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PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH
sheepfilms
will byers stan first human second
he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
d e v o n

@theartofmadeline
Keni

blake kathryn
almost home
taylor price
Game of Thrones Daily
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Mike Driver
One Nice Bug Per Day

#extradirty

shark vs the universe

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@mayhemreigns
Olisiko teillä hetki aikaa puhua puurosta
Translation from Finnish: “Do you have a moment to talk about the porridge.”
I see your Russian cat memes and raise you Finnish bear memes
a (not-so) brief overview of markets that will pay you actual money in exchange for your short fiction
Writing is a rough gig. Get paid where you can. Here’s a bunch of places that will pay professional rates for genre (fantasy/science fiction/horror) short stories. All these markets take (and actually publish) unsolicited submissions – you don’t need an agent, and you don’t need to have previously published works.
Remember to format your shit, write a simple cover letter, don’t send the same story to more than one place at a time, make sure submissions windows are actually open, and never respond to rejection letters ever. Have fun!
(Information gathered from both Submissions Grinder – an essential resource for people actively submitting their work – and my own excessive and somewhat ridiculous reading habits.)
Current as of May 2018. Markets are listed alphabetically. Detailed info below the cut.
Keep reading
me: wants to be hugged and held, is totally touch starved and needs to be cuddled
also me: allows only a very limited number of people to touch me at all, let alone in a slightly intimate way. barely ever allows myself to show emotional weakness around people. gets anxious when someone hugs me for too long.
Start with personalized hand shakes. Start with your friends. Get together and make it a thing to do the shake every time you see each other. And put a real quick half hug at the end of it if you’re feeling brave.
Being touch starved sucks okay. For me it always made every hand shake feel like I was grabbing a live wire because I just wasn’t used to it.
And that gets pretty fucking lonely. So start with hand shakes. It sounds dumb but it works because it’s fun and when you get used to it you can move onto half hugs.
Half hugs are great. You just take one arm and awkwardly squeeze the shoulders or side for a second and then step away. It’s simple and it works and it helps.
Take baby steps and give yourself the love and care you deserve. Go at the pace you want with the people you trust.
You don’t deserve to be lonely. And from a formerly touch starved person, hugs are the best when you can finally handle them.
“Sure, I’m sad, but I’m not looking to soothe that sadness by replacing it with a new relationship. Women are allowed to be sad, and they’re allowed to be single, and they don’t need to hear that one day a man is going to make it all go away by telling her she is good enough again. She’s good enough as she is.”
—
Charlotte Green
(via quotefeeling)
I needed this today
Barbie outchea dropping some serious truth bombs
I just had this hyper-realistic dream and like. I don’t even know what to make of this lmao
I was sitting in this park, on a bench, looking up at the night sky and all the stars and stuff, and I blinked and suddenly the entire sky was different. I’m talking different constellations, the sky absolutely packed with billions more stars, some so close they’re massive. I’m like wtf and suddenly I realise there’s an old man sitting next to me, dressed in like 1940s clothing, also looking up at the sky.
before I can ask him if he’s you know, noticed, he speaks, without looking away from the sky.
“this is what the universe really looks like,” he tells me.
“oh,” I say. a pause. “…can you put it back?”
he smiles and nods. I look up. the sky has gone back to normal.
“what do I do with this information?” I ask, looking at him again.
he turns his head and, smiling, looks me dead in the face. "be careful.“
listen i had to draw it
I love this.
that wasn’t a dream and you get god
Fan fiction Question
Can you write fan fiction about your own novel?
What has been your worst "nice guy" experience?
So, possibly one of the coolest things I’ve ever seen. I mean you know how you hear the “women want him, men want to *be* him” stuff in old movies? Well I’m a man and by *god* I wanted to be this guy. Anyway!
I’m having dinner with my girlfriend at the time, and behind us are a couple on a date. It is.. not going well. Guy was being rather creepy and making some pretty inappropriate comments, the girl doesn’t look at all comfortable.
The girl finishes her appetiser really quickly, my guess is she wanted to get it over with. Guy proceeds to comment on it and says “well, least I know you can swallow right?”. Loudly.
Girl goes red and tells him that isn’t appropriate, he literally waves his hand in a “shoo” type motion and says “oh calm down I was going to find out in a few hours anyway”.
I missed her exact reply as she moved to a hushed tone, but it was fairly obvious what was being said - fuck no, fuck off, fuck this. He responded with “sweetheart I picked you up, I know where you live”. She lost the colour in her face and said nothing.
No. No. Fuck no. I’m one of those “get involved” type of people and there is no way I’m sitting here watching this go down. I get up. I don’t know what I’m going to do, but I’m 23, fighting fit and happy to put that motherfucker through a wall. I may have had a slight temper in my youth. But anyway.
I was halfway out of my chair when a hand came down on my shoulder and I look up to this mid-50s but super fit guy who says “Easy.. I’ve got this one son”. Absolute, total confidence in his voice.. so seeing as my current plan amounted to “stab him in the neck” and I’m already thinking maybe that’s not the best idea, I sit down.
He walks over, grabs a nearby chair, flips it around and sits down with the couple. Then.. he pulls out his police ID and puts it on the table. Now the guy doesn’t have any colour in his face.
Cop: “So, I’m quietly celebrating my daughters birthday with my family when I distinctly hear you threaten this young lady, would you care to explain yourself?”
Guy: “I, ah, well, um, you see..”
Cop: “That’s what I thought. Now see, we take a *very* dim view of that kind of thing, so right now I’m deciding if I want to have some of my buddies come pick you up.”
Guy: “oh no well that…”
Cop: “But that would disrupt everyone’s dinner, so how about you hand me your ID, because I wouldn’t want you running off on me, then you go see one of the staff here and settle your bill.. the full bill now, this young lady shouldn’t go hungry on account of your poor behaviour. Or we can go with the first option, I’ll leave it up to you.”
Guy: “No no! That’s perfectly fine!” \*hands over ID, gets up and walks very quickly in the direction of the counter\*
Cop: \*while writing down the guys details\* “Sorry about that miss, I hope I’m not intruding it just seemed like you could use some help. Oh and don’t worry, if you want to pursue this further I’ll have some of the boys pick him up on his way home, we can definitely take this further.”
Girl: “No, thank you so much, I wanted to run out 30 minutes ago but he drove me here”.
Cop: \*shifts from hardarse cop to comforting father figure in about half a second\* “Well I’m here with my daughter, she’s about your age, perhaps you’d like to finish your meal with us? We can run you home afterwards if you’d like, unless you’d prefer to call someone else?”
Girl: “Oh.. that would be really nice.. thankyou so much!”
\*guy returns, so does the hardarse cop\*
Guy: “Uh so, I’ve paid the bill, if I could have my ID back..”.
Cop: “There you go.. now I have your details right here so I *highly* recommend you don’t go near or contact this young lady ever again.”
Guy: “Yes yes of course, I’m so sorry!”
The guy pretty much fled the restaurant, the girl went and sat with the cop and his family and by the time we left they were still sitting around talking and laughing about random crap.
It was hands down the best way I have ever seen anybody handle any situation, ever. That cop is my hero.
I will always reblog this.
Will forever reblog this example of what cops should be like
This is the perfect example of what cops should be like
Some of the Trump protest signs in Glasgow:
All excellent work by everyone involved.
Thank you, Glasgow. ✊❤
Writing is just thought in its physical form
I love this so much
what if there’s a new predator out there? one that we haven’t seen before. - siren (1.01)
If you’ve ever wondered how lakes are stocked with fish, here it is! Thousands of native fish are being dropped from an airplane. Video is from the Utah Division of Wildlife Resources.
this is so funny to m
Goodbye bitches
PetSmart Fish Lady: You have to be very careful not to jostle the goldfish, then let him sit in the bag in the tank for an hour to let his temperature adjust to your tank, and then carefully pour it into the water.
Utah Fish Official: BOMBS AWAY FUCKERS
You don’t say…
Bless.
I AM SHOOK O.O
The First Time I Smoked Pot
Ok folks, story time.
I was 15 the first time I tried pot. I grew up in the time of D. A. R. E. and had 100% bought the hype. Weed was gonna kill me and turn me into a heroine addiction... Til I was hanging with my new, rebellious friend one day.
We're at her house, hanging out and Ooooing over the recent upgrade to 14.4 kbps dial up when she says "I bought some pot"
Me "no waaaaayyyyyy!!" (intense nervous giggling)
Her: yeah, I figured you could teach me how to smoke it
Me: ME?! I've never smoked pot in MY LIFE
Her: but... You're older than me... (I felt that in my SOUL... I was supposed to be guiding this girl on the path of self destruction and I didn't even know how to smoke weed)
After trying, and failing, to call any of our friends and ask. pre-google, pre you tube... We were ON OUR OWN. Two teen girls, mid 90's trying to figure out how to smoke pot.
Her: I heard they smoke it out of a bowl
Me: do you have one?
Her: let me go see
She leaves and returns shortly with a coffee mug
Her: all the bowls are in the sink, so I grabbed a coffee mug. Close enough, Right?
Me: oh yeah, I use a coffee mug when the bowls are dirty all the time. This should be fine.
(I was so foolishly confident)
Her: so now what?
Me: well you've got to burn it and inhale the smoke, that's how this works.
(I was so SMUUGGGGG)
Her: so we just put the weed in the mug and light it?
Me: yeah!
Her: how do we get our hands in there. I don't even have a lighter... Wait! I know!! I've got matches.
Me: matches?
Her: yeah, well light them and drop them in so we don't burn ourselves
Me: oh shit, that's really smart
So we start lighting matches and dropping them in the cup. The weed catches eventually, smoldering and producing a little smoke. We now have a smoking mug of weed and we're desperately fanning it towards our faces, sniffing like MADMEN. I try putting my face in the opening of the cup, as if I could take a big lung full and everything would work out. Yes, I got a face full of burning weed embers.
I didn't try smoking week again for YEARS.
get you a man who can do both
one of my patients came in for an emergency visit, because she snapped the wire on her retainer watching the movie when MBJ took his shirt off she clenched her teeth so fucking hard she snapped it. that is the fucking funniest shit ever to me this tiny 17 year old girl thirsting so goddamn hard she busted steel
I just read an article that said Michael paid for the new retainer.
https://www.avclub.com/michael-b-jordan-buys-teen-a-new-retainer-after-she-bi-1823581527/amp
Book Concept
Write your dream novel. Each chapter will contain a footnote indicating what strain of marijuana you were smoking while the chapter was written. There could even be an index in the rear giving basic information on each strain (like indica vs sativa, etc).