A Perfect Misanthropist's Heaven @marheevel - Tumblr Blog

He came in and waltzed his way into my life. Uninvited and unnoticed. It wasn't until I saw him in the bright afternoon sun making references to old movies or inside jokes with other people that I realized "Holy shit. I'm really in love with him." Not just the shitty ignorant "I love you" and "we're in high school but this is forever." Looking at him grinning like a fool at me and laughing so loudly without a care in the world, I knew that I'd lose him. I knew it from the moment those feelings came trickling in like a wonderful and beautiful steady stream of emotions. I knew it from the first kisses he planted on my cheeks then my lips and eventually gently placed my neck opening me up to him like a budding flower. I was going to lose him. We would only end in heartbreak. Quite likely my own. But I loved him fearlessly despite everything telling me not to.

just another in a long list of failed relationships

I think I know why people do those things. Like drugs, alcohol, art... Anthing really. It's to give us control of this world where we live in. It's to make us, for a little bit, feel like we have an influence on the things that throw us around and make us feel insignificant about who we are and anything we do in an attempt to be somebody. It's to make us forget that in reality there is so little we control in the world and reality we're all just thrashed around here forced to live through all the shit that God - or whoever you believe in or don't believe in - wants us to live through. For what? To become a better person? To change the world around us? Being forgotten is inevitable. In a way I guess that's what makes all of what we do today and in the future so important. Because no matter how much we try we will be forgotten. We will cease to exist in the memories of the lives we've touched. But that's not the point of living. Living is not about controlling the world around us or being remembered. No matter what you do you can't prevent him from leaving if he truly wants to. No matter what you can't prevent them from dying if it's their time to go. You will find yourself fighting with every fiber of your body to try and stop the inevitable. And it'll hurt like hell when the inevitable finally happens because you'll sit there and wonder, 'Was there something else I could have done?' 'If only I had...' But you'll realize you can't and you will never be able to control the uncontrollable. All you can do is mean something to someone and most importantly to yourself today. And you must accept and enjoy the beauty of being forgotten to the universe.

pages from my composition book late at night missing you

14 Things I've Learned in 2014

1. Sometimes you need to cry and get upset in order to think clearer. 2. It's a great thing to fight, but letting go and accepting what cannot be is one of the strongest and most mature things you can do. 3. Laugh. Too loudly and too much. It opens you up and makes you feel whole again. 4. Don't give up on your dreams for yourself. Modify them and try and fail then repeat until you succeed. 5. Be with who makes you happy always. Never stick around with someone or something that makes you feel less than you should. 6. Love yourself. Before loving someone else. Always. 7. Be mature and realize to achieve certain things you have to wait patiently. It will find you. 8. Do something scary. Try new things. Experience life and let things happen. 9. Don't be scared of ending things. Every end afterall is just the start of something new. 10. Take care of yourself. You deserve to be happy and to have someone taking care of you and that person should be the only person you can count on... yourself. 11. You don't deserve anymore pain than you are already put through everyday. Stop beating yourself up over things you can't control. 12. It feels beautiful and wonderful to be loved by someone. Let yourself accept love and stop shutting people out because of the fear of getting hurt. 13. Stop worrying about things that might not even happen. If you keep worrying you won't be able to fully enjoy it when it's there. 14. You have all you need to be happy. You are in charge of your happiness and only you can decide how you feel about someone. You can let go of what makes you unhappy and just chose to be happy.

imperfect-panda

A lot of people don’t realise that depression is an illness. I don’t wish it on anyone, but if they would know how it feels, I swear they would think twice before they just shrug it.

imperfect-panda (via imperfect-panda)

letskeeplifesimple

“You don’t need another human being to make your life complete, but let’s be honest. Having your wounds kissed by someone who doesn’t see them as disasters in your soul, but cracks to put their love into, is the most calming thing in this world.”

Emery Allen (via letskeeplifesimple)