Philip Toledano - When I Was Six
“I can’t imagine what it must be like to have your kid disappear,” he says. “So I don’t fault my parents. I don’t know if you can understand, when you’re 6, what it means when someone dies.”
After researching Toledano’s widely known series, ‘Days With My Father’, I stumbled upon a more recent series of his titled ‘When I Was Six’. This being a series I undoubtedly related to. Within this combination of his written word, still lifes and space like images Toledano explores the unexpected loss of his sister at just aged six. After Toledanos parents died he found a box full of Claudia's things:
“Clothes, toys, health records, notes she wrote,” he says. “But also, everything to do with her death. It was a museum of sorts. But it was also a second chance; a chance to know my sister; to understand the pain my parents carried, and the strength it took not to bury me along with my sister.”
The contents of this box are what forms the narrative of ‘When I Was Six’ and the personal exploration of unexpected grief at a young age. Toledano photographs pencils and photographs of his sister on plain black backgrounds juxtaposing them against text and euphoric images that were created in a fish tank. The black background combined with the sharp hues of light reinforcing a darker narrative juxtaposed against childhood images. Toledano almost using the written word as an outlet for his reflective grief and emotions around feeling like he was able to get to know his sister. Although the project comes across soft, gentle and quiet due to its intimacy its creation was from it, Toledano expressing that it was one of the hardest things he had done. For example within the book work of this project Toldeano juxtaposes an image of his sister than an image of him laughing which was taken two weeks after she had passed away:
“That photo kind of brought me to my knees,” he says. “I couldn’t believe the date. It was two weeks after she died and I looked so normal.”
Toledano states in an interview with time.com that when you parents pass away you are left with boxes and it is your choice if you want to explore its contents, potentially exposing yourself to pain.
“You can choose to confront the things they’ve left you. And I guess the last five years have been a series of confrontations. It’s about deciding to tacked these things and trying to make sense of them.”
Although in this case it was a painful experience Toledano was able to create an intimate body of work that explores delayed or reflective grief in a soft and gentle way that almost has something poetic about it. Toledano uses the written word as a diaristic approach to address feelings around unexpected loss in an upfront and honest way. Moving forward within my own work, as said when reflecting on my research into Toledano’s prior projects, I would like to create at least one piece of diaristic, honest writing that explains the project.
https://time.com/3737833/phil-toledano-when-i-was-six-photobook/
http://mrtoledano.com/slideshow/when-i-was-six/
