neutrilize

mav • 20-something • he/him

[maverickattack]

pinned intro post

ummmmm. my name is maverick. but mav is fine. i have a twin brother. hes fine too i guess. i might be aroace. not to sound all dark and edgy but i genuinely hate just about everyone. there is quite literally and without exaggeration one person i actively enjoy the company of and perhaps 5 altogether i kind of dont mind. this almost certainly does not include you.

im incredibly mentally ill. i will be posting anxious and depressive shit that will sometimes include violence, self harm, mental illness, and similar triggers. ill try to tag this post with as many as i can think of but i cannot be fucked to tag those posts individually so just dont fucking follow the blog if thats gonna be a problem. block me or something idfc.

im also kind of a nerd sometimes. im currently rereading homestuck from the beginning. if the sh didnt deter you before maybe this will do the trick. and uhhh. im generally always feeling pissed as hell at the human populace just for existing in my vague vicinity but externally im very soft-spoken if not completely nonverbal.

im like lowkey a catboy. or something. insofar as i have the counterance of a frightened and half-feral kitten youd find in a grimy backalley dumpster full of used needles.

okay bye.

[wingkink]

btw it's so fucking stupid you can be anxious physically in your body even after you've decided mentally you don't care. I'm supposed to be in charge here

[senfonimezari-deactivated202311]

[manuciruja]

awww the like button turns into a rainbow when you press it! that's so cute...hey staff what's with all the trans women you keep nuking?

[manuciruja]

i think we should be ridiculing them more for this. you don't get to try and go all "queer website" when your staff likes to go on nuking sprees targeting the trans fem users

[smadsel]

would be remiss not to mention that the rainbow notably straight up just removed the trans flag colors from it. like they’re gone. it’s the progress flag minus the trans flag colors.

[smadsel]

that’s not the whole flag, now is it

[manuciruja]

hey staff what the fuck

[villainessbian]

hey staff don't you think you're being too on-the-nose

[maverickattack]

it feels like self loathing was injected directly into my veins. i cant stop imagining all the horrible things i wish would happen to me. i want to tear myself apart, destroy my life, burn everything to the ground. i want to die. i want to be dead.

i dont know if its a split or a spiral or whatever the fuck therapy speak term is supposed to describe how it feels when your chest cavity is a fucking pit of tar and sludge and stillwater and your body feels like a 20 gallon garbage bag rotting on the sidewalk. i feel rancid and filthy and abhorrent and i want it all to stop.

[rebelculture]

[festeredhearts]

[eliminated]

[feaftlikeabeaft]

I wish depression were an emergency. I wish someone could take one look at how sick I am and go “oh my god, we need to get you to a hospital!” and then when we get there I get rushed into surgery and the surgeons say “it’s a good thing you brought her here when you did, this is a seriously advanced case” and then they put me under and spend the next ten hours pulling metres of long, sticky black strands of gunk out of my body, throwing it immediately into an incinerator so that it can’t infect anyone else. And then they could stitch me back up and I could rest a few days, and when I leave the hospital everyone can see how much better I am and they congratulate me saying “well done, you’ve been so brave, I’m so glad you’re ok. I love you.”

[the-uncanny-dag]

Sister post to The Vitamin

[thetrial]

[demilypyro]

god everything sucks. i'm gonna kill [remembers suicidal thoughts are bad for me][remembers whose fault it all really is] my dad

[maverickattack]

how the fuck do you make friends. do i spam like and comment on posts. do i send anons. what if im scared. i want to skip the making friends part and get right to the comfortable familiarity but thats kind of impossible. what the fuck

[fairycosmos]

does anyone know what the first step of unlearning shame is. please say it’s substance abuse

[thelockenessmonster]

It’s substance abuse

[fairycosmos]

[turing-tested]

L + ratio + i hope you blink before + i do i hope i never get sober + i hope when you think of me years down the line you can't think of one good thing to say + i i hope you die + i hope we both die

[bog-bitch]

consider: intrusive thoughts described like shitty Buzzfeed articles

“Top 10 Reasons Why You’re Actually a Pedophile”

“People Are Sharing the Best Slurs to Scream at the Top of Your Lungs and Honestly I Am So Here For It”

“Tell Me Your Favorite Color and I’ll Tell You You Can Jump In Front of A Moving Train Right Now”

“You’ve Heard of [Normal Activity], But Have You Heard of All the Horrible Ways You Can Die While Doing It???!!”

“This Quiz Will RevealWhich Hand You Could Hypothetically Stick in a Blender!”

[ace-disgrace-on-the-case]

It’s wild how when you’re fat or even just not skinny you don’t get to wear fucking anything

[lizardsister]

🤨

[maverickattack]

i lowkey just want to disappear

[maverickattack]

yk that feeling when you dissociate over the idea of skipping town and ruining your life? like. im not trying to kms but im going to enter situations without much regard for how to leave them later. im going to vanish to somewhere. and do something. and disappear until they find my body. or dont. idk

[rebelculture]