what's wrong with taking the backstreets?

mateo bjorgman. hopefully the first person you think of when you hear smashmouth start to play. son of kristoff and anna bjorgman, cousin to the h's of arendelle. my talents include christmas cheer and reenacting my favorite movies. reindeer fan, powder donut enthusiast, snow-ball master, improv advocate, hot chocolate slut, and lover of good memes and better friends. now featuring: nadia azar as the girlfriend!

[mateobjorgman]

↳INSTAROYAL @MATEOBJORGMAN UPLOADED A NEW PIC!

Tfw you ask the bartender to take a picture of you both but you can’t keep your eyes off of bae OOPS #springbreak 

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[mateobjorgman]

nadiaazar‌:

Nadia shrugged. She’d never like, really thought she’d get a choice in where she ended up; it was always go back home to her desert kingdom and rule, since she didn’t have any brothers to take the job for her. It was why it was like, extra important for her to find a suitable match, and she kind of hated the fact that like, as more and more days crept by she couldn’t possibly imagine someone more perfect than Mateo. Royalty but not set to inherit any kind of throne, well-mannered, charming, handsome, kind, someone who would like, totes care about his people, and also about his wife. But those thoughts were like so not the point; she was trying to help him, not doom him to like, a life far away from snow and Shrek where things were boring and stuffy all of the time. Even if he did look super amazing when he dressed up and he was way better at fitting in than he gave himself credit for. 

Focusing on the far future was like, not good for her brain. Or for her face; if she wasn’t like, carefully monitoring it right now so Mateo didn’t know what wheels were turning in her brain, she was sure it would be all furrowed up and wrinkly, and then it would just be harder for her to find a match in the long run because like, she’d have wrecked her whole face. So instead she flashed him a bright smile, glad he was down for ‘Triton’s Bay with the Bae’ and also that he was like, giving her something more immediate to think about instead. “We can like, go for as much or as little of break as you want, t-b-h. I love the beach, and you… um, being around everywhere, obvi, so like I could totes spend the whole week there. I actually like already booked my fave hotel suite for the whole time and they said I can like, cancel as many days as I need to as long as they have like, a week’s notice, but if you want to go home like, I’ll probs stay and just see if Audrey wants to come instead or something?” She tried not to miss a beat, even after she’d kind of stumbled over her words when she was talking about things she loved, but deep down she was hoping Mateo wanted to hang out the whole time. He made for way better company than her sometimes-bestie.

Trying to read Nadia’s face was all fun and games until she smiled at him and then it was like he was a reindeer in the headlights. Hopefully she didn’t notice how stupidly he grinned back at her every time she smiled like that, but even if she did, Mateo knew that Nadia wasn’t the kind to hold it against him. Or the type to hold the way his heart stuttered like a scared kid giving a presentation to the whole class when she used the L-word, even if it wasn’t in reference to him. Mateo did feel a small sense of disappointment that he couldn’t help foot the hotel fee, but maybe that was for the best, now that he stopped to think about it. It meant that he wasn’t in charge of this next question. “Oh, that’s smart! And unless I get sunburned so bad I almost die, I’ll probably be so down to spend the whole time with you. I love vacations. Just, uh, one question. Does this favorite suite of yours have more than one bed?” His face turned pink and he hastened to add, “Not that I’m saying we have to stay in the same room while we’re there, but you know, we are together. In the eyes of the world. And we can’t be the only ASU students there, if someone saw us going into separate hotel rooms, that might, I don’t know, look weird, maybe?” Mateo’s voice had gotten higher and higher as he kept talking and he internally cursed himself for bringing it up at all. 

[mateobjorgman]

nadiaazar‌:

Usually nothing between the two of them ever felt awkward – it was like, amazetastic, the way she could sit and talk to him for hours and things just flowed. But somehow, talking to him about this was like, weird and felt like they kept having to hit pause, like they didn’t want to watch the next scene and had to totally mentally prepare for it. When Nadia hit mental un-pause again, though, she actually had a genuine smile to offer him this time. “Um, obvi! If you did settle for less than the best then I’d have to like, come back and remind you that that was so not the point and that you need to be with like, the best girl ever or no girl at all.” She didn’t know how she’d show him that, or even if she’d be in the loop enough on his life to know if he was going back on their plan to find him someone actually good, but at least she could rest a little easier knowing that he didn’t seem like he was going to settle.

The smile shouldn’t have widened the way it did when he said things like that, though. Mateo saying he was hers, in any context, it made her stomach feel all swoopy, like that time that she fainted except she didn’t think she was going to fall over, she thought she was going to like, totes float away or something instead. “You’re so sweet,” Nadia laughed lightly, leaning across the tiny table to press a quick kiss to his cheek. Words kind of failed her in response to that, because she so didn’t want to take him up on that offer… except that like, she really sort of totally did. It was confusing, that they were supposed to want to spread their wings and fly once their deal was done, but instead now she wanted to like, kind of nest with him instead. Oops? Nadia had never been the best learner in the world, so she guessed it made sense she hadn’t learned how to do this situation right on the first try.

Nadia really wasn’t sure if she felt like, better or worse after the whole ‘when do we breakup’ talk. She knew it had been her idea to have it but now her head was all like, muddy and confused, even if she was relieved to get to be with Mateo at least a little longer. Still, things like spring break? They were waaaaay clearer to her, and she tossed her hair over her shoulder, nearly glaring at him. “No way would I like, plan something without you, although I’ve totes been planning. I’ve heard like, a lot of girls in ZBD were going to the Neverland beaches for break so like, instead I figured we could go to like, somewhere on the coast of Triton’s Bay instead. I know it’s not like, snowmen, but we could make killer sand-men and stuff instead, and like, I think you’d look so adorbs in a sunhat.”

“Hopefully you’re not that far away then,” Mateo laughed. “Not because I think I’ll need your interventions but just because, you know.” That’s when the idea of one day starting to date girl after girl who didn’t treat him right for the sole purpose of luring Nadia out of what was sure to be her fabulous and picture-perfect life long enough to reeducate him hit him like a ton of bricks. It was crazy, sure, but if push came to shove and she was too busy to see him, he’d do what he had to. Nadia had become such an integral part of his life, as normal as his family or the snow or Shrek or anything else he loved with his entire heart, and his life was going to feel so empty when she was gone. Was it that crazy to think he’d date a weirdo or two to get her back again even if it was momentarily?

Probably better not to tell her that. It would make him seem like a weirdo and Mateo liked it better when when she was looking at him all happy and calling him things like ‘sweet’ just for being himself and saying how much she meant to him. He wasn’t totally expecting the kiss on the cheek and it sent what feels like waves of heat throughout the rest of his body, warming him down to his toes and bringing a blush to his face. And okay, maybe that felt different than when his family hugged him or when the snow fell for the first time each winter or when he watched his favorite movie after a hard day. Maybe it felt better than all of those things combined, and maybe telling Nadia that he was hers for as long as she wanted him to be wasn’t as honest as just saying that maybe he was just hers. And that he probably always would be, even when she wasn’t his anymore.

Probably better not to tell her that either. Because if he said something like that, Nadia was liable to think that Mateo had gone and fallen in love with her. Not that it would be hard. There were so many things about Nadia to fall in love with; off the top of his head? Everything. But they’d made an agreement and even if he had, somehow, stupidly, let himself believe that they were for real, he wouldn’t mess it up for Nadia by telling her. He couldn’t. Not when she was already planning spring break and looking forward and being the smarter one of the two of them as always. “Triton’s Bay with the bae?” he joked, mulling the idea over in his head. “Sounds kind of perfect, actually. It’s not somewhere I’d ever go on my own which means I’ll love being there with you that much more. Do I have to put the sunscreen on my nose so thick that it looks all weird and white or is that just in the movies?” He grinned, knowing that question wasn’t as important as his next one. “And how long will we stay? I can cover the price of the hotel.” 

[mateobjorgman]

nadiaazar‌:

Nadia raked her teeth over her bottom lip as she listened to Mateo ramble. She like, adored that about him, the way he got excited about an idea and let himself get carried away. So many guys like, wasted all their time trying to act cool and put together and like they didn’t care about anything, but that nonchalantity was super not fun. With Mateo, she always knew exactly what he was thinking; she’d never had to worry once if her friend like, legitimately liked being around her or legitimately wanted to do something she’d suggested. He was like an open book, one with pretty words and fun pictures and like, everything that would make her actually want to read it instead of putting it away and taking ibuprofen to make a headache go bye-bye.

And Allah, was it like, totally hypocritical to love the way he got carried away but so not want to get carried away with him? Not this time, at least. Because imagining the surprise party and the bouquet and the foam finger it was like, so easy to keep imagining things after that, too. So easy to like, picture herself spending forever and ever with him, because he never ran out of good ideas and she never ran out of the energy to follow up on them and help make them happen. They were like, a totally dynamic team, one that would have deserved to have like, songs and stories written about them in another life.

But this was this life. And it would be like, so a total betrayal if Nadia decided to go and fall in love with him for realsies. He was sticking to the deal and being like, absolutely perfect; she could smile warmly at him and feel a soft fluttering in her stomach but still like, just be his friend who was helping him out and getting helped out back in return?

“Okay. I like, so wouldn’t want to take that awesomesauce practice experience away from you, just in case you like, date a younger girl next time and have to do a mega-awesome grad celebration for her someday, too. Who knows, maybe by then I’ll be like, a part-time queen and a part-time party-planner and I can help you.” That felt sad somehow to Nadia, imagining Mateo going to all this effort for someone else, too, but that was what she wanted, wasn’t it? For him to be happy? For him to be loved and to share all his love and for everything in his life to fall into place? She reached out across the table to squeeze his hand, ignoring the weird like, sinking feeling that had washed over her, and said, “But you have to wear the uggo hat in pictures, we can do like, a passing of it kind of thing so that I’m not the only square-head captured, okay?’

She sighed – there were still so many details she should discuss. Like how breaking up the day after graduation would be like, so suspicious, but that slowly letting things die out from being ‘long distance’ would hurt like heckamundo. So many other details, so many other things, but for now she could ignore them. She wanted to ignore them, so Nadia willfully did so. “Was there like, anything else about our deal you wanted to talk about for now, or should we talk about like, fun spring break things instead?”

Mateo was probably always going to feel apologetic to whoever he was rambling to; he got excited and talked too much and then got conscious of the fact that he talked too much, it was one of his defining traits. But he appreciated that he knew he never had to apologize when he was rambling to Nadia. Not only did she always understand what he was saying like only his family did, but she always let him finish and never made him feel like it was weird and there were a lot of things to love - platonically, love platonically - about her but this was one of the big ones. Even as he finished his sentence, all nervous about the concept of this relationship ending, he knew that she was take what he said the right way, the way he'd intended it, and that he never had to worry that she wouldn't. This was one of the things he'd miss the most, he thought. Just talking to her. Talking to somebody who made him feel understood all of the time.

Well, as understood as he understood himself, anyway. He couldn't ask Nadia to make sense of what he couldn't, so it was totally hypocritical to wish she hadn't said anything about the next girl he might date some hypothetical younger girl, because why shouldn't she? Wasn't that the purpose of all this? To let everyone know he was over Brooke and get him ready for the next one?

Nadia would've had no way of knowing that a sentence like that felt like acid eating a hole clean through his stomach because honestly, Mateo hadn't expected it to feel that way either, but what was he supposed to do? Deny her future help? It was so sweet of her just to offer. Still, he felt like he had to say something and so he managed, "You know, you raised my standards for how people treat me SO high. By the time I find another relationship as good as you, you'll definitely be a part-time queen and a part-time party-planner, so no worries there." It felt awkward to say and he wished he hadn't because as happy as the thought was, it still gave his stomach that acid pit feeling and he wasn't sure why. "I'll gladly be a square head along side you though, for picture purposes. Oh, or I could wear a hat ten times uglier than a graduation cap!"

Mateo fought the urge to pick at his nails as Nadia asked about anything else and though he was tempted to take the spring break option, he hesitated. "Does it count as one thing to tell you that I'm yours for this thing as long as you need me to be? If it needs to carry on another summer, another year.... if we 'break up' and your dad tries to set you up with someone awful and we need to 'get back together'," he suggested, making air quotes as he spoke, "whenever you need me. I felt like you should know that." 

He took a breath and felt a lot better having said that, the pit in his stomach slowly starting to fill again at the idea of more time together, whether it was more unexpected time together after graduation or something soonish like spring break. "So, do you have any big plans yet? Because I've been keeping my schedule clean in case you wanted to do a little vacay kinda thing together," he said excitedly. "Imagine all the pics we could get! And just... I don't know, I've never done a Spring Break kind of deal but I think it could be fun. Even if it's just like a two day thing and you spend the rest of the time doing something else, I don't know. I'm open to, you know, whatever."

[mateobjorgman]

Lily, Ginny, Kaz, Emmett, Li Shang Jr., Lonnie

do the sexy love™ with: If I had to pick, it would be Lily. 

sacrifice myself for: Li Shang Jr. We should all be willing to.

kick: Uuhhhh let’s say Ginny because I don’t want to kill her or take her to prom if I’m with her sister.

take to prom: Lonnie, I guess! As escorts and nothing more but still, we’d have fun! We could dance battle and she could SOUNDLY kick my ass.

abandon in jurassic park: @kazmartyn, as an improv exercise!

push off a bridge: @emmettvardaros but like… a Lego Emmett off a Lego Bridge. You’re so lucky to have the same name as the protag in the Lego Movie, man!

send 6 characters/people and i’ll tell you who i would!

[mateobjorgman]

Heath, Darcy, David, Ellie, CJ, Zevon

do the sexy love™ with: …I kinda would with @hookedoncj ? I like strong women and being scared that I might die during, what can I say?!

sacrifice myself for: @weseltonsdarcy, our Arendelle baby! We love, we protecc, but most of all, we make sure she stays awesome.

kick: Uuuuhhhh Heath? Because I’m insecure of how much smarter he is than me but oh well.

take to prom: @charmingellie. I promise I’d be a mostly elegant escort.

abandon in jurassic park: @zevonchanca so he can’t kill me for saying I’d do the devil’s tango with CJ. I don’t know their deal but it’s something.

push off a bridge: @andalasiasduke. He’s kind of a jerk, you know?

send 6 characters/people and i’ll tell you who i would!

[mateobjorgman]

Bowie, Waldo, Evangeline, Anja (yolo pretend she ain't white), Sophie (lmao), Nadia

do the sexy love™ with: @nadiaazar, my amazing girlfriend who I love so much and have sex with all the time because we’re so in love we can’t keep our hands to ourselves, like the scribe Selena Gomez once sang.

sacrifice myself for: Anja. SEEEESTER LIVES MATTER.

kick: Sophie, to remind her to MAKE ME MORE COOKIES PLEASE.

take to prom: Bowie, because he knows how to treat a guy. I haven’t forgotten King’s Day, pal. I still blush from the memory.

abandon in jurassic park: Waldo because I think he’d like it tbh.

push off a bridge: Eeeek, let’s just take Evangeline to prom with us, Bowie, what do you say? It’s better than throwing anyone off a bridge.

send 6 characters/people and i’ll tell you who i would!

[mateobjorgman]

Hannah, Haverly, Harper (yolo pretend they were triplets), Leilani, Scarlett, Brooke

do the sexy love™ with: WELL CONSIDERING THREE OF THESE ARE MY COUSINS, ONE IS MY EX, AND ONE IS SCARLETT? @leilaningata. I’m sorry, L, I had to! Scarlett always says she and me are sisters and I didn’t want to enter icky territory!

sacrifice myself for: Hannah, Haverly, and Harper! THE FAM! You know I gotta do it for the fam.

kick: ….Brooke.

take to prom: Scarlett! Brothers can do that, right?

abandon in jurassic park: I guess Brooke, whoops?

push off a bridge: Who put Brooke here again? This is rigged!

send 6 characters/people and i’ll tell you who i would!

[mateobjorgman]

nadiaazar:

Allah help her, Mateo really was the cutest cutie.  The smile on his face had gone from just like, a regular person smile to one that made the whole entire world feel a little bit brighter when she saw it, but that was just what happened when you had like, a real and awesome best friend who actually totally got you, right? One that you were so close to you could like, comfortably fake date them for months and could like, trust completely with the world’s biggest secret like that, and one who you could also totes kiss sometimes  just to keep up the ruse and also to like, see how he’d turned into an amazeballs kisser over time so that she could know that the next girl he dated for real would never leave him because of his kissing skills? Nadia blinked, realizing that she’d been staring at him and at the coffee he’d set down for her, and cleared her throat, holding up the paper.

“Oh, I’m like… fine, I guess. Just like, graduation’s totes getting closer, and that’s like, a mega big change, you know? For me and like…” She almost said for him, but what if he wanted to “break up” sooner? He like, seemed super happy keeping up their deal, but maybe he was just too nice to call it off first and she needed to like, set him free to hang out with other girls like, while he was at peak boyfriend-goals? Nadia tapped her perfectly manicured fingers along the table, finally saying, “And like, okay, I guess I just wasn’t sure like… how close to graduation you wanted to like, end our whole deal and stuff? I mean, if we wait too long you’re stuck like… going to boring graduation ceremonies and seeing me wearing an ugly square hat, you know? I like, so don’t want to make you suffer through that,” she said, a little stiffly.

Mateo felt like asking 'are you sure?' immediately after she said she was fine - zoning out was not normal, even if it looked adorable on Nadia, which was a totally normal friend thing to think, by the way - but he'd learned to be a better listener while dating Nadia and so he kept his mouth closed for a bit and just nodded instead, letting her words reach him. His gut sank at the word 'graduation'. They'd both known there would be a natural cut-off for their little arrangement, but he'd gotten so used to her and so pleased to be in her company. Mateo could hardly imagine what life after Nadia's graduation was going to be like without getting to hang out with her as often and text her whenever he wanted and go on 'dates' and cuddle while watching movies.

Especially because after graduation, her dad would crack down on her harder about finding a guy to marry. And Mateo knew that he and Nadia were just friends in a fake relationship, but he didn't think most dudes would be cool with their girlfriends having cuddle-friends the way he and her were.

A lump formed in his throat as he realized where this conversation was going and he tensed up a little bit. Once she gave him a choice though, it was all but impossible to keep from hastily answering, "No, no, no! I wouldn't be suffering at all! I mean, like, what kind of 'boyfriend' would I be if I wasn't there for your graduation? I could bring you a giant bouquet of flowers and sit in the audience with a foam finger for you, or, you know, something less weird. Or I could throw you a surprise graduation party! That wouldn’t be a surprise now that you know about it but...I don't know, there's tons of stuff that I could do for you that I would, like, want to do, you know? You're like the coolest person I know and I'm going to be so proud seeing you in that ugly square hat! I want to celebrate with you. You’re my best friend." He stopped himself from word-vomiting by biting his lip before he realized he hadn't actually answered her question.

"But uh... so... I guess I would be good ending it after graduation. But that's just me!" His cheeks turned red as he it came to him that maybe she'd brought it up because she wanted to end it sooner and here he was, babbling like an idiot about parties and hats and flowers and fingers. "If you'd rather, you know, end it before so you could, I don't know, start fresh once you were done? Then that's what we'll do. I wanna do whatever you wanna do," he admitted. "It's your special day. I wanna do what I can to make it as good as it can be."

[nadiaazar]

Nadia sat at a table in CrownBucks, furrowing her brows at the piece of paper she’d picked up from ASU’s grad fair earlier as she waited for Mateo to meet her. It felt like she saw her ‘boyfriend’ pretty much everyday now, but the paper in front of her was a reminder that that wouldn’t last forever… and a reminder that they hadn’t really talked in a while about their future ‘breakup.’ She was kind of dreading it, really; what they had had started to feel so real over the past few months that she hardly even thought of it was fake anymore. But deep down, she knew that Mateo’s confidence was back up now, and… well, she’d be leaving him behind, whether she wanted to or not. Maybe it was time to reopen that discussion…

@mateobjorgman

[mateobjorgman]

“Hey, girl, hey!” Mateo greeted cheerfully as he made his way from the counter to their table. He placed Nadia’s drink in front of her and sat down next to his - timing online CrownBucks orders to their dates was one of the many special skills he’d picked up in his almost four months dating Nadia. He’d had a weird day at school - he was pretty sure an unexplained tiny pony on campus had eaten his homework - and he couldn’t wait to tell her all about it, but as soon as he took a sip of his drink and really looked at her, Mateo could tell that his ‘girlfriend’ had things to talk about, too. He wondered if it was normal, to get so used to someone’s face that you could almost feel what was coming next, or if he and her had just really bonded some super-extra-wonderful amount during their time together. “What’s up?” he ended up asking tentatively, trying not to sound too concerned that it was annoying but enough that she’d know it was okay to talk about whatever it was she wanted to talk about.

[mateobjorgman]

text ✉& maverly

Haverly: Sooooo do I get to ask how it went or are you disowning me for like taking 5ever to reply lol

Haverly: Okay, well, good because you're not allowed to anyway. Not that I don't like Nadia, so I wouldn't like be against it. Just not now.

Mateo: If I disown you for anything, it'll be Shrek related lol. And it went well. Really well 😊 I think I made her REALLY happy which is all I wanted tbh.

Mateo: Okay but see, not allowed by who? I'm not going to but you busting out the "allowed" thing has me like 😡 I can do what I want! I'm a grown-up apparently! And Iol of course you like Nadia, I never thought you didn't. There's nothing to dislike and everything to love with her lol.

[mateobjorgman]

TEXT ✉️✘ HANTEO

Hannah: YOU CAN'T! WE'RE ALMOST OUT IN THE REAL WORLD! I CAN'T WAIT TO NOT HAVE TO GO TO CLASSES ANYMORE!

Hannah: Well I KNOW spider plants are cute so I decided you had to be talking about something else :-p Well, a spider with two legs would look even weirder!

Mateo: I WOULD TAKE CLASSES THE REST OF MY LIFE IF IT MEANS I DON'T HAVE TO BE AN ADULT. AND IF I DIDN'T HAVE TO PASS THEM LMAO BC NOPE.

Mateo: A spider with just four would look like an ant though and that sounds WAY more palatable lol.

[mateobjorgman]

TEXT ✉️✘ HANTEO

Hannah: Was that live one they did that long ago now already??? WE'RE GETTING OLD, MATEO!

Hannah: Spiders are cuter than you give them credit for! Anything that can make something as pretty as a web deserves more love!

Mateo: I don't know LOL I just meant that I'm preeeeetty sure that's the last time I rewatched it? DON'T REMIND ME THOUGH I WANT TO CLING TO MY YOUUUUUTH.

Mateo: I was saying spider PLANTS aren't that cute but actual SPIDERS? Are even LESS cute! Those are scary, Han! And you know I don't scare that easily but akjsdlfajsdlk those eight legs give me the heebie-jeebies.

[mateobjorgman]

text ✉# heateo

Heath: Well, once you get caught up, yeah. Why not venture ahead so you're not blindsided by what's coming? I've always been a fan of reading ahead of the class. Then when you get to the assignment you've already sort of read over it and it just helps you understand it better. Well, when you only got about 16 weeks in each semester, a couple weeks really isn't that much!

Mateo: I've literally NEVER read ahead lol because I get hives just thinking about it ngl! School is intimidating af for us normal folk. A couple weeks is so much time! Do you know how many AuraTube videos you could watch in two weeks? Hundreds!

[mateobjorgman]

text ✉& maverly

Haverly: Can't or not? Because those are two very different things Matty.

Haverly: Okay, well, what does your gut tell you? Does it say big loud parade with romantic serenade as a gesture or quiet evening with a homecooked meal and movies?

Haverly: Because it's way too soon, duh. At least wait until mom hits her anniversary.

Mateo: SHHHHHH

Mateo: Both. All. Everything. My gut says it wants to do it all and that's even more confusing.

Mateo: Oh my goooooooood you're ridiculous lmao. Her anniversary is this summer LOL that would still be way too soon. Not that I'm planning on proposing, because I'm not.

[hannaharendelle]

[For Valentine’s Day, Hannah delivers hoya kerri (lucky heart plants) to her family. @princessofisolationx @mateobjorgman @ailsbroch @mackennadunbroch @elspeth-d]

[mateobjorgman]

text ✉& maverly

Haverly: I'd like to circle back to the whole you being cute in luv thing because CUTE 💖😍

Haverly: Listen to yourself lol you're basically planning an entire parade for her. What girl wouldn't be wowed by that? The only way you could top it is idk proposing or something which you're not allowed to do.

Mateo: SHSSSH OMG I CANT BE IN LOVE WITH HER SHHHHHHHH

Mateo: Some girls like a quieter affair! And idk I know Nadia isn't as Instaprincess as she seems, what if what I did makes her feel like I don't see her as she truly is?!

Mateo: And I wasn't planning on proposing lol but uhhh why would that not be allowed?