iām going to watch parks and rec for five hours and eat an entire carton of ice cream whoās with me
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@mattsloth
iām going to watch parks and rec for five hours and eat an entire carton of ice cream whoās with me
hi there! iām doing a may botm yay so whoo letās get started~
Ā» START
must be followingĀ this hot mess
reblog to enter until april 29th
1 winner and up to 5 runner ups (handpicked!)
Ā» RUNNER UP PRIZES
+followĀ if not already
will be announced with the winner
screenshot promo
inclusion in all may promos
link in my updates tab
my eternal love and friendship
Ā» WINNER PRIZES
+followĀ if not already
url graphic declaring you winner
unlimited promos to a fair few thousand
inclusion in all may promos
link on my sidebar &Ā link in my updates tab
help with polls/html/anything
ten-pack of icons of your choice
my eternal love and friendship
omg okay good luck ily guys!Ā (ļ¾Ā“ć®Ā“)ļ¾*:dļ¾ā§
is everybody okay?
Shit sorry I reblogged stuff and it all came here not my real blog whoops
your mums pregnancy scan was basically your first nude
u wake up on christmas morning and go downstairs, full of excitement. somebody is stealing all of your christmas presents. it is jesus. āits my birthday, not yoursā he hisses menacingly, then runs away with all your gifts in his arms
DID YOU MOTHERFUCKERS REALLY THINK YOU WERE DONE WITH ME? I THINK NOT. THATāS RIGHT ITāS THE SUGAR SCRUB CHICK BACK WITH ANOTHER FUCKING TUTORIAL. YOU BITCHES HAVE BEEN ASKING ME FOR AGES TO MAKE ANOTHER ONE OF THESE FUCKING POSTS AND ITāS FUCKING LATE SO HERE YOU GO FUCKERS WE GON LEARN SOME SHIT SO SIT DOWN AND BE QUIET
SO WE ALL WANT LIPS RED AS THE BLOOD OF ANGRY MEN RIGHT AND WHO DOESNāT FUCKING LIKE ARTS AND CRAFTS AND I DONāT EVEN NEED TO TALK ABOUT HOW HARD IT IS TO FIND LIPSTICK FOR FUCKING COSPLAY SO BEHOLD THE HUMBLE CRAYON YOU LITTLE SHITS
GET A CRAYON. AND NOT JUST ANY CRAYON A FUCKING CRAYOLA CRAYON DONāT EVEN TRY WITH THAT ROSEART SHIT BECAUSE I WILL HUNT YOU DOWN AND RIP OUT YOUR UVULA. IF YOU WANNA GET REALLY ARTSY WHIP OUT ONE OF THESE BAD BOYSĀ
AND BREAK UP SOME CRAYONS TO GET THE PERFECT SHADE OF BLUE GREEN FOR THAT BADASS COSPLAY YOUāVE GOT PICKED OUT BUT MARK MY WORDS NO MORE THAN ONE FUCKING CRAYONāS WORTH OF BITS BETTER GO INTO THIS FUCKING BOWL.
SPEAKING OF WHICH, YOU NEED SOME OTHER FUCKING SHIT IN THERE SO GO GET SOME OIL. THE GOOD STUFF. IāM TALKING EVOO BITCHES THE VIRGINAL BLOOD OF THE MOST TENDER OLIVES IN ALL THE LAND. SQUEEZE SOME OF THAT HEAVENLY LUBRICANT INTO YOUR BOWL, ABOUT 1/2Ā A TEASPOON, THATāLL DO PIG, THATāLL DO. NOW GO FIND SOME SHEA BUTTER OR COCONUT OIL AND GLOP ABOUT 1/2Ā A TEASPOON OF THAT IN YOUR BOWL. NOW GO TO YOUR MAGICAL CABINET OF WONDERS AND FIND SOME NICE SMELLING SHIT. COULD BE VANILLA EXTRACT. COULD BE LAVENDER OIL. I DONāT KNOW BRO WHATEVER YOU THINK SMELLS LIKE THE SILKY UNDERBELLY OF A NEWBORN UNICORN(important note make sure you use a FOOD SAFE oil if it doesnāt say itās food safe/food grade donāt use it!) GRASP THE BOTTLE FIRMLY, SCREAM LIKE A VICTORIOUS PTERODACTYL, AND DROP 1-4 DROPS OF THAT SWEET SMELLING LIQUID IN THERE.
I HOPE YOU KNOW WHAT THAT IS RIGHT THERE BECAUSE IT IS THE HEATING VESSEL FOR YOUR GLORIOUS LIPSTICK THATāS RIGHT LIKE A VIKING WARLORD YOU ARE GOING TO USE A DOUBLE BOILER. SO GET A SAUCEPAN AND HEAT SOME WATER, THEN PLOP THAT SWEET SMELLING BOWL OF OIL AND WAX ON TOP OF THAT STEAMY WATER LIKE THE COLLISION OF YOUR OTP IN A BAD FANFIC OH YEAH. STIR THAT SHIT UNTIL EVERYTHING IS MELTY AND SMOOTH YOU DONāT WANT TO RUIN YOUR SPOONS SO I USE A DISPOSABLE CHOPSTICK FUCK YEAH RECYCLING NOW ONCE THAT SHIT IS SOFT LIKE THE SUPPLE SKIN OF YOUR HEAVENLY BOOTY, YOU NEED SOMETHING TO POUR IT INTO
WELL DAMN GOOD THING YOU PICKED UP SOME CONTACT CASES LAST TIME YOU WERE AT THE STORE OR MAYBE YOU HAVE SOME EMPTY CHAPSTICK TUBES OR JUST SOME SMALL TUPPERWARE I DONāT KNOW BUT GOSH YOU ARE SO RESOURCEFUL AND PRETTY YOU DESERVE NICE LIPSTICK LIKE THIS ALSO TAKE SOME TIME FOR YOU THIS WEEKEND AND NEVER FORGET HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU
IāM GLAD WE HAD THAT MOMENT TOGETHER NOW BECAUSE NOTHING IS MORE METAL THAN SAFETY, TAKE A THICK HAND TOWEL OR AN OVEN MITT OR SOMETHING AND GRIP THAT BOWL OF COLORFUL GOOP AND POUR GENTLY INTO THAT RECEPTACLE YOU PROCURED. YOU WILL PROBABLY SPILL SOME BUT THATāS OKAY YOUāRE ONLY HUMAN. POP THAT SHIT IN THE FRIDGE BECAUSE YOUāRE AN IMPATIENT MOTHERFUCKER AND YOU WANT YOUR LIPSTICK NOW GODDAMMIT AND ONCE IT HARDENS SLATHER THAT CREAMY GOODNESS ON THICK, SLIDE ON SOME SUNGLASSES, AND HEAD INTO BATTLE TO DESTROY THE PATRIARCHY CLASS DISMISSED MOTHERFUCKERS
DO NOT DO THIS.
DO NOT DO THIS.
DO NOT DO THIS.
NO DO NOT FUCKING DO THIS, CRYON HAS A LOT OF FUCKING LEAD IN IT (four times more than lipstick) PLEASE JUST BUY ACTUAL LIPSTICK.
Thereās no lead in crayola crayons. Kids eat them.
The ingredients in Crayola Crayons are: paraffin, wax, and pigment. Theyāre made with the understanding that some kids will eat the damn things, so the company that makes Crayons has been very very careful to use non-toxic materials, even going so far as to use a special edible glue on the paper labels. (cornstarch and water, fyi)
You can eat Crayons, if you really wanted to, but frankly the flavorās a little bland. They taste like wax. So, yeah. adding oils with a lower solidification temperature like Olive Oil or Grapeseed or Avocado, and mixing in some Shea or Coconut Butter would make a creamy crayon. Which you could use on your skin, if you wanted.
Go wild, use that shit on more than just lips. Use it like theatrical makeup, paint your tits blue if you want. Or use it like paint on the walls, or paper, or canvas. It wonāt dry the same way acrylic or watercolor paint will, and will remain āworkableā and pliable until the oil looses enough water to solidify, much like, oh, off the top of my head⦠oil paint.
Modern oil paints are very similar to the recipe above, though usually done with Linseed oil or other inert non-organic oils. Organic oils, as they dry, can discolor, making your carefully chosen color look off. Why are some really old painting slightly yellow? Partly the varnish has yellowed, partly airborne pollutants have stained the surface, and partly the oil in the original paint has shifted color.
BTW, donāt eat Linseed oil, youāll get the runs something fierce and regret it a lot. And then you get to go to the doctor and explain why your runny poo is brightly colored. But the amount youād ingest from lipstick made with crayons? Negligible.
Now I really want to make a set of rainbow lipstick to match my rainbow collection of nail polish (which is way more toxic than crayon lipstick, too.)
Most hilariously brilliant tutorial I ever read. <3
thank you for this holy fucking shit id you idiots actually think there was fucking lead in CRAYONS?????
THE GODDAMN BOX SAYS āNON TOXICā ON IT YOUāRE ALL FUCKING STUPID.
I used to fucking EAT crayons. Iām pretty sure thereās no lead.
Using this for my Tribe make up when I cosplay
effie trinket was in so much pain over katniss and peeta going back to the hunger games in fact you could say she was in mahagony
I wonder if any of my friends had a crush on me but then got to know me and were like āhaha no, dodged a bullet there.ā
just a small town girl. Living in a racist, insensitive, sexist, homophobic world,
My hobbies include trying to close the elevator door before someone else gets on
tsartorial:
dick thicker than the september issue of vogue
Is that something to be proud of? I feel like Vogue isnāt like, impressively thick.
tsartorial:
christmas is so much worse as you get older itās like āwhat do you want this year?ā āa sense of purposeā
"a career" "financial security" "a sex life" "tuition for grad school" "alcohol" "a nap" "socks would be nice"
"student loan forgiveness" "a living wage" "insurance" "friends"
UPDATE: This petition must get 100,000 signatures by December 24th of this year! Boost this as much as you possibly can and make sure to sign!
In 31 states, rapists are allowed to sue victims theyāve impregnated for custody rights.
Thereās a case in Boston, MA right now in which a rapist is taking advantage of this. He pleaded guilty of rape in 2011 and was sentenced to 16 years probation; however, this sentence includes 16 years of family court as well, which the victim must also attend. Heās using this to sue for joint custody of her child and will only withdraw his law suit if he is free from paying any form of child support. This entire sentence seems like much more of a punishment for the victim than it is for the rapist, and for the state to allow such a thing, the victim is suing.
As stated in the court complaint, āEven if the family court ruled in the [victim]ās favor on issues currently in dispute, such as whether the criminal defendant should be granted visitation rights to [her] child, [she] will suffer harm from the constant threat of new issues arising in family court until her child reaches adulthood, including, for example, efforts by the criminal defendant to seek to modify child support orders and enforce his parental rights at the trial court level and on appeal.ā
If this woman is forced to attend 16 years of family court with her rapist, she is not only forced to confront a traumatic event that she should never have to deal with again, but she is subjected to the possibility of losing pieces of her child to him over and over again for all of those years. In addition to this constant state of fear and anguish she would face, just by being sent to something considered āfamilyā courtāfor her and her rapistāsheās being disrespected and her rape undermined by even the suggestion that this is a family situation. By doing this, the law is making felony into family.
In 31 states, rapists are actually given rights instead of having much of anything taken away. In being given these rights, they are being given the chance to further torment the woman and possibly abuse the child. It is not okay to reward rapists and further punish victims, and the ignorance of rape and how our justice system is handling it needs to turn around.
Please sign this petition to ban rapists from being able to sue for custody rights. This issue is so little known, yet so important, and I donāt know any better way of trying to make this change. https://petitions.whitehouse.gov/petition/ban-rapists-being-able-sue-their-impregnated-victims-custody-rights/C23pKYgM
HOW ARE THERE LESS THAN A HUNDRED SIGNATURES!?!!
There are only 600 signatures. Even if this doesnāt affect anything, at least we can prove that there are people in this world that understand that this is wrong, that regular people know this is unacceptable. Maybe if we show thereās enough of us itāll mean something to someone, if only cause they want our vote.
yeah locking this down federally would be a really good thing.
Guys, thereās only 19 days left to get over 98,000 signatures.Ā We can get signatures to petition for a Death Star but we canāt get enough to petition our federal government to stop letting rapists continually force themselves into the lives of their victims in a court of law?
To be trusted is a greater compliment than to be loved.
George MacDonald (via psych-facts)
Since the doctor is called please it makes sense he wanted to meet someone called yes
scrolling through your dash when you have family over for a holiday *please no porn please please no porn*