Behind My Thoughts

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Stereotypes

Before the in class conversation, I felt as though stereotypes were evident but did not affect me personally. Growing up as a 3rd generation Indian American, I adapted a more Americanized persona. This often confused the white people around me, asking if I’m Brazilian, Puerto Rican, African and many more, but they never guessed Indian. I’ve received the comment that I am quite “white” for an Indian several times before. But I will never understand this comment and what it actually means. I can’t help but feel offended, just because I’m more americanized than other Indians does not make me “white”. I will never be white. I will never want to be white. After the in class conversation, I came to the realization that there is no single stereotype that fits everyone in the category. The media today doesn't seem to understand this reality, often displaying indians as being the unpopular, nerd who makes a fool of themselves. A stereotype that is often deemed untrue. For me personally, I’m judged by both sides of the spectrum, F.O.B.’s and white americans. I’ll never fit under a specific stereotype because there’s no stereotype out there made for people like me. Which makes sense because there’s not a single person in this world who completely matches the stereotype they are labeled with. Just because I don’t compete for the highest gpa, have a thick accent, or constantly smell like curry does not mean I’m disconnected with my own ethnicity. It means that I have had a different upbringing than the F.O.B. stereotype placed on Indians. Stereotypes are a false prejudice belief fueled by everyday media and carried out by everyday people.

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Parents should be aware of their actions because they never know what actions/habits their children might pick up.

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“Once I found the strength to be myself, I had no need to act myself.”

Not going to lie, I’m not entirely sure what he is saying. But I think he is trying to express how once we find who we are, there is no need to put on an act anymore. For example, teenagers never know who they are or what path they are taking. So they spend all this time feeding into a reputation or a person that they are not. Maybe when they take a step back and stop putting on a show, will they discover who they truly are. 

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Unmarked

I do believe all women are marked in our society and I don’t think there is anyway around it. Well there is a way...but it is nearly impossible. To unmark women you would have to change the thinking and mindsets of all humans. It’s hard to do because we are caught judging and labeling people unintentionally. After our lesson I tried to reduce the number of times I marked someone, but I found myself marking people more often then I thought. It became inevitable, I am going to mark people and there is no way around it. And men are starting to show markings too. From tattoos, haircuts, eyebrow appointments and pedicures, guys are starting to mark themselves like women do. Our society has already began marking guys. I believe there is no way around this problem, marking is inevitable, so you might as well drag guys into the mix. It sounds bad, but that’s how our society has worked up until now and women shouldn’t be the only ones being marked. 

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“Why Can’t A Woman Be More Like A Man?”

Why don’t we ask why men can’t be more like women? It’s obvious in today’s society that men are considered masculine or strong, while women are perceived as feminine or weak. Men are often seen as being better than women. It makes me wonder why certain characteristics are socially acceptable for one gender and not the other? Like how it’s expected for a woman to be emotional but when a man expresses his emotions is he is seen as weak. Who created these standards and why are they still around? This mindset seems outdated, we should have a different mindset by now. It’s sad that this mindset has been engraved in us since we were children. It’s something we’ve always grown up repeating, men are to act “manly”, strong and a leader, while women are to be “feminine”, emotional and dependent. I will never understand why men will be considered the favorable gender. Nor do I understand why would I want to be like a man? 

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The Mask

It took me a while, but I think I figured it out. The mask I wear today has definitely formed from the masks of both my past and the masks of those around me. I associate my mask with the characteristic of being a people pleaser.  Every once in a while vivid cracks will appear in my mask, exposing my true self. It all started in middle school, when I found myself absorbing the lives of those around me. For a while, I thought I was just a “go with the flow” mentality; following what everyone else was doing in order to fit in. My instinct was to always hide behind the voices of my friends. But soon I began to realize I was allowing my decisions to be determined by those around me, allowing my own opinions became nonexistent. When asked questions on my opinion on a subject, 90% of the time I chose my stance based on the opinion of the person I was talking to. Deep down I was afraid, afraid my voice would hurt those around me or possibly cost me a relationship. All I wanted was to keep the peace, avoid the drama of a debate. But soon my voice would be completely camouflage by my friends’ voices. On the inside I had voice, one that had thoughts and opinions, one that cared where we went to eat or what fundraiser our money should go to. But young, middle school me kept quiet, in fear that those around would judge me for my stance on a topic. Writing this I’m starting to realize there are still residue left from that mask. The majority is gone, but to this day every so often I can be seen allowing others to dictate my decisions. 

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For my revised prototype, I figured a lot of the details of my project out. I decided I will be making 4 different flip books and will be displaying them on a plaque of wood. At the top will be a secure family and at the bottom will be a foster child. I plan on distressing the piece of wood more and more from top to bottom until the bottom is nearly destroyed. As for the flip books, I plan on using digital photos to illustrate each story, placing the main character in the center. The main character will stay in the center, while the background changes (showing the life of the character). All four flip books will be illustrated in the same just with different storylines.

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Here is my prototype for my abstract topic Family Relationships. As seen I was debating between creating either a video or a flip book. After consulting with a few classmates, I have decided to create four different flip books. Each flip book will contain a story of a child and how their family backgrounds affect their morals and personality development. I still have to decide how long and detailed each book will be. Also how I will display them, I was considering hanging them vertically on a string. But I want to find a more appealing way of displaying the flip books. 

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These were the ideas generated by my group as to what my final project should be. My abstract topic is family relationships and I plan on narrowing my topic to how these relationships affect a child’s development. I was given the idea to interview a child growing up with a “normal” family vs. a child growing up in a “broken” family. Which is possible and probably the easiest option. Other ideas were paintings and diagrams, which is sort of harder because I am not the best a drawing. So as of right now, I believe I am going to take the path of interview  families and forming the interviews into a short film. 

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Work and Play

How do the values of work and sports affect the way we see ourselves and the way we live our lives?

For me, when I heard this question I thought of the difference types of jobs in our society today. I believe “work and play” is a choice for any specific person. due to the fact that if some experience “all work and no play”, those people often have no fun at their jobs. Which doesn’t sound like the ideal life, because most of your time is spent at your job, so you might as well enjoy it. I believe you need to find a balance between both work and play. Although sports are often associated with playing a game, this is what athletes do for a living. Just like any other job, athletes probably are not a big fan of their job at times. Like when they have to go through intense conditioning beforehand in order to prepare for a game. Same goes for an office job, people have to go through weeks of training before being placed in a certain position. The experience provided by both play and work results in how our brain develops and processes information later on. For example, if a coach yells at you that your form is off, you will probably be more aware of it, until eventually your body adjusts to it. Both work and play teaches one discipline and experience needed for their everyday lives.

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Finished

I finally finished my book, Etched in Sand. It was so intense towards the end. But it was amazing how all the kids ended up. Regina ended up working for a well known law firm and she tried running for senate. She was also the first person in her family to ever get a college degree. Her younger sister Rosie then followed in her footsteps. It's amazing how a family who came from such hurt and pain, can redirect their lives onto a positive path. For me this book was really inspiring to read and hear the stories of these 5 broken kids and their journey to success.

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Sire - Child Abuse

Creatives: Heinrich Vejlgaard, Joeri van Oostwaard Agency: Doom&Dickson Director: Roel Welling

Although this video is only 30 seconds long, I still felt sick to my stomach imagining what this child has gone through. It’s hard to witness such an act, but according to the statistics 80,000 kids experience child abuse annually. It’s something the public should be made more aware of. It’s hard to watch a child be mistreated like we see here. There must be a way to further prevent child abuse, rather than just removing the child from the home. Because although the child is removed from the home, they will still experience the hurt and pain of their past.

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Secondary Source #5

http://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/a-hard-truth-about-life8-_b_6199918.html I compared this article to Regina's life and the reasons behind her emancipation. Here's the list of comparisons: 1) the Article-When the relationship is based in any type of abuse mentally, physically, sexually, verbally or emotionally. When the relationship is based in manipulation, overt or covert, you can be sure you are being used and abused. When you are living in constant anxiety never knowing or being able to predict how any engagement is going to turn out, it is time to love yourself enough to let go. Regina- Cookie would constantly mentally and physically abuse her. Along with random beatings that would happen whenever cookie felt like it 2) Goes along with number 1 3) The Article- When the relationship creates so much stress that it impacts the important areas of your life at work and/or at home Regina- Cookie would move their family around so much because she was running from the law, that the kids would miss a majority of school. Sometimes the kids wouldn't even be enrolled in school because they wouldn't have a set address. But when Regina was in school, she would often hide behind her hair and hope no one noticed her. She didn't want anyone asking her about her bruises or wounds. 4) Doesn't really relate 5) The Article- One sided relationships are set up for your failure. Regina- Cookie would often rob the children of their money and spend it on cigars and alcohol. She wouldn't even feed them. Regina and her older sisters would have to go to the local grocery store and steal food and other house hold supplies necessary for survival. 6) The Article - When and if the relationship is only about borrowing or needing money. Regina- That was the main purpose Cookie kept the kids around. Without the food stamps, the kids would be nothing to her 7) The Article- When crazy-making, no-win games dominate the relationship such as the silent treatment, blame-games, no-win arguments that spin around on you Regina- Pretty much everything I said up in 1-6 8) The Article- Most people know intuitively when it's time to cut ties. Sadly, we may have carried this knowing for a long time before we were ever ready to make the jump. Regina - Filed for emancipation the second she turned 14

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This stock art I found on google illustrates what it was like to live with a mother like Cookie. Leaving her kids behind (except they are left alone not with grandparents), abusing them and leaving them to fend for themselves.

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A Quick Quote

“When Cookie’s working and Norm and Rosie are watching TV, I lock myself in my bedroom and cut my arms with scissors. I watch the skin give way, then the blood comes to a swell, and for a second there’s some release the pain deep inside me. Sometimes when Cookie and I are working together in the kitchen, I try and flaunt the gashes just to see if she cares at all. One day, she finally throws me a bone. ‘You got a little problem with you arms there?’ she asks me. I shrug. Cookie laughs. ‘Next time, if you’re going to do it do it right,’ she says. ‘You cut your wrist. Not your forearms.’” (139).

I highlighted this quote in my book because of the significance role it plays on showing the relationship between Regina and her mother. All she wanted was for her mother to see her, and acknowledge that she is hurting and needs love. But instead Cookie gives her unwanted tips on how she should be cutting.

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Continuing Reading

As I’ve read on, I can’t help but feel for these children. These kids had gone through so much without a present father figure or a stable mother. But it is seen that she finds hope and encouragement from her jesus figurines and her temporary teacher (because she moves so much), Mrs. Van Dover. She started attending church, because she wanted to know the significance of her Jesus figurines. She found refuge in attending due to the friendly faces and smiles she received from complete strangers. No matter how hard I try, I can’t imagine what their lives were like. Constantly switching house, being taken away by social services, then Cookie bringing them right on back because without them she is at a loss for food stamps. Even when Camille and Regina had a choice to write a letter to the court to ask to stay with one of their foster moms. They didn’t because they knew their younger siblings were going to need them. Without Camille and Regina there, the younger kids, Norm and Rosie, were vulnerable to Cookie’s abuse. I’ve never been in a situation where abuse played a factor, but I can only imagine what it is like to live without a safe haven. Their own grandparents disowned Cookie and the kids when they showed up for the first time. This moment revealed a lot about Cookie and her past. Cookie brought the kids to her parents house to guilt trip them into giving her money. They were a bit stern, but once they gave her twenty bucks, she was on her way. Only to spend it on “six-pack of cold Budweisers, two packs of Virginia Slims Lights, a loaf of bread, a jar of peanut butter and jelly, and a roll of toilet paper” (129). Cookie was known for being self centered, but it’s ridiculous that instead of buying something necessary like water or medicine, she buys cigars and beer. It’s not ideal for her and her six kids to continue “living as a parking lot gypsy and bathing in a gas station sink” (131). Cookie was an abusive, absent mother in Regina and her siblings lives. And other then the fact that Regina didn’t want to be separated from her siblings, it would have been better if she stayed in the foster system, rather than lying to social services in order to stay living with an alcoholic mother who would beat them “whenever she felt like it.” 

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Secondary Source #3

http://www.livestrong.com/article/159897-mother-abandonment-the-effects-on-the-child/

This article does a good job at providing information on what happens to children who live with absent mothers. It talks about the impact an absent mother has on their child and their thought process. It is seen that children often feels unloved and distances themselves from relationships. This relates to Etched in Sand, when Regina comments “I’m in so much pain wishing my older sisters wanted me; or that just once, my mother would tell me she loves me” (139). The article states that “all children who have been abandoned by their mothers, either physically or psychologically, wonder what they did to cause them to leave”. It’s sad to think that kids are faced with these depressing feelings so early in their lives. But for many of them, it is their reality.