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@mattisashark-blog
Time for a relaxing bath with red rose petals
villancikos:
The Anatomy of aĀ mermaid
yes, thanks.
i hate when people draws mermaidās tail like it was some sort of goddamn suit on normal human legs like this:
it just doesnt work
yeah we wouldnt want to make our mermaids too unrealistic
this asks more questions than it answers. they donāt really have vestigial legs, like those arenāt even motile fins, so why do they still have fully formed hips, why hasnāt the pelvic bone changed significantly? and where did the tail come from?
[proto whale]
[orca skelly]
whales as we know them evolved from land animals that went back out to sea, and itās all spine all the way down to the tail fin. the pelvis is vestigial to the point of being tiny and unrecognizable, and the rear leg structure is //gone//. and by the time they evolved all that, their forelegs had turned into proper fins and they didnāt have hourglass figures, because they built up walls of insulating fat and blubber where it was needed most - around the vital organs.
[walrus skelly]
which brings us to the walrus. as you can see the skeletal structure and the external appearance are fairly ursiform - the rear legs are basically still in there forming the tail, and the pelvis is intact, and above that it may as well still be a land animal. if mermaids did exist, as hominids who went back out to sea, and if they hadnāt evolved into basically dolphins, then a walrus skeletal system, complete with vestigial thigh bones inside a kind of muscle skirt, and with significant fat and blubber deposits //on the main body// would be most likely. which is to say, mermaids with human torsos and seagoing lower bodies would waddle around on their tails, have clearly defined thigh structures, and would be a hell of a lot rounder above and about the waist than theyāre usually depicted.
which begs the question, then, if you see a mermaid and itās a skinny little thing with a slinky waist and an eel-like tail and a perfect bosom and a coy smile, //why does it look like that//? because whatever that is? it is not a land animal that readapted to the sea. it is not your distant kin. it is a sea creature that adapted //to get your attention//.
maybe itās all an illusion, a frilly mane, an hourglass shape, and narrow antennae that mimic the shape of human arms, waving lonely sailors into the water, only to realize too late the bioluminescent patterns of lipstick and pert breasts are to distract from what lies behind them - viselike jaws and row after row of stiletto teeth.
or maybe itās all soft tissue, the gelatinous bell of a jellyfish folded into a pleasing shape, luring the unwary down to be caught up in a tail that is nothing more than thousands of barbed lines of stinging neurotoxin cells.
or it could be that the tail goes deep into a shadowy well, and the beautiful woman is a mask for a single enormous jaw, the internal skeleton just the endless spine and ribs of a vast and hungry sea snake.
or, perhaps most terrifyingly, the face is real but not the face of the eyes looking out of it - a human mask for an intelligence both cold and calculating, wearing an inviting smile to bring you within reach of the dagger behind itās back. waiting to slice the skin off of you because it needs a new disguise, because it is shaped like you but does not look like you, because it must pass as you so it can go among you, so that by starlight it may go on land and into town, where your kin are sleeping, unsuspecting.
Jesus Christ back up a minute buddy
I am 100% on board with eldritch horror mermaids.
@zooophagous @cunninglydisguisedkeybearer
who wants a shark toy? who wants it?
I do!!!!
you get the shark toy!!!!
Why do you like sharks?
he walk
He cronch
He roll
She give high fin. @lilragekitten
He gets tummy rubs
He get nose rub
He beauty
ļæ¼He dance
She do a triple Lutz
He slorp
This post is blessed
booty shorts that readĀ ādo not resuscitateā
that only works if they find you ass up but I guess you have plans
Santa with that ass so fat
Let me see them buttcheeks clap
on Dec 18 we wonāt be able to see a tity but this abomination will remain untouched and if that aināt the darnedest thing
posts like this are why this website deserves to die
elizabeth swan and will turner are actually SO romance in the first movie and not enough people acknowledged this because the early 2000s were the age of the edgelords who only valued jack sparrowās moral ambiguity and that is the TRUTH
the part where sheās like āhow many times do i have to tell you to call me elizabethā and he shyly says āonce more, miss swannā and once she walks away he gazes adoringly after her and whispers āelizabethā to himself like heās unworthy of it
then when heās patching up the cut on her hand and she flinches and he says āi know, blacksmithās hands⦠theyāre roughā because he thinks thatās whatās bothering her HE KNOWS HEāS NOT WORTHY OF HER!!! THATāS THE PINING IāM TALKING ABOUT BINCH!!! I DONāT ACCEPT LESS!!!!
he has like 10 chances to confess his love to her but waits until heās dressed like this to do it:Ā
my man knows 1) the importance of a good outfit when shooting your shot 2) how to ACCESSORIZE. take NOTES.
Thatās how I would dress if I was gonna confess my undying love to Kiera knightley
me: man i love people maybe i'm not as introverted as i thought, i can be around people forever
me exactly one hour later: no
I don't think that calling a group of people "dirty robot fuckers" is a very nice way to get them to perform the emotional labor of explaining transformers porn to you but good luck getting your answer I guess
the emotional labor of explaining transformers pornĀ
tbh i never got why so many straight women are into legolas. like, what do you think hes going to do? top you? i have to laugh
do you think J R R Tolkien can read these posts from hell
Slip the bong a little tongue every once in a while to let her know you care
O.K. I Will.
Do Not Do This.
A corgiĀ named Panda pretends to be a lion.
[ Panda the Corgi ]
Can we please stop making scary shark movies? Sharks are pure sweet babies that donāt deserve this slander. They just have bad eyesight. Donāt be mean to them.