaker. Everyone exchanged looks of silent shock. Robby knew that five minutes would be enough for the entire hospital to know that Jack and Y/N spent the night together.
A strange silence prevailed broken only by the ringing of hospital equipment over the phone making Jack ask anxiously "Hello? Robby?"
Robby replied in a confused tone "Umm.. I’m sorry brother but everyone knows now.. I’m in shocked room and the phone is on speaker."
He hung up and Robby sighed as he returned to his work while at the other hand Jack covered his face with his hand realizing that the gossip machine in the hospital would not spare them and everyone would understand the matter completely wrong.
You woke up to the rich smell of coffee that permeated the room it was enough to calm your nerves for a moment before the sunbeam sneaking through the curtains hit you. You froze in your place this wasn't the faint dawn light you were used to. You raised your wrist quickly to look at the clock.. it was approaching ten in the morning.
"Damn it" you said it out loud.
You jumped from the bed and changed your clothes with stumbling and fast movements then went out to the hall in a hurry with your hair still messy. You stopped suddenly like someone who hit a glass wall. Jack was sitting behind the table wearing medical glasses with a light frame that gave him a calm and gentle appearance you weren't familiar with and he was scrolling through an iPad with focus while sipping from his coffee cup.
You stood there watching this scene that was strange to you and it seemed that your gazes fixed on him made him notice your presence. He raised his head suddenly and as soon as his eyes met yours he realized the reason for your stunned standing. He took off his glasses quickly and a touch of light redness appeared on his face then he asked you in a tone he tried to make normal.
"I see you are in a hurry..?"
"Hmm? Oh! Yes I am late for my shift!!"
You said it in panic as you rushed towards the door trying to gather yourself to leave. But his calm voice stopped you "I told Robby you won't come today.."
You turned to him slowly and felt a coldness running through your limbs. Annoyance and fear surged in your chest all at once. Did he tell him the truth? Will everyone know about the attempt? Will your medical license be withdrawn and you be presented to a psychological evaluation committee?
Jack read the features of panic that covered your face so he stood up from his place and approached you with steady steps "Calm down.. it’s okay I didn't tell Robby anything of what happened last night."
You looked at him without comprehension and asked in a broken tone "Then how.. what did you tell him? Your apology on my behalf will make him understand the matter incorrectly.. he will think that we.."
Jack stopped talking and looked away while rubbing the back of his neck in a confusion you weren't used to in him. An embarrassed silence prevailed for seconds before you whispered as you felt the heat of shame coloring your cheeks "Oh my god.. does he think we spent the night together?"
He corrected you in a faint voice while the touch of redness seemed clear on his face "Hmm.. in fact the entire hospital thinks that now.. the phone was on speaker during work."
You froze in your place while Jack avoided meeting your eyes realizing that his attempt to protect you had turned into a public scandal that would haunt you both in the hospital corridors for weeks to come.
You froze in your place for seconds as if your mind was trying to absorb the magnitude of the new professional disaster. Then suddenly you breathed a long sigh that took out all the tension with it and dragged your feet heavily towards the table. You sat in silence while Jack watched your calm movements cautiously as if expecting an explosion that didn't happen.
"Can I have some coffee?" you asked in a surrendered tone.
"Of course.." He moved away towards the coffee machine. He returned after moments and placed the warm cup in front of you then pulled his chair and sat on the opposite side watching you in silence and questioning.
You took a long sip and closed your eyes for a moment to enjoy the heat of the liquid that began to untie the knot of your nerves then you said without raising your gaze from the cup "I can't.. I can't talk before coffee."
A light smile appeared on Jack’s lips and it seemed that his tension too had begun to fade before your sudden calmness. He leaned his elbows on the table and said in a low voice "Take your time.. you aren't forced to say anything now."
After you drank half your cup a long silence prevailed broken only by the sound of your fingernails scraping the edge of the ceramic cup you were scratching the edge mechanically reflecting your distraction.
"I’m sorry.. I put you in this embarrassing situation."
Jack put his cup aside and intertwined his fingers in front of his chest leaning his body towards you slightly and said in a calm tone but one that pierced the silence "Do you notice that you apologize for disturbing me all the time and not for what you tried to do to yourself..?"
You raised your gaze to him slowly to find his eyes fixed on you. He was following the movement of your eyes as if trying to read what was behind your troubled eyes. You felt the words dry in your throat and you found nothing to say you sat rubbing your hands looking away for minutes before answering more calmly trying to fix your gaze in his eyes "I am fine.."
A deathly silence followed your sentence. Jack didn't blink nor did he smile but he kept watching you with that look that made you feel that the phrase I am fine had fallen and shattered on the table before reaching him.
You stood up suddenly trying to end this moment before your defenses completely collapsed.
"I want to return to my home.. thank you again for everything. I will compensate you with a dinner invitation later."
Jack remained in his place for a moment looking at you in silence as if weighing the sincerity of your words before standing and walking beside you towards the door with calm steps. He placed his hand on the handle but didn't open it immediately.
"Do you want me to give you a ride in my car?"
"No I will walk.." you answered briefly.
The look in his eyes changed at that moment his pupils contracted and a touch of open anxiety appeared as if the image of the roadside jumped to his mind again. You understood what crossed his mind immediately so you added in a serious tone trying to reassure him "I won't do anything.. don't worry."
Jack relaxed his grip on the handle and took a step back as if giving you the space you were asking for with difficulty. "... Alright."
"Take care of your wound!" you said it as you stepped over the doorstep into the cold corridor.
You bid him and left without turning while he remained standing at the open door watching your figure as it moved away until you disappeared from his sight.
As soon as you stepped inside your house and closed the door behind you you felt the walls of the place pressing on your breath. You didn't even take off your shoes rather you threw yourself over your bed and buried your face in the pillow and let out a muffled scream with all your might. A scream carrying the exhaustion of last night and your fear of the hospital and your confusion from Jack.. that doctor whom you had always seen as formal and cold. Was he always this kind? Or was the wreckage inside you what lured this side of him?
The next day as soon as you entered you felt the looks of the nurses and doctors following you curious looks loaded with muffled smiles and whispers that stopped as soon as you passed. You tried to fix your gaze ahead and ignore everyone heading directly towards the schedule board until Robby blocked your way at the reception desk with features covered in anxiety and confusion.
He said in a faint voice "Y/N.. finally you arrived! Are you okay?"
You answered briefly as you tried to bypass him "Yes Robby fine.. just exhaustion."
But he didn't budge rather he approached more and whispered "Exhaustion? The call yesterday didn't suggest just exhaustion.. Jack said you were together and his voice was.. strange. Is there something between you that I don't know? And also he.."
You looked at him sharply and said "There is nothing Robby just a misunderstanding. And now I have patients waiting."
You escaped him with difficulty but the real shock was when Jack appeared in the hallway. He wasn't supposed to be there for his schedule was an evening one. Robby exchanged puzzled looks between you and Jack then withdrew shaking his head in despair. You took the opportunity and pulled Jack by his arm to a corner of the hallway.
"What are you doing here Jack? And why did you change your shift?"
He looked at you with a professional coldness that didn't budge and answered as he leaned his back against the wall "I will keep watching you Y/N.. I will stay in your surroundings all the time until you decide for yourself to go to a therapist and face what you are going through."
You froze in your place from the impact of his words you felt a raging anger boiling in your chest. It wasn't anger at his harshness but at the fact that he exposed your weakness and imposed his guardianship over you. You opened your mouth to answer him to tell him he isn't a guardian over you but the words betrayed you. And instead of exploding you chose absolute silence.
You ignored his presence completely throughout the day. You would pass beside him in the hallways as if he were a ghost refusing to direct any word to him even within the work framework while he was content with standing far away watching your movements with two anxious eyes.
The hours of the day passed during which Dana and the rest of the staff tried to lure you with talk sometimes with joking and sometimes with indirect questions but they didn't get a single letter from you or Jack. Your silence remained a dam before the curiosity of the entire hospital.
With the end of the shift your anger faded and was replaced by physical and psychological exhaustion. You were sitting on the front ledge of the hospital drowned in watching ambulances enter and leave when you felt a shadow approaching.
"can I sit?" Jack asked quietly.
"Yes.." you answered without turning to him.
He sat beside you leaving enough distance between you and a short silence prevailed before he asked "Still angry?"
You sighed deeply and said in a faint voice "I’m not angry.. just I am fine Jack. Really there is no need for all this cost."
Jack smiled a bitter smile as he intertwined his fingers and looked ahead "It’s not you who determines this.. at least not now."
You turned your eyes away from him and remained silent and he didn't try to break this stillness again.
A week passed then followed by another. Robby was watching the scene from afar trying to decode the strange relationship between you until he began to notice the way Jack followed you with his eyes the look of anxiety. Robby remembered that look well for he had seen it in the mirror one day when he too was standing on the edge of the abyss. He realized then that you had done something or were about to do it and that Jack was trying to prevent your fall.
Robby began to share the task with Jack silently. He too became watching you watching the paleness of your face and your distraction until you felt the noose tightening on you. You asked Jack one day with suspicion "Did you tell Robby anything?"
Jack raised his hand swearing "I swear to you I didn't."
But one look exchanged between Jack and Robby in the hallway was enough for Jack to realize that his friend had understood everything.
The days continued in this manner Jack would bring you your favorite coffee every morning without you asking he would sit with you in the break to talk about complex medical cases to occupy your mind and when the shift ended he would insist on walking with you towards your home. The talk between you would flow spontaneously about everything about childhood memories about books and about the trivialities of daily life but he was always and with a hidden intelligence planting the idea of a therapist in the middle of the talk as a seed from which he waited to grow at the right time.
That shift was the kind that everyone fears. A chain collision accident on the highway led to the arrival of ambulances successively carrying shreds and remains of lives that were minutes ago normal.
The hospital turned into a battlefield sounds of devices screaming with warning tones the screaming of families outside and the smell of blood mixed with the smell of strong disinfectants. Deaths were increasing and every time you announced the time of death of someone you felt suffocation.
You were standing in the middle of the lobby trying to catch your breath when a new red code case arrived a girl not exceeding seven unconscious and covered in ash and blood. You stepped forward to examine her but at that moment your hands began to tremble. You felt horror at your loss of control before everyone.
You took a step back your eyes fixed on your hands that betrayed you at the worst possible time.
And suddenly you felt a strong and warm hand wrapping around your trembling wrists pulling them down quietly. It was Jack. He didn't look at you rather he was looking at the girl before him and said in a confident tone "Robby take the case.. Y/N you are with me I need you with me."
He pulled you from the middle of the chaos and while he was dragging you behind him away from the clamor of the emergency he whispered to you in a voice no one but you heard "Breathe.. don't look back."
He realized completely that you weren't okay.
As soon as the side corridor door closed behind you and the noise of the emergency moved away a little that artificial strength vanished. You exploded into crying it was a sobbing that came from the depths of your chest muffled for weeks.
"I’m sorry.. I’m really sorry.. I don't know what happened to my hand.. why did they tremble like this?" you said it and the words came out broken between your sobs.
Jack held your shoulders.
"It’s okay.."
You tried to wipe your tears with the back of your trembling hand and said in a hoarse voice "We have to return.. the patients.. there are many victims outside."
He shook his head quietly "No need they have almost finished and Robby and Dana are controlling the situation. The hospital won't collapse in your absence for ten minutes."
A short silence prevailed and nothing remained but the sound of your breath which began to calm gradually. You looked down to see Jack’s hands while they were still embracing your trembling hands you felt their warmth transferring to your cold limbs.
"Jack.." you whispered his name.
He raised his eyes towards you "Yes..?"
You took a deep breath "I think I.. I think I should go to a therapist."
At that moment Jack’s features changed completely. His anxiety vanished and a warm smile was drawn on his face then he pulled you towards him and embraced you. You placed your head on his shoulder and closed your eyes while he surrounded you with his arms.
He said in a low and calm voice "You are going to be okay."
And you believed him.
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