beauty in the breakdown @marlysinclair-blog - Tumblr Blog

Jax was overwhelmed, tears almost streaming down his face though he was playing brave. “P-pardon? I d-didn’t catch that…” Jax babbled out as he wrapped his arms around himself. “N-no, I don’t w-want to eat lunch.”

marlysinclair-blog

Marly saw the boy crying and instantly felt a kinship towards him an the need to make him feel better. She sat down tentatively next to him an said, “Are you sure you’re not hungry? Eating sometimes makes me feel better.” It wasn’t entirely true. She had an eating disorder, but she knew this was true for most people.

#chat #jax

skylar-yorke-blog

This place would freak most people out, but not when it came to Skylar. He was used to places like this. He had been in a couple of mental hospitals so he was used to the setting and the shitty food which he didn’t eat anyways usually. Skylar found his place like he did at every other hospital. He got comfortable on the window sill and was looking out at the window, watching the outside. There were some animals outside and he watched them as they were free.

Skylar heard someone talking to him and that’s when he turned his head to looked at the other person. He didn’t say anything. He wanted to know why someone was trying to talk to him. What did they really want? He was just trying to relax and mind his own business.

marlysinclair-blog

Marly loved the window sill near the gardens. She enjoyed looking out and watching the animals run through the yard or watching the clouds release buckets of rain. She liked sitting there with a book and doing nothing but reading with the view of a gorgeous piece of nature out of the corner of her eye until she was forced to do something else. It was for this reason that she was slightly surprised to see someone else there when she approached the window sill that day

“Oh. I didn’t know someone else used this sill too,” she said softly.

It was clear to her almost immediately that they’d both been coming to this window sill, just at different times until now, hence why they’d never run into one another before. She couldn’t read the boy’s expression, but he didn’t really look happy. She turned red and added, “I’m sorry.”

#semi-para #skylar

mmfdiaryfan-deactivated20180325

my methods of torture are asking you to trust people. asking you to lose control.

#scrapbook

parheliion

With both his feet pulled up onto the chair he sat on and arms around his knees, Viktor listened to the others of his group session share their problems. This was a requirement for him: attend group meetings in order to air out his feelings and discuss his progress. However, any time it came to being his turn, he was riddled with embarrassment. “Hey– can you go next?” He asked the person by his side in a hushed whisper. They were the last two to go, and the stomach churning he felt was only growing more and more as Viktor felt the eyes of the doctor burning holes into him.

marlysinclair-blog

Group had never been Marly’s most favorite thing in the world. It meant sharing her problems with a bunch of strangers who could be thinking anything about her. The past suggested something awful. It also suggested that the people who were looking at her and talking behind their hands were laughing at her. She kept her eyes on her sleeves and pulled at the loose strings there, trying not to think about what was going to happen when it was her turn. That was why the low voice of the boy next to her startled her. She jumped. She didn’t trust men in general because of her past, but the fact he was asking her to go next, made her feel even more uncomfortable. A big part of her - a really big part of her - wanted to say no. He was going to have to share anyway, but before she could formulate that sentence in her mouth, she heard herself saying, “Okay, but just this once.”

#semi-para #viktor

Darkslate Blue ; #483D8B

Your dominant hue is blue, making you a good friend who people love and trust. You’re good in social situations and want to fit in. Just be careful not to compromise who you are to make them happy. Your saturation level is medium - You’re not the most decisive go-getter, but you can get a job done when it’s required of you. You probably don’t think the world can change for you and don’t want to spend too much effort trying to force it. Your outlook on life can be bright or dark, depending on the situation. You are flexible and see things objectively.

color quiz

#headcanons

Marly walked slowly down the hallways of Stonefield, her feet shuffling, her hands hidden inside the sleeves of her sweater - today’s was a blue striped one with several different colors of blue as the stripes. She’d been in mental hospital’s before. Her parents had been trying to keep her in the hospital and away from them, since she was thirteen. At least, that was what they said. The truth was a lot more complicated, but Marly knew her parents wouldn’t have sent her to such long inpatient care if the doctor’s hadn’t been worried about her when her family said they were against it. But now she was here and she had to deal with it.

She was wandering down the halls, not really sure where she was going at the moment. There were a lot of things for patients to do and yet...Marly felt like there was nothing here for her to do. Nothing here she could do. She was away from her family and she preferred the hospital, but at the same time, she missed her own bed, she missed her room, and she missed the things she wanted, but hadn’t been allowed to bring with her.

Marly turned a corner and found herself in a hall full of ceiling to floor windows that looked out onto the magnificent garden that was out in the hospital’s courtyard. She shuffled over to the railing set in front of the windows and leaned on it, staring out. She could only go outside with permission and if there was a nurse to watch her the whole time and, while a part of her did wish she were outside rather than in, she found herself contented to stare at the flowers from behind glass.

#semi-para #stonefieldstart #[ yay i made a starter!! ]

random headcanon meme

Can They Use Chopsticks? – Marly hasn’t ever really used chopsticks and the few times she’s tried, she’s never really been able to figure out how to do it. So, no, she can’t really use chopsticks.

What Do They Do When They Can’t Sleep? – She either writes in her journal about why she can’t sleep or she spends time working out on her stair stepper, which usually isn’t a good thing as she’s underweight already. She’s trying to choose writing in her journal more than using her stair stepper, but she’s had an eating disorder already for four years.

What Would They Impulse Buy At The Grocery Store? – Probably a new energy drink or one of those sonic drinks, since she mostly drinks rather than eats due to her eating disorder.

What Order Do They Wash Things In The Shower? – Marly usually washes her body first, then her hair, and then, if she’s allowed a razorblade for showering, she’ll shave. She shaves more for her own comfort than anything else.

What’s Their Coffee Order? – Marly doesn’t really like coffee by itself. She only ever gets a campfire mocha whenever she goes to Caribou, but doesn’t ever get coffee anywhere else.

What Sort of Apps Would They Have On Their Smartphone? - Probably a lot of games. Marly likes to distract herself from her problems rather than think about them, especially when there’s nothing she can do about them. She also has several social media apps. She gets along better with people online than people in real life.

How They Act Around Children? – Marly is kind to children when she’s around them, but she doesn’t really like being around them. They’re loud and noisy and messy and she has problems with unsanitary people/things and anyone loud or noisy.

What They Would Watch On TV When Nothing They Like Is On? - Reality TV shows. She thinks it’s fun to watch people make food she never could or design houses she could never design either. She enjoys watching art in motion.

#headcanons

Layers Character Meme

LAYER ONE : THE OUTSIDE

Name: Marly Marie Sinclair

Eye Color: Bright blue

Hair Style/Color: Short chestnut brown hair that goes just passed the ears with bangs

Height: 4′11″

Clothing Style: Sweaters of all kinds with yoga pants or jeans. Usually wears overlarge t-shirts under sweaters, which are also overlarge. Typically wears white or black sneakers

Best Physical Feature: Eyes and nose

LAYER TWO: THE INSIDE

Your Fears: Having to go back home. Never getting free of parents

Your Guilty Pleasure: Doesn’t really have any “guilty” pleasures

Your Biggest Pet Peeve: People who touch her without permission or people who whistle

Your Ambition for the Future: Wants to get away from parents and live in the city with a cat

LAYER THREE: THOUGHTS

Your First Thoughts Waking Up: Dammit

What You Think About the Most: The darkness of her past and her desire to make friends

What You Think About Before Bed: The day’s events, since that’s usually when she writes in her journal

You Think Your Best Quality Is: She always strives to be as kind and good as she possibly can be.

LAYER FOUR: WHAT’S BETTER?

Single or Group Dates: Neither

To be Loved or Respected: Loved.

Beauty or Brains: Brains

Dogs or Cats: Cats

LAYER FIVE: DO YOU?

Lie: Mostly to herself or about how much she’s eaten.

Believe in Yourself: She has trouble believing in herself when she’s so isolated and feels she doesn’t have anyone who cares about her.

Believe in Love: Yes. All kinds.

Want Someone: Yes.

LAYER SIX: EVER?

Been on Stage: No

Done Drugs: No

Changed Who You Were to Fit In: She has bpd. She’s constantly doing this both to get friends and to keep them from leaving.

LAYER SEVEN: FAVORITES

Favorite Color: Blue

Favorite Animal: Foxes

Favorite Movie: Shame

Favorite Game: The Sims

LAYER EIGHT: AGE

Day Your Next Birthday Will Be: Wednesday (March 15th)

How Old Will You Be: 17

Age You Lost Your Virginity: We don’t talk about that.

Does Age Matter: Only when one person isn’t an adult.

LAYER NINE: IN A PERSON

Best Personality: Kind, exciting people

Best Eye Color: Any

Best Hair Color: Any

Best thing to do With a Partner: Talk

LAYER TEN: FINISH THE SENTENCE

I love: My friends

I feel: Scared

I hide: My sadness

I miss: What I never had

I wish: I could find happiness

#headcanons #i answered this both in character and out of character

septemberhills

“[…] the thing about stories is that not all of them have a happy ending.”

#scrapbook

The hospital was huge. Significantly better than Marly had been expecting anyway. She’d never seen a facility so large just to house mentally ill children and young adults. She’d stay in another hospital’s mental ward after her suicide attempt during her 72 hour hold and it had been only one small section of the building she’d been staying in. But this place, the entire building was the hospital. Before she hadn’t been allowed to leave the mental ward, and she was sure now there would be areas sectioned off she wouldn’t be allowed into, but the hospital was just so big, she was certain she wouldn’t care.

Now she was sitting in her room. It was with the other patients who had Green wristbands at the end of the hall of their dorms and she didn’t have a roommate. Not yet anyway. She wasn’t sure she wanted one either. She already felt like she was constantly being watched in this place, as nice as it was. She didn’t want that feeling to increase. Vaguely, she wondered what the Yellow and Red sections were like. Green meant you were constantly lowkey being watched and didn’t have total freedom, but you had more than the Red and Yellow sections.

Maybe it’s a good thing they’re watched. They told me about the color system when I got here. Maybe they’re just protecting us, Marly thought to herself, swinging her legs over the side of the bed and fiddling with her wristband. But that thought made guilt clench in her stomach and she bit her lip. No, odds were the people in the Yellow and Red sections weren’t any more dangerous to her than she was to herself.

Standing, she leaned out of the doorway to see if there was anyone watching her now. She spotted a nurse sitting at a desk at the end of the hall on one end and another nurse doing the same on the other end. The bathroom was in the middle of the hall, easily accessible to all patients. Swallowing hard, Marly walked to the bathroom and shut it behind her.

Immediately, relief washed over her. She closed her eyes, let out a sigh, and slid dramatically down the door, feeling like she was in a teen romance movie and was about to start crying into her knees as she did it. However, she didn’t do that. Instead, she looked around, and once she got used to the feeling of safety the bathroom gave her, she stood and began to look around. The middle stall was her favorite. There were only five stalls, including the handicapped one. But she settled in the middle one and stared at the walls, thinking about why she was there and what it all meant.

Maybe this will be how I get away from them, she thought to herself, leaning her head against the side of the toilet in the stall she was sitting and staring with unfocused eyes towards the mirror, clearly visible from where she sat with the stall door open. Maybe if I stay here long enough, I’ll be able to get away from them when I leave. It sounded like such a pipe dream, even as she said it while she was in a hospital they were paying for. But it was a possibility and it gave her a small shred of hope.

#these thoughts run through my head #self-para #[ don't reply ]

thgarchive

Micah still didn’t really understand why he was here. After being separated from his family for so long, he thought they wouldn’t ever want to give him up, in the same way he didn’t want to be given up for any reason. But, nearly six months after officially coming home, they sent him away again. It was irritating to say the least.

He glances around nervously as he shuffles through the hall, white board held tightly to his chest. He was supposed to be going to breakfast, but he always found it so difficult to eat around so many strangers. It almost always made him freak out, in fact, even just thinking about it made him freak out.

He stops in the middle of the hall, glancing around anxiously, before ducking into what he assumed was the boy’s restroom. Dropping his white board, he clenches onto the sink, staring at himself in the mirror. God, why does this always have to happen? Can’t I just go through one freaking day like a normal person? He thinks to himself, entire body nearly shaking.

marlysinclair-blog

The bathroom was Marly’s safe haven and had been ever since she’d come to the hospital. She hadn’t been there very long, but she had been there longer than anyone else. She’d checked herself in months ago - she wasn’t sure any more how long it was specifically - and now, all this time later, she still hadn’t been released. Turned out that attempting suicide after suffering years of abuse, neglect, and bullying meant you needed a little more help than what a 72 hour hold could give you.

Now Marly hid in the bathroom. She did it probably more often than she was supposed to, but it was quiet and very few people ever entered. It was where she spent her lunches and her free time. She hated eating in front of people and the bathroom was the perfect place to eat: no one was there and no one could watch her even if they wanted to. She was sitting in the second stall from the door, picking at her food, trying to make herself eat, but finding she was mostly just sifting through it and then flushing it, bit by bit down the toilet.

Without warning, the door to the bathroom banged open and Marly jumped. It wasn’t really a bang, but after having been sitting in silence for so long, the opening the door was deafening. She saw a pair of feet stagger towards the sinks and then stop. She froze. The pair of feet looked like they belonged to a boy. She frowned. What was a boy doing in the girl’s bathroom? She carefully pulled herself upwards and opened the door to her stall. She was opening her mouth to tell him to go away when the words got lodged in her throat.

It was very clear to her simply from looking at the shaking boy that he was lost and scared and clearly not where he was supposed to be and yelling at him seemed, now, counterproductive. Instead, Marly fixed her face with what she hoped was a welcoming smile and said, “Hello? Are you lost? I’m not sure if you know, but this is the girl’s bathroom.”