now you're my prisoner

i reblog pretty much whatever i think is funny/deserves to be shared, but i also do some fandom stuff, primarily steven universe and homestuck.

[dicaeopolis]

astronomy club sent up a weather balloon w a gopro in it last friday. put in three packs of fruit snacks so they could have a giggle over eating fruit snacks that had been to space.

balloon went up into inner space, about 90,000 feet. came down right near the dinosaur park. a few physics teachers drive out to get it, crack it open on the way home to start watching the footage.

fruit snacks are missing.

multiple sources confirm that fruit snacks were put in balloon and sealed in with duct tape. physics teachers check entire balloon. no fruit snacks.

physics teachers watch footage. all 7 hours of it. right in the middle of footage, there are about 8 minutes of visual and audio static when balloon is in orbit. no other interference with balloon recorded.

conclusions: ???????

[spaceyalien]

aliens stole yo fruit snacks

[8r00t4l]

[mtfconfessions]

10321) I've noticed there are two common tropes for trans women.

There are the ones who have been feminine since the start, and the ones who acted like alpha males to overcompensate their internalized feelings. I was neither. I was a pretty standard guy. I never tried too hard to be masculine but I was never naturally feminine either. I blend into a crowd of guys no problem. I’m still struggling to admit that I’m NOT an average guy, even though that’s what others think I am and what society wants.

[the-pink-dogs-adventure]

You’ve waken up in a field full of small weeds. The sky is dark, like its always been. However there is a mystery.

What is this dog’s name?

[loquaciouslass]

“Lucy you’ve drawn nothing but Ammy and Issun today are you ok”

“NO”

[ommanyte]

all I wanna do,

is see you turn into, 

a

[grumpysweetheart]

*Arin Hanson voice* “Look man,”

[girldebord-deactivated20190410]

rom-coms (romantic communists)

[canadad-deactivated20171111]

[drop-tears]

Eevee evolutions.    (‘• ω • `) ♡

[dogeking]

The real MVP of the Homestuck update

You may think just by looking at the image that this is supposed to be a joke or something. But no. As impressive as Dave killing Lord Jack and Roxy killing Condesce is, this motherfucker right here. Karkat Vantas outshone everyone in the update by taking down Clover.

Because lest you forget, Clover’s whole deal is probability manipulation. And not just some weeny baby level either. His luck is so absurd that he literally takes any chance of you hurting him and turns it to 0. You literally have a 0% chance of ever harming him. So much so that even a gun at point blank won’t do it. While he’s harmless in every other aspct, the little guy was literally made to be unbeatable.

And Karkat BEAT him. With a 0% chance of winning the fight, Karkat SOMEHOW caught Clover. He pulled off a feat that is PHYSICALLY IMPOSSIBLE. He essentially said fuck you to the rules of reality and spat in the face of fate.

KARKAT BEAT CLOVER AND THE FACT THAT HE DID MAKES LITERALLY NO SENSE. THE BOY IS A GOD.

[elanorpam]

considering he’s a mutant? and mutations are like weird screws of probability during genetic replication? if this turns out specifically to be a kind of blood power, i’d take it. I’d take it so hard. Who even fucking knows, maybe his Denizen was also unkillable in a similar way to Clover, but he still did it. Screwing with the odds: the true Blood Power.

[blorpimorpi-deactivated20240919]

Karate will always be a precious weenie yo me but I was proud of him!

[blorpimorpi-deactivated20240919]

OMG I MEANT KARKAT…..KARATE ALSO?

[marriedtoamirror]

We can see when Karkat kicks Clover that Clover’s arms are hog-tied to his legs, and when he’s laying on the ground his eyes are flashing various symbols of leprechaun romance (I believe a heart, star and rainbow?). 

Clover is just a kinky motherfucker and Karkat accidentally made him so turned on that he considered it LUCKY to HIMSELF to have the shit beaten out of him.

im kinkshaming so hard

[all1sees]

So Google does math for you??

division

square roots

dividing percentages

IT EVEN FOILS

beautiful.

[qurioq]

i just checked ALL of these on my calculator and they are all correct

all. fucking. correct.

[averagedopeydope]

DAYUM, SON! IF ONLY THIS WAS AVIALABLE WHEN I WAS ON SCHOOL >:(

[my-little-mod-blog]

HAH! You kids. When I was in school, it wouldn’t help because we still used Roman numerals back then!

AHAHAHAHAHA-

oh my god

i’ll just be over here shutting the fuck up right about now

[dutchster]

you can even solve geometric problems

or plot graphs

even 3D graphs!!!

[aureliusquinn]

Reblob to save a life

[danisontnonfire]

just reblobbed

[annulet]

reblobbing to help those in need

[kittiezandtittiez]

[thebootydiaries]

the ol’ razzle dazzle

[ymirsbian-deactivated-deactivat]

[charlesoberonn]

An alternative take on Spider-Man’s villain Venom

Venom is one of Spiderman’s most well-known and coolest foes, but as a character and as a concept, Venom is really boring and quite bad. Venom can be much more than just “Spiderman as a monster”.

This is my alternative take on Venom. It’s based on the original pitch for Venom but also includes some original points as well as more depth.

Keep reading

[funkyfetus]

[lotad]

SHINY PLUSLE OMG

[glitchcity-deactivated20151107]

I have some bad news for you

[writerswritecompany]

[metaphortunate]

Leslie Knope.

I have no fear.

[laurashapiro-noreally]

Sue Perkins, Mel Giedroyc, Mary Berry, and Paul Hollywood. I might be a little worried.

[vincennesdimanche]

Houdini and Doyle.

I feel confident.

[spank-the-villain]

The Golden Girls. #ciner1013 was right, I should have been watching Daredevil

[meret118]

Love It or List It. I’m doomed, but my grave will be in a fantastic location with a gorgeous view, and the funeral service and luncheon after will be beautiful and elegant.

[tamalinnlj]

I last watched Daredevil. Thank god, I’m safe!

[babbleismysuperpower]

the magicians. i honestly don’t know if i’m going to be ok or not.

[lasrina]

Brooklyn Nine-Nine. I’ll be rescued, but in the process three drug dealers, the Pontiac Bandit, and a corgi will make their getaways while a warehouse burns down and someone ends up wearing a bunny suit.

[tkingfisher]

I caught two thirds of an episode of Metalocalypse. Damage will be extraordinary and I will likely die of burst eardrums, unless for some reason the accountant feels I ought to survive. 

[the-real-seebs]

A friend of mine and I just binge-watched Fringe. The good news is, we’ll be fine. The bad news is, the collateral damage may exceed two universes.

[vastderp]

it was almost FMA but then it was 11.22.63 instead FUCK FUCK FUCK I’M DOOMED

[elanorpam]

dragon ball super. it’s gonna be entertaining to watch at least

[jumpingjacktrash]

i last watched agents of shield

you only think you kidnaped me actually it’s part of a clever scheme to get you to reveal your hydra contacts and now the building is surrounded good luck

[teratocybernetics]

Arrested Development. I am fucked.

[spookychan]

Garnet. 

I’m in good loving hands.

[doubtingsalmon]

Walking Dead. That’s a hot mess of characters, part of which are trying to save me, part responsible for the kidnapping, and part trying to eat me.

[thebiggestnerd]

Osomatsu-san. I am so fucked…

[oxybelis-deactivated20220323]

Rick and Morty. Im very afraid

[chrispco]

I’m re-watching the kidnapping episode of Angie Tribeca right now, and I think that means I have an obligation to reblog.

Anyway… everyone dies unless TBS renews us? (Go watch Angie Tribeca. It is the goofiest and best thing ever.)

[heidiblack]

The night manager.  Excellent.  Tom Hiddleston is saving me.  :3

[amethystlashiec]

Daredevil. WHOO.

[kasunshine]

Agent Coop, guess I’m SOL for 25 years.

[espressobean]

Hank, Bill, Dale and Boomhauer.

I’m screwed.

[rasec-wizzlbang-blog]

I’ve never felt safer

[bugcthulhu]

Osomatsu. Might as well kill myself ahead of time

[mousathe14]

The Mentalist. This is when Patrick Jane is working for the FBI so they have even more resources than before and Patrick Jane is pretty good at the detective lark. I’ll be found… Eventually. He’ll also do it in a convoluted way to trick the kidnapper, possibly put me at risk, and his rather competent team won’t have all the information because of him.

It’s going to be weird.

[marriedtoamirror]

Mulder and Scully, apparently. I've only seen two episodes of the show thus far but I think I should be more concerned about who kidnapped me than who is rescuing me.

[zestydoesthings]

The results of the first week of my Johto Pokemonathon! As with last time each set has been given a ‘hilarious’ nickname. From top to bottom we have, the Vegetable Dinosaurs, Flaming Porcupines, Blue Crocogators, Wriggly Rodents and the Timekeeping Owls. 

I truly am a comedy genius…

[thesweetreaper]

Prolly the purest thing I’ve ever made