The Materialist Teacher

(He/Him) (early 30-somethings) (what else do I even put here?)

[ncat]

Warlock - Pact Boon of the Poppet

The idea popped into my head and I just had to get this brewed up! So, here I present, the Poppet back boon, where your warlock gets the ability to create creepy little puppets! Useful for spying and cursing enemies, or keeping an eye on the wellbeing of your friends!

Hope you enjoy!

Document link here!

[materialistteacher]

Oh fuck that, fuck that right to hell. Straight out of my worst nightmares, this. Well done, but absolutely the fuck not.

[batbetbitbotbut]

I love the internet's little wrong turns

[materialistteacher]

The plot of Dune can best be summarized as “Would you still worship me if I was a worm?”

Prove me wrong.

[ingvaard-blog]

If you answer yes, humanity might die. If you answer no, you might die. Uncertainty is the goal.

[materialistteacher]

At least if you say no Worm Jesus will commend you and congratulate you before his cult violently dismembers you.

[materialistteacher]

The plot of Dune can best be summarized as “Would you still worship me if I was a worm?”

Prove me wrong.

[willgrahamscock]

KILL AI AND REBLOG AND CREATE ART IN 2026

[materialistteacher]

I’ve read “I Have No Mouth and I Must Scream” enough time to know where this is going.

[worldsneverfilled]

We have a literal chat called Plotting (DMs name) Downfall

Most recent topic of conversation was the armor Elis has, but also, we scheme. Lots of scheming.

[distinguishedbaloney]

[official-linguistics-post]

official linguistics post

[aric220]

[materialistteacher]

So I’m in my early 30s (so not old) and recently got some good news from my job (I’ll likely be teaching my preferred subject area in my preferred grade level next year) and walked out of the building with a spring in my step and a smile in my heart.

Turns out I had a little too much spring in my step because I pulled a muscle in my heel as a result and am still walking with a limp four days later.

[worldsneverfilled]

Our DM is hiding things from me and flat out tormented me with "almost posted major spoilers in the group chat and oh yeah, it's about your girl! Lol"

Bitch. Tell me.

[materialistteacher]

I’d say I’m sorry but like…

[worldsneverfilled]

Enilasor was offended at the party alluding to her being scrawny and a waif.

In her mind she's like, "bitch I could lift Orestes while he was in full armor and he's twice my size. I am not scrawny."

"but ☝️ I am short."

[materialistteacher]

For those following along: Orestes was borderline anorexic, described several times as vaguely corpselike, and wore leather armor.

[materialistteacher]

So I have a friend named Robert (though we’re seldom so formal) who decided it would be a good idea to open up a franchise of a home improvement store in a swamp. He also found out about midway through construction that they wouldn’t be able to make it as tall as they usually are because if they did the building would sink. That didn’t set him back though and he finished construction about a month ago. They were having trouble getting customers in until actual celebrities started going there, especially stars from the old show The West Wing. All was going great until one of them blocked off the doors and pulled out a firearm and demanded all the money from the registers.

I can’t believe Rob Lowe robbed Rob’s low lowland Lowe’s.

[bloglikeanegyptian]

if you've been hearing less about gaza lately, it's because most of the journalists are dead. hassan eslayeh, who was murdered yesterday in his hospital bed by israel, had 351 videos archived on tiktokgenocide.com (an online archive of israeli atrocities i recommend you browse). this single journalist alone had contributed 351 videos. the same database lists that 252 journalists have been killed in gaza since october 7th. the cpj's archive of journalists killed is 178. they have a more conservative and less accurate estimate since they have less information on those media workers who work with local outlets.

regardless of the exact number, the number of journalists killed is so high that it is markedly affecting the footage and documentation we have coming out of gaza now. let me prove it to you: 70 people were killed today, May 14th 2025. did you know that?

[memeclassheroes]

[materialistteacher]

A similar example from my college days of yore.

[wlwaerith-moved-deactivated2025]

hey. don't cry. the horror... the horror was for love. the things we do for love like this are ugly, mad, full of sweat and regret. this love burns you and maims you and twists you inside out. it is a monstrous love, and it makes monsters of us all. ok?

[maximumzombiecreator]

[materialistteacher]

A student used the words “rizzler” “sigma” and “skibidi” in the same sentence today. I responded by reciting their address.

Student A: “Please don’t hurt me.”

Me: “Oh we’re way past that buddy.”

Student B: “Yeah Mr. [celestial body] is like if Santa Claus was a character from Silent Hill.”

[materialistteacher]

Breaking News (from my D&D campaign)

Scientist trapped in foreign nation desires to return home only to be HARASSED by OPEN AND AVOWED TERRORISTS!! The scientist has repeatedly offered parley and mutual cooperation (he just wants to go home) but the TERRORISTS REFUSE to allow him to go HOME to his FAMILY!!!! The TERRORISTS have also ATTACKED HIM and DESTROYED his HIGHLY TECHNICAL EQUIPMENT to PREVENT his departure!!!!

Let the man go home!!! His family misses him!!!